entrancelogs | [ open ] no light, no light in your bright blue eyes

[ Lucifer's palm feels like an ice pack on her skin and she can't help the way her eyes flutter shut at the relief. It's only then does she start to realize how hot she is, how her body feels like it's crawling out of her skin, and everything just aches.

Seth's words pull her out and she pushes Lucifer away, meeting Seth's gaze as her heart thumps in her chest. More than anything, she wishes she could tell them it was just a flu bug with bad timing. Back home, she had an immune system of steel, what with all of the bugs Trixie brought home from school every day. Unfortunately, that did nothing to help her current problem. ]

Please don't freak out.

[ That's more for her than for them. She's managed to keep her cool this far, accept that it was something that would happen and when it did, she would leave, take her gun and deal with it herself. Turning into something that would hurt her friends was unacceptable. If she had been smart about it, maybe she could have done this right and when the event was over, they would never have to know anything different.

She was lying to them. Maybe she wasn't always as truthful as Lucifer, but she tried to be. Lying to the people she loved never felt right. ]

I, uh... [ Chloe takes another step away from them and then pulls up her sleeve. Working her fingers under the medical tape, she peels away the gauze with a wince. It looks worse. Regardless of the amount of alcohol she had poured over the wound, the bite already looks infected. The skin is already peeling away around it, the veins under her skin now dark, twisted pathways up her arm. She can't even pull her sleeve up far enough to show how bad it is, and she knows it's starting to spread faster. She didn't have much time left. ]

I thought I could just wait it out. [ She shutters a sigh. Chloe can't look at either of them now. ] I have it handled, okay?

[Lucifer knows that something is terribly wrong the moment she pushes him away; there's not nearly enough spunk to it, enough life.

She was lying. Lucifer hated liars, though suddenly he very much wanted her to keep doing it until it was real, because this alternative simply wasn't acceptable. He feels like his entire chest has been torn open and scooped out, left in a pile on the floor.

Not her.

Under any other circumstance, he'd be parroting her words, giving her a hard time, attacking her with exasperation and a lack of understanding. No, he knows why she hid this from them, because she wasn't just sick, she was dying, and the entire thing was unthinkable.

She doesn't have it handled; this is the furthest thing from having it handled that he's ever seen.]

No.

[It's all he says because it's his answer to everything. There has to be a way to fix this. Surely the event will end at any moment. Surely she'll be spared.]

[Let it be a knife wound. A stray bullet from someone else. Let it be that some stray fucking dog that he hasn't seen in this world fucking bit Chloe. Anything but what he knows is coming as she begins to peel back that gauze and bear the wound for them.]

Motherfucking sonofabitch.

[Snarling the words, spinning away as he rubs at his mouth with one hand, trying to hold back a whole tirade of other words that probably were only going to make her pissed and bristly.

Except he's going to say those words as well.]

What the fucking hell, Chloe? Why the hell did you hide that?

[Except he knows why. He knows why she hid it and kept going. He knows because it's the same goddamn thing he would have done, hiding it from Richie and her if it had happened to him.

That wasn't going to stop him from snapping.]

When did it happen?

[He could guess though. When she ran off to play hero. Damn cops and their hero complexes.]

Edited 2017-07-18 19:33 (UTC)

[ The differences in their responses is heartbreaking; she expected the anger, especially from Lucifer. He hated when people lied to him but she was willing to do it to save him this. It's not as if she hasn't been lying to him the whole time she's been here, but this time she had done it to protect him. Seeing the look on his face is only made worse by Seth yelling at her. ]

This morning. [ She'd gone out to play hero and it had come back to bite her in the worst and most literal way. If she could do it over again, she would. She would have just stayed inside and not even thought about the people who needed help in order to spare the both of them.

But she can't do it all over again. And she's glad she can't. This or not, hiding away while people need help isn't who Chloe is, and both of them knew that. She feels sick, not just the physical symptoms but inside of her heart, the very heart that would soon stop beating and turn into some kind of monster. So she turns away, bracing her hands against the lip of the sink as she tries to gather herself, as she tries not to cry. ]

I'm sorry. [ As if that even begins to cover it. Soon, she'll be dead, since she never intended to become a zombie. They have enough ammunition to make sure that wouldn't be a problem. She would be dead and it would be Seth and Lucifer carrying the grief that she had felt when they lost Elena.

Chloe never wanted to hurt them like that, either of them. And it broke her to know she would be causing that kind of pain. Wonderland broke everyone, sooner or later. ]

I don't think I have a lot of time left so... Let's just eat lunch and then I'm going... [ She swallows, or at least tries to, but her mouth feels like it's filled with sand. ] I'm going to take care of it.

[He feels as if his head is swimming, yet he hears each word with a sickening sort of clarity. He remembers what it had been like to watch Damon walk off with Elena's body, pale and lifeless, and that had only been a fraction of an instant. Her death had been quick, he could tell by the wound.

That had been horrific enough.

It's the first time since his arrival that he's wondered if his Father were involved in all of this. It would be just like him to set him up to suffer.]

You most certainly are not. You can't possibly expect me to just eat a sandwich while you're...

[Dying. He can't say it. The word sticks in his throat like a tumor.]

Okay, first of all...

[Fucking hell. She was dying. First Kate, now this. What the fuck even?

Crossing to where the food supplies are on the counter, he picks up a bottle of bourbon and twists the cap off, drinking straight from the bottle. He hadn't been drinking since this started, but what was the point of avoiding that now?

He held out the bottle for either of them to take.]

Okay, now that that's taken care of, how are you feeling? And don't give me some shit about being fine. You've got a fever. Dizzy? Headache? And no, I don't know the damn symptoms, but its got to kill you for you to be... [Undead. He wasn't saying it.] So how are you?

[Seth has no idea what the hell he's doing but he has to do something! He can't just go: oh well, okay, nice knowing you, see you in a few days. That wasn't happening.]

[ Chloe's eyes are still locked on Lucifer's face as Seth stalks by and opens the bottle of bourbon. Once he holds it out towards them she takes it first, pressing her lips against the damp mouth of the bottle and closing her eyes as she lets the drink burn down her throat. Maybe if she gets drunk enough this will all be easier, maybe it won't hurt as much.

She lowers the bottle in her hand and holds it out for Lucifer to take, hoping that he will. ]

I feel sick. Like I have a bad case of the flu. [ There's no point in lying to them anymore. They know what's going to happen to her, and pretending she is fine is just going to make it worse. At least now, Lucifer isn't dragging her off to a hospital so she can wait around to die while the doctors stood around completely helpless.

Now it was her friends standing around, completely helpless. For a moment, Chloe thinks it would have been better for her to have not come back afterward. Maybe it would have been easier for them. ]

I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I can't really explain it. The symptoms don't matter, Seth. I got bit and we all know how that turns out. [ They'd seen it enough already. It was happening to so many people around them, so many familiar faces. Chloe wasn't anything special. That didn't stop her from trying to put on a brave face, though, as if death didn't scare the hell out of her regardless of whether or not she was going to come back. ]

It doesn't turn out to be anything if the bloody event would just end.

[There has never been a time where he has been more willing to destroy whoever he had to to get to the bottom of whatever was behind Wonderland and it's atrocities. Lucifer had encountered some sick and twisted individuals, but to push this sort of thing on them time and time again took quite the mind to create.

He might not think that harshly if Chloe weren't the one in the line of fire.]

There has to be a way to slow it down.

Edited 2017-07-31 15:43 (UTC)

[This is literally what Hell is. Those he cares about in danger, in deathly trouble, and having to watch it unfold. Fuck all the stories of lakes of fire and burning in pain for all eternity. People didn't realize what Hell truly was until they were facing it as he and Lucifer are now.]

We can't count on it ending. We can... try something. For one, stop so much movement. If it's a blood born virus like Georgia has talked about then you're only speeding the spread of it throughout your body.

[The idea probably wn't work but that doesn't stop Seth from reaching out for her and gesturing for the couch.]

Sit down. Let your heart rest, slow your blood pressure. Maybe we can wait this out.

[We. Plural. Nope, not abandoning you, Chloe, so don't even think it.]

[ Chloe can't stop the look that she shoots Seth, the one that tells him she thinks he's full of shit.

She doesn't know a damn thing about zombie viruses, and her best guess is that it's either the bite getting infected or the flu that will do her in. Something she could have fought off if her body wasn't preoccupied with the zombie virus, probably. Ella would be having a field day with this, and she wants to say as much to Lucifer, to lighten the mood maybe, until she remembers he doesn't have any idea who Ella is. ]

If by "waiting this out" you mean waiting for me to die then no, Seth, I'm not just going to sit around waiting for that.

[ There are only two choices. Wait to die and come back as a monster, or... Well, the other alternative. The one that she knew Seth and Lucifer were not going to accept.

She feels like she's cooking to death, knowing her fever is probably spiking through the roof, and she sways on her feet. ]

I don't have that much time. If it's gotten this bad since this morning... I probably only have a couple hours left, if that.

[ She grabs the back of a chair, slipping into it because she feels like her legs are going to give out underneath her. ]

We need to talk about the other options.

There are no other options, Detective.

[His voice is firm, bordering on madness. His eyes are wide and almost unfocused, flicking around the room as if the answer will materialize in front of him. He looks to Seth, then back to Chloe, lips pressing together into a hard line as he tries in vain to remain any semblance of calm.]

The event could end at any time. When that happens, surely we'll go back to the mansion and everything will be as we left it.

[Except he doesn't know that for sure. Even then, they could go back and she'd still be sick. Die. Turn into a shambling corpse. She'd have to experience the pain of a slow death as fever burned her alive from the inside.

Or they could do what she was likely insinuating; put her down like a dog, wait for her to come back whole the way Wonderland so often did.

He refuses to consider it even before it fully forms in his mind.]

Don't give me that look, Chloe! You don't know this any better than I do, and it might be true.

[He knows he's full of shit, but that doesn't change he will try and do all he can for her sake. Even considering where his brother was in that moment, though turning her isn't going to save or fix anything. Nor is he open to talking about that, especially not with someone else there. Even if that someone else is the devil himself.]

Well, first option is we are not leaving you, so don't even try and suggest that. Two...

[He stops then. They all know what the elephant in the room in. He looks at Lucifer, arching a brow.] Don't you have some kind of Death of the Apocolypse touch or something?

[There. He's put it out there. Even if in doing so he's likely insulted the Prince of Darkness.]

[ That's enough to make Chloe snort a laugh, and for a fleeting second she forgets what a horrible situation this is. Lucifer isn't going to find it funny, and he probably going to be pissed that she did. The truth of the matter was, he was just as helpless as any of them. He didn't have much left of the devil to his name anymore, and most of what little he did didn't work when she was around anyway.

Chloe was good at that. Ruining everything, that is. ]

Don't. [ She practically whispers to Seth, and she looks at him because she can't stomach looking at Lucifer. She can tell this is killing him and she just thinks about his desperation when she was poisoned, the panic he tried to hide from her. He'd saved her life so many times, it was only inevitable that she would end up in a situation he couldn't get her out of.

Chloe lets out a sigh, wincing as she slouches back into the chair. She's so hot and so tired. ]

[Desperation makes it all too easy to look for a place to release it, and he's always been very good at doing so in anger. The Devil has never particularly responded to his own pain well, and with nowhere to put that energy into fixing things and a smart mouthed 'friend' of the person closest to him shooting his mouth up turns into an ugly cocktail indeed.

His head turns toward Seth, his eyes burning red hot for a moment before they fade. It's a miracle he holds the rest of his frightening visage back, all things considered.]

Listen to her, friend, if you want to keep that tongue of yours.

[But then Chloe is wincing and sighing that laying back, and he's back in panic mode, his anger turning to fear and rising up into his throat as he moves over to her, the rest already forgotten.]

Now's not the time for a nap, Detective.

Edited 2017-08-01 01:11 (UTC)

Don't what? Don't try and fine a way for you to not be in pain and not live with attacking one of us?

[Because while he was dickish about it, that's all he wants for her.

He goes quiet a moment, staring at him and those bright eyes and it sends his blood cold and boiling at the same time, but dammit he wasn't backing down.

He's faced the undead. He's believed Lucifer the entire time because he knows there's more things between Heaven and Earth. He's scared shitless, and not sure if its more because of Lucifer or what is happening for Chloe.

The true answer is yes. Yes to all of the above.]

And I've been the one making your case to her, Lucifer, so you don't have to prove to me you're the Big Bad. I know you are! I never doubted that. I just... I don't want to have to say what I'm going to have to say.

I want this to be easier for her!

[Moving away though, pacing, trying to find the words he's looking for.]

I... I can do this. I'm a Gecko Brother. I can do this.

[ She watches them exchange words, watches Lucifer flash his eyes in anger and Seth pace back and forth. It's both their own way of coping, or maybe their own way of skirting insanity. And Chloe knows that all of the suffering happening before her is her fault and hers alone.

Now isn't the time for Lucifer to play devil and she's about to tell him as much, nearly admonishing him for what he did until he's moving closer to it and she doesn't have the heart to say anything. ]

He did make a case for you. [ She manages to look at Lucifer, her lips pulling into a smile. Little did he know that Seth had been in his court for a lot of reasons, most of them things he didn't even know about. The last thing she wanted to do was see them fight over her.

She pushes herself up in the seat, barely, her arms and legs burning with fever and fatigue. ]

You're not doing anything, Seth. I'm going to do it. [ She can't ask them to. She'll have to find the strength to do it herself, somehow. ] Lucifer, once I'm... [ She shutters a sigh. ] Once I'm gone, you shouldn't be affected by me anymore, right? So I need you to make sure Seth and Richie get through this. [ He'll be immortal again. He will be safe and so will Seth. At least she knows that much. ]

[He winces, clenches his teeth. He knows Seth is right. He's not sure what 'case' they're even speaking about, but he assumes that maybe it had to do with the whole mess involving her coming to ask him for the truth. Regardless, none of that matters at the moment, and his thought process about it ends just as quickly as it begins.

He knows all about life and death. He knows how unfair it all it, how maddening, repulsive, horrific. He always blames his Father, considering it was all his doing, his creation, his rules.

But His rules didn't exactly apply here, did they? So who was he supposed to get angry with when there was no name or face to blame?

The answer was himself. He was angry with, first and foremost, his complete inability to fix this situation in any logical sense that didn't involve...what was about to happen, whether he liked it or not. Lucifer was not usually a realist.

Today he had to be, and he's never hated the idea more.

He swallows past the knot in his throat, steels himself, and nods solemnly.]

It won't be a problem, Detective. I can promise you that. [At least she wouldn't have to worry, right? His lips press together.] But don't ask me to leave right now. I'm not going to do that.

[Seth has no idea what they're talking about. None of what she is saying makes sense, but in the end whatever that means isn't the important part. Not right now in this minute.

Already, even as Lucifer is agreeing to whatever she's saying, saying he won't leave, he is shaking his head.]

Chloe, no. You probably still actually believe in religion and God. You have to live with what you do. Let me live with that.

[He turned midstep, coming over to where she was, close. He worried what Lucifer might do. Now and even after they helped her through this.]

Chloe, let me do this please? Let both of you blame me.

[ Chloe sucks in a breath, slowly turning her head to look at Lucifer. ]

I don't know what I believe in anymore. [ She hadn't believed in much before she met Lucifer. Now she has all of the proof she needed, sitting right next to the devil, waiting to die, and she can't muster the strength to accept what else is beyond. She doesn't even know if there is an afterlife in Wonderland, and even if there is, it might not be the same divine world that exists in her own. Chloe has no idea if she will go to Heaven or Hell, or if this decision will somehow damn her soul, or if she can live with herself if she did this.

There were only two things she does know. She doesn't want to die, and she has to. ]

Seth... [ She reaches for his hand, the first thought in her mind that she can grab his gun away. If she had been at full strength she might have stood a chance, but her shaking hand falters and she finds herself loosely gripping his hand. She can feel the metal of the gun, impossibly cold against her skin. The familiarity of a weapon in her hand is nearly ingrained into her, and while she's feared it before, it's never been like this. She doesn't want Seth to do this and she'd rather take the gun herself, do this herself.

She'd rather blame herself than risk blaming him.

And she's about to tell him as much as she tries to push the gun from his hand until she thinks of how scared she is, and then she's back in the hospital room, curled on her side with wires coming out every which way and Trixie in her arms. Chloe swears she can smell her hair, the soft scent of her baby shampoo and bubble gum bath soap and the slightest hint of chocolate cake in the air. She can almost feel her daughter breathe in her arms, rhythmic and slow as she sleeps with no understanding of how much it will hurt when her mother dies, because who can actually grasp that kind of heartbreak until your heart is already broken? Trixie was always so strong, so much stronger than Chloe ever was.

Chloe's grasp loosens and she slumps back into the chair, only then realizing how hard she is crying. She isn't scared of God or religion or Heaven or Hell. Chloe will take that when it comes. What she is scared of is losing who she is in this horrible place. As much as she hates to put that on Seth, Chloe doesn't have it in her heart to murder a little girl's mother.

Trixie might never know but Chloe will, and she has to figure out how to live with what happens next. Forgiving Seth is so much easier than forgiving herself. ]

No one is going to blame you. [ She whispers then, squeezing his hand before she pulls away. She looks at Lucifer again, wondering how she is supposed to say goodbye to him before something like this. It isn't really goodbye, but "See you later" sounds trite when your best friend is about to watch your other best friend put a bullet in your head. Chloe reaches out and takes his hand too, squeezing it gently. ] This isn't your fault, either, okay?

[She's already starting to fade. He can see it clearly, the way her eyes start to unfocus, the intensity of her breath. And when it happens, she'll become one of those monsters, hurt the people around her, and Lucifer knows her well enough to know then she really would never forgive herself.

To think that not long ago she was trying to hide it. They should have noticed sooner.

He crouches down beside her, feet on the floor, and puts a hand over the one holding his, squeezing back.]

You'll wake up and this nightmare will be over, do you hear me?

[That's partially a lie. Wonderland will still exist, but this place of death and decay will be gone by then. That's the way it has to be or he'll tear the world down himself, no matter what he has to become in order to do it.]

You won't be alone.

[Not for a moment. He'll be there when she comes back. He refuses to be anywhere else.]

[He said he can do this, and he will but he knows this will be the hardest thing he's done since he left Kate with all the money and his car. Since he watched Richie chose that bitch over him. This was what making friends did to you. Becoming connected to others was hard, it was painful, and in this place especially it led to pain and loss.

Seth really is coming to hate lessons learned.]

I'm okay if he blames me. Figured the devil hated me for a few years now.

[It's a cheap attempt at a joke, and he knows it.

As quietly, as softly as he can, he pulls the gun from his waistband, thumb on the safety.]

Get comfortable, and I promise this won't hurt.

[He's staying close, wanting her to feel them there. They wouldn't let her die alone.]

[ Chloe almost wants to laugh at the idea of it not hurting, but she's also not sure it can hurt any more than it already does. But she's starting to feel tired, and confused, a little listless more than scared and she knows she's about to die either way at this point. At least now she won't have to worry about hurting anybody.

While, physically, anyway. At least for her, the pain will be over quick enough. Seth and Lucifer are left with whatever comes next. ]

I hope you're a good shot. [ Terrible last words, but she wants to make Seth laugh. The finality of it all feels too forced, especially with the knowledge that she will come back from this. Chloe lets out a long breath, and it's easier to close her eyes than she thought it would be. Maybe she'll fall asleep before it even happens. She lets go of Lucifer's hand but she can still feel them both there with her, and she's suddenly thankful they didn't let her do this on her own.

She's not exactly ready to die, but she's come to peace with it, for the time being. ]

[She tries to let go of her hand, and he refuses, shifting closer instead, completely unworried about the idea of Seth somehow hitting him instead. The man is a good shot, he's pretty sure. It wouldn't matter either way.

He pulls her arm in, cradling it against his chest, with his side against the frame of the chair while he sits on the floor. His head tilts away, unable to watch, instead flicking his eyes up at Seth briefly and then down at the floor.

He shuts his eyes. He waits for the noise.]

No worries, Chloe. No worries.

[Trying to put humor into his tones that isn't there. Even as his thumb brushes off the safety. He's been prepared this entire time to kill any zombie that came near them, but he never thought he would have to do this.

Meeting Lucifer's gaze, giving the man a nod before he brings the muzzle up. Not looking away, not risking the movement of his gaze will move the muzzle. No chance that he won't finish her quickly and humanely. That he won't ever forget the image of the moment that Chloe died by his hand.

He pulled the trigger.]

[ open ] no light, no light in your bright blue eyes

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