[Closed] Mummified my teenage dreams

[formerlydangerous]

Who: Spike [formerlydangerous] and Simon Lauchlan [luckynumberthree]
Where: The Bar
When: 12/7
Rating: PG-13 (Mostly for Spike's mouth)
Summary: See Spike. See Spike drink. Drink, Spike, drink. Spike meets Simon and honestly, this can go in any direction.
The Story:
How long had he been here now? For someone who's been around as long as he has, it seemed to be taking an annoyingly long time for anything to happen. He was waiting for the catch. The other shoe to drop. The Hellmouth to spring up under the Mansion. But so far, nada. There was that terrible event where he lost his marbles, but that was less Earth-shattering and more... embarrassing to his ego. What could you say but, "C'est la vie." He shrugged it off and up-ended the last of his beer. He ordered another and turned on the stool to look at the other poor blighters in the bar when... that walked in.

It moved to the bar and if Spike had any manners to begin with, he forgot them upon seeing the monstrosity sitting atop the young man's head. And why yes, that opinion most certainly did come from Captain Peroxide himself. Which means it must be pretty bad.

"Well, well. Look at you." There's a sort of condescension in his entirely unimpressed tone. "One of Santa's elves here to spread the Christmas cheer to all the unfortunate sods too drunk to escape?"

Comments

[luckynumberthree]

Fortunately (although the use of that word is probably a matter of opinion in this case) for spike, Simon's always been good at taking a little ribbing. Enjoys it, actually, as the grin that curves across his lips in response shows. Arriving to help Jo out for the afternoon, he slips behind the bar and comes to lean on the shiny surface, just across from the man with a familiar accent. Who also looks vaguely familiar, not that Simon can place him off the top of his head.

"You don't know your Christmas lore very well. Last time I checked, elves didn't have antlers," he counters back with a smirk, looking completely unbothered by the fact that he was wearing a Christmas hat with reindeer antlers.

Especially ones that were decorated with tiny blinking Christmas lights in red and green. The closet had been feeling especially festive today, apparently.

[formerlydangerous]

Ahhh, he had the fortune of finding the one guy that takes his jibes too well and didn't think they should 'take this outside'. Lucky him. So when he quips right back, Spike faces him fully at the bar, puts down his empty glass and just seems so unimpressed.

Last time I checked, elves don't bloody exist." But then he pauses and actually thinks about that for a moment, then amends, "Probably." And shrugs. "And if they did, they could have, you know. But in my experience, things aren't all puppies and rainbows. They're usually ugly and nasty. That's what's wrong with you lot these days. Romanticising monsters and other magical creatures." Good God, never tell him about Twilight.

[luckynumberthree]

Oh he is SO telling him about Twilight.

"That kind of logic doesn't work in Wonderland, mate," Simon counters with a chuckle and a shake of his head. "I think everything exists here. There was an elf here for a bit. Pretty girl. She was dating a dwarf. Thought that broke some rules somewhere, but they seemed happy enough. So technically, they romanticized themselves. Sorry to burst your bubble about the puppies and rainbows. Although there's enough monsters that are ugly and nasty still, so don't take it too hard."

Simon nods at the empty glass the man had set down at the bar. "Can I get you a refill? What were you drinking?"

[formerlydangerous]

Okay, so Spike smirked when he mentioned an elf dating a dwarf had to be breaking some rules. Because, okay, if Simon thought that was against the rules, he'd have a field day with Buffy and Angel. "Happy, huh? Good for them, then." Or, y'know, the fact that he pines over the very same Slayer? Yeah, he really didn't have room to judge an elf and a dwarf. "Point taken. On that, what all is runnin' around here?" He didn't need to turn the corner and find the Judge standing there. That would just ruin a perfectly death-less day.

"Beer." He slides the glass towards Simon, finding him somewhat less intolerable at the moment. He still won't stop judging him for the hat, though.

[luckynumberthree]

"You name it, it's probably here somewhere," Simon snickers as he takes the glass and refills it as requested, movements easy and comfortable behind the bar. "Vampires, werewolves, angels, demons, gods, superheroes, potentially supervillains, but don't ask me to name them for you, they're understandably keeping a low profile with the tights-of-might bunch here in numbers. Let's see, what else. Witches, wizards, whatever your preferred terminology is there. Fairy tale characters, dead people, fictional characters, historical characters, fairies, aaaaaand talking rodents. Oh my."

He slides the glass of beer back across to the other man with a grin.

[formerlydangerous]

A raise of the eyebrow and silently mouthing the words 'tights-of-might'. Well, that's a new one he hasn't heard before. He'll keep that in mind. He feels somewhat like he might have fallen into one of Xander's dreams... and that thought in and of itself is horrifying. Should he be worried that the next woman he sees will turn into a vampire-eating demon of some sort or another? Xand does attract those deadly types. Deadly in the not so fun way.

"Wait. Talking rodents?" Yes, none of that seemed to put him off like 'talking rodents' did. Does that give you any kind of clue what his world must be like?

When the beer is refilled and slid back to him he seems pleased. "Cheers, mate." He drinks down a bit of the brew and considers the list of unusual inhabitants. It really was an impressive list. Almost made Sunnydale seem like a petting zoo.

[luckynumberthree]

"A raccoon, yeah. At least that I've bumped into. Although I heard there was a talking pony here at one point," Simon points out with a rueful grin, because how does one have a serious conversation that involves talking animals? When did this become his life?

"So, does that mean you're new-ish?" he asks as he starts organizing things behind the bar. Not that Jo didn't have it pretty sorted, but when things got busy stuff got moved around. he'd been working here long enough to know where and how she liked to keep things.

[formerlydangerous]

"Well that's..." He really doesn't even have words for this. "new." He settles on and just shakes his head at the thought of a talking pony. "These are actual animals, not demons, yeah?" Because he could understand if they were demons in animal forms.

"Been a couple weeks, but 'new' by the standards of most, I guess. How long you been here?" He should probably start asking everyone that to get a perspective of how long he might be stuck here. He wasn't accepting the permanent resident spiel he's been told. And really, sans the hat, this guy was a bit more likeable than the bartender/informant back home.

[luckynumberthree]

"Nah, the only demons I've met seemed to prefer walking around on two legs, not four," Simon answers with a shrug, then gives the man a curious look. "Why? Do they have demon animals where you come from?"

"Aaaand as for the other question, a while now. Several months... going on seven, maybe?" He squints, trying to count back.

[formerlydangerous]

"They come in all shapes and sizes where I'm from, mate. Usually more two-legged and hellish, but you got your vampires that look human most of the time. Then you got guys covered in spikes or scales or both. Multiple heads, to no head. Any number of limbs and other accessories that you only see in nightmares. Some even have massive slimy antlers." To emphasize his point, he holds out his hands as wide apart as he can, level with his head. "Most of 'em are bloody ugly blokes. Got anything like that where you're from?"

"Seven?! Bloody hell, that's a long bleeding time to be trapped anywhere!" Well, maybe not for a vampire, but as far as he could glean, this kid was human. Or something like it.

[luckynumberthree]

"You have vampires?" Simon asks, his interest piqued now as he leans forward with a fascinated grin. "Really? Are they the sexy kind or the bony ones that live in caves and rot all over the place? Please don't tell me you have the sparkly ones," he adds, wincing a moment and eyeing Spike with incredible trepidation. "That's too much. Sorry if you do."

"And nah, we don't have any of that. We've got zombies instead. Lots and lots and lots of zombies. It's a thing. It's also why I'm thrilled to be here and quite content to never go back home."

[formerlydangerous]

"Definitely the sexy ones, mate. No sparkles. All bloodlust, bad tempers, and sex appeal." He grins way too haughtily as he says all that. Nope, no ego here. Huh-uh. "...there are sparkly vampires? What kind of bloody messed up world do they live on? Where I'm from, we call those poncy poofs. ...scratch that. Angel might sparkle. Not sure. Never noticed. But only when he's got a soul." Spike, stop.

"Zombies? Flesh-eating, brain-devouring, all grrr and rotty? Sounds brilliant. Where is this, again? Remind me to avoid it like the plague--well, I guess it is a plague of sorts."

[luckynumberthree]

The mention of Angel finally has it clicking, which it should have done way earlier, but Simon's never actually seen Buffy, just knew a little about it. His Nan had been pretty strict about what was allowed into their house when he'd been growing up.

Not that he brings that up because. Uhh. He's suddenly talking to a character from the telly. How weird is that? Add that to the rest of his crazy list.

So he just smirks instead when Spike's ego makes an amusing appearance. "As vampires are supposed to be, I'd think. Apparently there's a world where sunlight makes 'em sparkle instead of get extra crispy. Haven't met any of those ones personally. Probably for the best."

"And yeah, those'd be the ones. Nasty things. My world got overrun with them. They're pretty much everywhere now, at least as far as we know. Haven't heard much from anywhere outside England in a while."

[formerlydangerous]

"Damn right they are! They're vampires, not bloody poodles! Poor sods." He might be a little too passionate about this, but he laughs.

"Cryin' shame, that. I feel sorry for you, mate. Rather like the world. Wouldn't want it overrun by ghoulies. ...other ghoulies. The world-ending types. There's always an apocalypse looming somewhere or another. You fight them? Zombie slayer, or something of the like?"

[luckynumberthree]

"Something like that. Simon the Zombie Slayer, that's me," he smirks, looking amused at this. It did have a nice ring to it, didn't it? "Actually my title's Runner Three. We've got a little band of survivors that formed a little town called Abel. Pretty decently fortified, enough to keep the zoms at bay. Us Runners get sent out for scouting, supplies, occasionally as bait to lure big groups away. They certainly made a mess of things."