entrancelogs | fulsome hands don't feel repentance

Entry tags:

fulsome hands don't feel repentance

Who: Joel, his Mirror, and you
Where: The Mirror and Real side, respectively
When: Throughout the event
Rating: To be added as necessary, but please read! Joel's Mirror is a nasty person. Any interaction with him has the potential for casual or blatant misogyny, violence, cruelty, and torment for the sake of torment. If you're interested in your character being murdered, he'll happily do so with little to no provocation. He makes Joel look like a fuzzy teddy bear. Please feel free to plurk or PM if you'd like to request character death/maiming or discuss how things go down!
Summary: Joel's Mirror is visiting the Real side, while his Real gets his first taste of the other side of the looking glass.
The Story:

Real

[ One minute, he's walking across the grounds, his day and his life as normal as either ever seem to get, either in Wonderland or elsewhere. He's got his rifle slung over his one shoulder; a less-than-impressive showing at the hunting range with Evie had spurred him to start practicing on his own time. There's no excuse for getting rusty, not when another (literally) hellish event could start at any moment.

The next minute, it's like his world is turned upside down, stomach lurching violently. Joel blinks, looking around at a world that's suddenly in greyscale, and his blood goes cold. What is this? A stroke? But he feels fine, and as he stares around the black-and-white landscape, he scowls. Speaking of events. ]

What is this, some Wizard of Oz shit?

[ Whatever it is, it's not good news, and he stalks off in the direction of the mansion. His first priority - as always - is finding Ellie, and confirming that she's safe. ]

Mirror

[ Oh, he's been waiting for this.

For months now, he's been watching. Observing. Biding his time.

His "Real" is nothing so worthy of the name. The Joel Miller on the other side of the glass is a sniveling pushover, incapable of standing on his own, completely wrapped around the finger of that little girl. Pathetic. He spends his days in the kitchen like a woman, reading books like a child, and generally wasting his life. Letting the useful skills he'd learned back in Boston erode away, leaving him soft and lazy. Even days like today, when he bothers to get off his ass and shoot something, it's a waste; he shoots at motionless targets on the edge of the woods, when there are any number of animals to hunt just yards away.

It's embarrassing.

When the Queen comes onto the network, shrieking and blabbering shrilly about traitors, Joel rolls his eyes. But he takes note. He doesn't have any particular interest in kissing up to the Queen...but a good hunt is always entertaining. And the excuse to take a jaunt over to the other side of the Mirrors, without the risk of being branded a traitor himself?

Well, why not?

He crosses over and starts walking without any particular destination in mind, letting his feet take him where they may and keeping an eye out for anything or anyone interesting. ]

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[ This has happened before. The last time, she happened upon what she thought was Cullen, affectionately called almost anything but his name, and it was not at all the real thing. The Mirror had been disgusting and violent and full of rage, chasing her through the hallways with threats to leave her in pieces at his Real's doorstep.

She'd managed to avoid him, to hide until he lost interest, and it taught her a valuable lesson.

Ellie has seen a lot of Joels, from the one who came and went from Wonderland to the "dream" version who'd called her his daughter. She's learned to be more discerning with the people she cares about.

Today, she knows they've crossed over, and though she's never seen his, she's armed anyway. And then - ]

Hey. [ Ellie ventures slowly. One is here, so the other must be on the other side. The question is, which is which? ] ... How's it going?

[ There she is.

Joel's not a fan of children, as a rule. They're whiny, loud, almost universally stupid, and largely useless. He's never understood his Real's strange obsession with family.

Ellie is no exception to this rule. She might be slightly more capable than most teenagers her age, but she's still a dumb kid, much more trouble - from everything Joel's seen - than she's worth.

But his Real, for some reason, cares about her. More than anyone else in Wonderland by far. And that makes her interesting.

He looks at her, and lets his expression sag with relief as he rushes over. ]

Ellie.

[ He crouches, putting his hands on her shoulders as he peers down at her, searching her expression as if concerned. ]

Are you all right? You hurt?

[ Not yet, she isn't. ]

[ He rushes toward her, grabs her shoulders, and she backs away immediately. Cullen's Mirror had played games, too. People always play fucking games, like they think I'm stupid. ]

I'm fine. [ For now. But she's also armed, and suspicious, and eyes him with a sort of unwilling wariness. ] Joel, I've gotta ask you something. What'd we find at the University, instead of the Fireflies?

[ Not the corpse, not the hunters, either. She's thinking specifically of the tested monkeys who'd bitten that poor guy and taken over.

In the meantime, she keeps her distance. ]

[ She's suspicious, backing away from him with a wary expression on her face. But that's to be expected - she's been through too much, seen too much to trust him outright - and he's ready.

He huffs out a faintly exasperated laugh, shaking his head helplessly. ]

Saw a lot at that university.

[ It's a safe bet that that much is true. He's only been able to pick up bits and pieces of his Real's life before Wonderland, but he'd never gotten the impression that his time with Ellie had ever been boring. Whatever this university is, it would have been a trial. For both of them.

He pauses, looking down at Ellie and fixing an expression of compassion, understanding on his face. ]

What're you really askin'? You wanna know if it's really me?

[ It seems like Joel in a way that the dream version didn't. He's not inexplicably happy, like he'd walked out of a greeting card, for one thing. He's also like Joel in ways that Lancelot's Mirror hadn't really attempted.

Her jaw sets, uncertain. ]

... Yeah. [ Bad question, maybe. Ellie clears her throat, watching him closely, thinking.

Does everyone definitely have a bizarro version? She's pretty sure, but... ]

Well... that's the idea. [ She answers slowly. ] Never can be too sure. And - [ Ellie adds, ] I think you'd be pissed if I was chummy with every beard that called himself Joel. Right? Not without some, uh... I dunno. Proof? Kinda thing?

[ She's still not sure. But he can be patient. Not that he really needs to convince her; even on guard as she is, she couldn't overpower him if he decided to go for her.

It's more satisfying this way, though. A victory, and one worth waiting for. Joel shrugs, gesturing with one hand. ]

Fair enough.

Go on, then. What do you wanna know?

[ It'd be easy enough to start listing off that proof - he's spent hours watching Joel and Ellie on their frequent visits to each other's rooms, read every publicly available message they'd ever sent each other over the network. He knows plenty that no one but "Joel" should know.

But the hallmark of a liar is that they're too eager to tell their story, to prove they know every detail. Instead, Joel waits. If she does end up asking him something he can't answer...well. Like he'd said. Easy enough to overpower her. ]

Uhhhh... [ Ellie puffs out her cheeks, planting her hands on her hips. She's less on her guard already, as if she's already decided. ] What...

[ Jesus, why is this so hard? She thinks of conversations they'd had, tries to remember if Joel keeps any mirrors in his room that the double would be able to creep on. ]

What'd I get in my Christmas stocking? [ Comes the question, even though what she'd actually told him was a lie (the fake-dream photo is still in one piece, but stuffed in a drawer). ]

[ He stifles the impulse to roll his eyes. Who fucking cares? is the answer that comes to mind, but of course that won't do.

Still. Her Christmas stocking? That had been months ago, and despite his careful study of her and his Real's lives, it's not an answer that comes to mind immediately. He makes a show of putting his hands on his hips, letting out a gusty sigh as he looks to the ceiling as if in thought. He is thinking, mind racing backwards as he tries to remember last Christmas. His Real had found some stupid diary in his stocking, had paged through it and nearly run next door to Ellie's room to show it to her too. He'd asked about her stocking, and she...

She'd had a picture. Of herself and Joel, but not as they were. It had been from that stupid event, that twisted version of Wonderland that was even worse than the one on this side of the Mirror. He'd been equally fascinated and repulsed by it; he hadn't known until then that his Real could be even more of a simpering sap. It was nauseating, watching him fawn over a weaker, domesticated version of Tess, playing house with her...and earnestly telling Ellie how much he loved her. His adopted daughter.

He'd seen Ellie look at the photo from time to time, keeping it tucked away in a drawer even in the privacy of her own rooms. But she'd never told Joel about it. She'd never told him about her own stocking at all.

It's a trick question, he realizes, and feels a dangerous flash of anger at his sudden understanding of what she's trying to do. Trying to catch him in a lie.

That little bitch.

Joel shakes his head, giving her an abashed, guilty look. ]

I'm sorry, Ellie. I dunno.

You - you sure you told me?

[ He takes a long time, and she nearly sighs in relief. If he'd just come up with an answer right away... But, he doesn't. Because she'd never told him. ]

I didn't, really. [ She flashes her teeth in a grin, at ease again, rocking on her heels. ] Ta-da! And your prize is that we don't have to run around the mansion in some stupid, dramatic fight.

[ Thinking again of Cullen's Mirror. What a piece of work. ]

I've never seen yours. [ Ellie informs him, serious again. ] I know mine's, like... some mini-hunter nut job who hoarded like a fuckin' squirrel. [ Beat. Another grin. ] "Nut" job... aha.

[ Unintentional pun. So great. ]

So? [ She presses. ] I bet yours is... [ The first phrase that comes to mind is soccer mom, but then she remembers the photo of him and Sarah and her smile falters just slightly. ] Maybe a big country singer. Croonin' about beer and Texas and football and plucking away on a six-string...

[ Adopting a thoughtful expression, she mimes tuning a guitar, playing a single chord, accompanied by a vocal "nyeeerrr" that is, perhaps, her equivalent of a badly-tuned strum. ]

Edited (god dammit) 2017-05-18 20:30 (UTC)

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

[ His delivery is dry, exactly as if the mere idea of chasing her down and fighting her is ridiculous and unthinkable. Joel forces himself to shake his head and roll his eyes good-naturedly at Ellie's stupid joke, even as he grits his teeth in annoyance. She's already grating on his nerves, and for a moment he allows himself the satisfying mental image of backhanding her across the face for that kind of shit.

Soon.

For the moment, he laughs, raising an eyebrow. ]

Country singer, huh? Don't sound all that dangerous.

Dangerous? [ She repeats, confused. ] ... Oh. Well, I guess it wouldn't be. Mirror're supposed to be the opposite, right?

[ As far as she's concerned, the opposite of Joel isn't someone much, much worse. It's someone, maybe, who'd been given the chances that the real Joel didn't have. It's normalcy and a world long dead. ]

I just ran into this crazy one, once. [ For lack of a better word. ] Yours might not be like that, but that doesn't mean I want to... hang around him.

[ They're still agents of ~the other side~ and were loyal firstly to the Queen of Hearts, right? So, violent or no, they couldn't be trusted. ]

[ Had he given too much away? He doesn't think so; she'd the one who'd been wary of him at first, after all, and talking about dramatic fights. And after a moment, Ellie comes to the same conclusion, explaining her reasoning. Explaining her (well-deserved) wariness away for him.

Good.

Joel frowns a little, nodding gravely. Dumb kid. But no one's walked by in all the time they've been talking. They seem to be pretty isolated. And most importantly, all of Ellie's suspicions seem to have been assuaged. He can make his move whenever he likes. ]

Texas and football...he don't sound that bad to me.

[ It's a joke. He grins, gesturing. ]

But c'mon, I'll get you back to your room. Dunno who else might be out here.

Nah, 'course not. [ She would nudge him playfully if they were closer. ] It'd be funny, though.

[ Maybe a little sad, too. To see the hypothetical person that Joel might've been, if... ]

What? [ She's interrupted from her musing by his suggestion and her brows raise. ] Didn't realize I needed a chaperone, Mom.

[ But... maybe he's right. Ellie concedes with a nondescript noise and starts toward her room, Joel in tow.

It doesn't take too long to get there, of course, and there are no Mirror encounters on the way. Ellie stands in front of her door, rising to the tips of her toes and back down again. ]

Going back on patrol now, Batman?

[ She keeps on chattering the whole way back, making stupid jokes, all but filling in both sides of the conversation while Joel offers brief answers and grunts of affirmation in reply. Luckily, his Real is normally brusque enough that Ellie doesn't pick up on anything out of the ordinary while Joel seethes at her side, fantasizing about wrapping his hands around her throat to stop the flow of words.

Should he kill her? he wonders to himself. Leaving her body on Joel's doorstep would be doing the other man a favor, if only to give him a few days' rest before Ellie inevitably returns. Or should he simply beat her to within an inch of her life and leave her to recover? Killing her now would be temporary; she'd be back to her old self in a matter of days, right as rain. If he injures her but leaves her alive, though, or even permanently maims her...

He's interrupted from his train of thought by Ellie's question, and looks down to see her standing in front of her door, looking at him expectantly. She hasn't opened the door yet; she's waiting for him to leave, he realizes. Maybe she's smarter than he'd thought.

He makes himself smile tiredly at her joke, then pauses, seeming to hesitate. ]

Actually, uh. D'you mind if I come in? Wanted t'talk to you about something.

[ No, Ellie doesn't notice the difference. Joel usually just listens to her without too much comment, and only, really, if she seems too quiet will he submit his own conversation. Today, she's in a fair enough mood, having a mission to keep her mind sharp and focused.

... Well, more or less. He may want her to stay locked away in her room for safety, but she's going back out to corral Mirrors as soon as he leaves. ]

Huh? ... Oh. Yeah, sure. [ Except, he isn't leaving. Ellie blinks, then nods mildly and opens the door, heading inside. Apparently, there's something else, and dread begins to drip into the it of her stomach as she thinks of what he might want to talk about.

He'd already brought up the events of the winter once, months ago, but... ]

What's up? [ She asks, trying not to look too nervous. ]

[ It's almost too easy, and Joel's first instinct is to laugh as Ellie opens the door and walks inside without so much as a backwards glance. Instead, he says nothing, walking in after her and silently locking the door behind them both.

Once that's done, he turns back to Ellie, just looking at her for a moment before slowly shaking his head. ]

You really haven't learned a damn thing, have you?

[ His tone is quiet, marveling, and now he allows himself to laugh, joy and disbelief as he steps closer. ]

Guess I shouldn't have expected much, but this is just embarrassing. What's in my Christmas stocking, Joel? [ He raises his voice to a high pitch as he says it, mocking her. ] Considerin' how you moon over the thing every damn week, there probably ain't a soul my side of the Mirror who ain't sick of seein' it. But I guess he don't know, huh? [ He grins suddenly, sharp and dangerous. ] All your sad little happy-family dreams, and you're too much of a coward t'even tell him the truth.

[ He keeps walking forward as he speaks, slow but steady, backing her up against the wall until he's right in front of her. He stops, studying her, and then shakes his head, as if at a loss for what to do with her. ]

Shit.

[ And with that pronouncement, he raises his hand and backhands Ellie hard across the face, just as he'd been longing to do since she first opened her mouth. ]

[ He's mad, she thinks, struck by the first thing he says. Ellie flinches instinctively, ready to be defensive... until the laugh, until the next sentence. A chill starts in her cheeks and down into the back of her neck, her arms, the kind of warning that meant danger had already found its way in.

Or, really, she'd just let it in. ]

Fuck. [ She breathes, not really even thinking about the fake-family Christmas photo. Not about how he and who-the-fuck-else know about that, which she keeps in her room. Ellie swallows roughly, mind working to try and think of a plan, because she'd wanted to believe that Joel had to be Joel so easily that she'd messed up big time.

Where's the real one? Doesn't matter. This one is right in her face.

Speaking of her face: Ellie half-falls as he hits her, bracing herself against the wall, skin burning with the contact. This is bad, really... really bad. A seasoned hunter, she assumes, is after her blood, and the bile rises into her throat with the sickening similarity of what's happening. This is personal, because it isn't Joel, but it looks just like him. Aiming for a fatal blow will be hard, she already knows. ]

Fuck you. [ Ellie spits, and moves to dart under his arms back out into the room. ]

[ He doesn't know the details of her encounter with David, doesn't know just how similar that situation had been to this. What he does know is that she's scared, half-frozen in terror as the full force of who he is and what she'd done hits her.

Joel smiles grimly as she curses, as he watches her realize just how much trouble she's in. But he's ready, has been planning and anticipating this the whole walk back to her room, and when Ellie tries to duck under his arms and get away, he reaches down and snags her arm easily, throwing her back hard against the wall and blocking her path. ]

Uh-uh. You ain't gettin' away that quick, little girl. [ Rough hands dart out to grab her wrists, squeezing painfully and holding her in place. ] You an' I have got a lot to talk about.

We've got - [ She winces, winded, trying to recover as quickly as possible. ] fuckin' - nothing to talk about.

[ Bad. Bad, bad, bad. She may come back if he kills her, but Ellie's never died. The idea makes her mind hazy with fear of that unknown as she tries desperately to figure out how to evade this guy.

Maybe kill him. She can't figure out if she'd be able to do that just yet.

Because she'd been out with the knowledge that the Mirrors were around, she has her handgun, has her switchblade. It's the handgun that she whips out now, aiming a shot at his leg. ]

[ She may be right about that. He's not so much looking for a conversation as he is looking to punish her. The way Joel sees it, Ellie had neutered his double. Turned him from a real man into a complete pussy, wimpy and useless.

He'd seen his Real during the Hell event, heard tales of his initial arrival in the library (and if he never hears anyone bring that up again, it'll be too soon. You'd think nothing ever happened on this side of the mirror, the way people are still talking about that shit.) He knows the other Joel is capable of doing things other than following Ellie around like some sad old dog with its tail between its legs. But he doesn't. This is what he's become.

And it's her fault.

Somehow she manages to grab her gun even with him holding her, taking a shot at his leg. But the shot goes wild, just grazing the side of his calf. Joel curses, his eyes flashing with anger and his hands loosening on her wrists with his shock. ]

You're gonna regret that.

[ He lunges for her, grabbing the barrel of the gun and twisting hard, doing his best to wrest it from her grip. ]

[ Ellie knows she isn't going to win against him in a fight over this gun (or any fight, not the way they're grappling now). So, she pulls back for a moment, but lets go fairly quickly, using the brief time in which he grabs it from her hands to stomp hard on one of his feet (on the grazed leg) before trying to dash out again, to get some space between them. If she can't, he'll probably kill her.

She's afraid of that possibility, but also, she's thinking of what Joel might feel if he hears. There's gotta be a way to outmaneuver this guy. Cullen's Mirror had been strong, too, but he'd been slow and had given up. David - David had just been insane, maybe, and she'd managed to sneak up on him by some stupid luck.

It's not clear if she'll have that luck again, but she's gotta hope. ]

[ He's prepared for her to fight for the gun, ready to break her wrist if necessary to get it away. Instead, she lets go almost immediately, taking advantage of his momentary focus on the gun to slip from his grip and stomp on his foot.

The thick boot he's wearing helps cushion the blow, but it's not enough to block it entirely. Joel grunts in pain, doubling over slightly, and Ellie darts out from under his arm, hightailing it across the room. Oh, no. She's not gonna get away that easy.

Unlike Cullen, this Mirror is nimble and frighteningly fast. Unlike David, he's completely sane, and has always kept immense control over his own emotions. Another man might have let his anger and frustration get to him, might have retaliated against Ellie's attacks immediately, shouting threats or shooting wildly at her and giving her another precious few seconds to escape. Not Joel. He shoves the handgun into the back of his waistband for potential later use and charges after her, tackling her to the ground and holding her there with her arms twisted up painfully behind her and his knee digging into her lower back. ]

Uh-uh, [ he breathes into her ear, uncomfortably close. ] No more of that now. [ He presses his knee harder into her back, twists her arms up higher. Makes absolutely sure that she's secure this time, without any hope of getting away. Ideally, eventually, she'll start crying or begging him to let her go. There's nothing Joel relishes more than the sound of someone else terrified and helpless, completely at his mercy.

For the moment, he smiles grimly, pressing Ellie down into the carpet. ]

You're gonna pay for what you did to him, [ he starts, voice gravelly and low. ] You stupid little bitch. You think you mean anything to him? [ He laughs hollowly. ] I dunno how he fuckin' stands you, whining all the time. Your stupid jokes. If I was him I woulda killed you a dozen times already.

I should just kill you now. Be doin' him a favor. Maybe he'd finally see, huh? See how much better off he is without you.

[ He catches her in a second and she thinks: this is it. He's got her gun and there wouldn't be time to get to a closet and nab another weapon without him catching up even if she could get away. This Joel - this Mirror, she has to tell herself, as a wild spike of panic surges through her, is too fast. Maybe that's what he's supposed to be, then. Some version of - some version where he'd just become a hunter with no ties to anyone else.

The Mirror nearly crushes her, pinning her arms and forcing her face into the floor. The raw fear fills her as if she's stuck in a locked room and the water is rising, but she knows she can't give in to that, no matter how goddamn awful this is and seems like it's going to be. Her phone may still be in her pocket, but she won't be able to reach Joel if he's on the other side of the mirrors, and she wouldn't have time to send out any message to anyone, with him bearing down on her.

He's close, all of a sudden, and she flinches reactively, squirming as much as she can to try and get away. The comments about Joel - the real Joel - don't dig in as deep as he'd probably like. She thinks she knows well enough how Joel feels about her, and her own insecurities (she has to hope, in these dire moments so devoid of hope) are safe from the Mirror's knowledge. ]

I'm just gonna come back if you kill me, you shithead! [ She yells, struggling all the while. ] And then I'll hunt you down and kick the shit out of you!

[ Not alone: she isn't stupid. With a mob. And lots of weapons.

The revenge fantasy is nice when it's really all she has. ]

You're not even fucking real! [ She continues to shout, voice full of venom. ] You're a stupid-fucking-fairytale made up by the Queen of Hearts, and that's the saddest damn thing I ever heard, you fake character piece of shit.

[ Joel doesn't hesitate; he pulls his fist back and slams it hard into the side of her face, giving her a nice black eye. Something to remember him by, should he wind up leaving her alive after all this. ]

That feel real enough for ya?

[ But Ellie isn't any more successful at finding Joel's weak spots than he had been when it came to her. Deep self-reflection has never been one of his hobbies, and the philosophical question of whether he's "real" or not is not one that plagues him late at night. He knows what he enjoys, and what he doesn't, and that's enough for him.

Right now, he's enjoying the way Ellie struggles fruitlessly against his grasp, fighting him and making no headway. ]

If you come back, I'll just kill you again. [ He hums as an idea occurs to him. ] Or maybe I'll leave you alive this time. You can run to Daddy Joel and cry to him about the big bad man. Betcha he'll give you a big ol' hug and promise to protect you. Swear he'll never let anything like this happen to you again. [ He leans in close once more, whispering in Ellie's ear. ]

He's lyin'. He can't protect you from shit.

[ Fuck. Her vision swims, everything going dark briefly as he hits her. Whatever he says next goes unheard as she struggles to keep it together, to pull through the pain that's now pounding insistently in her skull like someone knocking at the door. When she can string thoughts together again, he's still there, still keeping her from getting away, still talking.

The guy likes the sound of his own voice, she thinks, but without the usual, derisive conviction. ]

Not if I'm not alone, you won't. [ She grumbles, but between the pain and where she's crushed against the floor, it doesn't come out as much more than an irritated mumble.

Maybe it would be worse if he left her alive, depressing as it is to even think about. That way, she'll have to deal with the injuries, and the memory of what happened.

Well. She'll have to deal with that either way. ]

Get off me! [ She yells, struggling again, renewed as he draws closer. ] I don't give a shit about your stupid grudge!

[ Ellie can't reach her switchblade or anything else useful, but she can writhe and flail and shout. If that's all she can do, then she's going to do it as long as possible. ]

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daddyswatching - 2017-05-30 07:41 (UTC) - Expand

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fulsome hands don't feel repentance

real

why do you do this to me

PLS

vibrating joel emote

YOU STOP THAT

never

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