[EVENT] ▫ 和睦的相伴勝過完美的孤獨 ▫

[jivitadana]

Who: Seta Souji [eatsyourscience] and Arisato Minato [jivitadana]
Where: The Mansion's rooftop
When: Sunday, August 19
Rating: PG
Summary: Souji and Minato discuss things that can never be, things that shouldn't be, things that already are... all while watching the ominous cursed fog
The Story:

It had taken more effort than was normal for Minato to climb the stairs from the Third Floor to the rooftop of the Mansion. From his room and out the window, he could see the fog's reach, see just how far it spread outward and climbed upward. In the interest of avoiding that fog since the wolf goddess had said as much that it would cause anyone who touched it to turn to stone, Minato found temporary sanctuary at the highest point in Wonderland that he could think of.

From there, he had a better view of that fog and the black murkiness of the ocean. There didn't seem to be any feasible way to banish the curse, and he could only hope that this was like any other event, simply transitory and ephemeral. It was slightly disconcerting to no longer hear the echoing voices of his Personas within him, though the feeling was far from unordinary; perhaps though, after residing in Wonderland for longer than he had actually had been able to hear those pieces of his soul, he was accustomed to their constant and comforting presence. Without them, he felt as he had before his year back in Iwatodai: empty, lost, and listless.

As if to fill in silence, to somehow call them back if he could, Minato decided to make use of his violin. He stood on the rooftop, his comm device on the ground, his mp3 player in speaker mode broadcasting the background accompanying track, and began to play this song.

Comments

[eatsyourscience]

Souji went to the roof because it was open there. Though the sky was dark, it offset the fog beautifully. He missed fog, sometimes, though he knew this fog was more immediately dangerous than the stuff he was used to. He still wanted to see it, though, and think of home.

His head rang with silence and he felt a hollow sort of space in his body, like a hunger he couldn't satisfy. That emptiness was familiar and so was the silence.

Opening the doorway to the roof, he thought for a moment he'd imagined the music, but when he saw Minato, he smiled to himself. Here was someone who would understand that cavernous feeling inside, so easy to get lost in, making it so easy to just stop caring about the way the world flowed around him.

He approached quietly and sat beside Minato, trying not to disrupt his playing.

[jivitadana]

Minato gently lowered the violin when he finished his song. He looked out over at the fog before sitting down next to Souji, setting the violin and bow aside in the case.

"Still quiet?"

[eatsyourscience]

Souji had his knees bent and his forearms resting on them so that his hands dangled in front of him. He nodded.

"Too quiet."

He looked over at Minato after a moment with a small smile.

"That was a nice reprieve, though." He nodded toward the violin.

[jivitadana]

"Thanks." Minato smiled a little too. He thought he should just get some practice in since there wasn't much else anyone could do.

"Let's practice some more later." But not now.

[eatsyourscience]

Souji nodded. "Yeah. We've got the time now."

[jivitadana]

Minato closed the violin case, but not before running his fingers once along the strings of the violin.

"... Do you have time for me?"

[eatsyourscience]

Souji glanced over at him, surprised.

"Of course." He sat up a little straighter. "Is something up?"

[jivitadana]

Minato had his hands back in his pockets and ended up gazing at the floor of the rooftop. He knew he had something to discuss, a lot of things to discuss, but how was he supposed to put it all into words?

It took him a moment to gather those thoughts, holding them together in the hope they wouldn't scatter and escape never to be addressed again.

"Why do I feel guilty about being happy?"

[eatsyourscience]

Souji looked at him for a moment, then looked out at the fog. He considered, not bothering to fill the silence with words until he was ready, and knowing Minato would understand that silence as thought and not any kind of rejection.

"...There could be a lot of reasons." Of course, he won't leave it at that. That alone isn't an answer at all. "Maybe being happy with the hope of anything that isn't what you have already seems wrong. Because you should be satisfied with that."

That was how it was for him, anyway. He had learned not to dream of things that weren't right in front of him.

He thinks it may be different for Minato, though. After all, Minato's destiny, as far as they can see, has been set. There should be nothing more left for him, though Souji was determined to make that untrue.

"Maybe...it's because you've learned that your purpose is just to mirror and reflect, and not to draw in and keep."

That made happiness uncomfortable for Souji at times, knowing that his role was to help others grow, and thereby grow himself. But that growth, that happiness, couldn't be only for his benefit. It just felt wrong.

In his mind, Ishtar murmured that love was always selfish and that selfishness was nothing to be ashamed of.

[jivitadana]

Minato also returned silence to Souji with the same feeling that he was taking the time to listen and ponder Souji's words, not reject them. He had been satisfied with what he had and what he had done. He did everything with purpose and with heart.

This feeling he had was the same, that he felt it and truly felt it, but it still felt wrong. Why was it wrong when it was true and real? It was as though he hadn't been allowed to feel this way, like he were breaking some promise or rules set in place for him already.

"But now that I've drawn it in, it's wrong because I don't deserve it. Or I shouldn't want it."

[eatsyourscience]

When Souji finally responded, he was only echoing the words Norn had whispered to him.

"I think things happen for a reason." If Minato had received something that made him happy, surely it wasn't a random occurrence. "All people deserve to be happy."

It might have been cliche, but as a friend had told him, things became cliches for a reason.

[jivitadana]

Minato had agreed with Souji. Everyone did deserve to be happy. Though that is, if they wanted to be happy. But still, he had the problem with being happy here of all places, despite what he knew about living in the present.

"I shouldn't have that when I should be home. When it's only temporary here."

[eatsyourscience]

"Everything everywhere is temporary." Some things were more temporary than others. "We should be home. But we aren't. That's that."

[jivitadana]

That was also true. But everything here seemed so much more transitory.

"There isn't any point in wanting to stay longer then."

[eatsyourscience]

"I think there is." Souji drew in a deep breath and then looked at Minato. "Even if I won't remember this moment, it still belongs to me. It's still part of what fills me up inside and gives me strength and power. It's value is intrinsic."

[jivitadana]

Minato couldn't deny that that was true too. When Souji looked at him, Minato hadn't met his eyes, still looking down at the ground.

"It's only going to hurt again."

[eatsyourscience]

"Are you thinking about Rei?"

[jivitadana]

Minato thought he shouldn't be surprised to hear that question if he was going to be so obvious about his feelings or emotions. Or at least, obvious to someone like Souji.

"... Always."

[eatsyourscience]

Souji could guess that Minato feared the same thing happening again: someone he loved dearly being taken from him without warning, without pity.

"...That bond will always exist, even across worlds."

[jivitadana]

Minato hadn't doubted that it would. It was why it had hurt at all. No matter where he would be, that connection would never fade or die. But it only served as a reminder of the loss, despite how much he had gained.

"I know it's unbreakable. It's also why I don't... I can't feel this way."

[eatsyourscience]

"How do you feel?"

[jivitadana]

"... I don't know if I only like the idea or feeling of loving someone." It only made Minato feel selfish.

[eatsyourscience]

"...Love is always a risk. But the greater a risk is, the greater the reward is later."

[jivitadana]

"That's only if things go in your favor."

[eatsyourscience]

Souji considered that for a moment, and his mind wanders back in time to Daisuke and Kou, and then to Rise, Kanji, Yousuke...

"Even when you lose in love, you also gain something."