Leonard Snart | Captain Cold (
catchacold) wrote in
entrancelogs2017-01-23 08:45 pm
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[closed] Is there any just cause for feeling like this?
Who: Leonard Snart & Mick Rory
Where: Outside, near burned trees.
When: Right after this.
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
I keep looking for something I can't get
Broken hearts lie all around me
And I don't see an easy way to get out of this
The Story:
Finding Mick isn't exactly a difficult task. Not only does Leonard have hints, he also has a nose and he has long since trained the instinct of walking towards the smell of something burning instead of the other way. By the time he is among burned trees, he has his hands in his pocket and his face doesn't give much away, at least to the untrained eye.
The snow crunches under his boots and the memories associated with that come unbidden. His chest hurts, from nothing other than emotions. Pain that he's kept bottled up for months now, today forced to the surface. It's no wonder that when he actually speaks, his voice breaks.
"Mick."
Where: Outside, near burned trees.
When: Right after this.
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
I keep looking for something I can't get
Broken hearts lie all around me
And I don't see an easy way to get out of this
The Story:
Finding Mick isn't exactly a difficult task. Not only does Leonard have hints, he also has a nose and he has long since trained the instinct of walking towards the smell of something burning instead of the other way. By the time he is among burned trees, he has his hands in his pocket and his face doesn't give much away, at least to the untrained eye.
The snow crunches under his boots and the memories associated with that come unbidden. His chest hurts, from nothing other than emotions. Pain that he's kept bottled up for months now, today forced to the surface. It's no wonder that when he actually speaks, his voice breaks.
"Mick."
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Mick pressed the trigger again and unleash a torrent of fire on a poor little oak tree not far from him because it's easier to focus all that hurt and pain on something easy. Something that doesn't feel. He's hurting and he's angry, he hates himself so much right now for caving and saying any of that. What was he thinking?
It was clear that he'd been out here for a while, several trees were just burn husks now and there were many empty bottles laying around... which might account for all this sudden honesty on a public game of word association. He can't deal with Leonard right now, can't even look at him. It's too much. He lowered his gun instead and watched the tree burn slowly.
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Leonard says nothing more, instead he just looks down at the bottles instead of the flames, his fingernails digging into his palms, unseen with his hands both in his pocket. Obviously a mistake, coming out here, but now it'd feel stupid to leave again right away, so he sets himself a mental countdown and only takes a step back, looking to the side and moving one foot to make some of the charred bark of a tree crumble down onto the snow, marring the pure white. Artful.
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"I ain't gonna ask why you didn't tell me." Communication. It was a failing between them. Besides, given the way they are? He didn't expect it. He was so mad at Snart, why would he have told him? "But I am gonna ask that what I ask you next, you're honest with me. Cause if you ain't gonna be honest with me, we ain't gonna do this. Got it?"
The stakes were there. Set out plainly for once.
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His mind echoes with the last words he's said to Mick, right before knocking him out. Caught on a loop, memories of Mick and Sara and then his final moments. Not a bad end, all in all. But who'd like to have so much time to reflect on it?
"Got it."
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He turned to look at him and it was hard but he met his eyes and felt an unpleasant deep burn in his chest. Was he friends or at least close to friends or did Leonard -- his friend for decades, the person he had been with the longest and meant the most to him, someone he loved more than anyone -- did he die with Mick hating him? Did they never make up in that short gap of time?
Was that all that remained from all those years? One stupid bitter fight that just escalated and escalated until one of them died and neither had anything? He didn't want that. He hated it.
"Did you die with me hating you?"
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He realises after a moment that that could be taken two ways and quickly speaks up again to clarify. "No, I didn't. We were friends."
Perhaps with some unease, but that doesn't really matter, between them. He'd known they'd be back where they were meant to be, no doubt in his mind. Where Sara stood? He's still not sure. Anyone else on the team? Whatever. But Mick and him, yes.
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"Dunno if that makes it worse or better." Means it's gonna hurt more. It means that the moment he leaves here, he gets brainwashed, he almost kills Leonard, goes 'almost' back to normal and then loses his only friend. Was there any point leaving? Was there anything good to come from this?
"You idiot." Mick huffed and didn't look at him again because it hurt and he was a fucking sissy wussy or anything but his eyes kept burning and he wasn't gonna actually shed a fucking tear over this. Not because he was 'too manly', he just wasn't a crier. He didn't do that. He didn't cry. He didn't even cry when he lost his parents. He got angry. He sucked in a deep, sharp breath and spun around swiftly, launching a solid punch at the tree. The sound was not pretty because the tree was very solid and Mick put a lot of force into it. God, it hurt like hell. "You fucking idiot! Why the hell would you do that? Are you insane?! If anyone was supposed to die -- just. No, that wasn't how it should be. Not. You."
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Nothing heroic about it, but he knows his priorities. He plans accordingly. Leonard winces at the punch and then he steps forward, right up to Mick. He doesn't look at his face, but he reaches for his hand, taking it into his own. His fingers are still cool, even if he had had them in his pockets the entire time. He feels for any fractured bones, his touch gentle, even though he can feel the rage coming from Mick.
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He turned his hand suddenly and held Leonard's in his own tight grip, his hands warm and rough, calloused and burn slightly. "So." He met his eyes, no matter how hard it was. "What do I do without you?"
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But he's been dealing with this ever since arriving here, which makes it both harder and easier. When he finally looks up and meets Mick's eyes, he swallows, the pain hitting him like a punch to the chest. "You go on, my friend."
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He let go of Leonard's hand and shook his head, moving away from Leonard to give them both the space they needed. "This is the thing though, isn't it? Like 2046. No, hold up, don't get pissy." He holds his hand up just to prevent that. "You could have just said you didn't like it. I was waiting for you to say it but you didn't and it became like a dumb contest. I wasn't gonna say anything until you said something and I started making it worse and worse like I do. Then you said the wrong something." And no, he wasn't looking to rehash this old fight, he just wanted to use it as an example because it was a pretty important thing, no matter how it went. He turned to Leonard and met his eyes, the hurt obvious still. "And I should have just said from the start 'if you hate it this much, let's go' because I was never going to stay somewhere without you. Never."
And he knew he got petty and stupid, he waited for Leonard to just be honest because he was done with being manipulated in that subtle way and he shouldn't have baited it. Leonard struggled with this shit and Mick made it a thousand times worse. Of course it was going to blow up in his face. "You didn't have to be my boss, you could have just been my friend and been honest. Straight up. Cause I don't have anything without you, I never did and you know that. Why would I want a criminal paradise if I didn't have you."
Rubbing at his eyes, he huffed a little. "I wasted the last God damn months of your life in this stupid argument. And it is a stupid argument and if we'd just fucking talked, you'd never have left me! But we were too fucking stubborn."
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He's seen it coming, but that doesn't change it. Nothing can change it, because this isn't about fate, this isn't about someone manipulating him. This is him making the decisions he was always going to end up making.
"We're here now." For what it's worth. Leonard closes his eyes, he can't hold Mick's gaze any longer. He exhales slowly, breathing past the pain. Opening them again, he steps forward, his voice softer than usual. "It's you and me, Mick."
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Mick is going to lie, of course it hurts. His friend left him to die, he caused him to get fucking brainwashed and he knew that it was doomed to happen, it wouldn't go away. Leonard screwed him over but he didn't do much better either, he had no moral high ground but he was still wounded by it. He wasn't just going to get over it but -- well, same page.
Truth be told, he missed it. When it was easier, when it made sense, just him and Leonard. No team, no heroes, no grand destiny. He just wanted this for however long he could have it. "But it hurts all the same doing this shit all the time." He walked over to where he'd been sitting before and he dropped down, picking up his discarded bottle and holding it with his least damaged hand. He wished he could just say 'I miss you' but the words just don't come out.
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For one thing, the first time Leonard had been pretty sure that Mick was going to kill him. This time it had been less intense. No Chronos yet. Still the man he knew, the man he'd known ever since juvie. His friend. Even at their worst. "You wussed out this time."
Only joking, but he might as well. He's still taken more than long enough to heal, he's still not exactly asking for another one.
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It wasn't like everything else would go away but was it so much to ask that they just shoved it aside for once?
"I think two beatings should cover it." Mick nodded his head a little. Whatever. If it got over it, it got over it. And for what he suffered? Seemed fair. The Chronos stuff was just a big future question mark. "We gonna call it even or what? You got any objections? Input?"
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Silent for a moment and then he admits to more than he perhaps ever might have under normal circumstances. "I missed you."
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Mick grabbed one of his beers and rolled it along the ground until it hit Leonard's foot. Well, they were out here, they may as well be drinking to get through this shit. "Though in future? Any more shock reveals or surprises? Tell. Me. Now. Cause seriously, if I have to hear another piece of my future from a kid, I will beat your ass so hard, you won't be walking." Mick warned with an edge of playfulness to just try and keep some harmony in there. He didn't want to set them off again. He tilted his beer in Leonard's direction. "Have a kid holding onto my arm crying and telling me you died? Not my idea of a picnic."
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"But no worries. Ain't nothing left that I know and you don't."
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"Look, I know we don't do touchy feely and you probably don't care about this whole emotional thing but we had a lot of fun together, you and me. And if you gotta go out, I hope you went out with me there. In some way or another. Cause you and me? We're partners. And we fucked up, yeah but ... you're--you're, you know, you're... important to me." He got it out finally, spitting the words out. Feelings. Fuck them. "So. Yeah. Partners."
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With everything that word means to them both, even if just about anyone but them never really grasped it. "We met when you saved my life, Mick. I died saving yours."
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He idly picked at the label of his beer bottle. "You've always been my hero, dumbass."
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Leonard kneels down, the snow crunching under him. He sets the bottle down and his other hand touches the ground, half in the snow and half in ash, his fingers cold and smeared with black. There's no one else around and he looks at Mick, looking right into his eyes and this time it's a bit less painful or at least a different kind of pain.
"Please forgive me."
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He missed this. He missed his partner.
"Forgiven." Mick leaned forward and placed a hand on the back of Leonard's head and part of his neck, careful with his movements, reading Leonard's expressions because touch was a dodgy subject but Mick knew his signs well. He knew what he was doing. He leaned in and rested their foreheads together, taking a moment to get properly close. "You forgive me?"
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It's been rare that he's touched anyone over the last few months. It's always rare for him, of course, but in combination with Mick's anger, it has really driven home that point. He breathes slowly, lifting his hand to close it around Mick's forearm, no attempt at pushing him away. Just holding him. "I've no idea what this place is or why it's happening, Mick. But if nothing else... It ain't the worst."
It's a chance.
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This was his best friend. His soon to be dead best friend. He didn't want to not say anything he'd wished he'd said, especially when he wasn't sober.
"I love you, man."
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"But we're friends, you're right." His heart's beating a bit harder than it ought to, but the enthusiasm was easily curbed just by the reminder that Mick was incredibly drunk right now. "If you remember tomorrow, anyway."
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"You should know me by now. No matter how bad it gets, I remember. Like an -- what's the animal that doesn't forget? It is a elephant or a snake?" He can't quite remember. "I'm one of those."
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