[ota] It leaves us with regrets and picks apart the threads

[shorthair]

Who: Clementine + you
Where: Mansion
When: April 5 - 12. Plus, all of April and May
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Clementine returns from her canon update. Feel free to reply to the network post here since I won't actually spam the network community too. Action spam or prose is totally cool with me.
The Story: First week and a half

It's warm.

She's felt like she was freezing since she fell into the lake of ice. Was that really just yesterday? It's warm here. Her hands press to grass, and she stares at the ground, shuddering because she thinks the frozen water might have seeped into her blood. She knows it's warm but she still feels cold.

She's back in Wonderland. A rush of memories, of emotion hits her. There are so many people she cares about here, and she hasn't seen them since she left, and it feels like she's been gone for years instead of- days. Weeks? Time is funny.

AJ isn't in her arms anymore. It's just him and her now. Seems right. She can't trust people anymore.

Now that the adrenaline has faded away, the bullet wound in her shoulder hurts like fucking hell. She killed someone else she cared about. Again. Does she even belong in this place with people who are good, who do what's right? If they knew, what the fuck would they think of her. She feels like she might be sick, but there's nothing in her stomach to puke anyway so it's just her insides twisting around like knots.

She pulls her network device out, texting a quick open network post, because she won't remember everyone she'll want to text to let them know:

It's Clementine. I'm back. In my room.

If anyone is up at night, they might run into her, a child with blood on the shoulder of her jacket with a very clear hole through it. No gun for once. She left it with the last dead body she's left behind her.

When she finally makes it into her room. She writes the names of more dead people on the wall (Sarita, Sarah, Luke, Rebecca, Kenny). She pulls out blankets from the closet and piles them on the bed and puts herself underneath them, but it doesn't help with the cold. She tries to get out of the damn jacket, but she hisses out pain and stops midway. She stays there for a week and a half without leaving.

Rest of April/May

Eventually, later in the month, she finally leaves her room again. She's got the small shot gun from Christmas with her, holstered to her back.

She's in the cafeteria in short sleeves, which means she's revealing a certain scar for the first time since she came to Wonderland. Sometimes she's reading books about taking care of babies as if osmosis will happen if when she's sent back. Somewhere in between reading how often they have to feed and sleep, she tosses the book away from her so hard that it almost hits somebody.

Then she picks up baking. She used to with her mother all the time, and if she can kill people and survive walkers and gun shots and ice lakes, she can make some cookies if the recipes right there, right? Maybe.

She ends up making a big mess in the kitchen as she tries to spoon big chunks of cookie dough out on to pans, smirking at her giant mess. It's kind of hilarious she can survive so much and fight so hard and then get defeated by cookie dough.

Comments

[choosetruth]

Kids being born in a post-Rising world. Well, she certainly knows what that's like. She bites back a smile. It's not the time for that, and Clementine's world remains clearly very different from the world Georgia knows. Prisoners and beating the shit out of people. It's not something she deals with in her day to day life.

"So the prisoner shot you, then you woke up and it was down to four and Kenny and Jane were fighting. Prisoner and his friends were gone, then?"

[seeingthings]

"You're allowed to cry, you know. I'm not gonna think any less of you or something. That'd be fucked up."

He cried when his uncle died, however briefly. Richie knew full well what it was like to need to keep your shit together around certain other people.

He didn't particularly want to be one of those people. Not to her, anyway.

And she's right. It does have to be worth it. Losing his uncle, then losing Kate, it had to mean something. That's why he hadn't given up on finishing taking over his operation. Then again, he'd just ended up here, but now Kate was still alive.

Wonderland did love to make things complicated.

"Yeah. Me too." He backs up a couple steps, not wanting to bail, but pretty sure she wants some alone time. "Get some rest, alright?"

[demonstrate]

"You already do," Iris reminds Clementine.

She knows what it's like to feel like whatever you do isn't enough, but it's important for Iris to point out that Clementine does plenty. "You're interning for Georgia. You're teaching others about zombies, and you're helping her keep The Shattered Mirror alive. The reason it exists is to find the truth and to search for answers. That's all we can keep doing."

And trust that eventually, if they don't give up, it's going to lead somewhere.

Because Clementine is right. There's a greater power at work, and it keeps yanking their chain.

[krmvgivv]

Like... left and then come back? [Dipper nods.] Twice. Mabel was with me both times. She left once without me too. And... didn't remember anything when she returned.

[shorthair]

[ Clementine needs to hear the words now even if it's the version of her back home who will go out and do things on her own, who will stay away from people for at least two years. Her hand latches on to Michonne's but she nods, resting against her. ]

Yeah, I will be.

Thanks for coming to me and talking to me.

[ For all of it. It means more to her than she can say. ]

/sobs fade?

[thesamurai]

Always will. And you can come to me anytime you need to, too.

[ Her cheek rests on top of Clementine's head, and she'll hold her for as long as needed. ]

[shorthair]

Clementine opens the can of coke and then takes a sip. She swallows down the fizz.

"Yeah. We were in a car. Jane was holding AJ. They were arguing about where we should go next and what we should do. There was a blizzard outside so we didn't see the cars ahead until we almost ran into them, but we needed gas. There was a gas station. Kenny left alone at first. Jane wanted me to leave with her, leave AJ because Kenny was getting worse, but we heard gunfire and saw walkers in the blizzard. It wasn't cold enough to slow 'em yet."

She swallows.

"Jane told me to drive, and we crashed into walkers. We got split up, trying to run from walkers and-"

[shorthair]

Clementine smiles a bit even as a tear finally slips down her face, and she doesn't wipe it away this time. "Yeah, I didn't think you would." She knows those kinds of people though. It's about protecting herself. "Just used to not- not being able to afford to."

Having emotions, it means she's not at her best.

Survival is endless, but it's good to have the reminder. She doesn't have to shelve it all to survive or to stay alive. She doesn't have to be at her best all the time. Her eyes are still burning, but she feels better than she did when she showed up, and it's because of him.

"Okay." She nods, sliding into her bed fully then until she's lying down in it, still covered up in his jacket as her hand fists into the pillow by her head. Every muscle in her body welcomes the comfort of a bed and a mattress. She sinks into it, welcoming it, feeling like she's home (and knowing that's impossible too.

this place isn't real. it's not meant to stay, and she's not meant to stay in it.)

[shorthair]

Clementine smiles a little at the reminder. Survival becomes all there is. She forgot she'd built a life here. She has a home. She has people she can count on without worrying about when they're going to stab her in the back or fuck up and leave her to deal with the consequences. It's been about so much more than that in Wonderland.

"I know this is kind of an asshole thing to say, but I'm glad you're still here," she says, because it is a terrible thing to say and feel. She feels it though.

Wonderland keeps Iris away from her life and her family.

It's a prison. It's not real.

[shorthair]

That must have been hard, but I'm glad she came back. [ she rests her back against the wall, turning away from it so she doesn't have to look at the names anymore. ] It had to be a lot harder that she left while you were still here.

[circlejerked]

The sun is still up and painting everything in red and oranges when he blinks in the light of the open door and looks down at Clementine, the reflecting light making the ginger tones in his hair look redder than usual. His face wears a smile, and his hands hold a bag. "Wouldn't miss a date with the best neighbor I've ever had," he replies in greeting.

Then his gaze transfers to the bandage on her shoulder. Hard to miss, that. Injuries have a way of standing out in the worst way when worn by the young.

He sighs instead of fusses, like the sight of her merely confirms something he'd feared. "A souvenir from home?"

[choosetruth]

"And?" Georgia's voice is soft but firm. She has her guesses, but she wants to hear it from Clementine.

[demonstrate]

"It's not," Iris is quick to reassure, lifting her hand to gently tuck an errant curl over Clementine's ear once it's escaped her cap. She thinks, especially considering Clementine's situation, that it's understandable to want the people you care about around.

More importantly: "I'm glad I'm here, too."

Right in this moment, she absolutely means it. Because Clementine is her family, too.

And now that she is patched up, Iris will brace her hands on her knees and bring herself to her feet. "Are you hungry? I brought breakfast. It's probably cold by now, but it's one of the perks Wonderland gives us. We can heat it back up in no time."

[shorthair]

Clementine laughs a little and then steps back to give him room to step inside of her room. The laugh's a bit scratchy, but it's genuine. "Did you even know your other neighbors?"

She lets out a breath and then glances up at him before she nods. There's a grimace on her face. It hurts, but it's-

She's had worse.

"Gunshot wound. Do you... have guns where you're from?"

[shorthair]

"I found Kenny in the gas station, and then Jane showed up without the baby, without AJ," Clementine says. Her jaw locks. She shakes her head angrily. "Kenny fucking lost it, and he attacked her. They were fighting out into the snowstorm, and he was a second away from putting a knife in her chest when I-"

This is it, isn't it? Does it matter? Fuck.

"I killed him."

[krmvgivv]

It was awful. [He tugs his knees up, wrapping his arms around them.] I didn't know if she'd even come back.

[choosetruth]

Georgia is quiet for a moment. It's not surprising that Clementine has had to kill. Fuck, she doubts this is even the first time, though it might be the first time when it's not someone who's been bitten. That doesn't count as killing, since they're already dead, but it still feels like it.

The way Clementine is saying it sounds like she at least finds it to be a specific, more difficult situation. Georgia hesitates, than reaches forward to give her shoulder a squeeze. From her, it's the equivalent of a full body hug. She just hopes Clementine realizes that and can feel any comfort Georgia has to give. It's probably not enough, but it's what she has.

"You protected your friend."

[shorthair]

Clementine smiles. Her eyes fill with emotion at the gesture of affection, at Iris being able to give those words back to her. She would understand if she couldn't. There's plenty of reasons for people to hate it but she can't, and Iris is Clementine's family too.

She's down to just the one back where she's from, a baby.

"...yeah, actually I am now."

She'd been feeling sick since she returned, but she feels better now, settled.

"What'd you bring?"

[shorthair]

[ she walks over to him and rests her hand on his arm, squeezing it gently. it's clearly a hard memory, and given they're in wonderland without a choice or a chance, it can happen again without warning. ] I'm glad she did come back.

[shorthair]

"By killing another friend, yeah."

Clementine breathes in sharply, rubbing at her face with her hand. She knows Georgia doesn't offer physical comfort easily so it does. It means a lot to her. She rests her hand over top of Georgia's very briefly and then lets her hand drop back down. It's not like she's gotten this full story out to anyone other than Georgia.

It means something- It says something about their relationship and her trust in Georgia that she can.

Her eyes burn. She breathes in sharp. It's almost over. The story.

"After he died, I heard AJ crying. Jane hid him in a car... so Kenny would flip his shit, and she could prove to me that he wasn't safe to travel with anymore, which I already fucking knew. She didn't expect him to go that far, but I didn't care. I told her to leave me the hell alone, took AJ in my arms, and left."

No more people. No more groups. She'll take care of AJ by herself.

[choosetruth]

Georgia drops her hand as well, frowning softly at Clementine. She doesn't judge Clementine for killing in defense of another, even if it meant killing someone she cared about. Georgia knows she'd do the same, if she had to. And she can't even entirely blame her for leaving Jane after fucking with her like that. Still.

"You're alone now?"

Clementine is extremely capable, Georgia knows. But no one should be alone like that. Especially not while taking care of a child in an apocalypse. A baby can't watch Clementine's back. It's not enough.

[krmvgivv]

Me too. [It had been a pretty terrible week. He'd said his first swear word that week, though he's not about to tell Clementine that. She swears all the time like it's no big deal. He'd almost made a deal with Bill, too, even though he knew exactly how terrible an idea that was.

He turns to look at her.]

But that was two years ago, and she's only ever left at the same time as me since. So that's been better.

[shorthair]

Clementine nods. Her breath feels trapped in her lungs, and she breathes out through it. She has no idea how to take care of a baby really except for what Kenny mentioned about what AJ would need, but she can't do it anymore. She can't look for a new group and hope they won't fuck her over somehow.

Even when they don't, it always ends up the same. She knows what she has to do. Hunt for food. Stay in the wilderness. Keep quiet. Keep moving. When there are less people to deal with with their fighting, their instability, their betrayals, she'll be better at doing it.

"It's better that way."

[circlejerked]

"The future king of my country was right next door, in fact. You probably would've liked his cat, it was a real talker. But that's neither here nor there."

In Wonderland things change, people leave. Some people like Alistair leave and stay gone, while others like Clementine return for whatever reason Wonderland deems necessary. And sometimes the worse for wear, at that.

He looks her over with the practiced eye of a healer. She looks pale and worn around the edges, lines of pain around her eyes. Is it any wonder she'd been reticent in her messages the other day? He's seen what bullets can do to wood and plaster; what they could do to a human body would make any healer shudder.

"I've encountered them here. Why didn't you say you'd been shot sooner? I would've come yesterday," he says. It looks like someone's tended it already, at least. That's a start.

[seeingthings]

"Yeah, I get that."

It's the reason he said anything. Back home, he might be one of those people to others. But Clementine is different. Sometimes, he's the one that's different these days too.

He pauses briefly, watching her before he steps over, pulling a blanket over her small frame to tuck her in before stepping back and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Catch ya later."

Without lingering any longer, he heads out. No doubt this conversation will loop through his head more than a few times over the next handful of hours until he manages to sleep himself.