"Ah well, I was a father for some time... and my adopted child was... how do I put this... both very needing of guidance, but at the same time, very unwilling to trust said guidance... So, I had some time to practice on... fatherly advice. It may have been hundreds of years since the experience, but I suppose those experiences never really leave one, even buried so deep in one's past."

Sad goat dad is here to help you, shiftless youth.