They're supposed to say that. That's what they're good at saying. They're supposed to say that and then just let it be over, and close this chapter and maybe things can not go back to normal but maybe they can go back to something sustainable, something that doesn't leave them torn through with longing and wondering and the sick, SOUL-deep scores of envy clawing at the interior of their chest.
I forgive you.
They're supposed to say it.
I forgive you.
So why can't they say it?
Their expression screws up for a moment, twisting their mouth, bunching their eyes into pinched little slits.
"I'm never going to be your child again." It's not right. It's not what they mean to say. It's not what they mean to say at all. "I don't trust that I'll never hurt you. I've already hurt you, and I can't fix it. I don't know how to fix things. I just know how to make sure they never got broken at all. But - "
No. No, no, no, no, they're supposed to say I forgive you.
Instead it rears up like something many-headed, swathing them in brambles and prickling at their throat and the backs of their eyes and heating the corners of their vision with misting, filming moisture.
"But I still look at you, and I miss it, because I miss you, because no one ever talked to me and treated me the way you did." No adult ever...
"I know I - don't deserve it, never again, because I'm never going to be what Asriel is and, and what Chara is. I know. I know I was just the replacement."
no subject
I forgive you.
They're supposed to say that. That's what they're good at saying. They're supposed to say that and then just let it be over, and close this chapter and maybe things can not go back to normal but maybe they can go back to something sustainable, something that doesn't leave them torn through with longing and wondering and the sick, SOUL-deep scores of envy clawing at the interior of their chest.
I forgive you.
They're supposed to say it.
I forgive you.
So why can't they say it?
Their expression screws up for a moment, twisting their mouth, bunching their eyes into pinched little slits.
"I'm never going to be your child again." It's not right. It's not what they mean to say. It's not what they mean to say at all. "I don't trust that I'll never hurt you. I've already hurt you, and I can't fix it. I don't know how to fix things. I just know how to make sure they never got broken at all. But - "
No. No, no, no, no, they're supposed to say I forgive you.
Instead it rears up like something many-headed, swathing them in brambles and prickling at their throat and the backs of their eyes and heating the corners of their vision with misting, filming moisture.
"But I still look at you, and I miss it, because I miss you, because no one ever talked to me and treated me the way you did." No adult ever...
"I know I - don't deserve it, never again, because I'm never going to be what Asriel is and, and what Chara is. I know. I know I was just the replacement."