[And surprise, surprise, this place won't let him leave it at that. He can feel the familiar weight of the camera hanging in his good hand, and for once, he wishes he could just switch the thing off, smash it against a wall, erase all record of this humiliating disaster of a conversation.]
[But he can't. Because he's paranoid. Because he's sick. Because--]
I'm scared. That's what's so goddamn terrible, alright? Because I'm just supposed to be the cameraman. The cameraman's not, he's not involved in the scene, he's...he's the audience. He gives information to the audience. And my audience? I don't believe they gave a shit about me, alright? I just, I just gave them what they wanted, and if I'm--and if I start losing time and, and seeing things that aren't there, and hurting people, then I can't even do that!
cw for internalized ableism
[And surprise, surprise, this place won't let him leave it at that. He can feel the familiar weight of the camera hanging in his good hand, and for once, he wishes he could just switch the thing off, smash it against a wall, erase all record of this humiliating disaster of a conversation.]
[But he can't. Because he's paranoid. Because he's sick. Because--]
I'm scared. That's what's so goddamn terrible, alright? Because I'm just supposed to be the cameraman. The cameraman's not, he's not involved in the scene, he's...he's the audience. He gives information to the audience. And my audience? I don't believe they gave a shit about me, alright? I just, I just gave them what they wanted, and if I'm--and if I start losing time and, and seeing things that aren't there, and hurting people, then I can't even do that!