[Determination is like a basic element--it shows up in all fields, in different capacities. It affects every aspect of things. At least it can.]
heh, sorta. i was. i don't think you ever really stop...at least, you never stop thinking like one. which, heh, is a problem sometimes.
[It means he approaches things too analytically, too logically, finds himself working through problems and puzzles without even meaning to. His mind is the only thing fast about him. Too fast for his own good, half the time.]
[He slows in his knitting as Chara talks and finally stops outright for several long seconds. He stares at the two rows he's managed to finish. Not very impressive. Only one dropped stitch, though.]
[This is...pushing the bounds of this unspoken truce they've had, but it's...it's fine. This is okay. Maybe it's alright to talk about it. He'd really rather not, and it has much less to do with secrets this time, but well. He doesn't have a choice. But that's fine, it's not like they're digging for anything really bad, and he's trying to be more honest with them anyway, regardless of events.]
i-i, uh...
[It's fine. He starts on his current row again, dropping another stitch.]
well, for...for one thing, al is actually more qualified. way...way more qualified. she's an actual doctor. i'm pretty sure she's got more than one phd, probably. heh, i never even finished mine. she's a natural genius and a hard worker. she's multi-disciplinary. ridiculously skilled. she was a shoe-in for the position, way better for it than me, even if...
[And this is the part he doesn't want to talk about, because every single time he's talked about it, everything has gone wrong. Every single time. Give them nothing, he'd said, a year ago. Shouldn't talk about it. Should just keep it to himself. It's all gone and buried and never existed anyway, so he shouldn't...]
[Doesn't have a choice, though.]
when g--when, uh, the last royal scientist disappeared, a lot of stuff went with him. uh, it's sorta...complicated. if you remove one integer--sorry, one, uh, factor, of an equation, it affects the entire equation. everything. see, i--he was one of my inspirations for getting into science at all. the idea of working with him was a sorta motivator. he hired me personally. so...with him not existing, the rest of that never existed. my--career never existed. so, as far as the world is concerned, i was never a scientist at all. i never, heh, i never held down a job at all until i became a sentry. someone as lazy as sans would never be able to hold down a real job, right? heh.
[He tries to focus on his knitting, but he misses another stitch and almost drops his entire work off the needle. He manages to catch it before it slides off.]
al was at the top of a very short list of candidates for the position of royal scientist. i wasn't even on it. and that was fine by me. too much responsibility, yanno? and after everything that happened--all the...we did horrible stuff. we abused science. i, heh, damn, i'd really rather not get this uh, this in-depth about it, but it felt like i couldn't touch science without, uh, ruining something. and everything afterward, for the last ten years, every time i went anywhere near science, it was just...bad. or pointless. or someone got hurt. so...
[He takes a breath, forcing a grin, forcing himself to finish the row and start a new one.]
no subject
heh, sorta. i was. i don't think you ever really stop...at least, you never stop thinking like one. which, heh, is a problem sometimes.
[It means he approaches things too analytically, too logically, finds himself working through problems and puzzles without even meaning to. His mind is the only thing fast about him. Too fast for his own good, half the time.]
[He slows in his knitting as Chara talks and finally stops outright for several long seconds. He stares at the two rows he's managed to finish. Not very impressive. Only one dropped stitch, though.]
[This is...pushing the bounds of this unspoken truce they've had, but it's...it's fine. This is okay. Maybe it's alright to talk about it. He'd really rather not, and it has much less to do with secrets this time, but well. He doesn't have a choice. But that's fine, it's not like they're digging for anything really bad, and he's trying to be more honest with them anyway, regardless of events.]
i-i, uh...
[It's fine. He starts on his current row again, dropping another stitch.]
well, for...for one thing, al is actually more qualified. way...way more qualified. she's an actual doctor. i'm pretty sure she's got more than one phd, probably. heh, i never even finished mine. she's a natural genius and a hard worker. she's multi-disciplinary. ridiculously skilled. she was a shoe-in for the position, way better for it than me, even if...
[And this is the part he doesn't want to talk about, because every single time he's talked about it, everything has gone wrong. Every single time. Give them nothing, he'd said, a year ago. Shouldn't talk about it. Should just keep it to himself. It's all gone and buried and never existed anyway, so he shouldn't...]
[Doesn't have a choice, though.]
when g--when, uh, the last royal scientist disappeared, a lot of stuff went with him. uh, it's sorta...complicated. if you remove one integer--sorry, one, uh, factor, of an equation, it affects the entire equation. everything. see, i--he was one of my inspirations for getting into science at all. the idea of working with him was a sorta motivator. he hired me personally. so...with him not existing, the rest of that never existed. my--career never existed. so, as far as the world is concerned, i was never a scientist at all. i never, heh, i never held down a job at all until i became a sentry. someone as lazy as sans would never be able to hold down a real job, right? heh.
[He tries to focus on his knitting, but he misses another stitch and almost drops his entire work off the needle. He manages to catch it before it slides off.]
al was at the top of a very short list of candidates for the position of royal scientist. i wasn't even on it. and that was fine by me. too much responsibility, yanno? and after everything that happened--all the...we did horrible stuff. we abused science. i, heh, damn, i'd really rather not get this uh, this in-depth about it, but it felt like i couldn't touch science without, uh, ruining something. and everything afterward, for the last ten years, every time i went anywhere near science, it was just...bad. or pointless. or someone got hurt. so...
[He takes a breath, forcing a grin, forcing himself to finish the row and start a new one.]
so i guess, no. science isn't fun anymore.