It's nice of you to say. [And true. He definitely couldn't say it if it weren't true. She wraps an arm around herself.] And I do know that. Life happens. It's just that most people have life happening when that happens.
[She feels like she's barely making sense, but even she doesn't have easy words for this. She's good at pinning things down precisely into black and white facts, creating a narrative that makes sense and lets the truth shine through. With this, with herself, she can't.]
I died, Mahir. Then I get thrown back into the world a year later and things are... you did change. You're married now. And Dave is dead and the CDC is even worse than I imagined despite them cloning me and Shaun... Shaun is different, and I wasn't there for any of that.
[She looks away. She hates this. These are her messy, personal thoughts, the ones she hates thinking let alone sharing.]
It's not that I expected the world to stay the same. I know better than that. It's not that I didn't want people to move on, either. If I'd stayed dead like everyone else, that would have been the only reasonable thing to do. But one minute I had a gun to the back of my head and was typing out my final words, the next I was waking up in a body that wasn't quite right and very confused. It was a year for you, but for me.....
[She swallows, turning away in hopes that he doesn't notice tears are escaping under her sunglasses. She hates this. She hates this.]
no subject
[She feels like she's barely making sense, but even she doesn't have easy words for this. She's good at pinning things down precisely into black and white facts, creating a narrative that makes sense and lets the truth shine through. With this, with herself, she can't.]
I died, Mahir. Then I get thrown back into the world a year later and things are... you did change. You're married now. And Dave is dead and the CDC is even worse than I imagined despite them cloning me and Shaun... Shaun is different, and I wasn't there for any of that.
[She looks away. She hates this. These are her messy, personal thoughts, the ones she hates thinking let alone sharing.]
It's not that I expected the world to stay the same. I know better than that. It's not that I didn't want people to move on, either. If I'd stayed dead like everyone else, that would have been the only reasonable thing to do. But one minute I had a gun to the back of my head and was typing out my final words, the next I was waking up in a body that wasn't quite right and very confused. It was a year for you, but for me.....
[She swallows, turning away in hopes that he doesn't notice tears are escaping under her sunglasses. She hates this. She hates this.]
It's just really fucked up.