[...Ahh that. There's an uttered curse from him, low enough to escape most human ears but probably not Connor's android ones. Funny how after desperately chasing towards death for the past few years after Cole was gone, the idea now made Hank flinch visibly.
Why it happened made sick sense, really. If Connor and him hadn't done good work on the case...he was just waiting for an excuse. Fowler throwing him out. Gavin with one too many ill-timed crass joke. The drinking. The eating. It was just the finality of a series of terrible decisions that had been plaguing him, desperately wanting to be with his son again, but too much of a chickenshit to do it by himself until something or someone pushed him to do it. An excuse, that's all it was. Just a man looking for any pathetic excuse to justify it.
Machine or not, it wasn't Connor's fault as much as his own.
He wonders, in his brief anger, what drove him to end up with the gun in his head and being sober enough to pull the trigger, but Connor said he never wants to relieve that again and Hank isn't about going to force him to recall it. It's just morbid curiosity, really. It wouldn't change anything.
Then there is sadness. Even if this is not what happened, it can only imagine how that could affect Connor. Emotions are a bitch. Hank's bad with them. He can't explain into words, at least not yet, what he's feeling. Instead he suddenly he grabs the android into a hug, like they had done near Chicken Feed. Is he trying to conform Connor or himself? Fuck he can't tell.]
Look, I promise it won't happen with me, okay? [His voice is cracking but he feels so much guilt.] I changed like you did...now I'm afraid of dying too early.
If anyone else somehow is reading this; Trigger warning for suicide mention
Why it happened made sick sense, really. If Connor and him hadn't done good work on the case...he was just waiting for an excuse. Fowler throwing him out. Gavin with one too many ill-timed crass joke. The drinking. The eating. It was just the finality of a series of terrible decisions that had been plaguing him, desperately wanting to be with his son again, but too much of a chickenshit to do it by himself until something or someone pushed him to do it. An excuse, that's all it was. Just a man looking for any pathetic excuse to justify it.
Machine or not, it wasn't Connor's fault as much as his own.
He wonders, in his brief anger, what drove him to end up with the gun in his head and being sober enough to pull the trigger, but Connor said he never wants to relieve that again and Hank isn't about going to force him to recall it. It's just morbid curiosity, really. It wouldn't change anything.
Then there is sadness. Even if this is not what happened, it can only imagine how that could affect Connor. Emotions are a bitch. Hank's bad with them. He can't explain into words, at least not yet, what he's feeling. Instead he suddenly he grabs the android into a hug, like they had done near Chicken Feed. Is he trying to conform Connor or himself? Fuck he can't tell.]
Look, I promise it won't happen with me, okay? [His voice is cracking but he feels so much guilt.] I changed like you did...now I'm afraid of dying too early.