For a moment, the world is a dream. He's been cutting himself off so thoroughly, he'd been so... the last few years have been rough. The world has been gray and quiet, the world has been a battlefield and Dean has been fighting it. The world has been death and chaos, and Dean's hardened himself to block out the gravity of the losses they've all experienced. Hardened himself to block out the inevitable losses yet to come.
But he hasn't prepared himself for this.
Going from that shattered world to- to fucking home and garden magazine. To tinsil, to garland, to Cas with a fleck of glitter on his shoe, to Cas who broke his heart when he died in battle, ripped away, suddenly standing there smelling and looking and feeling exactly the same to a piece of Dean he's long since buried... It can't be real, and his head swims with it, adrenaline pulsing and pounding to balance out his doubt, pounding in his ears. He sways a little.
What's causing it?
"The Jabberwock," he mutters automatically, ripping his eyes up to look Cas in the eyes again. The desperation there is unmistakable, flooding out of him, sprawled across his face like a billboard. "We tried to stop it- we had a plan. Thought it would work, but we- it, it... It didn't, and we lost..."
He licks his lips, shakes his head slowly. "Cas, we lost so many people... We lost..."
Cas used to give him these... looks with those eyes. These Dean you're fucking infuriating and stupid and I don't know why I put up with you looks. He used to do that shit all the goddamn time.
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But he hasn't prepared himself for this.
Going from that shattered world to- to fucking home and garden magazine. To tinsil, to garland, to Cas with a fleck of glitter on his shoe, to Cas who broke his heart when he died in battle, ripped away, suddenly standing there smelling and looking and feeling exactly the same to a piece of Dean he's long since buried... It can't be real, and his head swims with it, adrenaline pulsing and pounding to balance out his doubt, pounding in his ears. He sways a little.
What's causing it?
"The Jabberwock," he mutters automatically, ripping his eyes up to look Cas in the eyes again. The desperation there is unmistakable, flooding out of him, sprawled across his face like a billboard. "We tried to stop it- we had a plan. Thought it would work, but we- it, it... It didn't, and we lost..."
He licks his lips, shakes his head slowly. "Cas, we lost so many people... We lost..."
Cas used to give him these... looks with those eyes. These Dean you're fucking infuriating and stupid and I don't know why I put up with you looks. He used to do that shit all the goddamn time.