[Wasn't a story for him. Maybe that's what gets through to him the most- because for the first time, for the very first time, Dean feels like someone is talking to him. Not the ghost of him, not the man from before. Not expecting who he was to suddenly surface, no, really talking to him and really acknowledging all the shit that's happened is real. That it really happened to him.
Just because coming back here will change everything doesn't mean it suddenly changes everything. That's what nobody gets. They can avert their shitty future, they can carry on with their lives and be happy and safe, but the fact remains that Dean will have always gone through everything he went through. He will always have felt that pain, and all he gets from this is a glimpse at a world where none of it happened. An unfair world that's just out of his grasp.
He's going to disappear, soon. All these changes, these differences? He's not a stupid man. He knows if the world he's from disappears, he's doomed to go with it.
That's what nobody's getting.
Now, though, he feels a little better about it.
He's not a crying man, not really an emotional man, not an anything man anymore, but damn if it doesn't slam into his chest in that moment. Everything. Everything that happened. Everything that's never going to happen. The fact that he's nothing but the shining example of every possible mistake they ever made, the collective lot of them, burned and scarred and beaten just so he could be sent back, filthy and broken, to prove a point.
He drops the shotglass. It lands on it's bottom, but a little sloshes over the rim. He drags a hand down his face, breathes a shaky breath, shakes his head back and forth as if to dispell it all.
Him and Blake are going to be fine.
They're going to live in a world where things don't fall apart.
Good.
He's alright with being an example for that, but there's still one thing he has to deal with.
He turns his head, finally looks at Blake, eyes red rimmed in a way that can't entirely be blamed on the booze.]
I need you to not die, understand? You do... whatever you have to do, you do whatever it takes, but you stay alive. You promise me that, and the rest of it's forgotten. You promise me that, and we're square.
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Just because coming back here will change everything doesn't mean it suddenly changes everything. That's what nobody gets. They can avert their shitty future, they can carry on with their lives and be happy and safe, but the fact remains that Dean will have always gone through everything he went through. He will always have felt that pain, and all he gets from this is a glimpse at a world where none of it happened. An unfair world that's just out of his grasp.
He's going to disappear, soon. All these changes, these differences? He's not a stupid man. He knows if the world he's from disappears, he's doomed to go with it.
That's what nobody's getting.
Now, though, he feels a little better about it.
He's not a crying man, not really an emotional man, not an anything man anymore, but damn if it doesn't slam into his chest in that moment. Everything. Everything that happened. Everything that's never going to happen. The fact that he's nothing but the shining example of every possible mistake they ever made, the collective lot of them, burned and scarred and beaten just so he could be sent back, filthy and broken, to prove a point.
He drops the shotglass. It lands on it's bottom, but a little sloshes over the rim. He drags a hand down his face, breathes a shaky breath, shakes his head back and forth as if to dispell it all.
Him and Blake are going to be fine.
They're going to live in a world where things don't fall apart.
Good.
He's alright with being an example for that, but there's still one thing he has to deal with.
He turns his head, finally looks at Blake, eyes red rimmed in a way that can't entirely be blamed on the booze.]
I need you to not die, understand? You do... whatever you have to do, you do whatever it takes, but you stay alive. You promise me that, and the rest of it's forgotten. You promise me that, and we're square.