[ Stiles is practically tearing his hair out, it's--it's never been this bad before, it's never been this real. Sometimes it feels like when he's "sleeping", it's like he's walking in the past, and a part of him tenses up at the sound of what seemed to be thudding footsteps, he's just--waiting for the scream, Lydia's banshee scream and the hands around his throat or clawing at his face and...
What he sees, what crosses into the main hallway is ten times worse.
He absolutely freezes, staring at the person in front of him with impossibly wide eyes, breath catching in his throat, heartbeat skipping--these are always the worst, because they're true. He knowsknowsknowsknows Derek's death was his fault, that the time he couldn't come back was because Stiles sent him to it.
His hands jerk in front of him for a second, protectively, left covering the right and whatever's on his hand, and they knot together as he just-- ] No--nononono, no. No.
[ He's always wanted to see him again, and that's what makes these nightmares the worst. Four years of them lost because of a faulty plan, slipped through his fingers when there could have been hope, had it succeeded. When Derek is in his dreams, he doesn't scream at him.
He thanks him. And that's worse than anything Stiles can handle. ] You're not--you're not real, you're not real.
[ He takes a step back, and that's fright, his heart hammering away at his ribcage, because he's become so goddamn helpless since this started, no matter how hard he tries to force away his demons, they always come back to haunt him. It's been a year, and he's still lost. ]
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What he sees, what crosses into the main hallway is ten times worse.
He absolutely freezes, staring at the person in front of him with impossibly wide eyes, breath catching in his throat, heartbeat skipping--these are always the worst, because they're true. He knowsknowsknowsknows Derek's death was his fault, that the time he couldn't come back was because Stiles sent him to it.
His hands jerk in front of him for a second, protectively, left covering the right and whatever's on his hand, and they knot together as he just-- ] No--nononono, no. No.
[ He's always wanted to see him again, and that's what makes these nightmares the worst. Four years of them lost because of a faulty plan, slipped through his fingers when there could have been hope, had it succeeded. When Derek is in his dreams, he doesn't scream at him.
He thanks him. And that's worse than anything Stiles can handle. ] You're not--you're not real, you're not real.
[ He takes a step back, and that's fright, his heart hammering away at his ribcage, because he's become so goddamn helpless since this started, no matter how hard he tries to force away his demons, they always come back to haunt him. It's been a year, and he's still lost. ]