[The Pie Maker does not have a happy story to tell: just a childhood fraught with death and parental neglect, peppered with emotional abuse, and garnished with a fear of touching others that led to many unsuccessful interpersonal relationships. Intimacy is difficult for Ned, who once nearly had sexual relations with a girl on a bearskin rug and brought the rug back to life long enough for it to be...upsetting.

Needless to say, he doesn't make friends easily.]

Standard diner fare, I guess, but if it's a draw then I should tell you that everything's made from scratch - I'm not really a fan of, um, canned goods.

[Mostly because he can't eat them himself.]

I specialize in pie.