"Acceptance that -all those millennia ago- the person I chose to become... is flawed. And making me feel like it was okay that I wasn't perfect."
There's no hesitation in her answer, despite the quiet and somber tone. Admittedly, she had grown very little as an individual post-rebellion, and rapidly grew and learned while with Greg. But that's neither here nor there at the moment. That was a result of the relationship, not a driving factor. Rose continues, gentleness and vulnerability strong in her voice despite the low volume.
"And he didn't shine brighter than you. No one ever has, at least not in my eyes. By Gem standards, Greg was dull. He didn't accomplish much, he wasn't strong, his goals initially changed like a switch... but what he freely gave was understanding, all without judgement, even when I only told him a fraction of what we, as the Crystal Gems, had done. Even less of what I had done alone. And... I learned through him that Gems aren't the only complex beings in the universe, and it gave me an entirely new perspective on the human race. I'll always find them novel on the surface, but they're so much like us beneath the crust.
"No other human had done that, and we were on Earth while they still dwelt in caves. So no, you couldn't have known. I couldn't have, either."
She draws her knees up to her chest, covering her Gem. Finally, she looks back up at Pearl, her insides suddenly feeling like pure iron upon the sight.
"Pearl, it isn't a matter of black and white. It's not because I didn't -or don't- love you. I do. Nothing will ever change that. It's not even that you couldn't have done that and more, given time and incentive. Greg was just... the first. Ever. And that wisdom and kindness came from a being who only lives as long as a blink of a Gem's eye. I got in too deep before I could even back out... and I was too happy and he was too happy not to see it through."
And even if she wanted to, at that time in their lives, Pearl wouldn't have had that level of acceptance; she clearly still didn't, denying Rose's own claims about herself. Leaving Greg and that healthy relationship would have ruined him... and Rose as well. After everything that she had done in the name of Earth, good and bad, it was nice to be accepted for both, not just the former, and then loved despite both.
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There's no hesitation in her answer, despite the quiet and somber tone. Admittedly, she had grown very little as an individual post-rebellion, and rapidly grew and learned while with Greg. But that's neither here nor there at the moment. That was a result of the relationship, not a driving factor. Rose continues, gentleness and vulnerability strong in her voice despite the low volume.
"And he didn't shine brighter than you. No one ever has, at least not in my eyes. By Gem standards, Greg was dull. He didn't accomplish much, he wasn't strong, his goals initially changed like a switch... but what he freely gave was understanding, all without judgement, even when I only told him a fraction of what we, as the Crystal Gems, had done. Even less of what I had done alone. And... I learned through him that Gems aren't the only complex beings in the universe, and it gave me an entirely new perspective on the human race. I'll always find them novel on the surface, but they're so much like us beneath the crust.
"No other human had done that, and we were on Earth while they still dwelt in caves. So no, you couldn't have known. I couldn't have, either."
She draws her knees up to her chest, covering her Gem. Finally, she looks back up at Pearl, her insides suddenly feeling like pure iron upon the sight.
"Pearl, it isn't a matter of black and white. It's not because I didn't -or don't- love you. I do. Nothing will ever change that. It's not even that you couldn't have done that and more, given time and incentive. Greg was just... the first. Ever. And that wisdom and kindness came from a being who only lives as long as a blink of a Gem's eye. I got in too deep before I could even back out... and I was too happy and he was too happy not to see it through."
And even if she wanted to, at that time in their lives, Pearl wouldn't have had that level of acceptance; she clearly still didn't, denying Rose's own claims about herself. Leaving Greg and that healthy relationship would have ruined him... and Rose as well. After everything that she had done in the name of Earth, good and bad, it was nice to be accepted for both, not just the former, and then loved despite both.