... Stanley, I know you think you've been here almost fifty years. From my perspective, you haven't. I know it must sound totally insane, but would you please just hear me out?
After Dad kicked you out, I was still angry with you, but I didn't think it was actually permanent. Not until months went by and he kept threatening that if I didn't find a good school to earn the house those millions, I'd either have to land a good job straight out of school or I'd end up on the street like you--I realized it was real. And I was still angry, for a long time.
[He sighs. He shouldn't have to tell Stan all of this, but... here they are.] I found another school and got out of that house as fast as I could, and I pretended I wasn't upset about what happened... but I was. I got tough, I boxed and ran until my knuckles bled and my legs gave out. The only person I had to look out for me was me.
... Long story short, after a series of mistakes, I called you up to a town called Gravity Falls in Oregon where I'd built a house to do research. We had a fight, and... you accidentally pushed me into the multidimensional portal I'd built. [He's quick to add:] You didn't mean to, Stan. I know you didn't. And then I spent thirty years wandering the multiverse trying to get revenge on the creature that had used me to build that portal. That whole time, you were trying to get me back.
When I finally came back home, we... we fought again. It was rough, at first, but... then we wound up in a place called Wonderland. You know, the story about Alice falling down the rabbithole? Except Wonderland wasn't a good place at all. I think it draws other worlds to it so the people living there experience strange events.
[He gestures lightly at Stan.] That's where all this comes in. The last event, we all thought we were wizards attending a wizarding school in Scotland. Wonderland messed with our heads and changed our whole lives, and we didn't know anything different. That's what's happening here, except I remember and you don't. In a few days, the event will be over and you'll be a grey old man, like me.
[Ford's shoulders fall a little.] ... I'm looking for you because even if it's not permanent, I don't want you to get hurt. We made our mistakes, Stanley, both of us, but you're still my brother.
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After Dad kicked you out, I was still angry with you, but I didn't think it was actually permanent. Not until months went by and he kept threatening that if I didn't find a good school to earn the house those millions, I'd either have to land a good job straight out of school or I'd end up on the street like you--I realized it was real. And I was still angry, for a long time.
[He sighs. He shouldn't have to tell Stan all of this, but... here they are.] I found another school and got out of that house as fast as I could, and I pretended I wasn't upset about what happened... but I was. I got tough, I boxed and ran until my knuckles bled and my legs gave out. The only person I had to look out for me was me.
... Long story short, after a series of mistakes, I called you up to a town called Gravity Falls in Oregon where I'd built a house to do research. We had a fight, and... you accidentally pushed me into the multidimensional portal I'd built. [He's quick to add:] You didn't mean to, Stan. I know you didn't. And then I spent thirty years wandering the multiverse trying to get revenge on the creature that had used me to build that portal. That whole time, you were trying to get me back.
When I finally came back home, we... we fought again. It was rough, at first, but... then we wound up in a place called Wonderland. You know, the story about Alice falling down the rabbithole? Except Wonderland wasn't a good place at all. I think it draws other worlds to it so the people living there experience strange events.
[He gestures lightly at Stan.] That's where all this comes in. The last event, we all thought we were wizards attending a wizarding school in Scotland. Wonderland messed with our heads and changed our whole lives, and we didn't know anything different. That's what's happening here, except I remember and you don't. In a few days, the event will be over and you'll be a grey old man, like me.
[Ford's shoulders fall a little.] ... I'm looking for you because even if it's not permanent, I don't want you to get hurt. We made our mistakes, Stanley, both of us, but you're still my brother.
You always will be. [ :( ]