thisismadfreaky: (Uncertain)
Cisco Ramon ([personal profile] thisismadfreaky) wrote in [community profile] entrancelogs2017-07-11 10:39 am

{Trying to pull ahead, I'm always chasing time

Who: Cisco Ramon & YOU
Where: Various
When: The rest of July
Rating: TBD will update for warnings.
Summary: Cisco is trying social things again. Sort of. Sometimes. With varied success?
The Story:

The last several weeks have been...a slow move toward progress. Cisco is still not great, maybe, but he's certainly improved from where he was a month ago. He's not relying so heavily on the presence of other people now, easing into more social things because even shaken at his worst, Cisco can only stand to isolate the way he has been for so long. He craves interactions with people, even if some part of him is still trying to convince him that he doesn't deserve it. That will be an uphill battle he'll be fighting for awhile to come yet. But he's at a place where he can push it aside and start compartmentalizing and move on. This isn't a new process, exactly, he's used that skill for a long time, but it became much more necessary as part of Team Flash. There is always another disaster waiting around the corner to prepare for, and people need them to be ready and 'on', always. It means their own problems don't always get dealt with, and their emotions get shoved aside, but people are saved because of it, so the bad outweighs the good.

The difference here, has been...he has had time to sit with everything that happened. Think it over, feel what he feels. And honestly? It helps. A lot. He's used the journaling techniques Cam i had taught him a lot, and sometimes that alone helps more than anything else. Just a stream of consciousness dropped into a notebook that no one else ever sees, or even knows about. The journal gets a little more use on days he finds messages scrawled across a mirror to tell him how worthless and pathetic he is. He hasn't responded to any of them, but words like that stick to him like glue and bury themselves into his skin. Even when he reminds himself it isn't true, the idea lingers in the back of his mind.

Slowly and carefully, Cisco is easing his way back into a normal routine of sorts, though. Nearly daily morning stops at the coffee shop have begun again. Sometimes he just grabs the coffee and carries on, other times he hangs around and reads or sketches ideas for things he might eventually get around to creating one day. When it feels safe to make things again, when the fear of what he might do with some of those things if they were to exist outside of the steel trap of his mind subsides to allow him to do more than sketch and scribble notes down on paper. He can be found in the kitchen on more than one occasion, making various recipes his grandmother taught him. Usually, he makes enough for extra if anyone wants to chow down or in the library, browsing in both fiction and non-fiction titles; sci-fi or engineering books, mostly. On a rare day or two, he might even be found in the music room, strumming a soft tune on a guitar.

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