Cisco Ramon (
thisismadfreaky) wrote in
entrancelogs2017-07-11 10:39 am
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{Trying to pull ahead, I'm always chasing time
Who: Cisco Ramon & YOU
Where: Various
When: The rest of July
Rating: TBD will update for warnings.
Summary: Cisco is trying social things again. Sort of. Sometimes. With varied success?
The Story:
The last several weeks have been...a slow move toward progress. Cisco is still not great, maybe, but he's certainly improved from where he was a month ago. He's not relying so heavily on the presence of other people now, easing into more social things because even shaken at his worst, Cisco can only stand to isolate the way he has been for so long. He craves interactions with people, even if some part of him is still trying to convince him that he doesn't deserve it. That will be an uphill battle he'll be fighting for awhile to come yet. But he's at a place where he can push it aside and start compartmentalizing and move on. This isn't a new process, exactly, he's used that skill for a long time, but it became much more necessary as part of Team Flash. There is always another disaster waiting around the corner to prepare for, and people need them to be ready and 'on', always. It means their own problems don't always get dealt with, and their emotions get shoved aside, but people are saved because of it, so the bad outweighs the good.
The difference here, has been...he has had time to sit with everything that happened. Think it over, feel what he feels. And honestly? It helps. A lot. He's used the journaling techniques Cam i had taught him a lot, and sometimes that alone helps more than anything else. Just a stream of consciousness dropped into a notebook that no one else ever sees, or even knows about. The journal gets a little more use on days he finds messages scrawled across a mirror to tell him how worthless and pathetic he is. He hasn't responded to any of them, but words like that stick to him like glue and bury themselves into his skin. Even when he reminds himself it isn't true, the idea lingers in the back of his mind.
Slowly and carefully, Cisco is easing his way back into a normal routine of sorts, though. Nearly daily morning stops at the coffee shop have begun again. Sometimes he just grabs the coffee and carries on, other times he hangs around and reads or sketches ideas for things he might eventually get around to creating one day. When it feels safe to make things again, when the fear of what he might do with some of those things if they were to exist outside of the steel trap of his mind subsides to allow him to do more than sketch and scribble notes down on paper. He can be found in the kitchen on more than one occasion, making various recipes his grandmother taught him. Usually, he makes enough for extra if anyone wants to chow down or in the library, browsing in both fiction and non-fiction titles; sci-fi or engineering books, mostly. On a rare day or two, he might even be found in the music room, strumming a soft tune on a guitar.
Where: Various
When: The rest of July
Rating: TBD will update for warnings.
Summary: Cisco is trying social things again. Sort of. Sometimes. With varied success?
The Story:
The last several weeks have been...a slow move toward progress. Cisco is still not great, maybe, but he's certainly improved from where he was a month ago. He's not relying so heavily on the presence of other people now, easing into more social things because even shaken at his worst, Cisco can only stand to isolate the way he has been for so long. He craves interactions with people, even if some part of him is still trying to convince him that he doesn't deserve it. That will be an uphill battle he'll be fighting for awhile to come yet. But he's at a place where he can push it aside and start compartmentalizing and move on. This isn't a new process, exactly, he's used that skill for a long time, but it became much more necessary as part of Team Flash. There is always another disaster waiting around the corner to prepare for, and people need them to be ready and 'on', always. It means their own problems don't always get dealt with, and their emotions get shoved aside, but people are saved because of it, so the bad outweighs the good.
The difference here, has been...he has had time to sit with everything that happened. Think it over, feel what he feels. And honestly? It helps. A lot. He's used the journaling techniques Cam i had taught him a lot, and sometimes that alone helps more than anything else. Just a stream of consciousness dropped into a notebook that no one else ever sees, or even knows about. The journal gets a little more use on days he finds messages scrawled across a mirror to tell him how worthless and pathetic he is. He hasn't responded to any of them, but words like that stick to him like glue and bury themselves into his skin. Even when he reminds himself it isn't true, the idea lingers in the back of his mind.
Slowly and carefully, Cisco is easing his way back into a normal routine of sorts, though. Nearly daily morning stops at the coffee shop have begun again. Sometimes he just grabs the coffee and carries on, other times he hangs around and reads or sketches ideas for things he might eventually get around to creating one day. When it feels safe to make things again, when the fear of what he might do with some of those things if they were to exist outside of the steel trap of his mind subsides to allow him to do more than sketch and scribble notes down on paper. He can be found in the kitchen on more than one occasion, making various recipes his grandmother taught him. Usually, he makes enough for extra if anyone wants to chow down or in the library, browsing in both fiction and non-fiction titles; sci-fi or engineering books, mostly. On a rare day or two, he might even be found in the music room, strumming a soft tune on a guitar.
music room
She stays quiet, afraid to disturb him.
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He sets the guitar carefully back in place on the stand he'd gotten it from and it's only when he's done with that, that he notices he apparently had an audience. "Oh, hi, Mikan." He shoves his hands in his pockets, suddenly awfully self-conscious. "I didn't hear you come in."
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Library
"Oh! Hello."
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He stills holds a lot of guilt for everything that transpired and that probably won't go away any time soon, if it ever does, even if it does eventually get more manageable. Cisco looks up at her and chances the question, "Were you..." He makes a vague motion with one hand. "Caught in all of that?"
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library
He's gone to the library to find as many books as he can on this place and he's coming up short. He dinna ken how to even start finding out how this place works but at least there's towers and towers of books here that he's never read; he reaches for one at the same time as the other lad and gives him a smile.
"Sorry, ye can take it first. I can wait my turn."
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He looks up when he's caught trying to take the same book as someone else. Huh. That keeps happening. How very romcom. Maybe Wonderland thinks he needs a date. He tosses the thought away and smiles a little, "Nah, dude, it's cool. I've read this one before. Just kinda seeking out some comfort books, really." He's had A Time lately and it hasn't been a great one. After everything with the mirrors-gone-awry back in May, Cisco has just not been in a great place, in general. He's getting better, getting out again after some well-placed urging from friends, but it has been a whole process.
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"Greek grammar is comforting to ye? Must be a scholar," Jamie says, taking the book off the shelf. Even still, when he pulls it down to get a better look, it turns out to be a novel instead of the grammar book he thought he'd been reaching for. This place just gets stranger and stranger the more he tries to figure it out. Doensa make any sense.
"I havena figured out how and why this place works the way it does. Ye think you're going for one thing and get something else instead."
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"Yeah, the library is one of the weirder places here, actually," He admits with a slight nod. "It won't even look like this next time you come in here. The layout will be completely different. I've been here close to a year, and I don't think I have stepped into the same library twice."
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"No sense at all," Jamie says, looking at the title of the book and trying to make heads or tails of it. He knows what sheep are but as far as androids and electric and what they dream, he's lost. It's one of those things he thinks he'll have to have Claire explain to him, he thinks, and he makes himself a note to ask her when they get a chance to see one another at the end of the day.
"I'm Jamie. Jamie Fraser," he offers, extending a hand to shake the other's. He's still getting used to being in a place where he's got to give his name to everyone; in Scotland, most know the braw redhead by sight.
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This time, however, they happened to be in there at the same time. She assumed she noticed him first as he hadn't been looking at her when she spotted him. She thought about leaving, but that would just make it worse than it already was. The last time she had seen the real him is when they started to work together, with the help of her powers he caught a glimpse into what her world back home was like. It was pretty interesting, and she had hoped it would help them figure out something about this place that hasn't been discovered yet. Except it got dropped like a hot potato once all of this stuff with the mirrors went down.
Picking up her coffee once it was ready, Daisy hovered for a moment before finally making her way over to where he was sitting.]
Hey. Is it cool if I sit here?
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In fact, he doesn't notice her until she approaches and asks if she can sit with him. He startles a little and looks up, and then he's practically scrambling to mark his place in his book and set it aside, and tucks his hair behind his ears, like he can't answer her fast enough.]
Yeah, of course. [As she settles at the table, he's suddenly very consciously aware of how long it's been since he's seen or heard from her at all-- he'd tried to get ahold of her a few times, but his texts had gone unanswered and he just sort of assumed she was writing him off. He understood it, if that was the case, because he kind of expected it. People don't react so well when you put them in danger, even if it was an accident-- it's even worse when they're told it was all on purpose and he had admitted as much, publicly.]
How have you been?
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Yeah, this was a little awkward. She could say she's been busy dealing with other things which to a point was true, just as much as it was a lie too.]
Okay.
[It was an honest answer. Things weren't wonderful, but they weren't terrible either.]
How are things with you?
[Okay it was more than a little awkward.]
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Okay, I guess. [He shrugs a little. There are things he has refused to talk about to anyone about that still ate at him, but...] I'm trying to...you know, be a person again. [He huffs a soft, but mostly humorless laugh. Self-deprecating humor is the only way he knows to survive, okay?]
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Daisy could pretend that she had no idea he texted her but that was even more messed up.]
Yeah. How's that going?
[It's meant to be a joke, but he could easily interrupt it as her being rude.]
I'm sorry I didn't reply to your messages.
[She didn't give any excuses either, because none of them would be good enough.]
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So you said this one is called "Toy Story"?
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Yeah, it's great. [He explains as he waits for the dvd menu to load.] It's basically misadventures by toys, but it's totally hilarious.
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Hence why it's a hit with children? Bringing their toys to life?
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That's quite touching, actually.
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