entrancelogs | Hold my hand as I'm lowered

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Hold my hand as I'm lowered | Open

Who: James Potter [

pottershotter] and YOU
Where: Abel Township
When: 8/7 - 8/9
Rating: PG-13/R for death/mercy killing
Summary: Catch all for the event! James leads a mission to move a zombie horde away from the Township, and he gets himself hurt in the process. Cue rapid deterioration over the next day and a half until there's only one option left...
The Story:

Late 8/7 - Closed to Sirius and Antimony

[In theory, it shouldn't be too difficult of a mission. It sounds more dangerous than it really is, in James' opinion. They don't even have to fight the zombies (something that James is privately grateful for. Even if the event conjured them, they still used to be human. They used to be some poor soul until they were infected.) All the have to do is lead them away.

There's three of them - himself, Sirius, and Antimony - and each of them has a torch. Light and noise are lures, they've been told, and the plan is this: they'll get the zombies' attention, and then they'll pick different directions and scatter. The zombies will follow whoever they're closest to and they'll be able to divide up the horde and get them as far from the Township. Then, they throw something to make a noise in another direction and double back once the zombies go after it. Planning for it isn't much different than leading a Quidditch play.

On his signal, they take off. James goes straight ahead, and a decent number of the zombies follow him, and he taunts them as he goes. They're a lot faster than he's expecting though, and he has the thought that this would be a lot easier with a broom, or any sort of vehicle really.

He feels something swipe at him from behind and tear through his shirt, and it stings and slows him enough for something sharp to sink into his shoulder, so without thinking he turns and swings his torch at the creature behind him. He catches himself shouting a spell out of habit, though he knows it won't do any good now. Then, to his horror and surprise, the flame catches. The zombie tries to continue forward but it's noticeably impeded by, well, being on fire and James staggers backward. But the other zombies are coming fast and he clearly has his diversion. It's too late to take back the damage he's done, so he drops his torch at the zombie's feet and runs back to the wall under the cover of darkness.

When the others arrive, they'll find James already there anxiously waiting for them, leaning his back against the wall and breathing hard. But when he hears each of them approach, he'll look up and give a wave.]

8/8 - OPEN

[He brushed off any difficulties breathing as just being tired from running for his life. He's fine. It was just a scratch.

But the next morning, he isn't faring much better. Stubbornly, he tries to go about his day and help anywhere he can, assuming that taking his mind off of how poorly he feels will be enough of a distraction for him to start feeling better. It doesn't feel out of the ordinary, really. It just feels like the sort of cold that would send him up to the hospital wing for a pepperup potion. He can't obtain anything like that here, but he's sure he'll manage. Wouldn't becoming a zombie feel different than this?

So he spends the day doing various odd jobs around the township, anything that anyone will let him help with. But by the end of the day, he can no longer hide his cough. People begin to turn him away, and his stomach sinks with worry. He feels weaker, and it's clear he isn't improving. When he tells people he's fine, he can no longer meet their eyes.]

Early 8/9 - Closed to Lily and Sirius

[It's been less than forty-eight hours and James has gone from being completely healthy to barely being able to move at all. He's so ill and feverish that he actually feels dizzy, and with potions being as advanced as they are at home he's not sure he's ever been this sick before. All from one stupid injury.

He's insisting on sitting up, but he's slumped forward with his head on his knees. He can barely think at all. The room is silent with the weight of what they all know, aside from the occasional coughing fit from James. Ultimately though, he's the one who breaks that silence - quiet and tired.]

...We need to do something. It's o-- [He stops and coughs and coughs until he just can't anymore.] ...It's only the third day of the event.

[He doesn't say what it is that needs to done. All of them already know. There's only one thing that can be done, and no one's wanted to say it.]

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[ Given that Castiel had been out of the township for most of the day helping Dean on a supply run, he's oblivious to James' plight or his attempts to help while pretending that nothing is wrong. He's in fact more concerned with his own wound, one he got just a few hours ago while they'd been in the forest. Just a scratch, and they'd cleaned it immediately in a nearby steam. It's been wrapped up by this point and Dean seems convinced that it won't be a problem, but Castiel's hyper-aware of his physical state even so.

Still, so far there are no symptoms. Only the pain that would come with any deep scratch. That stinging at his stomach has his arm draped in front of it protectively as he walks, making his way back to the room (tiny though it may be) that he's claimed as his own.

On the way there, though, he hears someone caught in a coughing fit, and Castiel tracks the noise until he finds James doubled over. James has never exhibited bad health in the past, which means this could be a very bad sign.

Castiel draws closer, but stops about five feet away from James. ] Do you need assistance? [ Not that there's much that he can do when he's powerless like this. ]

[This coughing has been absolutely terrible. He could probably press on until the end of the event without worrying anyone if he could just stop coughing constantly.

He hears someone call out to him though, and that's enough for him to straighten his posture and stand upright, though it takes him a few more tries to actually make himself stop coughing.]

Castiel? [His voice is very hoarse from all the coughing, but he tries to wave it all off anyway.] No, no! I'm-- I'll be alright. Really.

[He doesn't look it. In the last day or so, he's paled considerably, and his fading health is noticeable. He isn't carrying himself with as much strength as usual.]

[ James both looks and sounds horrible, Castiel doesn't need a medical degree or his angelic senses to pick up on that. The fact that James is trying to insist he's fine only makes the entire situation even more ridiculous. And more worrisome.

Castiel draws closer, scanning over James for any sign of an injury. Bandages peeking out from under a sleeve, perhaps, or blood that's soaked through to his shirt. He doesn't see anything, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. ]

There are medical professionals here.

[ They'd set up shop in one of the buildings precisely to see to this kind of thing.

Castiel locks his jaw in place, stubborn despite his own less-than-stellar state. ] You might want to seek them out.

[James' only saving grace this event is that from the front he doesn't have any obvious signs that he was attacked. However, his shirt hangs oddly - it's all torn in the back. In addition, if Castiel pays attention, he might notice James is being very careful with his right shoulder. For someone who talks with his body as much as he does, it stands out to have one part that he's trying to keep still.]

I... [He stops though. He can feel that familiar itch in his throat, but by some miracle he forces it into just one tiny cough that could easily be mistaken for just clearing his throat.] ...I know. But I'll be fine. It's not as bad as it looks, really.

[Of course not, because it's much worse than that. But James has never been the most rational when he's sick. He's stubborn and always insists on going about his life as normally as possible.]

Edited 2015-08-16 16:44 (UTC)

[ Not as bad as it looks? Castiel gives James a deadpan stare. ]

This is the zombie apocalypse. [ In case James hadn't noticed. ] Chances are that it's even worse than it looks. Being a martyr will get you nowhere right now.

[ In fact, all it will do is potentially put James' friends in danger. If there's a chance that he might turn, then he needs to make someone aware of that so they can keep an eye on him and do what must be done in that situation. It's not an easy thing to hear, but at least death isn't permanent in this place. It could be much worse.

Castiel's own wound twinges with pain then and he tries to mask the sharp breath that comes as a result. ]

Let me take a look at you. [ Because there must be more than meets the eye here. ]

[Death might not be permanent, but James in particular is more sensitive about the issue than others might be - his own death at home is looming on the horizon, and in Wonderland he's died a few times already. If he dies now, it'll be his third.

James matches that stare, not deadpan but just stubborn, with just a twinge of nervousness. ...But, Castiel isn't wrong. He bows his head, looking at the ground.]

...Fine. Here.

[He straightens his posture and turns around so Castiel can see. The back of his shirt is shredded, though in most spots it does just seem to be the shirt...except for that right shoulder. There's a small wound there, bigger than a scratch and more like something attempted to take a bite out of him. Even with just a glance, it seems irritated.]

[ So the wound is on his back. That explains why Castiel hadn't been certain at first. He frowns and takes a step closer. It's dark out and there's not much in the way of good lighting in this place, mainly only torches and lanterns, which means that he can't see it all that well.

Even then, he can pick out the bite marks, indentations left by human teeth. And the redness around the wound is worrying, to say the least. Castiel draws in a breath, shaking his head as the knowledge settles in that James is going to turn. ]

James. [ His voice is grim; there's no point in acting like this isn't bad. ] That's not a wound that you're going to heal from if you take care of it.

You know what happens next, don't you? [ Sometimes the most difficult part is admitting it, but Castiel can't allow James to remain in denial. Not when it would put the rest of the township in danger. ]

[He doesn't know what he was expecting Castiel to say. Castiel is a very frank, honest person, so maybe he was hoping that he would tell him it was alright, not because he wants the pity but because Castiel wouldn't lie about it. It would mean it was the truth.

But, it isn't. James pulls back, and he turns around to face Castiel again. The motion is enough to make him cough again, and it's almost welcome so that he doesn't have to talk, but it only lasts so long.]

I-- I know. I know what happens.

[He's trying he hardest not to sound scared, but he's too tired and too sick to truly pretend he isn't.]

I...I was hoping I could outlast the event. If it ends soon, it'll probably heal everyone, and no one would have to...

[He trails off. No one would have to die. No one would have to kill him.]

[ James sounds absolutely miserable, and Castiel can hardly blame him for that. This isn't a situation that anyone is truly prepared to deal with, even if they do exist in a pocket universe where death is only permanent on the other side of the glass.

Beyond that, James is still young. He's older than he appears, true, but that doesn't mean that he's ready to face something like this with a brave front.

James' hope that he can last until the event ends is understandable, and yet it's also reckless. Castiel frowns and shakes his head slowly. ]

You can't afford to assume you can last that long. You need to at least tell someone so they can monitor you, in the event that your condition worsens.

[ Which it will. It's just a question of how fast.

Castiel's quiet for a few seconds before he makes the offer. ] If you need someone to do it for you, I'm capable. [ That way James wouldn't have to ask one of his friends, someone who would be truly traumatized by having to take his life, even if it was for the right reasons. ]

[He wants so badly to argue, and to insist that he can afford it, and that he can hold on...but, deep down he knows that isn't the case. He can try his hardest, but it's been less than two days and just existing is enough to knock the wind out of his sails and they have no way of knowing how long this event will last.

That doesn't make it any less terrifying though. Even with the ability to revive in Wonderland, death is still far more frightening in Wonderland than it ever was at home. He has so much more to lose now.

So...for once, he doesn't fight it. He just quietly nods, and rubs at his wounded shoulder. He'll tell them. He has to. Even if he can survive the rest of the event, he's not going to be able to hide his condition by the time he gets back to their bit of shelter.

Then Castiel makes his offer and...James looks a little stunned. Not hurt exactly, just surprised and maybe taken aback by how absurd it is that killing someone would bee a gesture of kindness in this event. ...But it is, so James makes himself say something.]

Thank you. Really. ...I'll, err. I'll let you know if I do. Once I talk to the others.

[He can't just give in without at least talking to Lily and Sirius first. He can't.]

[ The offer is meant as a kindness, maybe even as a sign of some kind of friendship. It's not that Castiel wants to kill James, but he knows that he has the wherewithal to do it. It's not that it won't have an effect on him, but he's been through this before, whereas chances are that James' close friends haven't.

If they want to be spared that responsibility, then he'll take it on. It occurs to him that with the way he is now, he'll have to use a gun to do the deed, which isn't something he's as used to. Shooting someone at point blank range -- well, he won't go back on his offer.

Besides, it doesn't seem that James is entirely ready to take him up on it yet. Which is understandable. Castiel nods. ] Don't take too long. [ In a situation like this, time is precious. There's no telling when his mind will start to go.

Castiel nods to the west. ] I've been staying in that structure over there, if you need to find me. And James... [ He glances back to him, brow knit in concern. ] I'm sorry this happened to you.

[It's not just true; it's worse than that. He and his friends have poured so much time into trying to prevent their own early deaths when they go home. Surely having to kill James would be traumatic, but it would also go against everything they've worked so hard for. It would destroy them for reasons only the three of them can fully grasp.

James nods though. He understands the danger here, and why he can't wait.]

I won't. I'll let you know. [He lifts his head and looks where Castiel is gesturing, committing it to memory while he can still think.] ...Thanks.

[His heart's clearly not in it, but he looks up when Castiel addresses him again and...he doesn't know what to do with that apology really. It's a familiar feeling, the one he gets whenever someone learns about his fate at home, but usually with reactions like that he can insist he'll be fine, and that they'll fix things. This, however, is something no one can fix. He tries to force a shrug, but only one shoulder goes up since the other is sore.]

Can't do much about it now. ...but, I appreciate it anyway.

[ No one's heart would be in something like this. It's strange to see James so subdued when he's generally a ball of pure energy, all grins and optimism, though Castiel can hardly blame him given the grim fate that's awaiting him. Even if there's the guarantee that he'll come back from the dead, he's going to have to ask someone to put him down and that's where the real struggle comes into play.

There's nothing else that Castiel can say to make the situation better, and so he doesn't. False reassurances won't do any good at this point.

So instead he gives a sober nod and heads off toward that building he'd pointed out. Both of them are going to need to rest and conserve their strength, although James likely won't have any luck getting good sleep given his situation. ]

[Antimony is a lot less confident without her powers, but she feels like sticking close to James who's in roughly the same boat makes it easier. So when he came up with the idea, she offered to help. She might be being a bit reckless for someone who's mostly defenceless and is woefully unconfident with a baseball bat, but she wants to be useful.

She's fast, though, has gotten better with her endurance since arriving at Gunnerkrigg Court, plus she's running on adrenaline and can manoeuvre her way through trees better than a zombie. She loses them eventually, throwing her torch as hard as she can to distract them from her, and races back to the township. She returns, panting, to the safety of the wall, and waves tiredly back at James.

Everything seems normal to her. He's only breathing hard because he was just running.]

I trust... [Breathe, Antimony. Maybe her endurance could still use some improvement.] ...everything went about as smoothly as it could? All things considered.

[Sirius has selected a club roughly the size and weight of one a beater in Quidditch might use, and as he runs and swings it at the dead who get too close, he's feeling pretty good about his choice. They tend to lean away like he's a genuine threat, anyhow, which is something. He'd be more of a threat on a normal day, of course, but he's taking what he can get.

When he returns to the wall, his bat's gotten just the slightest bit of gore on it, so he holds a hand up before anyone can say anything he says:]

Just had to test that it'd actually work. It does. I'm fine.

[He'd been careful to use it on a straggler of the newly distracted group rather than on anything that was actually focusing on him. No scratches on him, just a lot of gross whatsit.]

You two alright?

[James is about to answer Antimony when Sirius turns up with that bat, and James' eyes go wide at the amount of gore on it. But his reassurances are enough and James lets himself ease a little.]

That's...good to know. You know what else apparently works? Lighting them on fire. Who knew?

[Maybe being flippant about it will make him feel better about the fact that he just lit something that used to be a person on fire, but he still seems a little uncomfortable.]

I'm alright. [His shirt is a little torn up though, especially in the back - he clearly had a very close encounter.] You, Antimony?

I'm fine. I didn't come very close with any of them. [Her bat is still clean, still unused, luckily enough. She's not sure how much longer that will be true, but hopefully it'll be a substantial amount of time considering what they just pulled off.]

It sounds like you had a close encounter, though... Perhaps they'll have some water to spare for you? [Her eyes linger on James and his torn shirt, but she doesn't point it out. It's just a fact of living in this world, this Abel -- you'll get at least a little roughed up.]

We should keep that fire idea in mind for any other events like this. Although it sounds as if the rules change depending on whose world it is.

[Sirius' eyes tear to James' at Antimony's words. He hadn't truly given any thought to the idea that James might get into trouble out there. He's fast and, more importantly, quick-witted. Sirius gives James a stern look.]

You alright, mate?

[He makes himself laugh a bit.]

In fairness, in an event without magic I imagine fire would work on most things. But, you're right.

[And of course, they both notice. He puts both hands up and waves them a little, one to placate each of them.]

I'm fine. Really. It was close, and they got my shirt a bit but...I'm. I'm alright.

[He's trying, but he's definitely a little shaken by the whole experience.]

[Lily knows what needs to be done, they all know, but none of them have been able to bring themselves to talk about it until now. She'd been in stubborn denial since James had been injured, refusing to say the words even if she knew, without a doubt, what would be necessary to handle this properly. To keep him from suffering.

She hasn't let the poor shape he's in scare her off. Instead, she's stayed close, and her arm moves to rest around his shoulders now, unafraid. She imagines some people must treat the infected like what they have is catching like a common cold, but she refuses to let this drive her away from her husband-- he needs her now more than ever, just like he needs Sirius.

Except right now, she feels like he's being a lot braver than the both of them. Braver than she is, anyway.]

James...

[Her voice falters, her gaze falling away from him before she looks to Sirius, questioning.]

Surely we can make it just one more day. That might be all it takes--

Edited 2015-08-13 02:51 (UTC)

[There's been no discussion, but he knows it's been on their minds. When James speaks, he's been trying to subtly do a reading with his deck of cards-- although it's probably obvious he isn't playing any sort of solitaire. He hesitates before placing another card, then drops it unceremoniously onto the ground.]

Not as if I can't knock your head in, eh?

[He's trying to joke. The glimmer of humor is there. But it's not strong enough to hide the truth of it. He'd rather destroy the dead thing that James has become than look him in the eyes while he's still himself.]

[James leans against her. He's heard by now that it's only spread by fluids, so he won't infect her unless he bites her, and he's not that far gone yet. The comfort is nice, though he's so tired that she's probably most of what's holding him upright.]

I...I want to think so, but. I don't want to hurt anyone.

[He doesn't want to give in, not really. But that's the most important part. James doesn't know if he could live with himself if he turned and killed them, or anyone else. For a moment, he feels like he understands Remus a little better.

James tries to give a tiny laugh, even though absolutely none of this is funny, but it only leads to more coughing, and James covers his mouth. When he's done, he actually feels a little woozy from the effort.]

We...We shouldn't laugh. After all, it might come to that.

[For Lily, the joke falls flat-- for all of them, really, she knows that much, but she doesn't even have it in her to try the way Sirius does. She cradles James against her, smoothing his hair back from his forehead, refusing to part from him until there's no other choice.

God, maybe not even then.]

It's not just about other people, either. It's about--

[She cuts herself off, just long enough to draw in a sharp breath.]

The change is... it's supposed to be unbelievably painful.

[She doesn't want to see him go through that.]

[Sirius stares unblinkingly at the two of them for a long moment. He doesn't say a word, hardly breathes. And then he looks away.

James is already in pain. He's about to be in more, one way or another. And there's really no denying the truth of the matter.

Sirius' eyes go unfocused, aimed off at something in the distance but not quite converging properly. There's no real image. Nothing there.]

This is my fault.

[Her touch feels good, and he's so warm with fever that her hands actually feel cold to him. He feels very much the same though, reluctant to try ad move from her side.]

I don't care about that. I...I could handle it if it weren't-- if no one was going to get hurt.

[Not just if it wouldn't hurt the others, but if it wasn't going to kill him in the process. But then he hears Sirius, and while he doesn't lift his head up to look, he throws his voice so Sirius will hear him.]

I heard that, you-- [He interrupts himself with more coughing, and takes him a moment to focus again once he's done.] I heard that, you tosser. Stop it. This is not your fault. Don't...you didn't do this.

It's nobody's fault.

[Lily's interjection is sharp and immediate, her lips fixed into a tight frown, as though she's afraid to let her expression shift at all-- she's doing whatever it takes to keep from crying, to keep from falling apart when James needs them most.]

We shouldn't be wasting our time thinking about who's to blame.

[Sirius' turns between the two of them sharply as they speak, leading with his nose. He's just about to snap at James when Lily interjects, and he wants to snap at her too. He can practically feel the ears pressing against his skull.

But then he sees just the slightest tremble of Lily's bottom lip and his anger deflates. Becomes what it really is. Cold and wet in the back of his throat.

His next words are far more brittle.]

This isn't fair.

Edited 2015-09-09 03:11 (UTC)

[There's a long silence after that, one that almost mutes James' coughing. Sirius is right. It isn't fair, and James isn't about to argue with him. He barely even has the energy to agree.]

I'll come back, you know. I know neither of you have seen it, but...if it happens, I-I won't-- It won't be forever. I promise.

[He frowns. His head is in a fog from fever and it's so hard to think.]

...Three days. It'll take three.

[Lily looks down at him, her eyes wet with tears that she's fighting to keep from falling as she smooths his hair back away from his face once more-- sick as he is, she doesn't let it deter her, doesn't let it scare her from being close, and she leans in to press a kiss against his temple.

She doesn't want to have to put him down, doesn't want to do what she knows they're all thinking of, but she doesn't want to see him suffer, either.]

Three days.

[That's three days too many. It shouldn't happen at all.]

Just because you'll come back-- it doesn't make it mean less. It doesn't make this nothing.

[Sirius nods, just barely.]

It's still. There will be pain.

[It isn't clear whose pain he's more concerned about at this point.

After a moment, he moves closer. Sits with his back against the cot, knees bent and arms rested upon them.]

How do you know it'll be three days?

[James nods at both of them. He knows. Actually, he knows it better than they do, but he lets them say it anyway. They mean it as a comfort, in their own way. They're words meant to steel him for what's going to happen, to assure him that it isn't meaningless to them, and he knows that's true. It hurts, but it helps as much as it can.

He doesn't know what to say to Sirius. His mind is a fog and there's no way for him to cushion this blow or make it easier for him to take. So, he just answers and hopes for the best.]

Because it's always like that. ...One day for every time you've died here.

[Which means this is James' third, which is three too many for someone who's been trying to prevent his own death when they return to their world. He's tired, but he looks up at Lily. Once, he told her the truth about his death count - that it should have been one more than it was. He's sure about his death count though, and he's sure it will only be three days, but he looks up at her anyway. Sirius is already blaming himself enough as it is. Now is not the time to tell him there was an extra death caused by a previous version of himself.

There's just the tiniest hint of desperation in his face. He doesn't say anything, but his thoughts are written all over his face. Please don't tell him. Not now.]

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Hold my hand as I'm lowered | Open

08/08

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8/09

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