open; i got issues, but you got 'em too

[operation]

Who: grant ward + you
Where: all over wonderland
When: 3/22-3/26
Rating: pg for now
Summary: ward's done hiding. it's time to make some connections.
The Story:

[ It's a good thing Ward's always been highly adaptable. Waking up in Wonderland? No problem. Realizing this is his afterlife because there is no way he could have survived getting his chest crushed? Well, he's learning to deal with it. It's not like he wasn't ready for it all to be over anyways. He just wasn't going to go down without a fight.

What's it been now? A week since he arrived to this ridiculous place? Ward hasn't seen a lot of Wonderland just yet as he's been cooped up in his room mostly; licking his wounds, biding his time, doing some research. But hey, what a room. Four walls. Literally. He probably could have come up with something better, but it's not like he needs much anyways. It could have been worse. He could have woken up in a coffin. Yikes.

All dressed up in a leather jacket, comfortable jeans and a crisp white shirt, Grant Ward takes a good look at himself in the mirror and asks himself who he wants to be today. Because walking out that door is a big deal. He's about to start a brand new chapter in his life. He can do anything. Be anyone. And what does a dead man want?

Well, freedom's out of the question. So -- how about a walk around Wonderland? And maybe some company? Come on. Is that really too much to ask for? ]

Comments

[operation]

[ For the record, he's never thrown anything back to her face. He'd only ever used his knowledge of her past to try to help her. When he'd found out about her father, he wanted nothing more than to help her be reunited with him. (Okay, he also wanted to win her over, but it was still mostly genuine on his part.)

Ward's marginally disappointed in the fact she'd even think that. He could be petty about some things, but he would never try to hurt her like that. People say the darndest things when they're angry though, so he'll just let that slide, like butter on toast. ]

Let's... try to use our quiet voice now. [ No need for yelling, Skye. ] I think we both know I never lied to you. [ Whatever information he'd provided to her: about himself, about HYDRA, about her family -- it had been the truth. ] You can still trust me.

[morethan084]

Oh my-!

[He has a death wish doesn't he? A second one. He tells her to be quiet and then tries to tell her that she can still trust him?!]

I can trust you?!

[Daisy isn't going to be using her indoor voice. Not sorry.]

In what universe do you think that will ever happen, Ward?!

[operation]

[ There's the thing about restricting himself when it comes to expressing his own emotions. He likes seeing it directed towards him instead. Hate, anger, disappointment, sadness, the occasional lust. It makes him feel acknowledged. But mostly, he just likes getting under their skin. ]

This one. Wonderland. [ What other universe is there? ]

I am not your enemy, Skye. [ He means that. He's not here to start a war between them. Been there, done that. Didn't turn out so well for him in the end. ] Whatever I did back home, that chapter of my life is over. I'm not looking to make a repeat of the past. [ Why would he? He's fully aware he'd made mistake after mistake when he'd chosen petty revenge and closure over leading with a greater purpose. He's done with all of that. No more.

And deep down? He thinks she knows she's made some mistakes too. They all could have done something differently. If he'd been given a chance to work with the team again after Garrett's death, who knows what kind of changes that would have brought about. Given a supportive environment, some time, some understanding, he might have been loyal to a new cause. It wouldn't be the first time SHIELD's recruited someone with a sketchy background. But Coulson had taken it all too personally. The fact he'd managed to infiltrate his team -- that was just too much of a blow to his ego. ]

[morethan084]

Really? Just because you didn't physically harm me, I'm not your enemy?

[If it sounds like she's mocking him, it's because she is. He had a twisted sense of reality, which Garret had definitely helped create.]

So all of those people you hurt? It doesn't matter now because you're here?

[Of course she's not telling him that Fitz and Simmons are here and it's a big reason as to why she's trying to delay him from getting any further.]

Do you really expect me to believe that? After everything you've done to me, to the team. To anyone that didn't agree with what you do and wasn't on your side.

[operation]

What can I say? [ No, really. What can he say? It's a messed up situation. He didn't ask to be here. He didn't ask to be resurrected. He wanted none of this. But he's here. It's round 1 again in this game of survival.

This... is hell.

For a second, he allows himself to actually look defeated. Tired. He moves to take a seat on a bench, in a way allowing Skye to tower over him, giving her that sense of power and authority. It must feel good.

She's so goddamn righteous. It's sickening. ]

I did what I had to do in order to survive. It's all I've ever known. When Garrett took me in, he pulled me out of the hell I was living in. Provided me with the skills to survive. I wasn't loyal to HYDRA as much as I was loyal to him. When I joined SHIELD, it wasn't sunshine and puppies and rainbows either, Skye. I killed people. Hurt them. Lied to them. Pretended to be someone I wasn't. I was a specialist. It's what I was trained to do. So what's your stand on morality here? [ That if he had stayed in SHIELD, he'd be considered a good man? Backed into a corner after Garrett's death, he'd been left with no choice but to fight back. They weren't going to leave him alone. Coulson had sent a team to hunt him down -- first to ask for his help when it was conveniently needed, and oh, what a thing to offer: Project T.A.H.I.T.I.?, and later on, he simply wanted him dead. See, if Coulson had better negotiation skills; a better offer on the plate, then maybe things would have gone a little differently. ]

[morethan084]

[Him sitting down and her hovering does actually make her feel a bit powerful. Although not any more than how uneasy she feels about him being here to begin with. He was very good at distracting people so she knew she had to be on guard, even when he's showing a moment of weakness.]

Are you seriously giving me this speech again? What are you expecting, Ward? A different outcome? You're not going to get one. I still will never trust you.

[operation]

Some understanding. [ He doesn't expect to be forgiven. Just as he doesn't want redemption. What he wants -- he doesn't really know. He's just been brought to life again by some mysterious force and it's going to take some time for him to get his bearings. He's always reacting to situations. It's why he'd wasted his time on petty revenge. For once, he'd like to do something based on what he wants. When he figures that out. ]

I know you can't trust me. I'm not insane to think that you would. [ Hell, he doesn't trust her. She used him to obtain information about HYDRA, about her father, and then she helped Coulson hand him over to his abuser. Guess he really did a number on her. ]

[morethan084]

Oh. I understand.

[Will they always just go around in circles? Probably. Does she care? No.

She does have a question for him that she's been wondering since she came across him though.]

How long have you been here? You're way too calm for just getting here.

[operation]

[ He gets the sarcasm in her response, but he's thankful she's not giving him another round of 'you suck, go to hell'. When she asks him about how long he's been here, he briefly thinks about the answer. He could tell her he'd just arrived yesterday or the day before yesterday or a week ago or a month ago -- what does it matter? Asking him anything seems like a moot point when she's clearly got plenty of trust issues.

He figures the longer he's been here without any of them realizing means she'll assume he's had time to do a ton of preparations; to get his chess pieces in order and at the ready so they wouldn't be able to screw with him. He goes with the vague answer, knowing she won't believe him either way. ]

A few days ago. [ He's been here a week now. ] I don't do panic, remember?

[ He takes a moment to study her then. She looks different. Changed. The Skye he'd gotten to know had seemed like a carefree spirit. She likely hid her troubles behind a smile, but she was strong, resilient. ] So what now?

[morethan084]

[A few days and this is the first she's seen of him. Which really doesn't surprise her, he would be the type to hide. Watch. The thought of him following her here because he knew her routine sent ice down her spine.

Yeah. Right. He never panics. Clearly by her expression she doesn't believe that, but she doesn't say it out loud.

The way he was looking at her was unnvering, but she could guess he was now realizing the physical differences beyond the short, darker hair. With her tank top on part of the scar on her shoulder was visible. Shot by May when she almost killed Mack. Or the fading scar across her cheek from a nasty fight. Or just how exhausted she is.]

Excuse me?

[operation]

You heard me. [ He cants his head to the side as he looks up at her. ] What. Now. [ It's a simple enough question. It's not like he just propositioned her. Sheesh. That would be really asking for it. He can do without getting blasted against some wall. He's still recovering from his injuries after all.

Ward just wants to know what she plans on doing now that he's here. Is she going to threaten him to behave? Warn everyone about him? Back him into a corner because that worked out so well the last time? ]

I know you want to protect your friends. [ He assumes she has those here. ] And you think I'm a threat. If you've got a weapon on you, shoot me. [ It's a crazy suggestion, but he's curious to know if she's turned into that cold blooded killer just yet. SHIELD. HYDRA. They're all the same, really. Screw everyone, everything. Put the mission above all else. ]

[morethan084]

[This is some sort of test, isn't it? He's toying with her because he's already got something planned. After all he's been here for a few days already, he has to have been watching her. Seeing the people she may've interacted with, learned what he could about this place while staying out of sight.

Now he's asking her to shoot him? Been there. Done that.]

It's not as fun when you know it's coming.

[Of course she's being sarcastic, she hasn't gone that over the edge. Well, she has, but not when she was herself. At the time she was just trying to prevent Ward from following her, from getting even more involved than he already had.]

Or do you just really want to be dead? Again.

[operation]

[ Should he have been that surprised when she'd shot him? Not once, not twice... Well, he doesn't even want think about the exact number. He's not sure if she had wanted him dead, but he got the other message loud and clear -- she well and truly despised him then.

It didn't stop him from going to her aid when Coulson had asked for his help though. He might not be in love with her anymore. But he still cares for her in his own way. She changed him after all. Made him consider a life outside of what he'd always known. She made him want things for himself.

And if it hadn't been for Garrett... ]

No. [ He doesn't want to not be able to be here right now. ] I guess it'd be too much to ask for us to start over? Remember that time on the bus, you said -- you and me, wrong foot.

[morethan084]

Are you kidding me right now?!

[Of course would bring up something she had said to him before he revealed his true self.]

This isn't about some petty differences we had. You've killed so many people, Ward. Hurt them. Hurt us, and now you want a do over?! That isn't how this works, Ward. I'm not going to forget what you did.

[Well if he was trying to avoid attention Daisy isn't making that easy with her raised voice.]

[operation]

[ Obviously it's going to be hard for her to forget all the wretched things he's had to do. What can he say? He's had a tough life. He had to do what he had to do. He'd been struggling since he was a wee little boy. Just fighting to live. Old habits die hard and all that. ]

It's not like I had a choice. [ He really didn't. Because Garrett needed him. The old man's life was at stake. Why couldn't she understand that? ] I made a decision. One thing led to another. [ It seemed like the odds were constantly stacked against him. ]

[morethan084]

Oh right. I forgot you don't have a mind of your own. You could only do what Garrett told you to do, right?

[Daisy might just be a little sarcastic right now and not at all bitter. Nope.]

Things don't normally lead to murder, Ward.

[operation]

Garrett didn't have to make me do anything. [ Like he told her before. He did everything of his own free will. He was never brainwashed. He's aware of how that works. He used the Faustus method on Bakshi. That never happened to him. Sure, he was dumped in the woods, left to fend for himself and for years, he never had anyone else for company aside from his dog, Buddy, and the occasional visit from Garrett, but that just helped to turn him into a survivalist. It didn't turn him into some kind of a puppet. He refused to think it was anything but hard training -- it allowed him to become someone who couldn't be messed with; someone who didn't have to run and hide anymore. ]

I wanted to help save him. And I did. [ That was it. That was all it was. Whatever else happened in between, that was just unfortunate. ]

But you're right. About the whole murder thing. You know, someone should have told Coulson that before he tried to send his agents to kill me.

[morethan084]

[Letting out an irritated sigh, Daisy crossed her arms across her chest defensively. Of course he brought Coulson into this, and while she didn't agree with the whole kill thing he ordered, Daisy knew Ward had to be stopped.]

What did you really expect to happen? They would find you and hug it out? Bad things happen to bad people.

[operation]

Once again, you're right. [ She's just pushing all the right buttons today, isn't she? Ward manages a bit of a smile just then. ] That's kind of what I told Bobbi. [ After he'd tortured her. ] That she had it coming. What she did to Kara... [ The woman he had grown to care for and even loved. Someone he had desperately wanted to help. ] It was unacceptable.

I guess we all pay the price. [ Christian did too. And his parents. They deserved to die. Just like him. After everything. What did he expect indeed. ]

[morethan084]

[Daisy's hands balled into fists against her at the mention of Bobbi. She didn't know all of what happened between Bobbi and Kara, just that Ward was the one to kill his girlfriend. Was Kara his girlfriend?]

Guess we do.

Some more than once.

[operation]

[ He noticed her getting tense at the mention of Bobbi and makes a mental note to maybe not bring that name up in a conversation again anytime soon. He'd like for her to understand where he's coming from. That given a real choice, he might have done things differently. That's all. ]

I hope that's not a threat. [ Who's he kidding? He'll be forced to look over his shoulder and watch his back just like he's always done. Can't trust her. ] But I think I more than paid the price. I lost you. And the team. I really do regret that.

[morethan084]

[Daisy figures it's better for her to not say whether it's a threat or not. Let that drive him up the wall just a little bit.]

Do you? Because I think you just regret that you could've gotten away with it if you had been more careful. That maybe me and the team would still think you're this great guy.

[After all, that's the side he wanted Daisy to see, and she had. Until he showed her what he was really like.]

[operation]

No. [ He'd made the decision to shoot Victoria Hand knowing it would break his cover and he wouldn't have gone back to the team if they hadn't needed Skye's help decoding that hard drive. There's no way he would have gone on pretending to be that guy otherwise. They would have found out about his betrayal eventually. Besides, it was never about wanting to keep up the act. ] But I had hoped that maybe you would understand.

[ Yes, he's killed many people. Yes, he infiltrated the team. Yes, he pretended to be someone he wasn't. But he had also put his life on the line for them. More than once. Didn't that count for something? ] By the time I realized Garrett had gone a little nuts, it was too late. I tried to make amends. I fed you intel. And I kept my promise to you, didn't I? I brought you to your father.

[morethan084]

After everything I told you.

[Which she now regrets, as Daisy had opened up to him about a lot of things she didn't so easily share with others.]

Did you really think I would be okay with what you did?

[The worst part was that she did understand. It took her a while to get there, but she finally understood his motives. Daisy wasn't ready to tell him that though.]

You think I didn't know what you were trying to do? I took advantage of you, Ward. That's all it was, because you were there and so willing to give me information.

[operation]

And I fed you that information willingly because I was trying to make up for what I did. What I lost. [ He had been trying to get through to her. To make her see that he genuinely cared about her. Coulson had sat outside of his cell for weeks and he'd said nothing to him. But for Skye, he'd been willing to talk because he saw an opportunity. ]

Look, I'm not still crazy enough to think we'd ever be together. [ He still cares about her, but that's about as far as it goes. ] So you're not going to find me leaving any presents on your doorstep. I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine. [ Wonderland's a ridiculously small place though. It's highly likely they'll run into each other again eventually. Even in death, he can't escape her. Now that's something. ]