[ota] It leaves us with regrets and picks apart the threads

[shorthair]

Who: Clementine + you
Where: Mansion
When: April 5 - 12. Plus, all of April and May
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Clementine returns from her canon update. Feel free to reply to the network post here since I won't actually spam the network community too. Action spam or prose is totally cool with me.
The Story: First week and a half

It's warm.

She's felt like she was freezing since she fell into the lake of ice. Was that really just yesterday? It's warm here. Her hands press to grass, and she stares at the ground, shuddering because she thinks the frozen water might have seeped into her blood. She knows it's warm but she still feels cold.

She's back in Wonderland. A rush of memories, of emotion hits her. There are so many people she cares about here, and she hasn't seen them since she left, and it feels like she's been gone for years instead of- days. Weeks? Time is funny.

AJ isn't in her arms anymore. It's just him and her now. Seems right. She can't trust people anymore.

Now that the adrenaline has faded away, the bullet wound in her shoulder hurts like fucking hell. She killed someone else she cared about. Again. Does she even belong in this place with people who are good, who do what's right? If they knew, what the fuck would they think of her. She feels like she might be sick, but there's nothing in her stomach to puke anyway so it's just her insides twisting around like knots.

She pulls her network device out, texting a quick open network post, because she won't remember everyone she'll want to text to let them know:

It's Clementine. I'm back. In my room.

If anyone is up at night, they might run into her, a child with blood on the shoulder of her jacket with a very clear hole through it. No gun for once. She left it with the last dead body she's left behind her.

When she finally makes it into her room. She writes the names of more dead people on the wall (Sarita, Sarah, Luke, Rebecca, Kenny). She pulls out blankets from the closet and piles them on the bed and puts herself underneath them, but it doesn't help with the cold. She tries to get out of the damn jacket, but she hisses out pain and stops midway. She stays there for a week and a half without leaving.

Rest of April/May

Eventually, later in the month, she finally leaves her room again. She's got the small shot gun from Christmas with her, holstered to her back.

She's in the cafeteria in short sleeves, which means she's revealing a certain scar for the first time since she came to Wonderland. Sometimes she's reading books about taking care of babies as if osmosis will happen if when she's sent back. Somewhere in between reading how often they have to feed and sleep, she tosses the book away from her so hard that it almost hits somebody.

Then she picks up baking. She used to with her mother all the time, and if she can kill people and survive walkers and gun shots and ice lakes, she can make some cookies if the recipes right there, right? Maybe.

She ends up making a big mess in the kitchen as she tries to spoon big chunks of cookie dough out on to pans, smirking at her giant mess. It's kind of hilarious she can survive so much and fight so hard and then get defeated by cookie dough.

Comments

[thesamurai]

[ This isn't fair. Not in the slightest. And hell, nothing about their lives are fair anymore but this takes the shitty cake. A child saddled with an infant. Now, more than ever, Michonne wishes she could just fucking remember. ]

It's hard. Because people keep fucking you over. Then you start to care, and something fucks them over and you're alone again.

[ She knows. She knows it. ]

My son. I lost him and I was done. I walked away from groups, told people I didn't need them. Then I found one person about to die in the woods. A walker was on her, I saved her. And I didn't walk away. Don't know why I didn't that time. But I let her stay with me. We got through winter together. Almost a year.

[ Michonne pauses and looks at Clementine. ]

It was Andrea.

[shorthair]

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Clementine admits quietly, folding her hands together tightly as she glances over at the bandage.

There's a soft smile.

"You have done this before. Nice work." Then those words. They slam into her chest hard especially given how very alone she is now back there. She swallows thickly, nodding, as her eyes burn. "I'm really glad I'm back too. I can trust people here. I don't want to go back."

She just gets now there's no choice. She gets this place is not real as much as she might want it to be. Her hand wraps around Iris' to cling hold tightly.

[choosetruth]

"I don't think that it would. It searches for Kellis-Amberlee specifically, and other viruses aren't the same." Unfortunately. She suspects it could still be useful in other worlds. She has seen zombie movies, after all. She's well aware that people don't always admit to having a bite. Not being able to enter a building without a blood test sure cuts down on that crap.

"Survival's an important skill." Not one George has. George is a journalist. It's not a good career for someone with a great sense of self-preservation. Obviously. Since she died. "Can animals become zombies too?"

[shorthair]

[ Clementine shuts her eyes when she talks about losing her son. Her chest clenches up so tightly. She's seen people lose their children in the apocalypse. She doesn't know that there's a worse loss to witness, to feel. Her arm winds around Michonne tightly, holding on to her. ]

I'm so sorry about your son.

[ She is. Her eyes burn, and then- then she manages a light smile. ]

She was your light. [ Andrea. ]

[shorthair]

Clementine swallows. Her expression grows grim, and then shrugs when it's mentioned it's an important skill. It is, but it creates a certain kind of person in order to do it. Someone can't be good and survive at the same time, and no, Georgia isn't good at surviving. She finds the truth. She reveals it. She does what's right.

"I've never seen one. I think it's a human thing in my world. I got bit, and I didn't turn. Animals sure did die out anyway at least pets did. Wild animals, I know how to hunt and catch for food."

[mr_englishguy]

"Perhaps I should see if the closet might give me brooms. I could teach you how to play quidditch, if you didn't learn when you were at Hogwarts," he says, thinking that could be so much fun in this place, and to distract them from events.

"A bit more for him, though I'm still learning his diet. When he gets excited though, he rushes off and when he returns, it's with pieces of things I don't recognize. I suspect they're technology that remind him of his world.

"I hate that I'll have to break him of the habit, for the sake of everyone. Perhaps I can teach him to find other types of items. Without taking them from others."

[seeingthings]

"That's like saying I had one when I iced my dad. Just because you have a choice doesn't mean the other ones are any better."

Kill or be killed. Get rid of a potential threat so it doesn't bite you in the ass later. It was about judging the risks and taking action based on your instincts.

"Considering what I know about where you come from, every choice you make matters in whether or not your survive. You're just doing what anyone else would do in your situation if they wanted to get through it."

He didn't need to know the details to believe that. He could just tell.

"You're not a bad person, alright?"

[shorthair]

"I didn't learn. It always looked pretty dangerous for a sport a bunch of students were playing," Clementine says with a little smirk since she's not afraid really. She was just surprised they were allowed to all fly around on brooms so high up.

It'd be cool to learn anyway. She gets down with the pan in hand and then sets it into the oven, shutting it and setting the timer.

See? She can follow directions on a recipe. Kinda.

"Might be a good skill. I know some people who are pretty attached to their stuff."

[krmvgivv]

It must be really hard. [The fact that they've survived long enough for grocery stores to be picked clean is good, but on the other hand, it just must keep getting harder.] Wow, Wonderland must be so much better in a lot of ways.

[shorthair]

Her eyes burn abruptly. She turns her head away, because crying right now would be stupid. She forms her hands into fists and rubs at her eyes.

Then she nods, understanding, believing, taking what he says as truth. She shoves away those dark recesses of her head, which came out when she shot Kenny, when she yelled at Jane, when she wanted to convince everyone including herself that she knew what she was doing. They've stuck around like sharp edges since waking up here.

People can be capable of doing really terrible things in order to survive. It has to be worth it, to take another breath, to take a step forward, to find- to find something. She lifts her head up to look at him again.

"Alright." She breathes out shakily, sitting down at the edge of her bed, feeling the heavy weight of the whole day and then some. "I did. I got through it." She'll keep walking, keep surviving. "Thanks, Richie. I'm glad- I'm glad you're the one who found me."

[choosetruth]

"I wonder why. And I wonder what exactly the cutoff is." She doubts Clementine knows if other apes can be infected, but she is curious. It does seem like the fallout from her world's version of the Rising was catastrophic enough that the odds of anyone doing serious research any time soon seems slim.

"But that was all before your most recent trip home, right? And this time you got shot."

They reach the kitchen. Georgia beelines for the fridge. Conversations like this call for serious caffeine. Most things, she would argue, call for serious caffeine.

[demonstrate]

Thing is, Iris doesn't know what Clementine is going to do. Not all of the hope and belief in the world changes her circumstance, or the fact that they're worlds apart when they're home. Iris can't step in and be the one to take care of A.J. for Clementine, even if she would without question. It's too much for one person. And Iris doesn't doubt Clementine can handle anything, but she shouldn't have to.

Her smile almost wanes, but Iris makes it hold as she squeezes Clementine's fingers back in response.

Clementine admitting she doesn't want to go back

"I'm working on it, okay?" she asks. "And I'm not going to stop until I find out how to make that happen."

Which isn't to say Clementine needs to stay here. But if Iris could ever bring her back to her Earth, the way the Wells' ended up there ... it'd be Clementine's choice, of course, but Iris would want to. Joe would love her. Wally would love her.

[shorthair]

Clementine shakes her head, because she's not sure. As far as she knows, no one really has a lot of information when it comes to this virus except the basics. They know everyone has it. They know when people die that they'll come back as a walker. They know bites get people sick and kill them eventually, but that's like it.

She leans against the counter but nods.

"Yeah." She bites down hard on her lip, thinking about the rest, wondering- Her stomach twists. "When I woke up after getting shot, I was in a car. There was only four of us left in our group."

Everyone else died or left. "Kenny and Jane were fighting."

[mr_englishguy]

"Well, I'm certain it is dangerous but it is also a delight. I've been playing since my first year at Hogwarts. Eleven year olds who have never flown before, and we're chasing a snitch at high speeds." Which explains that he does truly know just how dangerous it was.

"I will do my best not to let you get hurt," he vows, giving her a smile as if he is capable of doing that.

Newt smiles then. "I have felt lucky know one has come following him back to my room, yelling."

[shorthair]

Yeah. Lots of food, shelter, a bed and stuff of my own. The people aren't assholes who'd rather shoot first and ask questions later too. [ She manages a smirk and a heavy shrug of her shoulders. ] I mean, mostly. There are assholes here too.

[ The situations just less desperate. So everything's not on edge all the time. It's exhausting, and it's a pain in the ass. ]

[shorthair]

Clementine would love it. Iris' world.

She would love to meet her family. She would love to see her city, see what she does, explore it with her, have a home again. See so many people in one place, alive.

"I want to help," she says quickly, because she doesn't know how long she can sit around, worrying about going back. As much as she's grateful to be in Wonderland, there's so much time here to think about what happened before and to think of the blood on her hands and to think of everything she's saw and done.

"I don't know how I can, but... I want to."

She knows how to survive. Wonderland is about more than surviving. There's a mystery here. There's a power greater than all of them, but she has to believe they can control it. She has to.

[circlejerked]

Makes dropping in easier. Tomorrow, then. Say around 6? I'll leave you to get reacquainted with your friends until then.

Given the inherent danger of her world, her alluding to an injury is unsurprising, and he types out the deceptively casual reply with the grim expectation that whatever the matter is, it wouldn't surprise him, either, to find Clementine's version of a 5 is really more like a 7 or 8.

At the appointed time the next day, Clementine will a knock on her door. Her neighbor is here and he's come bearing provisions.

[thesamurai]

She was. She is. But if I'd given up completely on people, never would have happened.

[ So much happened between that meeting and now, and she lets out a breath. ]

After she...when she died, I went off alone again. Everyone, all our people were scattered. I thought it was better. I just lost an entire group, in the blink of an eye. Didn't want to go through it again.

[ Slowly, she shakes her head. ]

Then I realized I was just a walker. Drifting with the heard. And what separates us from them, is humanity.

[choosetruth]

Georgia brings two Cokes to the counter, putting one down for Clementine. If she doesn't want it, George'll drink it. She's nothing if not always interested in drinking more Coke.

"How'd you get shot? Four out of how many?"

Facts and figures. Rely on those and let the emotions drain away. It's how she can handle all the horror in her life.

[krmvgivv]

There are assholes everywhere. [If there's one constant of the universe, it's that some people are jerks. Often even people who you like. Or yourself.] But yeah, they're a lot less likely to shoot you here. Or if they do, it's not as big a deal since you come back.

[shorthair]

I'll be here.

Clementine doesn't know that she'll be leaving her room anytime soon. It's better to- to stay in this room, to stay put until she gets her bearings back.

She stands up and moves to the door at the knock, opening it slowly. She's got a sleeveless shirt on, and there's a bandage at her shoulder.

"Right on time."

[shorthair]

[ Clementine's chest aches at the familiarity, losing everyone so quickly. Not wanting to lose more, doing anything to avoid that loss. Her eyes burn. ]

I wish I could hear all this in our world.

[ It's said quietly. She can't. She doesn't know when she'll find another person, but- ]

I wish we could find each other. I don't want to be like- like that.

[shorthair]

Clementine smiles a bit. Coke always makes her think of Georgia (When Georgia is taken for that week, it's exclusively what Clementine drinks. Coke. Sometimes with alcohol in it.).

It's hard to count it all up given people coming and going, but-

"Twelve? Hard to say. Jane, we picked up later, and AJ, he's one of the four too. He was just born a few days ago."

She bites down on her lower lip. "Uh, two of ours tried to escape with a prisoner that Kenny had beat the shit out of, and so the prisoner shot me in the shoulder when I tried to stop them."

[shorthair]

The one thing that connects all universes. Assholes. [ Clementine grimaces a bit and then shakes her head, glancing at him. ] ...have you ever like... come back here?

[thesamurai]

I know. I know it.

[ Maybe it wasn't fair to keep saying it here when it would be impossible for Clementine to hear it there. A dick move, maybe, to try and tell her not to shut down when there's no reason not to as far as she can see. But there's a part of her that hopes, maybe on some deep, deep subconscious level, Clementine will hear someone's voice telling her to keep some kind of hope burning. ]

No matter what, I think you're gonna be okay. You're strong. You're a fighter.