[ota] It leaves us with regrets and picks apart the threads

[shorthair]

Who: Clementine + you
Where: Mansion
When: April 5 - 12. Plus, all of April and May
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Clementine returns from her canon update. Feel free to reply to the network post here since I won't actually spam the network community too. Action spam or prose is totally cool with me.
The Story: First week and a half

It's warm.

She's felt like she was freezing since she fell into the lake of ice. Was that really just yesterday? It's warm here. Her hands press to grass, and she stares at the ground, shuddering because she thinks the frozen water might have seeped into her blood. She knows it's warm but she still feels cold.

She's back in Wonderland. A rush of memories, of emotion hits her. There are so many people she cares about here, and she hasn't seen them since she left, and it feels like she's been gone for years instead of- days. Weeks? Time is funny.

AJ isn't in her arms anymore. It's just him and her now. Seems right. She can't trust people anymore.

Now that the adrenaline has faded away, the bullet wound in her shoulder hurts like fucking hell. She killed someone else she cared about. Again. Does she even belong in this place with people who are good, who do what's right? If they knew, what the fuck would they think of her. She feels like she might be sick, but there's nothing in her stomach to puke anyway so it's just her insides twisting around like knots.

She pulls her network device out, texting a quick open network post, because she won't remember everyone she'll want to text to let them know:

It's Clementine. I'm back. In my room.

If anyone is up at night, they might run into her, a child with blood on the shoulder of her jacket with a very clear hole through it. No gun for once. She left it with the last dead body she's left behind her.

When she finally makes it into her room. She writes the names of more dead people on the wall (Sarita, Sarah, Luke, Rebecca, Kenny). She pulls out blankets from the closet and piles them on the bed and puts herself underneath them, but it doesn't help with the cold. She tries to get out of the damn jacket, but she hisses out pain and stops midway. She stays there for a week and a half without leaving.

Rest of April/May

Eventually, later in the month, she finally leaves her room again. She's got the small shot gun from Christmas with her, holstered to her back.

She's in the cafeteria in short sleeves, which means she's revealing a certain scar for the first time since she came to Wonderland. Sometimes she's reading books about taking care of babies as if osmosis will happen if when she's sent back. Somewhere in between reading how often they have to feed and sleep, she tosses the book away from her so hard that it almost hits somebody.

Then she picks up baking. She used to with her mother all the time, and if she can kill people and survive walkers and gun shots and ice lakes, she can make some cookies if the recipes right there, right? Maybe.

She ends up making a big mess in the kitchen as she tries to spoon big chunks of cookie dough out on to pans, smirking at her giant mess. It's kind of hilarious she can survive so much and fight so hard and then get defeated by cookie dough.

Comments

[choosetruth]

"I wonder why. And I wonder what exactly the cutoff is." She doubts Clementine knows if other apes can be infected, but she is curious. It does seem like the fallout from her world's version of the Rising was catastrophic enough that the odds of anyone doing serious research any time soon seems slim.

"But that was all before your most recent trip home, right? And this time you got shot."

They reach the kitchen. Georgia beelines for the fridge. Conversations like this call for serious caffeine. Most things, she would argue, call for serious caffeine.

[shorthair]

Clementine shakes her head, because she's not sure. As far as she knows, no one really has a lot of information when it comes to this virus except the basics. They know everyone has it. They know when people die that they'll come back as a walker. They know bites get people sick and kill them eventually, but that's like it.

She leans against the counter but nods.

"Yeah." She bites down hard on her lip, thinking about the rest, wondering- Her stomach twists. "When I woke up after getting shot, I was in a car. There was only four of us left in our group."

Everyone else died or left. "Kenny and Jane were fighting."

[choosetruth]

Georgia brings two Cokes to the counter, putting one down for Clementine. If she doesn't want it, George'll drink it. She's nothing if not always interested in drinking more Coke.

"How'd you get shot? Four out of how many?"

Facts and figures. Rely on those and let the emotions drain away. It's how she can handle all the horror in her life.

[shorthair]

Clementine smiles a bit. Coke always makes her think of Georgia (When Georgia is taken for that week, it's exclusively what Clementine drinks. Coke. Sometimes with alcohol in it.).

It's hard to count it all up given people coming and going, but-

"Twelve? Hard to say. Jane, we picked up later, and AJ, he's one of the four too. He was just born a few days ago."

She bites down on her lower lip. "Uh, two of ours tried to escape with a prisoner that Kenny had beat the shit out of, and so the prisoner shot me in the shoulder when I tried to stop them."

[choosetruth]

Kids being born in a post-Rising world. Well, she certainly knows what that's like. She bites back a smile. It's not the time for that, and Clementine's world remains clearly very different from the world Georgia knows. Prisoners and beating the shit out of people. It's not something she deals with in her day to day life.

"So the prisoner shot you, then you woke up and it was down to four and Kenny and Jane were fighting. Prisoner and his friends were gone, then?"

[shorthair]

Clementine opens the can of coke and then takes a sip. She swallows down the fizz.

"Yeah. We were in a car. Jane was holding AJ. They were arguing about where we should go next and what we should do. There was a blizzard outside so we didn't see the cars ahead until we almost ran into them, but we needed gas. There was a gas station. Kenny left alone at first. Jane wanted me to leave with her, leave AJ because Kenny was getting worse, but we heard gunfire and saw walkers in the blizzard. It wasn't cold enough to slow 'em yet."

She swallows.

"Jane told me to drive, and we crashed into walkers. We got split up, trying to run from walkers and-"

[choosetruth]

"And?" Georgia's voice is soft but firm. She has her guesses, but she wants to hear it from Clementine.

[shorthair]

"I found Kenny in the gas station, and then Jane showed up without the baby, without AJ," Clementine says. Her jaw locks. She shakes her head angrily. "Kenny fucking lost it, and he attacked her. They were fighting out into the snowstorm, and he was a second away from putting a knife in her chest when I-"

This is it, isn't it? Does it matter? Fuck.

"I killed him."

[choosetruth]

Georgia is quiet for a moment. It's not surprising that Clementine has had to kill. Fuck, she doubts this is even the first time, though it might be the first time when it's not someone who's been bitten. That doesn't count as killing, since they're already dead, but it still feels like it.

The way Clementine is saying it sounds like she at least finds it to be a specific, more difficult situation. Georgia hesitates, than reaches forward to give her shoulder a squeeze. From her, it's the equivalent of a full body hug. She just hopes Clementine realizes that and can feel any comfort Georgia has to give. It's probably not enough, but it's what she has.

"You protected your friend."

[shorthair]

"By killing another friend, yeah."

Clementine breathes in sharply, rubbing at her face with her hand. She knows Georgia doesn't offer physical comfort easily so it does. It means a lot to her. She rests her hand over top of Georgia's very briefly and then lets her hand drop back down. It's not like she's gotten this full story out to anyone other than Georgia.

It means something- It says something about their relationship and her trust in Georgia that she can.

Her eyes burn. She breathes in sharp. It's almost over. The story.

"After he died, I heard AJ crying. Jane hid him in a car... so Kenny would flip his shit, and she could prove to me that he wasn't safe to travel with anymore, which I already fucking knew. She didn't expect him to go that far, but I didn't care. I told her to leave me the hell alone, took AJ in my arms, and left."

No more people. No more groups. She'll take care of AJ by herself.

[choosetruth]

Georgia drops her hand as well, frowning softly at Clementine. She doesn't judge Clementine for killing in defense of another, even if it meant killing someone she cared about. Georgia knows she'd do the same, if she had to. And she can't even entirely blame her for leaving Jane after fucking with her like that. Still.

"You're alone now?"

Clementine is extremely capable, Georgia knows. But no one should be alone like that. Especially not while taking care of a child in an apocalypse. A baby can't watch Clementine's back. It's not enough.

[shorthair]

Clementine nods. Her breath feels trapped in her lungs, and she breathes out through it. She has no idea how to take care of a baby really except for what Kenny mentioned about what AJ would need, but she can't do it anymore. She can't look for a new group and hope they won't fuck her over somehow.

Even when they don't, it always ends up the same. She knows what she has to do. Hunt for food. Stay in the wilderness. Keep quiet. Keep moving. When there are less people to deal with with their fighting, their instability, their betrayals, she'll be better at doing it.

"It's better that way."