open ; welcome to the inner workings of my mind

[persevere]

Who: Caroline Forbes + You + Closed Starters
Where: Everywhere
When: July 6th to the end of the month
Rating: This will get gory, most likely.
Summary: Caroline returns to Wonderland, but she's not quite herself these days...
The Story:

Deux Lux

[Caroline Forbes is here most nights, drinking the night away and dancing on any flat surface she can find no matter the height. She never drinks herself into oblivion because she wants to be at her best, on guard for any of her 'friends' that might feel the need to step in.

She doesn't want help. Anyone with half a brain could see she's just fine.

She's more than willing to dance with anyone who's willing, just don't let her pull you off to that dark corner or you might end up with a few puncture wounds and missing any recollection of the last couple of hours.]

Lake

[She actually carted an inflatable lounge chair out here, and anyone in her path would have seen a blonde blur as she doesn't even bother to hide the fact that she's different. The sun is out and she's in her bikini, hair tied into braided pigtails, sporting a pair of dark shades as she lazily kicks around in the water, catching some rays.

Sometimes you can catch her sunbathing on the edge of the water, too, laying casually out on a towel. Vampire or no, she still likes catching some rays.]

Mikaelson Rooms

[Those who are aware of her living arrangements or any of the others that live there as well can find her lounging in various common areas, usually with a drink in hand, and can be summoned to answer anyone who might knock at the door. She's almost always bored, biding her time with liquor and playing with her phone, stalking messages in search of juicy gossip and drama.

Or maybe she's looking for a snack. It's probably just fine, though.]

Choose Your Own Adventure

Feel free to set up anything anywhere. I'm very flexible.

Comments

[persevere]

[She knows the worst of them, likely knows more than anyone except his own family, who has shared in those sins with him. He showed her through the viewing of his memories, to try and get her to understand him.

So many of those details were done to her, to her friends. She hadn't lived through them yet, not before she left and then came back. They're a lot more personal now.

Or they might have been, if she cared, but he wasn't her enemy anymore. He wouldn't be, so long as he kept his side of their bargain.]

All he'd have to do is show it to you, but I don't think you could handle it. [She takes a sip out of her glass, contemplates something, and then starts to explain like one would to a child.] See, we feel things stronger than humans do. Everything is heightened, magnified to a point you can't possibly understand. Turning it off is kind of...a survival instinct or a defense mechanism.

[hypoxic]

He doesn't have to. [Fitz wouldn't want him to.] I'm well aware that he's seeking redemption for what he's done in the past. My interest is with the person he is, not the one he's left behind.

[Klaus Mikaelson is a good man. He's a better man than he thinks he is.

That other part, though... He sets down his glass untouched, regarding her more completely.]

And is that what's happened with you? Are you defending yourself from something?

[Has she been hurt? Was it Damon?]

[persevere]

[She's presenting this information this way for a reason. As she tries to control the direction of the conversation, it means she can prepare herself for the next question. She'd prompted him for this one, so when she answers, it doesn't come to her mind in a way that might press at the walls holding back the floodgates of her grief.

Instead, it remains firmly locked away, and she can speak about it without a care in the world.]

My Mom died. Brain cancer.

[hypoxic]

[But while Caroline is able to keep her emotions at bay, Fitz is led entirely by his. Concern swells in his expression, eyes widening, color draining out of his cheeks as sympathy makes his insides churn. How she must have suffered. Who could blame her for what she's done? Who wouldn't do the same, in her place?]

I'm so sorry... Is there -- do you need anything?

[persevere]

[Her nose scrunches up at that as if he's said something repulsive.]

Um, no. I've got it under control, obviously.

[You know, with the whole emotions thing.]

[hypoxic]

[He deflates a little, but it doesn't stop him from looking at her like an abandoned puppy that needs rescue from an alleyway.]

Of course -- because of that switch. How long will your emotions need to be turned off after a tragedy of that caliber?

[She's treating it so routinely, he assumes it must be a normal part of their vampire customs.]

[persevere]

Well, I was going to ask for a year, but this is Wonderland and who are we kidding, right? I'm being a realist here.

[She shrugs.]

It'll go on as long as I want it to, though. The only one who can turn them back on is me.

[That's not entirely true. One of the Originals could compel her to do it, but she's been taking vervain. That wouldn't stop them from bleeding her dry until it was out of her system, but if she wasn't ready, that would be a whole different mess.

She's pretty sure they know that.]

[hypoxic]

You'd need to ask? [Who would she need to ask? Is this part of their complicated communal arrangement?]

Although -- I'm sorry if the questions are upsetting -- I'm just quite curious about your culture. I could stop if you'd like me to.

[persevere]

More like I had to make a deal. They don't push my emotional triggers, and I don't tear anyone's throat out.

[She smiles sweetly. It doesn't reach her eyes. At his apology, she even laughs once, gaping at him briefly before she shakes her head.]

Believe me, if I want you to stop, you'll know.

[hypoxic]

[The concept of the deal makes his eyes narrow, just faintly. It's something she's hinted at before, only reinforced now.]

What you've done is frowned upon, then. Is it not how things are normally done among your people?

[It seems ludicrous to have that kind of power and then never be able to use it. He thinks the idea of shutting out his emotional baggage would be an ideal scenario.]

[persevere]

[Her eyebrows climb further.]

My people? We're basically just overpowered humans with all of our feelings dialed to eleven all the time and a thirst for blood.

[She lets that sink in a second.]

You honestly can't think of what might usually happen when they don't feel anything at all? No remorse, no guilt, no compassion? Not that all vampires care about that sort of thing. Honestly, most of them don't, but the ones I know do. Most of the time, anyway.

[hypoxic]

[He shrinks back at her tone. It's the sort of incredulity that Klaus will normally handle with a tilt of his head or a snide comment. He's been naive again. Is he being deliberately obtuse and ignoring the most straightforward answer? He'd been hoping that he was just keeping an open mind and extending the benefit of the doubt for the friends of his friend.

He's had a talk like this with someone once before. Damon lacked compassion for anyone other than Elena. Are his emotions also off? Or is he just a monster all the time?

It raises severe moral questions. He needs clarification on the biggest issue:]

Are you killing people, Caroline?

[Please don't be evil.]

[persevere]

No. I told you, I made a deal. I promised I wouldn't if they didn't push me.

[She takes a drink out of her glass.]

When Klaus gets here, maybe you can help him remember that.

[hypoxic]

[So that's the nature of their arrangement. She could slide into dark behaviors if left unchecked. Klaus is using his social leverage to strongarm her into staying just. Even in matters as dark as this, Klaus is such a good person.]

I have faith in his methods, whatever they've been.

[persevere]

[He loves her. He doesn't want her to do anything she'll regret. Neither did she, before she turned it off. She'd created this arrangement with a purpose, to give herself a reason not to hurt people. She didn't want to ruin her own life in the long term, but she needed this right now.

But now that she had it, she couldn't care. Other people had to do that for her.]

I wonder if you'll say that when he inevitably bleeds me dry and tortures me. Maybe he'll take away my free will entirely. I'm curious to see how far he'll go.

[hypoxic]

[Caroline Forbes knows Klaus better than most people. They're dating. Klaus has entrusted her with the safety of his heart. She's not an old rival seeking justice for an ancient mistake. She knows who he is now. And she's just said "tortures." In the present tense. It's something she thinks he's still capable of. It slips out of her as such a casual matter of fact that he snaps back to attention, fully rattled.]

He doesn't do that sort of thing anymore. He's moved past it.

[persevere]

Oh my god, you actually believe that.

[It may not be his first resort these days, but Caroline wouldn't have been able to say that he'd never use drastic measures if needed. She's not so different, humanity or no. There isn't much she wouldn't do for those she loves.]

That's so cute.

[hypoxic]

[He stiffens at the laughter, and chooses to double down on what he knows to be true. He'd never be able to bear it otherwise.]

I believe it because it's true. Klaus isn't who he used to be. He's repented for his mistakes and has no intention to repeat them. He's better.

[And what he needs most is someone to believe in him. Apparently even his girlfriend can't accomplish that much for him at the moment.]

[persevere]

[She puts her drink down, then, and stands to move closer to him. She steps slowly along the floor, each press of her foot silent by design.

She reaches out, the tips of her fingers brushing over his arm, then over the backs of his shoulders as she steps around him, behind him, speaking gently as she does.]

Do you want to know the very first thing he did when I came back from my little trip home and he found me like this?

[She reaches his other side, looks him dead in the eye, and gives him the answer whether he wants it or not. She delivers each word painfully slowly, so that he hears each one with perfect clarity, so that he understands.]

He shattered every bone in my neck, without a moment's hesitation. It may not kill me, but I can assure you, it hurts as much as it would if I broke yours.

[Satisfied with that, she moves back over to her seat, falling into it as if doing all of that had been exhausting.]

He might convince himself he's doing all this for me, but he's deluding himself. It's what he does to help him sleep at night, he makes up honorable reasons to the things he does now that it matters to him, now that he has things he wants to fight for other than himself. That doesn't mean he does the right thing. We're all monsters, in the end.

[hypoxic]

[As she approaches, she reminds him of his relative place in the food chain. Despite his careful measures, despite everything, she will always have the advantage. She touches him, unbidden. The creep of her fingertips sends a shiver running through him. But he can't -- can't -- let her keep him so frightened that he loses his position. Klaus needs his loyalty now more than ever. He clenches his teeth to still a tremble threatening to expose him further, but there's no helping the spike in his heartbeat. She'll know, but at least she won't attack suddenly. His blood is acidic to her now, and she knows it. It's the only insurance he can count on.

It doesn't stop him from flinching at her description of her own neck-snapping. He can empathize with the unique cruelty she describes. That doesn't make it less of a relief when she finally parts from him, leaving him to release his breath in a single huff.]

Th--that's where you're wrong. The Klaus I know keeps himself up at night thinking of the things he's done. He remembers every injustice he's wrought, and it devours him. He's capable of terrible things -- but who isn't? [It's a familiar defense of Klaus Mikaelson. That behavior fits a pattern. It's just like the time L;aus compelled Fitz to spare his feelings. Hadn't he committed a terrible violation with the best intentions? There must be a similar way to understand this, to show compassion where Klaus most likely floods himself with regrets. Klaus can't be a monster. He can't be. Evil people never strive to do the kind of good that Klaus has shown. ]

You said it yourself before. He's stopping you from killing people. He hurt you because he wanted to help you. Because he loves you, and in a year -- or in however long it takes -- that's going to mean something to you again.

[persevere]

[She did the same things, telling herself that the horrible things she's done have been for the right reasons, but does the result really justify the cost? She killed twelve witches in a single moment to save her friend and she'd carry that with her forever. It's not the only time she's killed, either.

She can tell herself forever that she couldn't help it or that her friend was going to die but it didn't change the fact that she was a murderer.

That hadn't made her turn it off, though. Watching her mother waste away, not being able to save her, not being there to give her a real goodbye? Well, they can all see how that ended.

Her expression hardens as Fitz proceeds to stand up for Klaus to, of all people, her. Someday, she would probably thank him for this. Someday it would mean something again. If it wasn't going to, then she wouldn't have to go to all this trouble to keep from caring about it right now.

Her voice is tight when she speaks, controlled, icy.]

You're the one that said he wouldn't hurt me because he'd put that behind him. I'm just telling you that you're wrong. I don't want his help and I don't want your sympathy either.

[hypoxic]

[There's nothing in her, and that would frighten him terribly if she hadn't explained why. It makes him curious about what she's like when she's in her right mind. Does she smile often? Does she enjoy sunsets?]

I'm sure that in both cases, you'll have it whether or not you want it.

[He returns to his discarded glass, now beading with condensation despite the cold air practically radiating from Caroline. After raising it to her in a small toast, he'll take the bourbon in a single shot, and then nod politely to her.]

Tell Klaus I've been by? And. My condolences about your mum.

[He'll turn back toward the door then. They've probably had enough conversation, he reasons.]

[persevere]

[She's optimistic and, as Klaus likes to put it, full of light. She is none of those things in the wake of her grief. No doubt Klaus would tell him about it, if he asked later.]

Lucky me.

[Now she's just spiteful and annoyed. She turns her head away, focuses on her drink, but answers as he reaches the door.]

Sure. He'll probably be able to smell you were here anyway.