I would break the laws of gravity

[hypoxic]

Who: Leo Fitz and OPEN (log is for all, some closed starters in comments)
Where: Checkerboard Hills
When: August 9th, just past midnight
Rating: PG+
Summary: Man returns to Wonderland after two months at home under heavy stress. Man throws toddler-level tantrum in public space. As adults are wont to do.
The Story:

[Apparently, the stories are true. When one leaves Wonderland, one is thrust back home without memory. There's nothing to prevent the mistakes he should know to avoid, no way to apply the emotional developments he's earned. It's just the harsh progression of time, doing what time wishes. And there's no way to stop it from bringing them back before they're ready to come back.

When Fitz arrives, it's facedown into a patch of eternally-manicured grass. The memories hit all at once, but they're not memories he wants. He doesn't need to know about a ridiculous fantasy dimension holding people hostage. He was kind of in the middle of something a little life-or-death...!

It's too much to hold, and far more than he can process. Instead of wandering back to the mansion and settling back into his personal space, he stays where he is, pulling himself up to his hands and knees and tearing at the grass in open distress, shouting out at nothing and everything all at once.]

Not now! There's no time for this!

[Some people hit pillows. Right now, he's technically landscaping. And he's definitely not tearing up. That's probably all the dirt he's dislodging.]

Comments

[trigeminalheadache]

[ In truth, Caitlin's been nervous about this whole lab-sharing idea. Not that she doesn't trust Fitz and Jemma -- far from that. But she knows that Fitz doesn't trust her. He hasn't since her trip home months ago. She can't blame him for that; she got out of control and attacked Daisy.

But she misses her friend. Even if he doesn't consider her a friend anymore. ]

I'd be lying if I said I reasonably thought this would ever happen again.

[hypoxic]

Wonderland's full of surprises, yeah?

[His attention slides back down to inventory. There won't be even a post-it out of place by the time he's done.]

I'm sure we can behave as adults.

[trigeminalheadache]

[ She fidgets with the edge of one of her gauntlets. They've come to feel like a second skin. It feels odd when they're off now. ]

Of course. We're scientists. We're... professionals. Besides, we probably won't be in here alone that often.

[hypoxic]

[He looks up again, taking in the details of her face.]

Do I make you uncomfortable?

[trigeminalheadache]

[ Her head shoots up in surprise. ]

What? [ She shakes her head. ] No. Why would you think that?

[hypoxic]

Because you seem uncomfortable.

[Why else would have have been observing it?]

[trigeminalheadache]

I'm...

[ Her hands fall into her lap. ]

It's not you. It's me. I know you said you were okay with this, but I can't help but wonder. If you're going to change your mind, if Wonderland's going to throw us into some event where she comes out again. If these inhibitors fail.

[hypoxic]

[............. Oh. Oh, they're jumping right into this talk? That's fine. This is fine.]

I've had a lot of time to think about that. I spent time at home. Reprioritized. And I realized something in particular. When you and I were.... Doing the things we were doing. Jemma wasn't here yet. She didn't exist to those people in that world. And I think... I might have been confused about the memories from then. You know how feelings bleed over sometimes. I thought there was a chance that you and I might choose to be those people again, somehow.

[He sets down his clipboard outright then.]

I don't have the space in my soul to love anyone the way I love Jemma Simmons. And that makes you substantially less frightening.

[trigeminalheadache]

[ When he starts speaking, she immediately regrets opening this can of worms. She's expecting him to be angry or to confirm that he doesn't trust her. To rant and rail and say whatever he might have held back when Cisco was involved in the conversation.

But as he continues, she lets out her breath like she'd been holding it. ]

I don't want to be her. I would never -- never -- choose to be her. If I wanted that, I wouldn't wear the gauntlets. I'd just... let it happen. Because it's eventual. Irreversible.

[hypoxic]

You acknowledge it's a stopgap. It won't be indefinite. What do you plan to do when an event strips you of them? Or if we suffer a memory lapse and don't remember why you're wearing them? If it's in you, then it isn't something to be buried. You and she had entirely different upbringings and life experiences. But at the core? She knew who her friends were and would fight to the death for them. That's the part that ought to matter most.

[trigeminalheadache]

[ She's quiet for a long while. Long enough for the silence to likely grow awkward and uncomfortable. ]

He knew I had this darkness in me. He saw it, pushed me to embrace it. Let it out.

[hypoxic]

[He squints at that, though. He thought they were following the same metaphor. Sarcasm never makes sense, but it doesn't seem appropriate at the moment. Is this another subtle way for people to avoid saying what they mean? He stammers, shrinking down uncertainly.]

Are... We still talking about that event?

[Because that doesn't sound like something that happened during the event.]

[trigeminalheadache]

No. Sorry.

[ She takes a deep breath and looks as if she's going to explain. But no, false alarm. ]

It's nothing. Never mind.

[hypoxic]

That sounds like substantially more than nothing, if you don't mind me saying so.

[It sounds like that even if she does, honestly.]

[trigeminalheadache]

[ She lets out a dry, bitter laugh. ]

I fell in love with someone, but he... he wasn't who he said he was. That alone would be bad, but who he was... what he was was so much worse.

[hypoxic]

And... is that part of why you find it so upsetting when you were made to behave in a way that you didn't think you would?

[ That's where tht evidence seems to he leading, at least. ]

[trigeminalheadache]

[ It is, and admitting it just feels worse. She's becoming a monster, and there's nothing she can do to stop it. ]

I don't want to become what he saw in me. I don't want to hurt people and take joy in their pain.

[hypoxic]

If you're a good person, then you'll find a way around that inconvenience. People don't just become evil if they don't start out that way.

[trigeminalheadache]

If? [ She smiles briefly, trying to gently insert some joking to the conversation. ]

I think this talk is veering into murky philosophical musings.

[hypoxic]

If. [ oh did she want more encouragement than that? ]

I think that if we're on the subject of morality, murky philosophy is all we've got to fall back upon.

[trigeminalheadache]

[ She's just going to look a little crestfallen at him remaining completely serious. ]

Now that I think about it, philosophy is inherently murky. [ She's digressing. Stalling. ]

I guess I'm just saying that I... have doubts. When I was home and my powers were unchecked, I almost killed someone. He was my mother's assistant, and once he saw what I could do, he saw me as a ticket out of her shadow.