[Closed] 'Why are you so set on convincing yourself that I'm a good person?'

[uncaging]

Who: Elizabeth (uncaging) and Crowley (saunteredvaguelydownwards)
Where: Crowley's room
When: Backdated to just after the zombie event
Rating: G for now
Summary: Elizabeth needs some closure after things in Alexandria
The Story:

[ She hovers in the doorway a moment, glancing from Crowley to the bottle of wine on the table and back, feeling a little ridiculous with how relieved she is to see his hand intact and looking as though it had never been severed at all. Stepping past him into his room, Elizabeth seats herself on the sofa with her own hands clasped tightly in her lap, regarding him carefully. ]

Are you quite sure you're all right?

[ It's easier for her to focus on him, so she can try to ignore how not all right she feels herself. ]

Comments

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Perfectly.

[He joins her, and deftly uncorks the wine bottle in silence. The sound of the liquid pouring fills the silence hanging between them, and Crowley doesn't speak again until he's picked up his glass, taken a sip, and leaned back.

The demon considers her for a long few moments, taking in her clasped hands, her tight posture, and not forgetting how quickly she had appeared with minimal prompting.]

... But that's not really what you want to ask me, is it.

[uncaging]

[ She takes a sip of the wine, screwing her eyes shut as the taste of the alcohol hits her - she doesn't think she'll ever get used to that. She's glad that the second sip goes down a bit easier. ]

What I did, back in Alexandria... that was horrible. I've always known I had a serious responsibility to my power, but I never knew the consequences could be so awful.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

[His eyebrows go up slightly.]

Issues we're not mentioning aside, you did save both our lives. What's so awful about that?

[The loss of life when that life was not really much to lose doesn't bother him in the slightest.]

[uncaging]

I cut off your hand! If the tear had closed at the wrong time it could have been your head, and then what would I do?

[ The fact that she'd saved them both was small potatoes compared to the potentially fatal consequences. ]

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

I asked you to cut off my hand, and really, it was preferable to the alternative.

[Being a temporary amputee seemed to be a better idea than the slow transition into a brainless shuffler. All in all, it still felt like a good choice, and regardless of the post-event restoration he could still fix it once he had his full complement of abilities back.]

I mean, waiting for the 'event' to end with a bleeding stump at the end of my arm was easily one of the top ten worst experiences of my existence, but that wasn't your fault.

[uncaging]

You could have died. [ She says it quietly, mostly to herself. She'd been in danger herself many times here, but she'd never felt that her own actions had endangered anyone to that extent before. ] I'd never forgive myself.

[ She looks down at her hands and then quickly looks away, disgusted by her finger for the first time in her life. ]

I wish I'd never found out I could do that. It's just made everything more confusing.

[ She holds up her finger, the light from the thimble that covered the stump glinting. ]

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

I wouldn't have stayed dead.

[He says it flippantly, but he isn't ignorant of how much life means to humans. Crowley has never died, and isn't sure how he feels about having missed out on the experience, but the slow march towards it was certainly something he wouldn't like to repeat.

She holds up her hand, and he looks at it. He'd never commented on her missing finger before, but as she volunteers it, he visibly focuses his attention on the 'defect'.]

You think you lost the end of your finger in one of those things?

[uncaging]

Even so, it would still be a horrible thing to experience. [ Even if they could come back to life a hundred times here, having to go through death itself meant that Elizabeth would never risk her own life or that of her friends unless it were unavoidable. The thought that she'd put him in danger is abhorrent to her. ]

I think I must have. [ She stares at her finger, or at least where it should be, knowing deep down this is the truth even if she can't verify it. ] It's always been like this, for as long as I can remember.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

... Huh.

[He looks at her for a long moment, then frowns and tears his gaze back to the glass in his hand.

As a demon, an immortal being of immense power, he's never considered humans as people he really needs to take the time to get to know. He's lived for thousands of years, and with Armageddon averted, will likely live for thousands more. What's the use of befriending someone who will be around for, maybe, fifty of those years?

But he's spent a lot of time with Elizabeth. A lot more personal time than he's ever spent with any human before. It's started to mean something.]

Look, I know you didn't want to do it. [Quickly, he glances at her.] So, thank you. And... sorry.

[uncaging]

[ That means a lot, especially coming from him. The corner of her mouth twitches into a smile, but it stops short of spreading. She desperately wants to hug him, but she knows how uncomfortable he'd been when she tried that before and restrains herself. ]

It's all right. It's not your fault we were in that position. I just needed the chance to talk through it, I suppose.

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

Right.

[He sighs and sinks back in his seat, the picture of someone who is utterly tired with the situation that he's in - or perhaps just tired in general.]

You humans are so strange.

[uncaging]

[ Elizabeth sits back too, a little more relaxed now but still looking thoroughly tired out by recent events. ]

How so?

[saunteredvaguelydownwards]

You don't think so? Do have some wine.

[He makes a vague, sort-of-pointing gesture towards the bottle, and sets to drinking his own.]

[uncaging]

[ She takes a sip of the wine and grimaces, still unused to the taste of alcohol. ]

I suppose everyone is a little strange, but that's what makes us interesting. But you say it as though humans are the exception.