entrancelogs | [CLOSED] We'll take the embrace of steel.

Entry tags:

[CLOSED] We'll take the embrace of steel.

Who: Lucifer Morningstar and Chloe Decker
Where: Tartarus Safe Zone
When: 10/9
Rating: PG-13ish
Summary: Chloe went off on her own again. Guess who was worried?
The Story:

[Decker's gone off on her own again, no doubt trying to help those less...whatever she'd call it. It's foolish, in his opinion, to do things this way. She'd already mentioned the part where being far enough away from her would keep him immortal, but that wouldn't do anything to help her and that was where most of his concerns lay.

But here he was, three days into this blood event, twiddling his thumbs in a zone filled with wounded, dying and dead, with a few of those who had managed to stay alive also milling about. His pajamas were dirty and torn in places, but he was in one piece.

This place certainly reminded him of Hell even more than the majority of the others, and it left him even more unsettled.

This had gone on too long now, and he still hadn't seen her. Surely she would arrive at any moment and he could cast all this worry aside and hide it behind a veil of innuendo and crude humor.

Or perhaps something else. He wasn't so sure what he would do anymore. It didn't particularly matter, so long as she was breathing.]

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[ Chloe knows what she's doing is irresponsible, but she can't help it. Finding her friends and keeping them safe is paramount, and more to the point, she knows the further she is from Lucifer the less likely she is to get him killed.

Maybe it's selfish, more than anything. Maybe the idea of him dying during an event is too much for her to bear. She knows he would return like she did, that she would wait loyally at his side until he came back. She knows, here, that fate might be unavoidable. She knows one day she may watch him die like he had her, that one day she might feel that helplessness he did. She knows, one day, she might know what it's like to not be able to forgive herself for not saving him when it matters.

And for that, she is determined to put that day off as long as possible, even if it means separating herself from him at the worst of times. Luckily, this time, fate deals a hand in her favor and Chloe returns to the safe zone. In a way, she wishes she hasn't, seeing the carnage around her, her stomach coiling in her gut as her eyes scan the area for Lucifer. Part of her is prepared for it; for the fact that he might have been hurt, that she might not have been far enough away at the wrong time. When her eyes land on him, disheveled and messy but alive, she almost feels guilty with the way her heart quickens in her chest. ]

Lucifer!

[ She bolts to him, coming to a stop to look him over. Her hand reaches out to grasp his elbow as her eyes move down his body, taking in every tear in his clothes, every speck of dirt, until she can see that he remains unharmed. She doesn't look any better than him, her own pajamas dirty and shredded from her encounters in the other levels, her hair in disarray around her face, but she is smiling in relief. ]

I'm so glad you're okay.

[He's on his feet before she ever manages to finish running over to him. His heart is hammering in his chest, the relief he feels washing over him more potent than perhaps anything he's felt before.

She grasps his elbow, her fingertips touch skin through the various slices in his tattered pajama shirt, and it's that final proof that she's real and he's not simply imagining it.]

I'm quite certain that's my line, Detective.

[His voice is soft; he isn't smiling, either. He just stares at her as if he's desperately trying to memorize every feature of her face.]

You had me worried sick, you know that?

[ She stares into his eyes, watching him watch her and she can feel the heat rise in her cheeks. When he looks at her like that, it stirs something in her that is hard to stifle.

Chloe knows that her feelings for him haven't gone away. As much as she cares about Seth, as much as she wants to strangle every feeling she has for Lucifer into submission, she can't. She keeps coming back to her talk with Elena, the mixed feeling she had. Chloe has never had her heart feel so torn before and she doesn't like it. ]

I found Klaus. [ Maybe that would help to make him feel like she hadn't wasted her time. ] I still don't know where Elena and Caroline are. I couldn't just leave them out there without trying, though.

[ Lucifer, of all people, knows who she is. She can't change that about herself; she won't let Wonderland change her. Still, the tone of his voice and the lack of smile on his face... He was really worried about her, and it fills her with guilt to think she's continued to put him through the fear of losing her again. ]

I'm sorry. I... I guess I wasn't thinking about how worried you'd be.

[As far as Lucifer is concerned, his feelings haven't changed either. The only thing that's changed is his acceptance of what they are.

Regardless, he still hasn't found a good chance to really broach the subject, per say. For as much as he'd told Klaus and Elena he would do something about it, it simply hasn't happened yet.

He may be procrastinating.]

Well, they're a bit more equipped to deal with the nasties out there more than you are, Detective.

[No doubt her gun has run out of bullets by now, and though she's certainly no pushover, she's also not an immortal speed demon with fangs.]

Yes, well, try to remember next time please. You're going to give me a bloody heart attack and I don't think I can even have one.

You really don't have to remind me about the whole fragile human bit. I got the memo.

[ It doesn't change anything, though. There's a good chance she might be dead if she hadn't bumped into Klaus when she did, just the way she died last time, maybe worse. Even so, Chloe has never been one to hide from what she was afraid of.

Well, when it comes to physical things, anyway. Feelings are a whole other story. ]

You know more than anyone what it's like to end up here and just be... Completely useless. By the way... [ Her hand slides down his arm, resting gently on his wrist as she looks up at him. ] You know you don't need to call me "detective" anymore, right? I'm not a cop anymore. Obviously. [ She gestures to the carnage around them, everything they are incapable of defending themselves against. ]

Apparently, I do if you're going to go on an adventure every time something like this starts.

[He's essentially in her shoes in that regard most of the time as well. Sure, he still has a few extra tricks up his sleeve, but he can die just as easily as she can.]

You're not useless. That doesn't mean you need to be on the front lines, either. [If this is considered selfish, he doesn't particularly care.

He looks confused at that last bit, though.] Of course, you are, Detective. Being here doesn't take away who you are, now does it? You can't tell me that if there were suddenly a grisly but normal murder, you wouldn't try to solve it.

Maybe not. But maybe it's good for me to be away from you, at least during part of the events. It might give you a better chance.

[ Because, regardless of what he might think, she always thinks of him first. She worries constantly about him; about how he is coping with this place, with the loss of his immortality, with the loss of so much of his identity. Wonderland doesn't care about the divine. He's just as trapped as she is and Chloe has seen enough now to know he's feeling it the same way she does.

And handling it about as well as she is, too. Which is, to say, not well at all. ]

I guess I would, but joke's on you because when people come back from the dead, they are probably a little better at identifying who killed them. [ She pauses, the levity in her voice fading quickly. Talking about deaths in Wonderland carried a different meaning now. It's too personal.

Not to mention, Lucifer made it very clear when they talked about it what he made of Seth doing what he did. Didn't blame him, maybe, but Chloe knows there was still something else there that damaged him in some way.

It had damaged all of them, really. They just all showed it in different and not particularly healthy ways. ]

This place doesn't do normal, anyway. I think it's about time I kiss my days as a cop goodbye.

I don't need a better chance. I need you to stay alive.

[That much had been made abundantly clear the first time she'd died. That had been far worse than any physical discomfort he might experience by dying himself.]

You do remember that things like 'masks' exist. As does poison, and traps...shall I go on?

[It's not that difficult to kill someone while staying anonymous. It happens all the time!]

But you're right. This place does not do normal. You'd think I'd be better at it considering that's the case.

Okay, okay. Maybe we'll get a good murder sometime. I guess I won't turn in my badge quite yet. I mean, if I had one.

[ She sighs, glancing away from him as her hand drops into his, her fingers wrapping loosely around his. ]

I'm sorry. You're right, I just... I guess I haven't been myself lately. [ She's been reckless, thoughtless. ] I just feel like... I already died once. I've already dealt with it. But if anything happens to you... [ Her grip on his hand tightens. ]

See, that wasn't so hard now, was it, Detective?

[And now he gets to keep her nickname. Mission accomplished.

He's put at a pause, though, as he feels her touch. He glances down at her fingers holding his and he has to think through her words as she speaks. Her grip tightens as she drifts off and his eyes lift back to hers, confusion riddling his expression, but also...something else.

His free hand raises, the back of his fingers drifting over her cheek.]

Then I'll come back, just as you did. You do realize that I lived in Hell for centuries. I think I can handle a bit of death if the situation calls for it. [His hand turns, his palm cups her cheek.] Watching you get hurt was worse than any torture. I don't know if I can do that again.

[ As his palm passes over her skin, two thoughts occur to her simultaneously.

The first is how selfish she has been. She's been so wrapped up in her own trauma, her own self loathing for what she had done to him with her death, that she hadn't given a second thought to throwing away her life again. She thought if she died again, she could somehow begin to get used to it, to steel herself from the pain. Yet, she was causing him more, and Lucifer already struggled with so much pain in his life. The last thing she wanted to do was add to it.

The second thought, though... That came with the touch of his hand, the look in his eyes. The realization that since she arrived, she has done everything that she possibly can to push him away. She wants them to stay friends, to keep things uncomplicated, to leave behind what they had at home for something better. Somehow, it all turned around on her.

Seth was right. Lucifer loves her. ]

Lucifer...

[ She presses her eyes shut, trying to push back an onslaught of tears. Her hand finds his cheek, her forehead resting against his so she can feel his breath on her face. He's there, and he's alive, and so is she, and for a moment she is transported back to a perfect moment she had almost forgotten.

This is real, isn't it? ]

I'll start being careful. I promise.

[It was one thing to touch her, to feel the smoothness of her skin against his hand, to know this may be all he ever has and to be at peace with that. Lucifer is used to getting what he wants without any effort involved, and yet the one thing he wants more than anything, he'd be happily satisfied with just this.

But the way she says his name? The bliss he feels when her hand reaches up to touch his cheek instead, it spreads a warmth through him that's simply indescribable, and he suddenly understands why Klaus would say that love, because that was definitely what this was, was worth any threat of pain.

He exhales with something akin to awe, and for one perfect moment, the reality of Wonderland and this horrible event fades into the background.]

Thank you.

[He sounds relieved, content, happy.

He also realizes that he has something he needs to say, and that he might not find a better time.]

I don't know why I did what I did back in LA. All I know is that I want to do anything I can to make it right again.

[ Her breath catches in her throat, her fingers grasping his skin and it takes everything in her to not kiss him. She feels horrible; she's supposed to be working out things with Seth, she supposed to be a bigger person than this. Chloe isn't sure where it all went wrong, when things spiraled so out of control. None of this worked out the way she meant it to, and as much of it hurts, in a way, she's relieved. ]

I... [ She pulls away from him carefully, forcing a necessary distance between them. ] You have. You're fine. It's just... I know how this is going to sound, but it's me. I have to... I need some time, okay?

[ Chloe brushes her thumb across his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath hers. The fear in her is still very real, the knowledge that neither of them know why he did what he did, that it's possible that one day he might find out why and leave her all over again. It's not a good enough excuse anymore. It hasn't changed what she feels for him, anymore than it's changed what he feels for her.

But she also knows she can't just jump into this, not like she did last time. She can't do that to Seth, or Lucifer, or herself. ]

I have to figure some things out.

[ And while she does, she can only hope he'll be willing to wait for her. She can only hope he will understand. ]

Right.

[He doesn't mean to sound dejected, but to have her start like that, to fill him with sudden and brutal hope, only to ask for time is a kind of disappointment he isn't ready for.

He's having a hard time dealing with any of this, let alone logically.

Still, what she's asking for isn't an impossible thing to give. He releases her, lets her pull away, and nods almost innocently as if he's apologizing.]

Right, of course. [He tries to smile, tries to be supportive, even if it hurts.] Take all the time you need.

[ She looks away, her heart filling with guilt because the look on his face does nothing to hide how he feels about what she's just done to him.

It's impossible to explain. How can she tell him she loves him enough to want to wait until this is right, so she doesn't screw it up? How could she make him understand the turmoil that his hold on her has thrust her into? She can't, because he doesn't remember what he does. He might know what happens between them at home, but he doesn't understand it, not in the way she does. He doesn't understand how much it hurt.

She lets out a frustrated sigh, wishing there was a way to make this easier. ]

No, Lucifer, you're not... [ She puts her hands over her face, huffing again as she tries to collect her thoughts. ] Back at home, you wanted to take things slow because this, a real relationship, I think it was a big step for you. And it was for me, too. The things that have happened to us here are a big deal and I just... I'm really not communicating this properly. [ She shrugs, looking back at him, her gaze softening. ] I care about you. That's the most important thing, okay?

It's okay, Detective. I get it.

[He thinks he does, anyway. He's trying to.]

At the moment, you're spoken for. And I actually quite like him, despite everything.

[Everything being watching him kill her. Watching him be with her. For a man who usually gets everything he wants without trying, it says something that he still gives a damn about the man who took what he cared about most in every way possible.

But he also took care of her. That was more important than anything.]

For now, this event isn't even over yet, so let's just take things one step at a time, shall we?

[ And then there was Seth. Not that she had forgotten him, by any means; he was wrapped up in all of this as much as she and Lucifer were, and he was smart enough to know it. He had warned her from the beginning how this was going to turn out, and she had insisted otherwise.

At least now she knew what she needed to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing about her life ever seemed to be. ]

Right. The event. [ She takes a breath, steadying herself with a wave of her hands. ] I'm going to stop talking, and we're going to concentrate on this event. People need help and that's what we do, you and me. We help people. So let's concentrate on that.

[He manages another smile, enjoying the way she seems to get flustered. He does always like doing that to her.

At least it's for a reason she doesn't want to knock him upside the head for.]

Preferably together, this time.

Yeah, together. Definitely.

[ She lets out a breath, finally meeting his smile with her own. ]

Though, speaking of events, there was something I wanted to tell you about. I had a really weird conversation with the Cheshire Cat and I kinda wanted to get your opinion about it.

[His eyes lift, immediately interested.]

Did you now? Well, do tell. I'm all ears.

[He looks excited, the way he always seems to when they're beginning a particularly juicy case.

As if he wouldn't want to try and unlock some of Wonderland's secrets.]

[ She tilts her head, enjoying the look on his face. His enthusiasm for their cases never got old, and besides, she's missed this. Putting their heads together, figuring things out. ]

Well, he - which, by the way, he is just as weird and creepy as he is in all the books and movies - anyway, I asked him about how he knows the events are coming. And you know how everyone has kind of assumed that Wonderland draws from our memories to create the events? I'm not sure that's actually the case.

No?

[His brow draws together. He knows that's what people think; it's what he's thought as well, considering each event had aspects of it that seemed to coincide with another person's world.]

What do you think it is, then? What did he say?

[ Chloe takes another breath, and a small amount of excitement is starting to peek through her voice as she talks. She not entirely sure how useful this is, or what it really means in the grand scheme of this place, but it's something, and that is certainly more than she's used to having around here. ]

Um, he said he could see the worlds moving closer to each other; our worlds, and Wonderland. He said to think of it like gravity and that... [ She pauses, double checking her memory to make sure she gets the working right. ] collisions cause cross-contamination. I don't think it has anything to do with our memories, Lucifer. I think, somehow, our worlds are actually making contact with Wonderland and the realities there are... bleeding through somehow.

...Interesting. Perhaps outside of the typical three dimensions that we're used to.

[That's generally somewhat outside his area of expertise, but he's at least hopped a dimension or two already.]

Do you think that, perhaps, that's what draws us here in the first place? These collisions?

Edited 2017-10-22 04:33 (UTC)

Yeah. Which is probably why I'm having such a hard time working my head around it.

[ Even if she knew the truth about him, Maze, and Amenadiel, it didn't mean she could still really contextualize it. ]

I think it's a pretty good theory at this point. They way he talked about it made it sound incidental, so I'm not sure we're necessarily here deliberately, either.

Which likely means that when people get sent home, it's not done deliberately either if I had to hazard a guess.

[He frowns.]

I'm not sure whether that's better or worse...

Definitely worse. It's bad enough that it might be random, worse because it lessens our chances of figuring out how it happens and reversing it.

[ She let's out a breath, realizing that, for the first time since she's arrived, part of her isn't in a hurry to get home. Home is good; home means Trixie, home means her life. But Wonderland... for as awful as it is, Wonderland is people she loves, people she wants to protect. Wonderland is also what might be a second chance with Lucifer, a thought she's afraid to grapple with. That was probably the problem with convincing herself he wasn't exactly the Lucifer from her world; it made him his own person, in a way, and someone she is reluctant to abandon without a second thought, even if it is inevitable. ]

I just don't like the idea of anything being random. How are we supposed to solve this if it doesn't make any sense?

I don't like it any better than you do, Detective, believe me.

[He isn't super keen on going back either, but he'd left behind a lot less than she had. He actually thinks of that from time to time these days, and still believes she wants nothing more than to get back to her little progeny.

He'll do whatever he needs to do to give that to her, if he's able.]

But I imagine we'll do it the way we've solved everything else thus far. Together.

But it's a starting point. It's better than what we had before and maybe that's something, yeah? If we keep asking questions maybe we have a chance.

[ If only he knew how complex he makes her life. ]

I know we've probably spent enough time getting touchy-feely, Lucifer but... I'm glad you're here. I don't know if I would even be able to deal with any of this without you.

Well, I'm happy to help. Besides...

[He grins...less than innocently.]

You know I'm always willing to get touchy-feely.

[/lightens the mood in the worst way possible.]

Seriously? Now? You're doing this now?

[ Insert Chloe Eye Twitch™ and an exasperated sigh as she throws her hands up in the air.

It's only half serious, though, a thinly veiled attempt at irritation when, in reality, she's a little happy that he's doing what he can to take their mind off things. ]

Just... Get your mind out of the gutter and start thinking about anything you know about parallel universes. We can regroup after this current nightmare it over.

What better time than the present, I always say.

[He doesn't seem to push it, however, as he's gotten a reaction out of her already.

He does so like those.]

Very well, Detective. Let's get to work, shall we?

[ She huffs, rolling her eyes before she nods towards the groups of people around them. Their friends need help, and with Lucifer with her, well... For the first time since she died, Chloe feels like she might be able to get passed it. ]

We shall. [ Mocking his accent a little with a smile before gesturing her hand to let him lead the way. ]

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[CLOSED] We'll take the embrace of steel.

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