[He stays quiet while she talks, expression one of dulled regret. All of it is accurate, which is the point. And the problem. He did nothing. He stood by and did nothing. He didn't protect them when he should have. He didn't try to stop them when he could have. He didn't move until it was too late to save anything worth saving.]
i would...never expect you to condone it. i don't expect forgiveness. what i did...and, mostly what i didn't do, i don't believe i deserve forgiveness. not from you or anyone.
i kept an eyesocket on them. in all the timelines. i gave them advice here and there. mostly just--to keep them in line. even in the best timeline, i threaten them. tell them i coulda killed them. god, i. i use that promise like a weapon. tell them that if i hadn't made it, i'd have killed them already. who does that? to a kid who's done nothing wrong? i mean, it...it was partially a joke, but not really. and it wasn't funny. i...
[He pauses and can't look at her anymore.]
i am not a good person.
[He's not. He has never once believed that he's good or heroic or any of it. What's heroic about standing up to the human at the end of everything?]
at this point, i kind of...don't think there's any right answers. we can't change the past. we can't undo what we did to that kid. me and all of us. the whole underground, the whole damn world.
[She says that last part, however, and his eyelights flick up to her again. How. How did he kill them? How did he manage it?]
[Here he thought there was nothing left to say, nothing they could dig out of each other. He feels--trapped, pinned down.]
i...i...
[He has to answer, he knows he does. There's no point in fighting it.]
i'm--not strong. i'm...very weak. absurdly so. but i--i'm quick. sneaky. i...cheat. i dodge their attacks. i use my strongest attack first. i don't give them time to recover. i pull the rug on them. catch them off guard. hit them too hard and fast for them to get their feet under 'em. i can't remember it, not really. but i know what i can do, what my...magic can do. it takes--
[He stops again, and manages to resist the urge to grip at his chest. He can almost feel it again, the downward arc of the knife, the way his ribs cracked and split. He hasn't thought about it in ages. Hasn't had to remember it in so long.]
i think it takes them a long time to finally kill me. with 1 HP, it doesn't...it wouldn't take as much force as they...used.
no subject
i would...never expect you to condone it. i don't expect forgiveness. what i did...and, mostly what i didn't do, i don't believe i deserve forgiveness. not from you or anyone.
i kept an eyesocket on them. in all the timelines. i gave them advice here and there. mostly just--to keep them in line. even in the best timeline, i threaten them. tell them i coulda killed them. god, i. i use that promise like a weapon. tell them that if i hadn't made it, i'd have killed them already. who does that? to a kid who's done nothing wrong? i mean, it...it was partially a joke, but not really. and it wasn't funny. i...
[He pauses and can't look at her anymore.]
i am not a good person.
[He's not. He has never once believed that he's good or heroic or any of it. What's heroic about standing up to the human at the end of everything?]
at this point, i kind of...don't think there's any right answers. we can't change the past. we can't undo what we did to that kid. me and all of us. the whole underground, the whole damn world.
[She says that last part, however, and his eyelights flick up to her again. How. How did he kill them? How did he manage it?]
[Here he thought there was nothing left to say, nothing they could dig out of each other. He feels--trapped, pinned down.]
i...i...
[He has to answer, he knows he does. There's no point in fighting it.]
i'm--not strong. i'm...very weak. absurdly so. but i--i'm quick. sneaky. i...cheat. i dodge their attacks. i use my strongest attack first. i don't give them time to recover. i pull the rug on them. catch them off guard. hit them too hard and fast for them to get their feet under 'em. i can't remember it, not really. but i know what i can do, what my...magic can do. it takes--
[He stops again, and manages to resist the urge to grip at his chest. He can almost feel it again, the downward arc of the knife, the way his ribs cracked and split. He hasn't thought about it in ages. Hasn't had to remember it in so long.]
i think it takes them a long time to finally kill me. with 1 HP, it doesn't...it wouldn't take as much force as they...used.