It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

[vitaelamorte]

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

Comments

[didntknowbest]

Look- I just... I cannot... I just do not think I can truly condone what you did. There is no way I can just, pat you on the back and tell you that you did a good job. But also- it is just- it is- I can see why you did that, and...

[Toriel isn't looking at him as she talks, and as she goes on, she's starting to kind of pace back and forth anxiously. She... doesn't seem to even actually be talking to him, actually. It's more like Wonderland is just forcing her to voice these thoughts, ranting to herself as she tries to make sense of how she should feel- because unlike before, she does have the energy to have feelings about it now.]

It is... you did not protect them in the better timelines, but. It is not like you were truly obligated to keep that promise anyway, it is not... it is not like anyone else did any better. I foisted it on you out of nowhere, so- but also, you knew I asked you that, and the fact that you apparently still watched them seems remarkably callous, but it is not like I was there, I do not know what it was like, I was dead.

Which is the other issue, too, when you did fight them, they had killed a lot of people- you said you were the only one left, and... that is such a different situation than anything I would ever have had to think about before I met Frisk. They would have killed so many- apparently nearly had the power to end the world? And doing nothing in a situation like that is-

[And Toriel just kind of... stops. Stops moving, and turns back towards Sans now with a mildly perplexed expression.]

...How did you even kill them, anyway? I saw them in what must have been the start of one of those worst timelines, and they were unbelievably strong, and they must have only gotten stronger going through the Underground, and- I have not thought about it because I have been avoiding thinking about this actually, this forced honesty nonsense keeping me from just doing something to take my mind off it means that this is actually the most thought I have given it at any one point. But anyway... that... does not really add up. I have never really known skeleton monsters to be especially strong, and... you especially, really do not seem the type.

[punful]

[He stays quiet while she talks, expression one of dulled regret. All of it is accurate, which is the point. And the problem. He did nothing. He stood by and did nothing. He didn't protect them when he should have. He didn't try to stop them when he could have. He didn't move until it was too late to save anything worth saving.]

i would...never expect you to condone it. i don't expect forgiveness. what i did...and, mostly what i didn't do, i don't believe i deserve forgiveness. not from you or anyone.

i kept an eyesocket on them. in all the timelines. i gave them advice here and there. mostly just--to keep them in line. even in the best timeline, i threaten them. tell them i coulda killed them. god, i. i use that promise like a weapon. tell them that if i hadn't made it, i'd have killed them already. who does that? to a kid who's done nothing wrong? i mean, it...it was partially a joke, but not really. and it wasn't funny. i...

[He pauses and can't look at her anymore.]

i am not a good person.

[He's not. He has never once believed that he's good or heroic or any of it. What's heroic about standing up to the human at the end of everything?]

at this point, i kind of...don't think there's any right answers. we can't change the past. we can't undo what we did to that kid. me and all of us. the whole underground, the whole damn world.

[She says that last part, however, and his eyelights flick up to her again. How. How did he kill them? How did he manage it?]

[Here he thought there was nothing left to say, nothing they could dig out of each other. He feels--trapped, pinned down.]

i...i...

[He has to answer, he knows he does. There's no point in fighting it.]

i'm--not strong. i'm...very weak. absurdly so. but i--i'm quick. sneaky. i...cheat. i dodge their attacks. i use my strongest attack first. i don't give them time to recover. i pull the rug on them. catch them off guard. hit them too hard and fast for them to get their feet under 'em. i can't remember it, not really. but i know what i can do, what my...magic can do. it takes--

[He stops again, and manages to resist the urge to grip at his chest. He can almost feel it again, the downward arc of the knife, the way his ribs cracked and split. He hasn't thought about it in ages. Hasn't had to remember it in so long.]

i think it takes them a long time to finally kill me. with 1 HP, it doesn't...it wouldn't take as much force as they...used.

[didntknowbest]

...No, you are not a good person.

[Her voice is... colder now. Significantly so.]

You were vague before. Did not give me any specific examples of what you did. You said you did not protect them, and that you were forced to kill them as an absolute last resort. These are... complicated. Difficult issues that cannot easily be written off as good or bad.

That, though. That is just... It is simply harassing, terrorizing, and threatening a child for no good reason. I cannot possibly imagine any kind of justification for that.

It is disgusting. Whatever your reasons for everything else... I am not sure I am qualified to judge you on those. This, though... I would never allow someone who would do something like that anywhere near children.

[The answer to her last question... she supposes it makes a kind of sense. Monsters have fairly strict rules for their fights. To make things fair, and to keep things safe. She's still not sure it entirely adds up, but... that hardly matters to her anymore. She just fixes a sharp glare on Sans.]

I would not say that you are anywhere near as bad as Asgore, or Mettaton. At the very least, you saved the child murder as a last resort when so much hung in the balance, instead of for petty reasons like revenge or being too afraid to tell people you changed your mind. Or whatever celebrity bullshit Mettaton pulled to be more popular. But if that single event is indicative of how you treated them on those better timelines... it is still despicable.

Stay away from my family.

[punful]

[The ice in her voice makes him flinch. Not the confirmation that he is not a good person--the tone. He's only heard her have that tone when she talks about Asgore or Mettaton.]

[So he's finally sunk to that level, then.]

i know. it was wrong. at the time i thought it was the...not the right thing to do, but...i don't know. i thought they needed the warning. they could still change everything. they could start over and do it different. if they thought i was a threat then maybe they'd think twice. but i know better now. i didn't see them as a kid. i didn't think of it that way.

i'm only explaining this because i--don't--want you to hate me. even though you should. and it's easier if you do. i still don't...want it.

[Pathetic. He's pathetic, and all those other words she used. Disgusting. Despicable.]

[Stay away from my family.]

[He wants to give in. Just say okay, and have it be done. It's only right, isn't it? He's not safe to be around kids. He's not safe to be around anyone.]

[But...]

i...can't. i can't just...chara and i are helping each other. we--promised we'd help each other. i--won't just abandon them. not again. and isn't--

[No, no, no. He tries to fight down the words.]

isn't--

[No, stop.]

isn't that--hypocritical? you--i'm sorry, but--what you did might not be as bad as the rest of us, but you still--you kill frisk sometimes. and you let seven kids just walk out when you could have protected them. you--you asked a total stranger to protect the human, but only--only the seventh. not the other six. you knew what would happen, but seven kids still walked out of the ruins, and you didn't--do anything.

[Stop, stop, stop.]

you did nothing. you could have followed that first one out. asgore never would have--i can't imagine he'd try to fight you or anything. you've said how--

[Stop.]

you've said--before how--how you can't protect your kids, but you--you must have done everything you could for chara and asriel, but the rest--the rest, you brought that on yourself. you couldn't protect them because you chose not to.

[He feels like he's going to be sick.]

i'm sorry.

[Oh god, oh god, oh god.]

[didntknowbest]

[This all sounds very, very familiar.

Probably because she just had this exact conversation with Frisk. Where she got very, very upset, and only calmed down because she just can't yell at a sad child like that.

Sans is not a child. And as she's listening to him go on, her fists are clenching, her gaze is narrowed, and honestly... she looks more furious than he's ever seen her before. In fact, once he's done, she raises one of her fists and takes a step towards him like she's going to hit him- and then stops, lowering it back down.]

...If you did not have 1 HP, I would hit you right now, Sans. How dare you. How dare you.

I did everything I could for those children. I took them into my home. I tried to be their mother. I tried to give them a happy life, but none of them were satisfied by that, and I was not going to make them a goddamn prisoner. I told them the risks, I begged them to stay, and they refused.

What do you want me to do beyond that? Go out there with them? Fight against my own people? They think humans are the enemy, thanks to Asgore. They did not listen to me when he first declared war, they were not going to listen to me after that. Monsters would have treated me as a traitor, and would have stood against me. Even if I had convinced Asgore, do you think the people would be okay with that? He had already lit a fire beneath them, made them hate humans and made them crave freedom. A King can only be in power so long as the people listen to him, Sans, that would not have been the end of it!

Frisk already told me so, so do not tell me I am just speculating! In timelines where Frisk was not as perfectly nice as they could be, where they did not personally show people that humans were not all bad, I tried to take over after Asgore died, and Undyne chased me out and forced me back to the Ruins.

The only way I could have ever protected any of those humans outside of the Ruins, was by fighting other monsters, and I could not do that. I would be killed, because I would be unwilling to kill them, and I will not have you tell me I did not do enough because I am unwilling to murder people. I will not listen to you tell me that, Sans.

[punful]

[She raises a fist and steps toward him and--ha, wow, this is how it's gonna be, huh? She's going to try and kill him. One more person he cares about is going to try and kill him. He should have known. It's always like this. This is what happens when he lets himself trust anything.]

[He'd deserve it, but he can't just do that to Papyrus, or to Alphys and Mettaton. He steps back, ready to dodge, eyesockets going wide--]

[But she stops.]

[She goes off instead. He tries to just breathe. He has never seen her this angry. So stupid, so stupid to think she'd never turn that anger on him.]

[And he can't even stop himself from interjecting. The goddamn truth, all of Wonderland's goddamn moralizing.]

you can't be everyone's mother, toriel.

[He can't just shut up.]

you don't know that's how it would happen. you don't. you don't know about timelines and resets, you didn't see everything for what it was and just--give up, the way i did. you don't even--god, toriel, the only reason undyne does that is because frisk kills my brother.

[God, no, she shouldn't have to know about that, no one should.]

the--the only example of humanity undyne sees up close, and they kill her--her best friend. and then asgore. why in the world would she believe you about humans when a human killed two of the most important people to her? you know, i--god. in those timelines i actually...you go back to the ruins, and i go with you. and i never tell you what the human did. i don't have the heart to tell you.

and i'd...i'd never tell you that murdering people was the right thing to do. never. i'd never--i'd never have expected that of you, before.

[didntknowbest]

You are right, I do not know that's how it would happen! That is how life works, Sans, you just have to use your best judgement, and try and make the right choice. Not everybody has the benefit of having magic time powers or being able to somehow know what happens in other timelines!

I thought that I was making the right choice. I thought that if I went with any of them, then I would just bring unnecessary attention to them, and be killed. Then they would be killed, and nothing would have fucking changed, except that the next child to fall would not have anyone there to find and help them.

[She just... sighs. Frustrated, that she has to keep explaining this to him. She really wants to leave and never have to deal with this again. Fucking compulsive truth.]

Humans already killed two of the most important people in the Underground. That is what set this whole goddamn thing in motion, and they did not believe me back then either. Nothing changed, until apparently, in some mythical timeline that I never got to see, some child who had the luxury of not having to worry about death, was able to do things over and over until they found perfect non-violent solution to everything, and was able to make friends with everyone.

[punful]

[He's quiet for a long while as she yells. She's still furious, but she's...calming down a bit, maybe. And Sans is losing all his will to fight. Not that he ever would have had any at all, if Wonderland wasn't such a complete nightmare.]

i'm not trying to say what you should have done. i'm not judging you. really. i'm just...my point was, all of us are guilty. all of us are equally guilty. we ruined frisk's life. we ruined chara's life, long after the fact. i...get it, toriel. you thought you were making the right choice. so did i. we all probably did. but we fucked up. we all fucked up so badly with that kid, and they...

all they did was turn around and teach us what we'd already taught them. i can't...even really blame them for that anymore. i've already forgiven them. they just don't believe me.

[He's tired. Losing people is so...]

[Tiring.]

i'm...trying to do right by them. both of them. so i can't...i'm sorry, toriel. but i can't just leave chara alone.

[didntknowbest]

Fine.

[Thank goodness, Toriel has nothing more to say to that, now. She's willing to admit that she fucked up too. She did, definitely. There's no debate that what she did in the end was a mistake.

There's only one last thing she feels worth addressing.]

I will ask Chara about it.

I do not control them. They are free to speak to who they wish. If I do not stop them from speaking to Asgore, I will not stop them from speaking to you.

If they do not want you in their life anymore, however, then I expect you to respect those wishes.

[She doesn't wait for a response. She doesn't really care what he has to say. She just continues walking, right past Sans without even looking at him, on the route she was going on before she ran into this horrible skeleton.]

[punful]

[She's already moving. Right past him. He steps aside to give her more space--just in case she changes her mind about killing him.]

[Other than that, he doesn't move. He drops his gaze to the ground.]

alright.

[If either of those kids tell him they don't want him in their life, then he will listen. That will be the end of it.]

[Like this is the end of something else.]