No, no you're worth so much more than that. [He carefully brings Fiddleford's hands down, if he'll let him.] We could stand here all week arguing about our self worth, but that won't change my mind.
You're not a villain, you're just trying to survive. I just wish I could help you find a better way to do it--a way that won't hurt you. [Ford sighs and rubs at his forehead.]
The truth is, it took me years and years to actually believe I was hot scientific stuff. [Oh. Oh God he doesn't want to talk about this but--] I know I never really talked about my childhood and I have my reasons. I always thought I was a freak, born with these hands and feet and terrible lungs that turned out to be asthmatic, and the only good thing I had for years was my brother. Then I started winning awards and actually making my parents proud, and suddenly I wasn't a freak anymore. [Ford shrugs, trying to play it off. It's not a lie, but it's pretty terrible.]
I was a nerd. And being a nerd is better than being a freak.
When Dad kicked Stanley out, I didn't even have the muscle to my brains anymore. It was just me, trying to convince Dad that science was actually a lucrative career so he'd invest in me going to school, and without Stanley? Hah! You should've seen me hit the weights and punching bag again! [No, Stanford, you don't get to gloss over that. His halfhearted attempt at a smile fades when he's compelled to elaborate.] ...I still had to fend off the guys who couldn't let the polydactyly go.
--What I'm trying to say is... I was rotten to you because I put all of my worth into being successful. I was nothing without my research. I took my shame and owned it so hard I fooled myself into thinking I was amazing--which, I am but... you get the drift. [Ford rubs the back of his neck.]
That's how I dealt with things, I pushed everyone away and hid in a laboratory. You dealt with things by erasing them from your brain so you wouldn't actually have to deal with them. If you're a coward, so am I.
[He laughs awkwardly.] I didn't tell you how I felt here in Wonderland because I was afraid you'd think I was a freak too.
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No, no you're worth so much more than that. [He carefully brings Fiddleford's hands down, if he'll let him.] We could stand here all week arguing about our self worth, but that won't change my mind.
You're not a villain, you're just trying to survive. I just wish I could help you find a better way to do it--a way that won't hurt you. [Ford sighs and rubs at his forehead.]
The truth is, it took me years and years to actually believe I was hot scientific stuff. [Oh. Oh God he doesn't want to talk about this but--] I know I never really talked about my childhood and I have my reasons. I always thought I was a freak, born with these hands and feet and terrible lungs that turned out to be asthmatic, and the only good thing I had for years was my brother. Then I started winning awards and actually making my parents proud, and suddenly I wasn't a freak anymore. [Ford shrugs, trying to play it off. It's not a lie, but it's pretty terrible.]
I was a nerd. And being a nerd is better than being a freak.
When Dad kicked Stanley out, I didn't even have the muscle to my brains anymore. It was just me, trying to convince Dad that science was actually a lucrative career so he'd invest in me going to school, and without Stanley? Hah! You should've seen me hit the weights and punching bag again! [No, Stanford, you don't get to gloss over that. His halfhearted attempt at a smile fades when he's compelled to elaborate.] ...I still had to fend off the guys who couldn't let the polydactyly go.
--What I'm trying to say is... I was rotten to you because I put all of my worth into being successful. I was nothing without my research. I took my shame and owned it so hard I fooled myself into thinking I was amazing--which, I am but... you get the drift. [Ford rubs the back of his neck.]
That's how I dealt with things, I pushed everyone away and hid in a laboratory. You dealt with things by erasing them from your brain so you wouldn't actually have to deal with them. If you're a coward, so am I.
[He laughs awkwardly.] I didn't tell you how I felt here in Wonderland because I was afraid you'd think I was a freak too.