It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

[vitaelamorte]

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

Comments

Forced Honesty

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Wow, this sucks!

Chara doesn't especially feel like being found. Ever, ha ha. They've had a taste of having the truth dragged out of them against their will before, and unsurprisingly: they hate it. One more thing that gets ripped away from them without their control. One more moment where they don't deserve the luxury of autonomy or boundaries. One more moment where people learn the truth is they aren't really the greatest person, ha ha. What fun.

So they've given up on their usual haunts. (When did they start having usual haunts? They're supposed to be unpredictable, entirely devoid of preference or wants.) They've wedged themselves unhappily into an overstuffed armchair by the fire in a randomly-chosen tearoom, their knitting bag and a dog-eared, well-read copy of a certain book tucked in with them. They'll spend the whole entire time here, completely unmoving, if they have to. Don't think they won't. Spite is a very powerful motivator.

...Okay, maybe not the whole time. They didn't pack many snacks, and they're already starting to feel restless and impatient.]

[punful]

[They've both been down this road before. Hell, they've both pretty much said everything that...needed?...to be said already. There's barely anything left to hide.]

[So despite the fact that he's trying to avoid people, when he spots Chara, he can't help but be a bit relieved. If there's any two people here who know how to navigate this event, it's them.]

[And teleporting everywhere gets tiring. He'd rather sit down for a bit. Knitting, now there's an idea. There's a pretty damn good idea, actually. He's been neglecting it for months.]

if i grab some yarn and such, can you...remind me how to cast on? i always forget. can take it elsewhere if you'd rather be alone. knitting just sounds kinda perfect right now.

[fulllifeconsequences]

Yes. I'll teach you.

[Nobody is actually safe to talk to. Not in an event like this. More than ever, being around people is terrifying. More than ever, every conversation has to be approached like a game of chess. But Sans is... they've tread this ground before. Already went and got it all out of their systems, huh? They're not completely sure they even have any secrets left that he hasn't heard.

If they're already talking to someone, others are less likely to try and ask them anything probing. Nothing is really safe, but this is... about as close to safe as it's going to get, for Wonderland. They can just... sit. Talk about knitting. Do something other than slowly lose their mind to restlessness.

They might... call it a relief, even.

They pull their own current project from their knitting bag, set it aside, hold the bag out to him.]

I've got a few extra bits with me. Grab some needles and a skein of whatever you think is pretty. Saves you having to find a closet.

[punful]

[He smiles very gently.]

thank you.

[It's not really safe, and one or both of them will probably come up with some way to turn this around, but for now it can just be...simple. And god does he need simple right now.]

[He takes the bag when it's offered, pulling out a spare pair of needles and a ball of blue thread. There's not much, but maybe he can make a single sock. It'd be kind of funny if he had just one sock without a mate. Then he sits down in the chair opposite them.]

i remember the knit and purl stitches. it's just casting on and off. it always gets away from me.

[fulllifeconsequences]

Yeah, casting off's a pain. Casting on's more fun, especially if you looooove counting.

[And they're both kind of all about numbers, aren't they?]

There's more than one way to do it, you know. If you don't like one method, you can just do another. Can you do knitted? The one where you almost do a knit stitch, but you don't take it off the needle.

[First one they ever learned. A good one for beginners, because even if you forget the complicated fancy work another method might involve, you definitely remember how to do a knit stitch. That one becomes muscle memory before anything else.]

You know, I think you'd make a better knitter than me. It needs patience. A good head for patterns and counting and memorizing. ...People to knit for.

[punful]

heh, always did like numbers.

[Not as much as the mathematicians, the engineers. But there was always an elegant simplicity to numbers. They made sense. Numbers never lie.]

that...sounds familiar. that might be the one i learned. how do i not take it off the needle?

[He makes a sort of haphazard attempt, but he can't figure out where the loose end is supposed to hang.]

i dunno. patience is only part of it. you got commitment. you start something and you finish it. me, heh, i give up too easy.

[A few dropped stitches, a few dead friends or family members, and what's the point in continuing?]

[fulllifeconsequences]

Okay, so... start with a slipknot on one needle, right? You do it on the stage where you've got your working needle poked into a stitch. You kind of pull it away a bit, so the loop gets really big. Then you add a stitch by wrapping the working yarn, like... oh, I'm bad at explaining it out loud. Watch.

[They pick up their own project, dig the needle through one of the loops. Go through it slowly, step by step, with lots of pauses to show him what they're doing. Don't grab his hands and tug them through the motions, because that's touch, feels like a level of control-taking they don't particularly want to reach for. Just let him learn by doing. They can pull the extra stitches off their own work easily enough.]

This will be good practice finishing what you start, then. You can make socks, you know. Or toys for 4. Or the most humiliating cat sweaters that your imagination can dream up. The power you hold in your hands as we speak is entirely without limit.

[punful]

okay, so like...

[He tries to follow along, but it's easier once they actually demonstrate. It's a little hard since he has to actually mirror their actions, and the stitch falls off once, but he gets it back. It's sloppy, but after a few moments, he has his first stitch.]

theeerrree we go. first step done.

[The knit stitch is simple enough from there. He takes it slowly, thinking maybe he'll just do a scarf for now. Scarves are easy.]

man, little cat sweaters. he'd hate that so much. probably rip them to shreds. socks, though...maybe i could figure out designs. patterns. make gifts or something.

[The possibilities are endless. It's weird to feel this sense of...creativity. It's different.]

[fulllifeconsequences]

Yeah, just like that. Now you just have to repeat step one about fifty to ninety times.

[Ha. That's knitting, right? Just do the same step for about two weeks, and you're there! Maybe it feels a little easier than most things because it is just a single step. One little thing, one little thing, one more little thing, until you end up with something massive built entirely out of those tiny gestures.]

That, too, is within your power. You're used to making things, aren't you? You build machines.

[He had blueprints and a broken mass of metal in his secret lab. He knew how to make the DT Extractor. So... he knows how, right? He makes sense of blueprints full of complex little diagrams and illegible handwriting and pieces them together.]

It's exciting, is it not? Having the potential to... to want something to exist, and just make it happen, like that.

[punful]

repetition is something we're good at.

[He actually winks at them, despite himself. The good humor is genuine. Maybe it's not really...the best idea, to make light of all that, but. Well, Sans has never really been accused of taking things too seriously. And Chara has an irreverent streak a mile wide. So maybe it's okay.]

[He keeps knitting, starting on the first row.]

kinda. sorta. i was never an engineer.

[This isn't something he particularly wants to talk about, but on the other hand...at this point, it's pretty harmless stuff, right?]

there's, heh, there's actually a lot of jokes in the sciences, about engineers vs. the rest of us. engineers do. the rest of us just kinda...think, and write things down. you know, you'd--probably make a pretty good engineer. you've got the head for it.

[Sans has endless respect for engineers, like Alphys. They get things done. They do the heavy lifting, and they've got the minds to design things and make them real.]

it...is, yeah. it's nice. and i like that the process is so...meditative.

[fulllifeconsequences]

[Ordinarily, they would smile and nod knowingly. Just stick to agreement that knitting is a great way to switch off for a bit, teasing quips about how Sans doesn't even have an on switch, wry remarks about how the only career they're cut out for is worm food. Ordinarily, they'd pretend to be following along, because they know everything an adult knows. They're clearly totally definitely just as smart as a guy with a literal fuckign PhD, you guys.

Alas, then, that this is still a forced honesty event.]

I don't even know what an engineer does, [they confess, looking kind of mortified at themself. Their cheeks going even redder than usual, they add:] I just thought they drove trains.

[You see "engineer" in the picture books and cartoons, at least, and that's what it involves. Doesn't seem all that sciencey at all.]

I mean... I guess I could drive a train if I really put my mind to it. I got to drive the Mako for a little bit, once.

[punful]

hee hee, yeah, that's pretty confusing, huh? they shoulda thought of a better word. at least underground, we don't have trains to confuse them with. i think most monsters don't even know what a train is. i actually...well, the truth is, i'm not entirely sure myself?

[Which is kind of embarrassing to admit. He knows they run on tracks, and he knows they're like...long metal vehicles. Beyond that, he has no idea.]

shepard's tank, right? sounds like fun. but nah, an engineer is like alphys. i think al is multi-disciplinary--uh, that means she's in multiple scientific fields. engineers design and build things. there's lots of different kinds. but the main point is the designing and the building. tools, machines, bridges. all kinds of stuff. it's basically the practical application of math and science.

[fulllifeconsequences]

Trains are just really big cars. They're both big metal things fueled by burning.

[Aren't they? You shovel coal into trains. Or maybe they're electric now, if they're still around at all? They must still be around. You could hear a distant train whistle on quiet nights on the surface, they remember, in that silent little backwater village. It's weird that he wouldn't know that. It's so - it seems like the kind of thing he'd know. He'd... they really do believe he knows everything, don't they?]

Alphys could definitely build one if she felt like it. Then she could be every kind of engineer.

[Would make a better use of her time than... well, no, that's bitter. Asriel's not a flower right now. Don't be like that.]

I've built something, too. I built that potato gun that one time!

[It's the sort of thing that should end with a period, not an exclamation mark. It's just a stupid juvenile weapon. They shouldn't be proud of it. They should be set against proving him right about anything, even something neutral like making a good engineer. Again, their face goes redder. They start knitting again, just so their hands are doing something, just so they don't look pleased or bashful or uncertain or... whatever they are?]

[punful]

that makes sense...if it's a big enough combustion engine, then it could probably generate enough force to pull a heavy load. huh, maybe that's why they're called engineers?

[Hey, that does make a lot of sense.]

she'd be an engineer engineer. a double engineer.

[He grins, because that's utterly perfect.]

maybe we could get her to install a whole train line through wonderland. so we don't have to walk as much.

[The joke of course being that he barely walks anywhere, anyway.]

ah, yeah, i remember that. you end up launching any potatoes? how far'd they go?

[That was one of the things he sort of wanted to try doing as a kid, but it was of course way too dangerous. Even the chemistry set he got for Gyftmas one year was deemed too dangerous. Especially after he discovered what sodium does when it's thrown in water.]

[He's still knitting, and after a handful of decent stitches, he pauses, remembering how to start the next row.
Yeah, this thing is going to end up probably a scarf or something, if he can actually commit to it.]

[sciencelizard]

[Alphys is also trying to find someplace to hide out, walking down the halls swaddled in a pink fluffy magical girl blanket and poking her head into tearooms before she settles. She opens the door, not expecting anyone to actually be there, but shirks back immediately when she sees who it actually is. Oh, damn. Oh damn.]

I'm sorry, I-- I didn't think there was anyone in here.

[fulllifeconsequences]

[They twist in their chair, peering suspiciously over the tall, overstuffed back.

Oh. Her.

Chara squints, mostly content to not say a single word to her at all ever, but for the very, very pink thing that she's swaddled in.

They think they see a character they recognize printed on its fleecy surface. And, because they get curious and it never seems to occur to them to not probe, they speak up. That impulsive need to know more never quite fails to get the better of them, does it?]

What is that? The blanket, I mean.

[sciencelizard]

[She jumps a bit at the question, certainly not what she expected out of them-- or, well, what did she expect out of them? They haven't spoken in months. She's been doing her best not to hurt Asriel, but he's sought her out more than once now. All of this moves through her head without time to process, and she slides the blanket off her head and shoulders, holding up the design. It's patterned with different famous magical girl heroes- of course including Mew Mew.]

I got it out of the closets. I just uh, started saying Mew Mew at it until it found me stuff.

[A good strategy, at least apparently. But the other thoughts have been swimming in her head too long, and thanks to Wonderland, she can't stop them.]

I didn't speak to him until he contacted me. I've been trying to stay out of his life. Asriel's, I mean, I-- I know that's what you wanted.

[fulllifeconsequences]

Oh.

[It's... ridiculous, probably, the sheer amount of power Asriel's name has over them. She mentions him, and the wretched, awful forced honesty that this place is putting everyone through slams into their chest, burrows and clamps and squeezes out an answer, even if they'd rather dismiss it with cold silence.]

What did you talk about?

[They shouldn't care. He can take care of himself. He probably apologized and cried and made friends, and now she loves him, and everyone's happy. Who cares?]

I'm - I'm really -

[It's obvious how reluctantly it comes out, each word clearly being forced out by a losing battle between their own stubborn steely wall and the truth Wonderland is bent on setting free.]

I'm so worried about him. I don't think he's... coping. Very well. At all.

[sciencelizard]

M-Me either.

[It feels... weird, to be on any kind of level with Chara, especially one concerning Asriel. Is she allowed to be concerned about him? Is she allowed to even care, after it was her fault?]

He just, uhm-- I guess Sans told him he was here before. And he wanted to know about it, uh, what I knew, and what other people did. But... I d-don't know. I felt bad keeping it from him, but it's hard to say how he's actually doing with it? Or if, uhm... he's doing anything at all.

[fulllifeconsequences]

It's like this every time.

[And isn't it hilarious that they can even say "every time?" A real revolving door of Asriels! Don't think too hard about which one even belongs to the same world as you, which one you aren't a stranger to because his Chara has freckles or is taller or actually controls fire effortlessly!]

He's... himself, again. He has the compassion he wished for. He has the friend he always wished he had. He can be with his parents again. But he never... he isn't coping. He doesn't move forward at all. It's never a second chance for him.

...Usually, he's scared of me.

[sciencelizard]

[She really doesn't know if she's allowed to be the one having this conversation. As the person who caused part of this heartache, as the monster who ruined him, does she get any say in his future?]

I mean, it's... how do you d-deal with something like that, you know? How can you be ok with it happening and then not anymore?

[She fidgets, not really sure how to phrase this.]

When you carry something like that for so long, and then it's just done... y-you don't want to bring people you love back there. You just want it never to have happened.

[fulllifeconsequences]

...Happiness always used to be so effortless for him.

[It came so easily, over the smallest things. Snails. Some stupid made-up thing Chara said. A hug from his Dad. Before Chara's intervention, everything Wonderland offers him is everything he'd always needed to be content.]

Until I took everything away from him. The things he wanted more than anything, and he can't find joy in them, and it's all... I keep looking at him and thinking it's my fault. It's all because of what I did to him.

[It's humiliating to admit this. It's humiliating to admit this to her. She's probably going to roll her eyes. Oh, like you're the one who has guilt, Chara? How selfish are you, if you're making his pain all about you? Gross. Disgusting. No wonder he didn't want you to be in anyone's happily ever after, if that's the kind of attitude you've got.]

[sciencelizard]

[Alphys doesn't know how to look at Chara, when they admit this. This sort of thing that's always felt- well, of course it's personal, it's family. It's messy. It's feeling like you are always the invader even in your own story, home, accomplishments. Feeling like you'll never truly belong.]

You didn't-- you didn't d-do it. Tragedy isn't always your fault just because... you were there. I know it's hard to uhm, know that, s-sometimes, when it's about you, because I don't believe it about myself either. But I hope you can.

[It's something she'd like to believe for herself. But she doesn't. She pauses for a second to collect her thoughts,
but still starts talking sooner than she'd like.]

It's... I mean, it's easy to blame yourself and feel bad about it and then let that stop you from doing anything. And, uh, if you don't have... I mean, if you d-don't have closure, it's hard to help other people, too. It's okay you... you feel like that. Even if you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

[fulllifeconsequences]

...Is it okay...?

[What are they doing, asking her of all people? It was effortless for her. One date with some pretty girl, and she's totally able to purge all her mistakes. It works out flawlessly. She's totally forgiven. Nobody's hurt or resentful. She gets a big, loving hug from her boss. She's had some kind of talk with Asriel here, and they probably cried and hugged and everyone's perfectly happy with each other.

(Why didn't Asriel tell them he went to see Alphys?)

They slouch down a fraction lower in their chair, before catching themselves and forcing their posture back to its board-straight default. Sulk in your head. Keep your body out of it. Sit up properly, keep your face polite.]

If the people who you hurt are never going to get over what you did, then why should you get to? How is it fair to make him watch me be perfectly happy here, while he's still miserable? I can't say that I'm remorseful at all if I'm just going to move on and leave him behind in the dark.

[They were always inseparable. They trusted him with their SOUL, and nobody else. They wanted their fate to be intertwined with his forever. Is there any justice at all, then, in flourishing here while he's still trapped in stasis?]

[sciencelizard]

[Oh, if only she was so lucky for it to have been that easy. Other people forgiving her, sure. But her forgiving herself? Never so simple.]

I... I have a hard time with that, too.

[She doesn't even really know what to say here. In her time in the Mansion, a number of people have consoled her on this, on her actions. What have they said? What did they do to make her believe it?]

You can't... you can't change what happened. But if you don't move, uhm, p-past it, you'll never get the chance to do anything else. It doesn't have to define you.

[This feels fake, somehow, and Wonderland knots the less than beautiful truth from her.]

I know it feels that way. Like one thing you do defines you forever and you can't ever do better because you're just faking to cover the bad things you did, even if-- e-even if everyone else is just okay, for some reason, or they're just telling you that because there's nothing you can do to ever fix it so you just... have to.

[Alphys sighs, finally looking towards them. They're so rigid. She's so enclosed. They both have their ways of hiding their soft spots.]

I... I have to. There's only moving forward. I can't s-stay in one spot forever. Neither can he.