entrancelogs | It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you!

Entry tags:

It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Given the understanding we have of how short your tenure is there, one imagines that they're changed quite readily. Barriers aren't easily torn down, but it's not impossible to break them.

[ even now, it sounds like greek to her -- to have watched dooley's desk pass to thompson of all people. and maybe jack had it in him to be a good man, yes, but peggy's not convinced he could yet make a good agent. not with the more corrupt parts of the war department breathing down his neck and painting him pretty pictures what he could achieve if only he would toe their line.

fitz is talking about breaking barriers; peggy's thoughts are still wrapped up in trying not to get arrested for acting against her own organization. ]

It's maddening. [ she huffs, almost as if in concession. ] To be talked about like I'm someone's feel-good fairy tale.

[ the role model, the barrier-breaker, the bloody party princess -- that last one courtesy of daisy. ]

I wish you wouldn't.

If you don't want to be treated as an inspiration, Ma'am, then you might want to stop acting as one. I'm quite certain I'd let you lead me into a war zone for reasons that have nothing to do with your name or reputation.

[She radiates leadership out of every pore in her body.]

[ is this what steve feels like, she wonders? when someone can't see past the shield, the stars, the stripes. when they see captain america instead of steve rogers. propaganda posters and lunch boxes. is that what's happened to her?

name and reputation, fitz says, and although he disavows them as influences on his opinion -- peggy can't help but suspect they're impossible to divorce from one another. something clenches in her jaw and, for a moment, it looks as though she might lash out with more than just her words.

the urge subsides. ]

-- Follow me into a war zone, Agent Fitz, and I'll get you killed. I'm awfully good at it.

[ in the end, she'd rather have hit the poor sod. it would have been better than the truth. ]

Edited 2017-10-29 03:28 (UTC)

Well it would hardly be the first time for me. I'm getting to be quite good at it. Though it might be nice to see what it's like to die by means that don't include asphyxiation.

[He winces. See, this was why food was Plan A.]

I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to be so glib. It's... more that the risk of death is always present. And if you're the one who gets to come home after it's over, that isn't always a mark against you.

[ no, he's right, it's not a mark. it's a reef -- built up over time and intent to ward off anyone else from getting too close or else risk losing them too.

although (as ever) she must remind herself that 'losing' is too kind a way to put it. ]

...Asphyxiation? [ oh, god, she can't even help herself. can't stop the question before it tumbles out. ] What happened?

Which time?

[He doesn't want to talk about either time. The clarifying question is a tactic to delay the answers he'd rather not share.]

Let's start with the first.

[ oh, christ. ordinarily she manages to have a bit more tact than this.

but only a bit. ]

That one was Hydra. A mole infiltrated our team, and had been exposed. Even faced with all the evidence, I didn't want to believe it. Tried to talk him into siding with us again. That gave him time to corner us. He locked us in a medpod and sent it to the bottom of the ocean. It was just Jemma and me. We were both injured. I could use the first aid tools to develop a breathing apparatus, but it was only enough to give a single lungful of oxygen.

[He shrugs, unable to clamp down on the words falling into sequence, a train barreling out of its station.]

I wasn't going to be responsible for Jemma's death. So I didn't give her the chance to say no to me. Bit selfish of me, to not be open to debate. I suspect she's still cross about it.

[ hydra. her gut twists. it seems that so many of these future snafus can be traced back to those many heads and the ssr's failure to eradicate them properly once the war had finished.

but in the end it's not about hydra. not really. it's about fitz's choice, and the fact that he denied simmons the dignity of making her own. that said: ]

I can't say I would have done it any differently. [ selfish, not open to debate, taking that immediate opening and using it to save a life. a treasured one, at that -- she understands he must treasure her given their argument during the last event. ]

There might've been another way out. I'm just not smart enough to have thought of one.

[In any of the ways he's gone over that scenario in his head, agonizing over each moment and choice for the last two years.]

[ -- and his self-flagellation, his guilt, his raking himself over the coals of his own perceived inadequacy...it's all very heartrending. and if peggy had a moment to think to herself, she might have found a kind word to say.

but the event compels her onward. with a tilt of her chin, she asks the obvious question: ] Does this mean you're dead back home?

[ the way he described it? she has no reason not to believe he isn't talking about a legitimate complete death. ]

What? Oh -- no, nothing like that.

[It's just that his penchant for hyperbole manages to find a way even during an event like this.]

I wasn't dead for very long. It was still within a reviveable timeframe. [Because bringing people back from the edge of death is something they can do in the future.] My brain was without oxygen for several minutes, but the brain damage was minimal. As. Minimal as can be expected. [He should stop there, but he doesn't.] I had to relearn speech. It was a frustrating time. Still have episodes every here and there -- they're quite embarrassing when they happen.

[ ordinarily, she might have registered her sympathy. at this point -- even given her own nature -- she knows better than to downplay a person's struggle to adjust after the fact. but... ]

There's nothing embarrassing about being alive. [ a beat. ] Consider the alternative.

[ better his episodes, perhaps, than being dead. it's a similar sentiment to what she once told daniel sousa: you're one of the lucky ones. ]

[ his instinct is to fall silent and let her make her assumptions. It's still not an option. ]

The alternative would have killed me then instead of leaving me alive to endanger the entire planet now. [ he slams his fist on the countertop, frustrated. It unsettled the dishes, setting cups clanging along their plates. ]

And I can't stop telling you things you shouldn't bloody know.

[ temper, temper. ]

Bit late for that. [ she doesn't wince even as the china clatters and the table trembles. ] I've been told all sorts of things I shouldn't know. And you're not the only one to blame. Most of you have remarkably loose lips -- even without the event to nudge you along.

[ ...whups. ]

[ He's bad about that, it's true. ]

It's different when we tell you why you matter. You don't need to know how completely we've wrecked everything you stood for.

I don't mean solely the bits about me, Agent Fitz. [ she can be a bit short-sighted, at times, but not to a fault. ] Or the bits about SHIELD.

[ it's her turn to betray a flicker of genuine emotion. a soured expression -- a clenching of her jaw. ]

Given the mere existence of the Winter Soldier, I believe I can safely say things got cocked up well before you were even born.

[His eyes widen at the reference alone.]

As I understand it, the Winter Soldier is dead. Wasn't there an incident with the Captain...?

[Look, it was a really busy, confusing time for SHIELD. The full debrief never happened on their end.]

-- I imagine there were quite a few incidents with the Captain. [ which she says with more bitterness than she'd like to display. it's something painful. it's something personal. ]

But as far as I've been made aware, Barnes lives. Steve is protecting him.

[ which she both understands and doesn't understand. ]

[ perhaps it's fortunate then that her slip happened around someone who doesn't easily pick up on nuance. The flecks of bitterness shoot right over his head. ]

"Barnes...?"

[ he doesn't actually know the Winter Soldier's identity. It's never come up.

[ -- he doesn't know? peggy pauses for a moment, digests that information, and recognizes that there's no concrete reason that he should. as one of the commando's, his name was recent history back in '47. captain america's intrepid best friend. charmer. crack shot.

peggy offers a wave of her hand and a curt, almost cold recitation of the facts she's learned: ] James Barnes. Went MIA back in '45. HYDRA found him.

[ and the ssr didn't. ]

So the Winter Soldier was an American traitor?

[ it figures. Hydra always seems to know exactly what to do to work into someone's life and become the central focus of it. Bastards.]

No. Not quite.

[ her correction is quick and sharp -- as though she's unhappy to find herself defending bucky barnes. it's not a position she wants to be in, given what she saw in tony's room.

given what she learned from steve. ]

The Winter Soldier was a Howling Commando -- a good man, I fought along side him -- but Steve said mind and will were taken from him. Hypnotized or brainwashed or whatever word you want to use.

[ now it's her turn to go reaching for a scone, breaking it in half before she stuffs some in her mouth. god, if she says any more... ]

Edited 2017-10-31 16:01 (UTC)

[ his eyes drop down then. Oh.

It's a tactic they continue to use. They have forces that specialize in it. It's an incredibly invasive process, from what I understand. We're still learning about methods of rehabilitation. When we're able to rescue victims at all. [ he fidgits, and busies himself with fetching some of the cream she asked for earlier. ] They have a habit of lashing out. It isn't safe to be near them.

... I'm sorry about your friend.

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