entrancelogs | It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you!

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

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No, you didn't see this!

[She doesn't want to say this, doesn't want to admit anything, but it spills out of her mouth. She begins to back up, trying to find a place where he can run away.]

You only saw my life before I came here! You've never seen my memories of Wonderland! You've never seen what I've done!

[ That freezes Mondo on his spot. What? What could have happened here, in her time in Wonderland? The paranoia he's since placed carefully in the shelf comes crashing down like an earthquake hit it. He's got nothing but bad feeling about this. ]

What did you do?

[ Words roll out unfiltered from his mouth, and he doesn't even care at this point. As much as he hates to suspect someone he's put in the clear, he needs to know if she's a threat. While he, out of all people, can't judge anyone for what they've done, he's got to make sure someone who's friendly with Ishimaru isn't going to harm him. ]

[don't ask don't ask don't ask - and of course he asks, and even though she pulls on her hair as hard as she can, it all comes out.]

One time during a Wonderland event, I hurt anyone who came to the clinic so I could take care of them!

[ Had this been a normal conversation, he'd be use some other roundabout methods to ask this, but god. He really has zero control on his tongue. But that's the same for her, it's obvious she doesn't want to say it by the way she's pulling her hair. Without thinking much, he grabs her wrist, as gentle as a Mondo Oowada could. Hopefully that stops her from hurting herself. Not that he cares either way, she can do whatever she wants but... not in front of him.

Sorry Tsumiki, he's still going to ask more. ]

The fuck does that mean? You hurt them so you can patch them back up or some shit?

[ Even though he said it himself, that sounds... really fucked up. That's not it, right? ]

[She cries out as she's grabbed, and then lowers her head, shaking as she sobs.]

... It was an event. Everyone's emotions were heightened... And I felt... I felt so useless, because death isn't permanent, and no one needed me... So I... I tricked people into coming into the clinic... That's when I hurt them...

I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm really really scared that it could happen again... I don't want to be that person! I didn't want you to find out! I didn't want you to know about that side of me!

[ Shit, so it's the event again! They've apparently fucked with memories before, now emotions too?! ]

Goddammit!

[ He curses at the air, directing his outburst to a direction that's not Tsumiki's face ー so thankfully, she doesn't need an umbrella for that brief saliva rain. The Red Queen? The Queen of Hearts? The Jabbuh-something? Who's responsible for all these events? ]

...!

[ The anger that's building up immediately dissipates when he feels the tremble within the grasp of his palm. Tsumiki's still sobbing in distress, even without her saying it aloud, it's clear how terrified she is. ]

Tsu-- Tsumiki...

[ Shit, what does he do at this situation? There's no one around them now, and he's left to deal with this on his own. Come on, think, what do you do to calm people down, think! He intensely stares at Tsumiki like that would help anything, but the more he tries to think, the more he can't focus. ]

Look, it's fine. We're fine now...

[ They're not exactly 'fine', with their tongues being controlled, but at least it's not their memories or emotions that are being fiddled with. ]

You're... you're not that person.

[ Tsumiki was being controlled by the event. It wasn't her will to do all that, and yet people were still hurt. That's the most frustrating bit about it ー he gets it, even though his situation was different. She's in a much better place than he is, it didn't come naturally from her. Sure, there's no telling if that event can happen again, but they're alright now, and that's what matters.

Feeling that his words won't get through in her state now, his free hand reaches out and settles on her head. It's the only gesture he's done that has proved to evoke a positive feeling ー at least that's what happened when he did it to Jon. Not so much in Damian's case, it seemed, but at least... he hopes this will help something.

.....Or will it, if he's just putting it there. ]

But I am, it came from me, it...

[She trails off, startled by that sudden gesture of affection. She's stunned - as someone who's still getting used to hugs, and someone who didn't think Mondo was capable of such tenderness. It doesn't completely stop her dry-heaving cries, but it does begin to slow and quiet them down.

She stares at him in something like awe. As someone who died, wouldn't he want to stay away from a person capable of cruelty? Shouldn't he wanted to run away from this madwoman? Why was he bothering? What... kind of person was he, really?]

You... you don't... want to leave me...?

[ It only really hits him what he's doing when her sobbing quiets down. He's actually initiating a touch to a chick! Holy crap. Well, it's not like he's doing anything wrong, he's just putting a hand on her head ー but still... god, he's beginning to sweat quite a bit. This is hella embarrassing now that he's conscious of it. Looking away, he clears his throat in discomfort.

But the blush that he has on his cheeks for a few moments quickly fade. The expression in his face turns solemn when she asked him the question. 'Does he not want to leave her'? What kinda question's that? ]

...Well, not now, anyway.

[ Haha wow, thanks, event. He just sounds one and a half more insensitive than usual now! ]

'Course I don't wanna deal with you when you're goin' crazy. [ Taking his hand off her head, he crosses his arms. Look, he's got a reason for this. ] I can't die. I've got someone I gotta protect here. [ Still, that can't be nice to hear, can it? He sighs. ] But you said it yourself, they amped your emotions. Whatever emotions they are, 'course they'd drive you crazy. You can do wacky shit when you're too happy too. ...Unlike me.

[ ...! Shit, what's he spouting?! That's one phrase too many. Fuck, fuck. ]

[Someone to protect? That's odd - just someone, not multiple people, like his classmates? Does he value one over the other? Why? She wants to ask, but that is absolutely not her right.

Of course she's not perfect, and the curiosity makes her blurt it out without meaning to.]

What do you mean, unlike you?

[...she then realizes-]

Ah! No! I'm sorry! I shouldn't be asking you anything!

[ Hah. Of course she'd ask. He can't blame her for that, not when this event is ongoing. He can't help looking so obviously pissed off, though ー it's mostly towards himself, but what can he do? There's no use crying over spilled milk. ]

.....

[ He tries gritting his teeth, biting down his lips, but of course that doesn't work. ]

...You... saw my execution, didn't you?

[ Ah, whatever. There's no point hiding it anyway now that he's gone this far. He looks straight at Tsumiki. ]

You know what that means.

...

[She turns her head away, eyes shut.]

... I... I didn't want to believe it. Even though I've seen two of them myself... I didn't want to know...

[She's seen two of those horrible executions, and prayed to never see another for the rest of her life. And yet she'd seen his trap, and she knew what it meant, and she tried to bury that meaning...]

... On the island, we had two murders. It was wrong... They were wrong. But they did it for someone they loved... He just wanted to see his sick mother... She did it so the one she loved could escape... We were all pushed to such awful extremes...

You... I want to believe, if it wasn't for those extremes... if it wasn't for that bear and his awful game... that you'd never do such a thing!

[ It's fucking painful to think about how the academy he put all his hopes on, the academy that was known for its prestige, was actually one fucked up system in which they trapped students and forced them into committing murders. And yet it's real. He saw it happened. He did it, himself. And even if he had heard of Tsumiki's confirmation on what happened with her class before, hearing more details on it simply disheartened him further. ]

I... [ Would he do it, if it wasn't for that goddamn bear robot and everything else? Not with a clear mind, he can say for sure, but... what if his mind isn't? What if he loses himself like that time with Fujisaki? ] I dunno. [ His head tilts down. ] I dunno what I'm capable of anymore. I didn't even know what I was doing when I killed someone then.

[It's a horrible tense silence that falls between the students. Mikan doesn't want to look up, and is afraid to speak. But they can't leave things like this. They have to move on.

She swallows, hard.]

... If Wonderland takes control of me... If it puts that ugly side of me in power again... if I wind up trying to hurt you, or the ones you're trying to protect...

... I would forgive you for killing me.

[ He lifts his head, looking at Tsumiki in disbelief. What's she talking about? ]

What... what the hell're you sayin'...

[ But it's true. As much as he doesn't want to think about killing anyone else, he knows deep down that he's capable of doing it if Ishimaru or Jon's in danger. But does it matter to him whether Tsumiki forgives him or not? Does he even care about that? ]

...Even so, I won't forgive myself.

[ Surprised at his own words, Mondo's eyes widen after it escapes him. Is that what he feels? Is he actually still scared of having to kill someone at this point? In his confusion, he tears his eyes away from Tsumiki and stands there lost. What does he even feel about the people around him at this point? He thought all these time he just valued those who can be 'useful' allies in order to protect what matters to him, but... he doesn't really know anymore at this point. ]

... Then you understand.

[She moves to wipe the remaining tears on her face, finally looking at him again.]

I can't forgive myself for what I've done, even if I wasn't entirely in control. And you can't forgive yourself for things you did out of desperation.

... No matter how many nice things are said, no matter how much our friends love us... They can't erase that feeling. It might get weaker over time... but it never truly leaves.

[She's not sure if that will be a comfort to him, or make things worse, but it's what she's been through. If her suffering could bring consolation to someone... maybe it would have a point.]

I think... it's okay to feel bad like that. Because the other options... might make us... truly awful people.

[ Out of desperation, huh. ...That sure is a way to put it.

To his surprise, things that she's telling him are... actually refreshing to him, in a sense. Having someone who can share a similar feeling is significant. Sure, the degree of their situation is different. In Tsumiki's case, it was completely outside her control. In his case, he probably could've controlled it, or even stopped it, if he handled the situation in a different way.

But even he knows, that what matters here now isn't whose sin is bigger, nor what could've gone right back then. It all already happened in the past, and it could never be changed nor erased. That's exactly why they can't just stand still where they are. They are now here, living, and like what Ishimaru said, learning from their mistakes. They just got to make the most out of it. ]

Yeah. It'll never leave. But it doesn't need to. Like you said, the moment we stopped feeling guilty, probably 's the moment we're over as a human. 's just somethin' we gotta carry on our backs till our end, y'know?

[ He readjusts the items in his arms so he can balance them with one, as the free one rubs against his own nape. ]

Then again, doesn't mean you gotta lay everything out in the open. 's not always a good thing to share everything. If ya don't want anyone in yer room, ya can get some key, can't ya?

My lock was broken a while ago... but the hall closest can probably provide a new key.

[The tears have completely stopped now, and she seems to have calmed down significantly. Maybe it's because it was't instant forgiveness or constant reassurance, it was just... mutual suffering and mutual understanding.]

... Thank you, for talking to me. I know you won't think it's much, but... you could have just as easily ignored me. Talking, really talking, takes effort. So... yes... thank you.

Then what're you waitin' for? Let's get one so you don't gotta worry about people seein' stuff!

[ Her words after stop him from walking further, though, eyes widening at the unexpected gratitude. ]

...Well, thanks for saying all thos--bfhmpff!! [ Don't mind him, he's just smacking himself in the face in desperate attempt to hide his bashfulness. Goddammit, this stupid tongue control... Still, he can't deny that it feels good to establish this kind of dynamic. Just like Tsumiki, he probably has always looked for this: a mutual understanding, instead of reassurance or forgiveness. ]

... Mmm ... Mmmph... heehee!

[Maybe it's because having Mondo so flustered is super cute, or having such a silly moment during all this seriousness broke the tension, maybe both, but it caused Mikan to giggle quietly, although she manages to cover her mouth with her hands apologetically.]

Y-You're welcome!

Tch! Oi!! What's so funny!!

[ It's hard to think they had some deep conversation just seconds ago, looking at how they are now. Mondo's just pointing and huffing angrily at her. ]

Dammit... Is this the event fuckin' with us again?! [ No, just you saying the truth. ] C'mon, let's get goin'! I'm leavin' you if you're gonna stand around there!

Heehee..! Y-Yes, I'm right behind you!

[She smiles, genuinely happy, even though she knows it will be brief. She follows him, and although she doesn't want him to hear the maniac screams of the Past Her from her room... she is content to be at his side. Despite his sins... she still believes there's more good to him than bad.

He's a friend.]

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

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