entrancelogs | It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you!

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

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[She nods at him. Though she never noticed him trying more, she can also accept that it's true. Especially given the event.

But knowing that it's true, and thinking about the state Sans is in... He told the entire network he was depressed during that one event. She knows some of the hardship he's been through- some, not all. She can guess what kind of effect Frisk and Chara have on people around them, she knows how much Sans cares about his brother, she knows what a recipe for disaster caring too much can be.

She knows he dislikes himself. Maybe hates himself.]

That sounds... hard.

[When did doing better, or even feeling better start to seem so impossible?]

[He huffs out a relieved breath when she says that, because he was expecting worse. He was expecting maybe questions or something, but god, she gets it, doesn't she? She hiding in here, looking like she's been crying. She's quiet, a little awkward, nervous. She's lost her girlfriend. She can rewind time, and the way she's talked about it, nothing good has ever come from her abilities.]

[She gets it. Of course she gets it.]

it feels fucking...impossible. i...i have all this support but...something always happens. something big or even something little. i drop a sock on the floor and it's like...hah, why bother. no point in even picking it up. no point in trying anymore. it...it takes hours sometimes to keep going. it's like...walking around dragging this massive, massive weight. the only reason i haven't given up is because i--promised. i promised, and i really--i want it to work this time. there's so many people now that i don't want to let down.

but it's still so goddamn hard.

[He sinks into a chair, because no point in fighting this now, and he'd rather be sitting.]

sorry. didn't mean to say all that. this event's making...everyone sound really full of themselves. like we all have to dump everything out all at once.

[It's true; everyone's talking their hearts out. Events like this are when you really start to realize that everyone's carrying around their own baggage. You start to see how... screwed up life is. How the things you're struggling with are so pervasive, but no less painful.

So she listens. She doesn't mind listening.

She tries to focus, to understand what he's saying more deeply. To be there for him. The question that comes to mind seems dumb, but everything kind of does right now.]

...Why'd you promise it to them?

[Why indeed? If it's so hard, if it's so exhausting, why'd he promise them?]

because...i...want to do better. if i can. i want to see if i can. for real this time. i want...to do right by them. i'm tired of letting everyone down.

[She isn't sure what sort of response she expected. But she can't think of a better one.]

I think you're... a good guy, Sans.

[There's a lot she can't say. She can't say he's never let her down, can't say that she knows he's a good guy, can't say that he can certainly succeed. But she settles for that one truth.

Her hands close into tight fists as the next words tumble from her unbidden.]

I don't have anyone I'm... close enough to make those promises to, in Wonderland. Not since Chloe left.

[As Wonderland loves to remind her.]

I've never felt this... alone.

[He makes a sound that's half-sigh and half-chuckle.]

i'm glad you think so. cause i don't.

[He'll never be able to think of himself as a good person.]

i know it's...useless to say it, but i'm...sorry. that she left. i, uh. wish i could help you be less alone.

It is pretty useless... [Again, another truth pulled from her. Things she would normally only ever think to herself, for fear of upsetting someone. She follows it up with something nicer.] But... thanks, for the... sentiment.

[And she's crying a little again, speaking slowly to let the heavy breaths through, instead of fighting them back. Sorry, Sans, you're gonna have to deal with a crying girl.]

I just wish I could even... imagine her happy... in Oregon...

[But she's dead, there.]

I really wish I'd saved her...

[Max wipes at her face with a sleeve.]

Edited 2017-11-01 05:23 (UTC)

[He nods a little. He knows. He's driven the word into the ground, and so has most of the people he knows.]

she might come back here.

[It's another empty sentiment, but it's also the truth.]

i didn't think papyrus would ever come back, but...then he did.

[He'd completely committed to the idea. Had accepted that he would never see his brother again. And then...just like that, he showed up.]

do...do you want a hug?

[She gawks at him. A hug? They're friends, but... She doesn't think they've ever hugged. And it would be weird. Sans looks all chubby under that jacket, but she knows he's literally all bone. Not exactly hugging material.]

Uhh... No thanks... Your ribs would, would probably... poke my ribs. [She wipes at her face again. It's a dumb joke. The offer from Sans jars her out of her downward track, at least, and she seems to regain some control. She sniffs and pauses before pressing on.]

Sans, I dunno... what's worse. [She drags in a long breath and lets it out in a tired sigh.] If she came back I'd... I dunno if I could handle it. [It's a really painful admission. Deep down she feels that if Chloe ever came back... things might not get better. Not easily.]

Maybe I'd keep... spiraling.

[But she can't deny that she'd be happy. Funny, how better and happy don't always coincide... She casts about for something easier to talk about.]

I'm really glad he's back, you know. I haven't... haven't told you.

Edited 2017-11-01 23:07 (UTC)

[He gives a faint smile.]

heh, i'm a pretty decent hugger, actually. been compared to a marshmallow a few times. but alright.

[The magic fills things out, makes him more like a weird teddy bear than a skeleton, but he's not going to press it.]

[He's quiet for a bit, giving her time to talk and parse her feelings. He nods slowly.]

yeah. i know what you mean.

[He'd long since given up on Papyrus ever coming back, but in the back of his skull, he always wondered how he'd react if it did happen. He figured he wouldn't be able to handle it. He almost didn't.]

it's hard. this stuff. i know that doesn't really help.

[Wonderland gives people time. He's been thinking it a lot lately. This place gives people time to reconcile, to say goodbye, to get closure. But...]

wonderland makes it impossible to move on from anything. it makes it impossible to grieve. this place takes the whole concept of death and...destroys it. people don't stay dead here. people can show up, even if they're dead back home. it makes it...so damn hard.

[Hugging a giant marshmallow sounds amazing, and is exactly the sort of ridiculousness she needs right now. But the moment passes, and she's glad Sans doesn't press further.

She gives him time to talk as well. And the more he does, the more she finds herself agreeing.]

Yes, exactly! [She wipes at her face absentmindedly, and leans forward, looking for once like he has her full attention. Because god, he gets it.]

When I was first here I thought... like, it was a bubble, like I could... take my time to be okay.

But fuck, Sans, it's... it's almost been two years...

[And she's tearing up again. Her eyes shine as they stare intently at Sans.]

yeah. you get it.

[She gets it. A lot of people here get it.]

[He gives her a faint smile.]

yeah. you'd...think it'd go faster, right? that stupid saying, about time healing wounds. you'd think...a couple years, and boom. it's all fixed. you're better. it's been two years for me too, and i'm...i'm only just recently figuring some stuff out. i'm only recently taking any real initiative.

[It's strange and foreign and...]

it's so...fucking hard. it takes...it takes forever. one day you're fine, and you're thinking...oh, i'm doing it. the recovery thing. and then something goes wrong, and...it can be just a little thing, or it can be big. doesn't matter. and it's like...suddenly all that progress looks like nothing.

there's...there's another saying, about how recovery isn't a straight line. i guess that one's...that one's more accurate.

[Time heals all wounds, the saying goes. And man, did they get that wrong. Time has a habit of ripping wounds back open. Especially when you put it in the hands of kids and teens.

She stares as he talks, wiping her eyes now and then to clear them, but for a few minutes he holds her attention completely. She finds herself nodding along.]

And those triggers- the small or the big ones, you can't... avoid them. You... can't even anticipate them.

[The frustration is showing through her. Max has given up so many things, just because they were making her feel worse and not better. Well she still feels like shit now.

It takes a few moments of staring to phrase her next question. And even then she's not sure she wants to ask it. Her voice is soft, gingerly putting out the words.]

That line... straight or not, do you think... you'll, you know. Finish someday? [She hesitates.] Like, you. Personally.

[Time is abstract. It doesn't heal. It doesn't change. It doesn't do anything. Whether it's passing normally, or it's looping on itself, it doesn't matter. Time is meaningless.]

yeah. heh. not until you experience them for the first time. then next time you can go...oh, better avoid that one thing, huh.

[You can't avoid or anticipate them until you know them, and you can't know them until they happen. That's probably what they mean about two steps forward, one step back.]

[He's quiet for a bit, unsure of what else to say and waiting for her to finish her thoughts.]

i dunno. i don't think so. i don't think that sorta thing has a...finish line. i think you just kinda keep going and trying to be a bit better. and me, i'm, heh. i'm slow at pretty much everything. even if there is an endpoint, it'll take me awhile to get there.

[And he's almost certain he'll die before then. He can't say it out loud, since the future is hazy enough for it not to be truthful, but he's always known he won't make it to fifty. Twenty or so more years might not be enough.]

[That sounds incredibly sad. To think that you'll go on your whole life tied down to that one event, that one trauma. Even if the thread that connects you to it gets longer and thinner, it's always there, keeping you from going as far as you once could. Max takes a deep breath as she mulls that over.

Maybe it's not so bad. She'd hate it if she completely got over Chloe's passing one day. One morning where she wakes up and realizes she's one hundred percent okay with it. That would suck hard... She'd rather Chloe be part of her life, in some way.]

...I guess that's not so bad. [Her shoulders sag. It's still bad, but... Maybe okay.] At least things will get better. Even for you.

[She looks up at him, gauging what she wants to say, before looking back down at her knees.]

I've been avoiding a lot of things. Dodging those triggers. I haven't been taking photos or writing... For like. Months.

[That's how it goes, as far as Sans is concerned. There's no moving on when you don't have the luxury of a future. And even before Resets, there were things he simply couldn't move on from, because they kept haunting him. Gaster, his childhood, his HP.]

[It's not a matter of whether it's good or bad or not. It's just the reality.]

yeah, that's...with a future, there's at least the chance of things getting better. i guess...heh. this event's messing with my ability to make jokes, but you know--you know how people will say that so-and-so is "stuck in the past"? i guess that sorta thing can be literal as well as metaphorical.

[Sure is hard to move on from anything when the world literally stops for you.]

and...yeah. getting better is...i think you have to work for it. i've been...actually working on it, the past few months. and i feel like...i dunno, sometimes i feel like i'm making progress. sometimes i just--don't even see the point in trying.

[Most of the time, really. But somehow, he keeps doing it.]

aw, max, you love taking pictures. i mean, you're like--an artist.

[He looks and sounds more earnest than he would be normally.]

it's something you're passionate about, right? you gotta--you gotta hold onto that. once you lose it, it's...so damn hard to get it back. the world shouldn't be allowed to take that from you.

Huh. [She smiles at him through watery eyes.] I think you're making progress. We're talking about it aren't we? That's a big deal. And time's moving on just as much for you as for me.

[In other words, with tons of hiccups along the way. But it is moving.

The upswing of her mood is lost a little as they come back to the photography. It's a very private, painful thing that's been gnawing at her for months.]

Yeah I do love it. I know I do. But... Ugh, it wasn't working for me, and... every time I tried it'd... remind me of stuff.

[Her eyes are tearing up again. How silly would it be if it feels like she lost two loves of her life?]

I don't wanna... not take photos. I dunno what else I'd be except a photographer. [She rubs the back of her neck, swipes away a tear, fidgets.] I'll... try again sometime. Maybe it'll feel better. I dunno.

s-sorry, i...didn't mean to make you cry more. but yeah. i mean...heh, there's this truth event and all, but i don't really...mind talking about it. i feel like i don't...have to keep all the secrets i keep. so that's something, i guess.

[And it's nice to hear that he's making progress, especially because he knows she believes it. It's...nice.]

yeah...i kinda know how that is. how something you love can get sorta...corrupted, and then you can't think of it quite the same way anymore. i don't really have any advice, though, since i didn't...i...

[He spreads his hands. It's not that he's trying to hide it, it's just that it's hard to explain.]

for me, it's science, and every time i've touched science since the--the things that happened, it just...it feels like it just gets worse. like i can't even go near it anymore. i lost it, i guess, and i can't...

[He sighs.]

i'd just hate for you to lose something that's such a big part of you. yanno? i just don't have any advice for--how to get it back. i don't know how.

[Max lets out huff of laughter through her tears, then wipes at her face awkwardly.] It's okay, Sans. I guess I was due for a good cry. [She lies back down on the table, the better to hide her embarrassment, with her legs hanging off the side. With practiced ease she reaches for another cigarette.

Her words come slowly, her voice thick.]

I'm glad you feel okay talking about it. Maybe you don't need to keep secrets even after the event.

[She sticks the cigarette in her mouth and lights it.]

I mean, I didn't even know you were a scientist. Unless I forgot.

[He smiles a little at that. Yeah, sometimes the tears just need to come. He's never been good at letting that sort of thing happen. It sure does keep happening here in Wonderland, though.]

oh, heh...i dunno about that. i think i'm always gonna be kinda...secretive. reserved. i think it's just in my nature.

[He's been like that his whole life. If it's just habit, then it's going to be a very hard one to break. It's ingrained, either way.]

i'm not really...well, the thing is, you never really stop being a scientist, i think. at least you never stop thinking like one. so saying i'm not a scientist anymore isn't entirely truthful. but i'm not...i guess the accurate thing to say is that i haven't really practiced in a--a real long time.

[And it's weird, because the science thing was always something he never wanted to admit to. He thinks it's probably because it's Max, and he trusts her, but having to talk about it really...isn't so bad.]

Hmm. [She blows smoke up toward the ceiling. Yes, it's indoors, and she doesn't really care all that much.

What he says actually makes her feel a little better. Maybe she's still a photographer that hasn't been practicing. It's a small comfort, and he might not see it, but she smiles the tiniest bit.]

What kind of scientist were- are you?

[He doesn't mind. He actually kind of enjoys the smell.]

i was a physicist. i mean...technically i never finished my phD, so i didn't have any actual title, but...yeah.

[She huffs another small laugh through her raw and tight throat.]

Guess I'm calling you doc Sans from now on. Screw the actual phD.

[It's not lost on her that a physicist would know something about how time works. But now's definitely not the right time to ask. Maybe it never will be, and Max is fine with that.]

heh, aw, jeez. please don't. i'm not, uh...not everyone knows yet, about the science thing.

[It'd be amusing at first, but it'd also make him uncomfortable. It's a title he never earned. Alphys is a doctor, Gaster was a doctor. Not Sans.]

Sure.

[The temptation to poke fun at him is there, but heck, who's in the mood for that? Max just settles down to smoking, ignoring all the possible questions she could throw at him. Why should he be ashamed of being a scientist? Did he do something with Frisk and Chara and time? Why doesn't he want people to know?

But again, she's not in the mood for any of that. She's just too tired.]

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punful - 2017-11-16 08:58 (UTC) - Expand

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mypartnerintime - 2017-11-16 14:36 (UTC) - Expand

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

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Ahhhh I thought I replied here!

<3

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