entrancelogs | It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you!

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

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[Her surprise grows more and more as they speak. From "everyone would lose you" down to "I wish you'd talk to me about it", every word catches her off guard.

Her mouth hangs open for a few moments as she struggles to find a response. There's a few things- niceties- than she finds she literally can't say.

She takes in a quick breath and sniffs, glancing away to regain some composure. When her eyes settle back on them, it's like she's confused they're there.]

... I didn't know you felt that way. Is that... why you came to my room?

[She'd been wondering.]

Edited 2017-11-03 02:56 (UTC)

I'm afraid to, I guess. I'm scared that I'll make you afraid, too.

[Run away, like how she sort of did the first time. But they kind of sprung it on her, didn't they? They...weren't very fair to her, ha ha. They're not really fair to a lot of people. Here. Now. Ever.]

[Is that why they came here?]

...I don't know.

Part of it, I think. I don't like hearing someone else hurt. And, I - know how it feels.

To not be able to SAVE somebody.

[She wants to say they don't scare her, but the words hitch in her throat and come out wrong.] ...I'm already scared out of my mind, Frisk.

[She shakes her head. Something else about this event is messed up. Max wipes at her face with the jacket, cleaning away what's left of her crying.

The details of Frisk and Chara's lives were never clear to her. Her curiosity about how their time travel worked had eventually faded into acceptance that it was better not knowing. That's why she never talked to them about it. Now she sees that was selfish.

It still scares her, though.]

You'd think time travel would... help with that sort of thing.

It doesn't.

[She's...she should be.]

[She should be afraid, really. They're not a nice person. They're not a good person. They're really, really bad with promises and with secrets and with stories and with all sorts of things. They're not really the greatest kind of friend.]

[But they're also...too selfish to stop trying.]

It doesn't really get easier. And it feels like it's just...something wrong with you when it doesn't.

Right?

With me. [She mimics them, her tone hollow and tired.] With you...

[She looks at them from where she's sitting.]

There probably is something wrong with us. [The admission is heavy, but at least it's laced with empathy.] You don't... rearrange reality without some kind of... backlash. Nevermind everything else we go through...

[She's sleepy. Exhausted from what happened in her room, and the crying afterward. The words slip out, past her weary self-control, goaded on by the event.]

Does that... does it bother you?

Consequences.

[Backlash. Problems down the road. Different words for the same thing, they know. There isn't any hope in adjusting people like variables and hoping that will suffice. It's cruel, and it's playing god, and it's always going to go wrong.]

[Maybe they're just cruel.]

I guess. I don't know. I think I've ruined more things just by being me. It's just that I can't go back to fix it like usual.

[She nods, almost absentmindedly. Tiredly.] I think I know exactly what you mean.

[When everything you do- every attempt to fix things- ends up worse and worse, until finally you're looking at a heap of crap and wondering why the hell you did what you did. Like the more of you added to the situation, the worse it gets.

But you can't just ignore it, right? You have to try and try and try. And you keep telling yourself that.

But she can't imagine that happening to Frisk. They seem... too good. Too nice. Max shuts her eyes as though in pain, as she slowly forces out what she wants to say. To help them. Nevermind how the admission makes her feel right now.]

This time... What you did for me just now. It... It helped. And that... was all you. You weren't pretending... right?

I don’t think I can pretend right now. I just...don’t like the idea of people hurting the same way I have.

[ Selfish, they know. There’s no avoiding that now anymore. The fierceness of wanting to keep someone else safe for their own sake is...it’s always going to fail. That’s just how it works. ]

[What else can they do?]

I don’t know how to stop it. I know I can’t, I just - wish I could.

[She frowns at them. Not for the first time she seems confused, but now in a calmer way than before.]

Stop what...? Feeling sorry for people? [She almost repeats that they helped her just now... and maybe she should actually say thank you, to drive the point home. But it's all too painful to consider. Too awkward and... personal.]

People from hurting.

[It's not possible, they know. They can't solve everyone's problems flawlessly here.]

Back home, that's...what I'd do. When I finally figured it out. I solved everyone's problems. I made them all happier. I fixed everything, and everyone even got to see the Surface. And when I can't do that here, it feels like...like I'm just not trying hard enough.

[Max stares for a moment, unsure of how to respond, if she even fully understands what they're saying. It's been a long day so far, and more and more she just wants to settle somewhere else and sleep it off, or smoke. But what Frisk is saying actually bothers her immensely, especially coming from a child.

Her voice is soft and tired as she addresses them, trying to be soothing. Trying to climb out of the sadness she feels and help them.]

It's not your responsibility, Frisk. Even this- [She leans her head toward the door of her room, slowly.] You didn't have to do that for me...

I don't know what I am without it.

[That's - ]

[That sounds like them, ha ha. Not helping people because they want to, but because they simply don't know what they are if they're not. If they're not helping, if they're not trying, then what does that make them? Just another person who messes up, time and time again. Just another person who ends up hurting people.]

[Another fallen human with a ruthless SOUL.]

I don't know what I am if I'm not trying.

...

[Immediately, they're angling their head away from her, dropping their gaze.]

You shouldn't have to worry about that. Please don't think about this anymore.

...

[Max stares at them, confused. While she knows that Frisk, Chara, Sans, and some of the other Underground monsters have had difficult lives, the extent of how that's affected them is a little out of her reach.

Or is it? The more she listens to Frisk, the more she comes to understand that their struggle is similar.

She looks away again as she brushes at her eyes and sniffs, still recovering from her bout of crying.]

I think... more than me, you're the one trapped in a room, rewinding over and over...

[She closes her eyes and leans her head against the wall. The sound of Nathan's gun is still ringing in her ears. She wonders what that would feel like if she was Frisk's age- if she'd been stuck with her power for however long Frisk has. Like shit, no doubt.]

Take some of your own advice, okay? Just stop and... walk outside. Have a bad cry about it.

[The joke falls flat. Max stands up, bunching up her tear- and blood-stained jacket. She makes sure to pick up the pack of cigarettes too, and somehow feels ashamed for it in front of Frisk.]

Maybe learn to leave it behind...

[And Max feels like an absolute hypocrite saying that. Worse, she doesn't think she can be what Frisk was for her in that bathroom. Some stranger come to tell her everything would be alright, that she should let go, and to hold her hand as she walked out the door.

Someday, maybe, she can help Frisk the way they helped her. But not today.

Sorry, she thinks, and means it.]

[Just stop. Learn to leave it behind.]

[Is that even possible for them? That's not what they are. They don't let things go. They don't release things and back away and hope that they turn out for the best. They're not like Sans, who can get by contentedly watching the events of the world spiral lazily past and spectating idly on the tenor of each one. They're not someone who can just...sit and wait when the chance to do something, anything at all, is available to them.]

[Just stop.]

I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to...

[Deep breath. And say what's always nagged at them.]

If I have some kind of special power, isn't it my responsibility to do the right thing?

[Max wants very much to be alone. Embarrassment is creeping in now, coupled with her grief and exhaustion. But it dawns on her that Frisk is saying things that they don't tell just anyone. That maybe they haven't even expressed before.

So she turns to look at them, regarding them tiredly, trying to marshal her brain and thoughts into something coherent, to match the weight of their words. To be helpful. Kind.

Why should that be so hard?

She gulps down the dryness of her throat and tries to make her voice sound comforting.]

That's... that's everyone responsibility. [Powers or not.] It's so strange, but just because you can do something... [She shakes her head. Make sense dammit! They're listening.]

Like there are some people here that are really good at fighting. But that doesn't make it the right thing to do. Or like... like I had this teacher that... [She takes a deep breath.] That was so good at photography but he made it... into something terrible. It would've been better if he'd just... stopped doing it.

[Her eyes are starting to water again.]

And Chloe, she... she actually asked me to stop rewinding.

[Max finds she can't go on further. She looks at Frisk with a mixture of sadness and anticipation, hoping they understood her point.]

[It’s not necessarily a good thing, to try and do the right thing. You can’t prdict the consequences - or at least, they can’t anymore. And without any indication for certainty, what are they meant to do besides just guess and hope that something good comes of it? What kind of special power is that? ]

[She’s exhausted. She’s tired, and they’re making her talk about this. What kind of person does that make them?]

[That even now, they can’t seem to shut up?]

...why’d she ask you to stop?

[She looks lost for a moment, taken aback at their question. Then she sighs, quiet but long.]

I dunno where to start, Frisk... I tried to keep her safe. I would rewind left and right.

[And it worked for a while. Just that.]

...But I guess one day we figured out that my saving her was hurting other people. So she asked me to stop. And to...

[Up until this point she's tried to keep her voice level. Her tone was flat, drawn out like an old script. But now it breaks a little, shaking with the threat of dissolving into an emotional mess. So she just tilts her head toward the door of her room.]

That.

[She breathes deep, letting the cold air fill her lungs.]

I think... She... [She shrugs.] I guess stopping was the right thing to do.

[She stares at Frisk, wishing that last point had come out better. More impactfully.]

Do you... get it?

[One day it just gets to be too much.]

[One day, too many RESETs start to take their toll. Your feet drag, you do what you can because you don't know what else to do, and the world grays around the edges. The adventure has dimmed. The excitement of a world where you are always in control has faded. You can't do anything but go back and back and back again, and attempt to relive a fading, fleeting thing.]

[You can go back one last time, or you can let everyone live their life.]

[Isn't it safer that way?]

I think so. [They can't say they do completely, but...]

[Chloe was someone special to her. Someone so important, she'd warp time and space and everything, just to save her. Maybe even risk the lives of everyone else.]

You have to choose between what's best for everyone, and what you wish you could do instead.

Yeah. Exactly. [She looks away from them now, down at the floor.] And just because you can do something... doesn't mean you should.

[She feels gross.

She feels like a hypocrite. Like a fake, manipulative adult. Warning others about how time travel is dangerous. Telling some kid how to live their life, despite the fact that hers is screwed up. Saying they should stop trying, when she literally spent hours in that bathroom trying over and over again.

She literally feels dirty.

What the hell is she thinking, anyway? That she knows what's best? Why the heck is Frisk asking her?

And if she's right, she'll be putting Frisk through what she's going through right now. The difficulty of letting go, the grief, the regret. The painful choice. She sniffs and wipes her nose, then rubs the back of her neck as she looks at them again.]

Listen, I... You should probably ask other people about it, too.

[She hugs the jacket to her chest and takes a step back, preparing to leave before she really starts messing up their life.]

That's all just me. And I'm not... I'm... I'm gonna go.

Edited 2017-11-10 05:07 (UTC)

[Because you can, you have to.]

[It's not just because you can. It's because you feel like...you're the one with the special power. The responsibility to try and do the right thing. The responsibility to try and be something good with your power. But is that just because you can? Is that because you have to?]

[The line there is so, so much thinner than anyone in a hall of gold-threaded light could have predicted.]

[He was wrong.]

You want to be alone.

[It's not a question. They can read into it plainly, and they've - they've probably overstepped anyway, haven't they?]

[Do they ever do anything else?]

Are you gonna be okay?

[They suspect the answer is "no." They're not sure if Max can twist it into anything else.]

[She struggles to answering, ignoring the voice in her head that berates her over and over for wanting to leave, for barely getting anything done. She wants to be alone, yeah- and Frisk wants company. Who wins out in that situation?

Selfish!

Sure enough she has one clear answer.]

No. Probably not.

[She grimaces, still backing away, but looking at them, like she's unwilling to give up all at once.]

What about you...?

Edited 2017-11-10 07:17 (UTC)

I don't think I've been okay for a long time.

[Their smile is twisting, pained, and far more visceral than they'd like. Not restrained enough, not careful enough, not patient enough. Max is already backing away. They ought to let her.]

[And so they do. Moving back tentatively, step by step.]

I just hope you know you're not alone.

You too, Frisk.

[She says it earnestly, despite the fact that she's walking away, leaving them. The irony isn't lost on her. But she so badly wants them to believe her. To understand that this moment is the exception, not the norm.]

I promise.

[And then she's turning away, hating herself a little, walking quickly off toward The Second Gallery.]

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

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