entrancelogs | It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you!

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It may very well be the worst thing that's ever happened to you! | OPEN MINGLE

Who: EVERYONE!
Where: EVERYWHERE!
When: Friday October 27th - Tuesday October 31st
Rating: PG-13, warn if you're gonna go higher!
Summary: A catch all for the Horrible Memory Truth Event!
The Story:

For the duration of this event, everyone's entire room will be replaced with a memory playing on loop. They will likely recognize the moment as soon as they see it – it is a moment they remember as the worst moment of their entire lives. It could be a memory from home or something that happened in Wonderland. Lengths of the memories will vary, but they will find that these are not memories they can merely watch – they can step into these memories and attempt to make changes to them, and the memories will be long enough that they have time to make changes (though no more than 24 hours). However, anyone who tries will find that it is futile. No matter what you do or how hard you try, the outcome is always exactly the same somehow. No changes you make will prevent that horrible outcome. It just happens over and over and over again no matter what you do.

On top of that, perhaps complicating any attempts to make changes, everyone will be forced to be honest for the duration of the event. No lies or half-truths are allowed, and filters will be gone for the entire five days. If something bothers someone then they will blurt it out, regardless of whether or not it hurts someone's feelings, and no one will be able to simply keep quiet when they have something to say. They must be truthful and honest with every word they say.

This is a catch-all log for all of your Worst Memory needs! Please mark your threads clearly in the subject line with your character's name and Room Number + Floor for character rooms, or just location if you're making a top level for a public place in the mansion (like the tea rooms or the kitchen) so people can see if there's already a thread available. And here's the plot post if you need it!

Have fun!

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[She doesn't flinch, not that kind of person, but she shows anxiety in other ways- the clench of a jaw, a tightening of a hand. Whoops.]

I thought-- thought I saw you go in there. Figured out what was going on in the rooms this morning, figured I could catch you.

... It didn't work.

[Whoopsy fuckin' daisy.]

Fuck.

[...He said that aloud, didn't he?]

[This event has been hell on his internal censor. At least none of this footage is going online.]

So you...saw that.

[And of course he can't stop with that. The truth event stops for no man.]

You saw Alex.

[The truth event giveth and the truth event taketh away.]

… Yeah. I did.

[And speaking of ‘screwing up any and all normal conversations with the truth’—]

Isn’t the first time. He used to be here. We were friends.

[Which she knows isn’t the word 9 people out of 10 would use for Alex Kralie.]

[Friends. Like Tim said--or at least implied. They were friends.]

[Jay stares, mute and nearly slack-jawed for a long while, before the event pulls a response out of him.]

Us, too. [He physically can't leave it at that.] Well, not what'd generally be considered...He was in some of my classes. We--we talked sometimes. And I--

[Ha! Ha-ha! Right in front of the literal space marine, he's just going to admit to being a creep. Great. Awesome.]

--Watched a lot of, like...footage of him, so I sort of...know him that way. Felt kinda like being...friends, I guess.

[He buries his face in his hands, like that'll stop his mouth from running.]

And then...what you saw.

[Well, that’s rough. Not that Shepard can really say a ton of the same; she doesn’t really know if she knew Alex any better in the five months they knew each other.]

You knew him. It’s cool. Probably more than me.

[She certainly isn’t judging him for it. Sometimes you just meet people in unconventional ways.]

… Sorry I barged in there. I didn’t really know the full story, but I’ve heard… things. Stuff from Tim and Alex that it got bad. Not sure if that was it, but that was pretty fuckin’ bad, so.

[A small pause.]

I think I broke his jaw in there. Not that it was really him. But if it makes you feel better.

[Jay just sort of...stops for a second, pulling his hands away from his face. He tries to picture it: Alex Kralie--the one with the worn sweatshirt and the patchy beard and the black eye, the one whose sarcastic deadpan had withered and faded into stony silence--that Alex Kralie, clocked in the face by Commander Shepard: Actual Space Hero.]

[Must not've accomplished much, based on the way he heard things work during this event, but that mental image is something else.]

[Slowly, inexplicably, a crooked smile creeps across his face.]

Kinda does, weirdly enough.

[She can't help but grin a little, hers growing as his does.]

Well... glad that exists in the universe, I guess.

... Sorry I couldn't stop him.

[She could have, with a foot more of movement, without the literal entire fucking world against her.]

Kinda had a, uh. Few interruptions.

[That burning feeling she's still shaking off, in all her cybernetics that move her like the ghost of a live person. Thanks, Operator, but no thanks.]

Jay gives her an odd look.

"Not like I did either." Jay shrugs, lop-sided and uncomfortable. "And, I mean, he got stopped eventually, if--"

His brain finally registers the last thing she said, and all at once he's standing up straighter, goosebumps rising on the back of his neck.

"Wait, by interruptions, do you mean...?"

The event must consider that to be truth enough, or the uncomfortable silence name enough for whatever that thing is, because it doesn't force Jay to finish the sentence.

[She bites her lip on the inside, tries to think of how to phrase this in a way where he won't freak out. As if that's an option. He's probably going to freak out. If she's lucky, it'll go over better than Tim, but that's not a very high bar.]

Uh... suit guy? Yeah.

[She scratches a bit at her face, realizing she doesn't actually know it's name, but that seems unimportant here.]

This, uh... isn't the first time I've seen it. Not great. It, uh, kinda fucks with tech, which is a solid sixty percent of my body at this point.

[Is it hard to look at video distortion, or listen to audio shrieking? Imagine that, but white hot and in your spine. It's not a great feeling.]

[She says it. She says it, like it's no big deal, and beyond that, the idea that she's able to rattle off some cute nickname is just...so unfathomable that the first words out of his mouth are:]

You can't just call it--

[But Wonderland will have none of that. She can, and she will, clearly, call that thing 'Suit Guy', and nothing Jay says can make it any less the truth.]

[~~So name it, but do not fear its name.~~]

[No, no, god no, he's not thinking about that.]

[████████]

No, no, no...

[Jay's got his fingers hooked into his hair, like the pinpricks across his scalp will distract him from the gravity of what he's just learned, the thousands of implications spiraling outward like some hideous, fractal ~~root system.~~]

[Half her body is tech, she says. He can't even comprehend that properly, trying to map the splitting headaches, the buzzing underneath his skull, the tears in the footage and the squeal of audio distortion onto a body that's more like the camera than his own flesh and blood. Then again, when the bullet punched through his side, it was almost a shock to see red. In all the dreams, there were always black ribbons of tape.]

[Did Tim know? Did Tim keep this a secret? (liar liar LIAR) Who else has seen it?]

How much do you know?

[Shepard's seen so many unfathomable horrors, this honestly just seems like the next in line. Not that she wants to downplay the trauma this has sent Jay, Tim, and Alex through- that would be incredibly cruel. But 90% of her is looking at something impossible and laughing out of sheer stress, so here she is, I guess.

Ultimately, she just sighs.]

I'm sorry, kid. It was an accident from an event a month or two ago. We were sleepwalking into other people's heads. Went snooping where I shouldn't've. But in terms of real info, not a lot. Tim won't talk about it and Alex never gave a straight answer. Just that if you see it, it follows you too. And the physical effects.

[She's taken a lot of pain, but this has been the only thing that could reach in and grab her skeleton, her nerves, in white hot fury.]

[Went snooping where I shouldn't've.]

[Jay can't manage a laugh, not right now, not like this, so the noise that creeps out of his throat is much more of a wheeze.]

[It makes sense, doesn't it? She knew Alex. Tim won't talk about it.]

[She talked to Tim about it, and Tim didn't say a word to him. The investigation was--is still ongoing, and he just withheld information because--because why? Because he thought that would help? Because he thought it was safer that way?]

[Why don't people get why information like this is important?]

[Again, Jay runs a hand through his hair, the stubs of his nails digging into his scalp.]

Look, I don't...

[He tries to breathe, and it comes out ragged. Talking's even harder when you have to tell the truth.]

...I don't know...much about...about that. How it works. Why it...does...

[He shrugs, the movement jerky.]

But I lived with it for...years, so I can...help as best I can. I've got more than four years' direct--direct, conscious experience, plus the tapes, which makes...more than the others probably told you, is what I'm saying.

Shit, kid. I'm sorry.

[Four years? Christ. That's longer than she's been a Spectre, much less the Reapers. It's gotta be stressful, especially when the rest of the world doesn't believe you, or can't know.]

I appreciate it, though. I want to help you fight this, any way I can. Any info you have I'm willing to hear out.

[She's sorry. More importantly, though, she wants to listen.]

Thanks.

[He wants to stop there, but the event won't have it.]

I want to be useful. I wanted--want there to be a, a reason why I did all this stuff besides just...the real reason. 'Cause I was curious. Didn't want to stop. [He's trying to grit his teeth, but that's not enough to silence him.] If it helps people, then I can justify it.

[Well, that went about as badly as it possibly could. He forces himself to take a breath.]

So ask me a question, I guess.

[If it helps people, then I can justify it. Jeez, where has she heard that before.]

You don't have to spill it out for me now. We have... time, to talk about this sort of thing, okay? The only thing I... I wanna know it's name.

[It's real name. She's heard a lot of ways to refer to it, but never just a name.]

I'm curious about a lot, honestly, but I don't want to push you.

[Well, shit.]

I--I, I...

[The event's pulling words out of him faster than he can string them together, or worse, check to make sure they're safe.]

I don't know if its...got one. Like, one--one it picked, or whatever. A real one. [His voice drops to a low mutter.] Doesn't call itself anything. Doesn't talk.

It's just...it's...I can't remember...I can't really remember seeing it, most of the times I saw it. 'S like it's not real half the time. Most of the time. And if you're making like it's not real, then why...why even talk about it, right?

[He cuts himself off with a choked, anxious huff of a laugh. That's enough, right? That's all he has to say, right?]

[...Right?]

Not everybody...thinks the same way. [No. Come on. Come on.] I got talked into...Tim's Mirror, he said giving it a name makes it so you're...so you're not scared of it, right? I think--I think it's wrong, it's fucking wrong, but Alex and Brian, they...

[Does she know Brian? Did she meet him? Did Alex ever talk about him?]

They called it something.

[Stop. Stop. Stop right now. Stop. You can't. You can't.]

[Jay grits his teeth, shaking. A shock of pain jolts up his jaw and down his neck. The hand holding the camera comes up to cover his mouth, hard plastic pressing lines into his skin. The other hand curls against the wall behind him, nails digging into the paint.]

[████████]

[He can't do this. He can't do this. He can't do this. He can't--]

[His hand's moving. It's been moving.]

[Shaky letters have been scratched into the paint: O P E R A T O R]

[Always made more sense in writing, didn't it? The Mirror's words didn't ring the same way when spoken aloud. Had to write them down. That's why he started keeping notebooks, all those months ago.]

[Practice.]

[She always finds herseld underestimating how far this goes. How one thing has so much sway over them. She always has a hard time believing any one thing has such power; even the most powerful of ones is just a one. Enough might, enough push, everything gives.

But it doesn't sound like these boys had any help at all. Not for much, much too long.

She commits it to memory, but doesn't say it, walking forward instead to put her hands on his shoulders, one moving up to stop his camera from pressing into his face.]

Hey... hey, it's alright. It's not here. Breathe, okay? Five in, five out. It's okay. We've got time. Five in. Five out.

[It's reminiscent of another scared kid, shaking on the kitchen floor. She'll do better this time.]

No, I--

[The words catch in his throat, and his breathing's shallow, but he doesn't have time for this, he has--]

--to get them off, I--

[The words are slurred, the emphasis wrong, but between Shepard's hands on his shoulders, the camera being pulled away from his face, the way his throat's seized up and his lungs won't respond, he can't talk. Can't think. Can't breathe five in, five out. He has to get the words off the wall before someone sees. He claws at it with his free hand, sending flakes of paint peeling away and fluttering to the floor, but it's not enough. You can still read it.]

[With a strangled, formless yell, he scrapes harder.]

[She lets go of the camera, makes the connection, mind racing to try and find a solution. Okay, he wants it off the wall, what does she have--

Shepard kneels, fires up her omni-tool, letting the hard light blade extend from it to beyond her fist, and smacks his hand aside before she slams it into the wall.

Thankfully, it punches a hole right through, leaving only imprints of the first and last letters on each side. She's trying not to breathe heavier than she was, but that's adrenaline for you. She looks up at Jay again, searching him for reactions.]

Come on, Jay, breathe. It's gone, alright? Concentrate on your breathing, I know you can.

[It's gone.

It's gone.

Concentrate on your breathing.]

[He wraps his free arm across his chest, fingers digging into the meat of the opposite arm.]

[One, two, three, four, five.]

[She knows. It's not even that important, but she knows now.]

[One, two, three, four, five.]

[It's not like that's its real name. It's just another nickname, no better or worse than suit guy.]

[One, two, three, four, five.]

[It can't help, though, thinking about it like that. Things got worse when he started thinking about it like that. Words started taking on an extra meaning--like, capital-M Meaning--after that meeting with the Mirror. If somebody had to find out, just so people could know, it should have been him. He should have warned her, not dragged her down with him.]

[One, two--fuck it.]

[Jay dips his head.]

Don't...

[Don't what? Don't think about it? Forget it? Wait 'til that thing shows up to claw it out of her?]

[The event lets him trail off.]

Sorry.

[She rises when she's sure he's breathing through it, shoulders dropping. Fuck. What has she gotten herself into.

Shepard lays a hand gently on his shoulder.]

Let's get out of here, alright? You don't have to do this now. Let's go.

[It'll be better for both of them to get away from this, in any way they can.]

[One, two, three, four, five.]

Where?

[It croaks out of him, barely audible. Rooms aren't safe. Movie theater's getting crowded. Library probably is, too. There's a temptation to stay right where he is, curled against the wall.]

[But he can't keep an eye on Shepard that way.]

[Gradually, he wobbles to his feet.]

[She'll help him as far as he'll let her, one hand staying steady on his shoulder while the other reaches out so he can balance on her arm.]

Anywhere else. How about we grab one of the tearooms, huh?

[Just somewhere they can lock and barricade a door.]

[One of the tearooms. Relatively small. Should be private. Just tables and chairs.]

S-sounds good.

[It's slurred, but it's the truth.]

[Jay's not a big fan of touching. He can make an exception for this, though. The fact that he's not sure he's up for walking under his own power might be why.]

[He grabs onto her arm, shakily pulling away from the wall.]

Tearoom.

C'mon. I'll lead. Just keep breathing.

[And she will. Until he's calm and safe. However long that takes.]

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