(no subject)

[blackbirdsing]

Who: Sarah Weller, you
Where: the roof
When: Night of Feb 4th (tiny bit forward dated)
Rating: PG-13; definite talk of her first Wonderland death.
Summary: Sarah died for the first time in over a year of being here. BUT EVERYTHING IS FINE.
The Story:

[ Sarah died. She died in her brother's arms, and then he died. When she woke up, Ray was with her, and then everything was business as usual. No big deal, she'd thought to herself. People die here. She isn't special. So, after many reassurances to Ray and Jane and Kurt, her time passed as normal. Giving massages, working at the bar, cheerfully eating her way through an increased number of meals at the diner. She's fine. If she keeps telling other people that, then she will be.

Except she isn't. She died. And it sucks. Just because it happens frequently here, and just because she came back doesn't mean it's okay. And according to whatever people believe about this place, a piece of her is gone to the Core forever.

But she's fine, really.

That's why she's on the roof just after sunset with a pile of rocks she's just, casually throwing out into the distance in the direction of the woods. It's also why, when she's out of rocks, she sits alone with her knees curled to her chest, one hand wrapped around her leg where she'd been bitten by a zombie. God, this place and zombies. No offense to the apparent zombie residing as a victim of Wonderland. Pressing her forehead to her knees, she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

She's fine.

ooc: Please approach. She's talky even if she's upset. AND FINE. ]

Comments

[middlefinger]

[wynonna hasn't actually died in wonderland yet, which she realizes is pretty lucky when everything is considered. she came fairly close to it back in tartarus, and would have died if doc hadn't found her when he did, but she didn't die all the same. still even that close call fucked her up. she spiraled pretty badly after that, black out drinking, challenging anyone she could find in the gym to fight her, anything to prove she was fine even when she wasn't. it had been similar to the way she spiraled after jack kidnapped her back in purgatory.

no one likes to feel powerless and wonderland is good at making people feel just like that sometimes. and sarah is one of wynonna's favorite people in wonderland, so she can only imagine how she's feeling right now. probably not great.

she's come up to the roof for some fresh air herself -- she remembers not too long ago when she had come up here shortly after her near death experience, talking to elena as they both tried to escape the party in the bar below them. but elena is gone. a lot of people are gone now. people can be gone at any second in wonderland so they have to make the best of the time they have together. so she sits down next to sarah and wordlessly offers the flask of whiskey she has on her.]

You don't have to talk if you don't want to.

[but if you do want to, the offer is there. god knows sarah has listened to her problems enough.]

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah takes the flask and definitely drinks three shots worth before handing it back, coughing a little. ]

Thank you. I needed that. Honestly, I need an entire bottle but one drunk Weller around here was enough for everyone for a while I think.

[ Running a hand through her hair, she extends her legs out in front of her. ]

I died. And uh. That sucked. It was slow and it hurt, and Kurt died, too, so. Extra levels of bullshit.

[middlefinger]

I mean, I can go fetch a whole bottle if you need it. I don't mind being on drunk Weller duty for the night.

[god knows how many times Wynonna has had to be the one who needed to be drunk babysat -- she's not here to judge. but she does take her own swig from the flask.]

I think the only thing worse than dying myself would be if Waverly died -- so I can't imagine what it was like going through both at once. I'm sorry, that really blows.

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah lets out a breath. ]

You're a really good friend, you know that? I'll let you know on the booze.

[ Running a hand through her hair, she rubs the back of her head for a second before folding her hands in her lap. ]

It did blow, but I guess dying saved my brother's marriage so that's something.

[ She's looking for any bright side she can get. ]

[directed]

--Sarah?

[It's chance alone that finds them both up there on the roof, despite the February chill lingering about. Rip had in fact been near the point of escaping it, his fingers achy from the cool and turning of screws on a bit of small machinery. His tools and his work all tucked away in a bag, he's headed back towards the stairs when he sees her. And perhaps she's already seen him; Rip did have to pause, to look a bit closer to recognize the frame of one of the first comrades he'd made within Wonderland.

But he's sure it's her, and concerned enough that he forgoes formality. The bag is placed on the ground as he crosses his way over, and just to be sure, he calls out once more so she'll hear him, recognize him since thanks to a bet, he's walking around clean-shaven these days.

Such a silly thing to worry about, when someone within his circle so clearly seems to be in distress.]

Is everything quite alright?

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah quickly wipes at her eyes and clears her throat. ]

Well, if I say it is, then it'll be true eventually, right?

[ People in this place must be so tired of crying Wellers. ]

Just had a touch of Wonderland death, you know, the usual around here.

[ Downplaying it, masking it with lightness, that works. ]

[directed]

--Certainly I believe you might prove yourself stubborn enough to make it so.

[That even Wonderland itself might have to bend when faced with the will of such a woman who, in the span of a single conversation, managed to warm her way into Rip's small circle of those he cares for. It's impossible not to see the way she scrubs her eyes, to hear how she clears her throat.

To see how, like Ray, she tries to act unburdened by the weight of her own revelation.]

But you need not make the effort just yet. [She's been caught crying only by mistake, and Rip would not wish her to conceal that pain simply because he's happened upon her releasing it. He knows too well that flavor of grief; equally, how hard it is to let it show through the cracks it forms in one's armor.] While I might not have the most sympathetic ear, I am rather good at keeping secrets when needs must.

[Even the one about a Weller found crying on the roof.]

[thesamurai]

[ For once, Michonne's not on the roof because she's upset. She's scouting, trying to figure out the best view at night, the best place to make a cozy spot with heaters and blankets so she can drink wine, look at the stars, and just be with a certain someone.

But all of that falls away when she sees Sarah. Quietly approaching, Michonne squats down, reaching out to touch her shoulder. ]

I know that look.

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah doesn't even bother denying it. Michonne somehow sees through her bullshit faster than anyone other than Kurt. Looking at her, Sarah chews on the inside of her cheek. ]

How many times have you gone through it?

[thesamurai]

Three times. Never gets easier.

[ She sits down slowly beside Sarah now and spares a glance for her lack of appropriate winter clothing. ]

And feeling like shit afterward sticks for a while. Trust me.

[mucked]

[ peggy has grown to like the rooftop. it's not a great place to go to be alone, perhaps, but it has its cathartic qualities. the space almost seems to have a kind of fatedness around it: climb up to the tippy top of the mansion and you might just find exactly what you're looking for. the right kind of company.

peggy can't ever profess to be that. she knows she can be difficult. demanding. thornish, really, in the sides of even the people she cares about. but something softens in her when she turns onto the flat of the roof and spies sarah sitting alone. ]

Good God, woman. You must be freezing out here.

[ a little bit cheeky and a lot bit concerned. given the complaints over the weather the last time they spoke, peggy can only imagine something serious has driven her to this refuge. ]

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah blinks a little in surprise at the voice and looks up. ]

Oh. Hi, Peggy. No, I'm okay right now.

[ She's not, she's definitely cold, but sometimes a person just goes through things in the freezing fucking cold. ]

[mucked]

[ peggy trekked up here with a scratchy woolen scarf tucked under the lapels of her coat. she pulls at it, now, and threads it out from her collar so that she can drape it loosely over sarah's shoulders -- letting her pull it tighter if she wants.

and, soon after, she sits beside her. ]

Do you mind the company?

[ -- she won't call sarah's bluff. not just yet. ]

bullshit detector activate

[startingpoint]

[ His sister died in his arms because of him, and his wife's been dealing with more emotional turmoil than she should ever have to bear, all because of him. It's hard not to feel like he's just a complete failure, but he's also trying - trying - so hard to accept that he can screw up and not be a failure, or that he doesn't have to save everyone all the time. But God, he would give anything for his sister to have never died, to never have to go through that.

In typical Weller fashion, she's coping by not coping and he knows that because neither one of them have talked about it. But they need to, and he texts her, finding out that she's on the roof and joining her up there, sitting shoulder to shoulder with her. He kisses the top of her head tenderly, but for now, he doesn't say anything, just sits there with her, leaning into her. ]

>:[

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah's tried to pull herself together at least a little to face her brother because she knows he knows her, and they both deal with things the same way. Though, this time she's painfully sober and clear-headed because this family's had enough alcohol-induced breakdowns to last the rest of the year. And it's only February. She doesn't say anything either when he sits beside her, but she does rest her head on his shoulder, sniffling a little.

Minutes tick by before she finally speaks quietly. ]

Remember that time I was eight, and I fell on my rollerblades? You gave me a piggyback ride all the way home because my knee was bleeding. Then you took care of me, put a band-aid on it, and made me macaroni and cheese for dinner. I remember that day because dad left. Just walked out and you didn't want me to be scared so we did stuff all day together. And even though we were on our own, it's one of the best days I ever had. I wished so hard that he'd never come back.

[startingpoint]

[ He remembers that day so clearly. He was 13, and by then, old enough to truly feel like he could just take Sarah and run. In fact, that day, he really did have a plan to do just that. They didn't need their father anymore, he was useless and toxic, and he'd spoken with Emma Shaw about his plans. Looking back, he knows she was worried, trying to support and encourage him the best she could, but knowing realistically that a thirteen year old had little recourse. It hadn't worked out, of course, and he'd been shipped off to military school soon after, but he wanted to get his baby sister out of there so badly.

Wrapping an arm around her now, he just holds onto her. ]

We made it a good day. [ He smiles a little wistfully, kissing the top of her head. ] It's always been you and me. It always will be.

[shrinkage]

I finally got past that boss, hon! You were right, I just had to be patient and listen to the timing of the music, and--

[ ray bursts onto the roof with all the grace and poise of a newborn giraffe. he stops up when he finds her huddled. the trajectory they've been taking the last few weeks (everything is fine, as long as they keep moving forward) makes him blind to the reality of this situation at first.

but a part of him feels like the distance from the door to the corner where she's sitting could be counted in miles. he takes another step forward, hesitant. ]

Babe?

[blackbirdsing]

[ She tries really quickly to pull herself together, clearing her throat and wiping at her eyes with her sleeve pressed into her palm. ]

See? I told you you could do it.

[ Even now, caught red-handed, she's trying hard to be okay for Ray. ]

Come on, let's go inside.

[ She pushes herself up, trying to deflect, trying to be as strong as she knows Ray thinks she is. ]

[shrinkage]

[ he doesn't move this time. this is too different, too much of an anomaly. maybe he's not a brilliant scientist anymore, but an outlier is an outlier. ]

Whoa, hey. [ he holds up a palm in a sort of ineffectual halting motion, still hesitant. still unsure. he's been taking all his cues from sarah since he got back-- he's been leaning on her hard. too eager to get back to some semblance of normal, maybe. ] What's going on? Did something happen?

[ischyros]

( Diana doesn't know this woman but, admittedly, she has kept to herself for a lot of the time she's been here in Wonderland and hasn't had many close relationships aside from a budding friendship with Nora. Still, knowing someone or not, she cannot leave the woman alone when she's seated with her forehead pressed to her knees and appearing to be in some distress. )

Are you all right?

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah lets out a soft breath and looks up, clearing her throat. ]

If I keep saying I'm fine, eventually it has to be true, doesn't it?

[ischyros]

Sometimes you can make it true, yes. Sometimes it's never going to be true no matter how much you say it over and over.

( Diana tries to pitch her voice softer, more comforting. )

Would you like to take your mind off it?

im a lil late hope u don't mind

[mandrakes]

[Regis finds his way up here often, as a place always offering some peace and quiet even when several other people are using it for the same purpose. It's as if it has become somewhere where it is mutually understood that very few actually go to for conversation... and as someone who values peace, Regis has no complaints.

This evening, though, he finds a familiar face. Not a terribly happy-looking one, but he thinks enough of Sarah to not actually just... leave her to wallow in her own thoughts.]

May I join you?

[Clearly, she's fine, but he wouldn't like to intrude. Just in case she isn't.]

I never mind :3

[blackbirdsing]

[ Sarah looks up, trying to wipe away her tears with one palm as she clears her throat. ]

Of course. Kind of cold out here, though.

[ She logically knows it is, and yet she's been out here for a while, letting herself feel cold, wondering if maybe eventually she'll go numb. ]

:3

[mandrakes]

[His expression softens to one of concern rather than pity as he sits down beside her.]

I don't feel the cold. [He tells her. At least, he won't feel it until it reaches such an extreme that she wouldn't be in any state to care if he could feel it or not.

Regis doesn't prod her to talk, but sits in companionable silence beside her. She's clearly upset, but he imagines she'll speak when she's ready to.]