[OPEN] and when I shut my eyes the facets of color in my lids align

[voidfished]

Who: Lucretia and you!
Where: Across the mansion
When: During the event (April 7th-10th)
Rating: PG to PG-13 for probable discussions of depression and probably some curse words.
Summary: Lucretia continues to think she can handle events solo, and continues to absolutely beef it.
The Story:

i. [day 2/3] because i'm, i'm better than this, and you all, you couldn't resist

[When Lucretia arrived in Wonderland, events were described to her like great, dangerous marvels; times where she would need to find herself taking great action, dangerous missions where her life would be at stake. But everything she’s seen since her arrival six months ago has been quite to the contrary. More often than not, she is stuck here, with her own thoughts, dragged horribly into the light by a variety of events that force her to relive old anxieties, make it impossible to pack up and get past old problems. At first, this one in particular wasn’t so bad; just another day, though the rest of the Mansion was far more musically inclined than the typical. But her mind drifts, as it has so often in the last month when she’s alone, to the thoughts of how, well… alone, she really is. She has Lup, of course. There are people who have made their friendly acquaintance with her. But with Taako and Magnus adrift and distant, and still such work to do when she gets back with Barry, Merle, and Davenport, it consumes her much, much too quickly. As early as the end of the second day she’s going through the motions, forcing herself out just enough to walk through the gardens, song falling from her lips without her meaning to.]

Maybe I'm foolish,
Maybe I'm blind
Thinking I can see through this
And see what's behind
Got no way to prove it
So maybe I'm lying

Take a look in the mirror
And what do you see?
Do you see it clearer
Or are you deceived
In what you believe?

'Cause I'm only human after all,
You're only human after all
Don't put the blame on me
Don't put your blame on me.

[Perhaps, someone could help her now. But it seems to only prolong the inevitable.]

ii. [day 4] and that's ok because i love you all; i love you all, i love you the most

[And the inevitable, it is.

It’s easy to lose parts of herself when all she’s done is take them from someone else. When she is persona layered on persona, personhood created and fabricated again and again for situation and demand. So she’s powerless to stop it as static consumes her vision, her mind, down to the last remaining bits of phrase and circumstance, echoing out of a clouded face.]

I made everyone forget. I made the world forget.

I lost dear friends over that choice, but it was the only one to make.

I can protect everyone. You don’t have to hurt anymore.

I’m sorry.

[ooc: i'm doing a wiggly hand gesture at timelines in the second prompt; if you wanna get involved, feel free!]

Comments

ii;

[restinglichface]

[These last few days have been the strangest in Wonderland so far.

Lup may not shy away from her emotions on quite the same level as her brother does, but the suddenness of everyone around her bursting into song about their feelings is more than enough to leave the elf holing up in her room as often as possible, far away from prying eyes and ears. She just has her limits on sharing, especially around the people she's closest to. After all, after a lifetime of being completely honest and open with her twin, there's no denying she's hiding something very significant away from him as of late.

The last thing she wants is for it to come out in song, alright. Not a chance.

But hiding away only works so long. There's a point where she just has to get up and leave, to track down the people who matter the most. Lup isn't as susceptible to her lingering insecurities as others (like, say, Taako and Lucretia), so she doesn't stumble directly into that obsessive swirl of negativity, but the more she sees of other's affected by the event, the more her worry rises for the two. She needs to find them and fast.

Lup manages to track down Lucretia first, even if she has to do a double take before recognizing the other woman. The appearance of static is anything but comforting as of late.

There's no hesitation on Lup's part as she approaches the other woman, both hands moving to her shoulders, the elf placing herself directly in Lucretia's line of vision.]

Hey! Lucretia, answer me. I'm right here.

[voidfished]

[She can't focus.

It's figurative and literal, with static clouding her vision, filling her mind. She doesn't know how much time has passed since everything took effect; everything feels stagnant. Regret grips her tight, wound around her throat and eliminating her words from her mouth. Lucretia has been picked piecemeal from herself, bit by faded bit, so much so that she doesn't react when Lup grabs her. Doesn't have any other words.

It almost doesn't feel any different, than those ten years she spent alone.]

I'm sorry.

[restinglichface]

[The panic that grips Lup comes so suddenly, grabs her so sharply, that it feels like she can't quite breathe. If she can't save Lucretia, what's going to happen to her? Will she just be forgotten completely, only static remaining? Lup really can't leave that up to chance.]

No! Shut up! Don't friggin' apologize, just look at me, Lucretia! Last chance!

[Her grip on the other woman's shoulder's goes tight enough that her nails dig just slightly into the fabric of her top.]

[voidfished]

[A quiet part of her wants to reach out, to grab helplessly forward for Lup, but the rest of her doesn't even recognize who she is. The world outside these scraps of her feels like nothing, something she couldn't reach. So why even try? Why not slip away, into nothingness?

She doesn't even tilt her head.]

You don't have to hurt anymore. You can let me go.

[restinglichface]

[It's all the warning that Lucretia gets.

Lup's grip on the other woman's shoulders disappears before she's raising a hand, moving to slap Lucretia right across the face. It's the second time the elf's slapped her in Wonderland, but this time it isn't out of hurt, out of the betrayal she'd just discovered. This is to save Lucretia's life.

After that slap, Lup's hands are slipping right down to Lucretia's, palms pressing against palms, the elf's grip desperate. She squeezes the other's hands, tugs her close, voice begging.] Look at me!

[voidfished]

[The slap is, in fact, a surprise.

Her body moves with it, a faltered step to stop herself from falling. Was that... an attack? Who is it still reaching for her? It's hard. It's so hard to see through it all.

She brings her head up so Lup can see her face, but her eyes, almost her entire head, are clouded in thick silent static.]

I'm sorry.

[She can't find the words, choked somewhere, just the few scraps of her that are left like rearranging sentences out of fridge magnets. Where she has just a handful of herself, some scraps of a soul she's holding onto.

And yet, the hands in hers don't stay limp, and weakly grip back.]

I can... I don't...

[restinglichface]

Yes you can! [When did she start crying?] I'm right here, Lucretia! You have to stay with me! You aren't fuckin' allowed to leave me like this!

[Lup grips tightly back at Lucretia's hands, keeping her close, refusing to let the other woman go, just as tears begin to stream down her face. But Lup feels helpless against this invisible force, it's just not something that explosive magic or the strength of her own stubborn will could ever fight off. This is Lucretia's fight. And all Lup can do is hold on to her and remind her over and over that she's not letting her go.]

Please, baby. C'mon. I-I don't know what to do.

[voidfished]

[Lucretia can barely see Lup crying through the black and white dotting through her vision, the sound of it blurring the world and filling her head with confusion. But where she's always let her brain lead, her heart is what's reaching out now. Because that knows Lup when she's close, the feel of her hands, the sound of her voice, the pull of her existence from her closeness, her passion.

She thinks her hands are shaking, but the magic over her is oppressive and choking. How does she reach for this? How does she believe it?

At least, she finds some words.]

I... I don't deserve this. You. Coming for me.

[restinglichface]

[There's nothing Lup can do but cling to her, cling and hope with all of her heart that her words are making it through, that she can convince Lucretia in time before the other woman just disappears completely.

Whatever happens, they'll see it through together, Lup refusing to leave her side, refusing to leave her alone for even a second of this.]

Of course you do, goobus. You're my best friend, Luce. That's never changed an' it's never gonna. I don't wanna lose you.

[voidfished]

I've hurt you. I never found you. I've hurt you all.

[Can she really take a place like that, back among the life she once lead? Can she ever be that person again?]

I wasn't... honest with you. I lost to my convictions. I d.. don't deserve you.

[Doesn't deserve this love that she spent years wanting, that she couldn't give up on and still, now, doesn't know if she can handle properly. It's so much. Too much. How can she ever come to terms with this?]

I don't know how to deserve you.