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Who: Liv Moore, Claire Fraser
Where: Claire's room
When: 10-11
Rating: PG-13? Maybe? Mentions of death and such.
Summary: The way Liv sees it, she was late to work that day.
The Story:

Liv went home before she could ever talk to Claire. She should have done it right away, but after Claire woke up and Liv made sure she got back to her room all right, she could face her. That morning she'd detoured, gone to get coffee. She doesn't even need coffee, so what even made her go? If she hadn't, she would have been in the clinic when Claire was alone.

She can't stop thinking about it, so after a quick text to Claire to make sure it's okay, Liv heads over, knocking. Once she's inside, she doesn't know what to say for a second, looking down and swallowing heavily.

"Claire, I'm sorry. I'm so...I'm sorry."

Going home, being responsible for her boyfriend's death (at least, that's how she sees it for now) has made her feel like the blame for more than that is squarely on her shoulders.

"I wasn't there, and I should have been."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There will be a time, soon, when Claire gets back to her normal routine. She's been keeping clinic hours but hasn't been as present as usual other places. That will change soon; living in fear has never been something she's done, and she won't start doing it now. She feels protected enough by the people in Wonderland who care, in any case.

This evening though, she opens her door to Liv and ushers her inside, but before they can even sit, the young woman is apologizing and Claire has to admit, she's confused for a moment. Until she confesses she should have been there, and then it all comes into focus. She's trying to blame the actions of a mad man squarely on herself.

"Olivia, no," Claire says firmly but gently, stepping forward to take her face in her hands. "What happened is not because you weren't there. If you had been, he would have found another way to do it anyway. This isn't your fault."

Maybe she just needed to hear that, or maybe it's being mommed right now when she hasn't been in so long, but Liv feels herself sinking forward into Claire's arms fighting back tears.

"I could have stopped him if he tried. That shouldn't have happened to you. And he's getting away with it. No one's said anything, no one's done anything."

Automatically, Claire's arms go around Liv and she holds onto her tightly. "You know why." Because the don't have physical proof; hard evidence of what happened.

"But you have to trust that everyone gets their due. It may take time, but they do. He will." More important to her right now is Liv, in any case. "I have never once blamed you or thought anything about the fact that you hadn't made it to the clinic yet. If you need forgiveness, you already have it, but there was never a need, darling."

Edited 2018-10-11 16:52 (UTC)

Liv hasn't had this in so long; the day she refused to give her brother blood to save his life was the day her mother walked out of her life for good. How could Liv tell her she was dead? Back then it was still so new. It feels so long ago now, and belatedly, she wonders if her mom and brother knew she was about to be executed.

They'd never reached out once, to see where she was when the walls went up, to see if she was okay. Nothing.

"All that I do," she says quietly, voice breaking, "Is push people away or get them hurt. Sometimes killed."

Claire moves so that they can sit, and she keeps her arms around Liv. "You don't, Liv. I know it can be hard to see when you're in the thick of it. But I'm telling you what's true: you are not any more responsible for my death than I am."

But she knows there has to be more to it, so she gently prods.

"You went home, didn't you? Did something happen?"

She nods, touched, really, that Claire realized; she wouldn't have blamed her if she hadn't, considering what she's been through.

"I um...I did something, Claire. And I thought - I still think - it was the right thing to do, but they executed my boyfriend for it. They shot him in the head right in front of me."

Liv presses her hands over her face, closing her eyes tightly. "He literally died for me, because he wouldn't give me up. He was trying to save my life."

"Jesus Christ, Liv." With that, she's back in Claire's arms, forehead creased in a deep, deep frown. Without even really thinking about it, she rocks her back and forth gently, keeping her close.

"We can't choose what cause people will stand up for or what they think is noble. He didn't die because of you. He died because he believed in whatever you were doing and took a stance. That isn't something you could have known he would do." Though he likely went into it knowing full well what it would mean.

She's never wanted to cry this much before, and she hides her face against Claire's chest, listening to her.

"I know. I know that, logically. But he didn't deserve that. No one who's gotten hurt because of me deserved it. I don't know how to stop it, how to stop feeling like somehow everyone gets the fall out of my shitty life."

"You can't help the decisions other people make," Claire says firmly. "Since I've known you, you've been nothing but kind and generous with your time. What happened to me had nothing to do with whether or not you were on time. What happened at home...I certainly can't speak for him. But you were important. You are important. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong."

Claire has no idea if her words are helping or hurting, she just wants Liv to know that there is nothing she blames her for.

Liv looks down, not even realizing that she's holding onto Claire's hands tightly.

"You...are a good person. And I hear what you're saying, I really do, I promise. Which is how I know you're good. You've done things, but I guess we all have. It's how we live our lives around those things, right?"

Claire gently tips Liv's chin up and smiles softly. "That's exactly right, Liv. Some things happen that we wish hadn't but there isn't anything we can do to change them. I've even traveled back in time and tried to prevent a war. Sometimes things that are meant to be, will be."

Now, she squeezes Liv's hand with her free one. "All that matters is what's in your heart. And I know you have a wonderful one."

Swallowing heavily, Liv tries not to cry but a part of her just needs Claire to know how much this means to her.

"I haven't talked to my mom in...in a really long time. She doesn't know I'm this. I couldn't tell her or my brother but because of the way my life looked from her perspective, she shut me out." What she's trying to lead up to, Liv can't quite say out loud and brushes at a stray tear.

"I needed this. Someone like you."

Those words are enough to make Claire's eyes blur with tears and she clears her throat, blinking quickly. "Well, you'll always have me, as long as I'm here," she says gently.

And she would have a few choice words for Liv's mother if they ever met face to face. Even if Liv hadn't been able to tell her mother she was a zombie, there shouldn't have been any reason to cut her out.

"Would you like to stay here for a little while?"

Maybe if Claire knew the entire story, she wouldn't be so understanding. But now isn't the time to bring up the intricate details of her life.

"That'd be okay with you? I just...I mean with everything you've gone through, I don't want to be some kind of burden."

"Burden? Please. You aren't a burden, certainly having you sleep over a few nights isn't one either. If it were, I wouldn't have offered. You belong here, as long as you'd like," Claire says gently.

"Thank you," Liv says, leaning in for another hug and just resting against Claire, letting her new mom hold onto her.

Claire just wraps her arms around Liv, holding her close and running her fingers through her hair, letting her take all the time she needs.

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