entrancelogs | I've been 'fraid of changin' } closed

Entry tags:

I've been 'fraid of changin' } closed

Who: Jane & Kurt Weller
Where: 5th floor
When: 10/27
Rating: PG-13 maybe
Summary: Jane left and Kurt gave up looking. Only she thinks she stayed.
The Story:

[ When Jane wakes up, for some odd reason in the tattoo parlor, she tries to remember why she fell asleep there the night before. She has no idea, and all she can think is that something's happened. As far as she knows, she hasn't gone home, a quick glance down shows that her wedding ring is on her finger and her belly is still round.

That had sucked the last time she'd gone home - not that she was pregnant at all, but that for as long as she's here now in Wonderland, she'll be perpetually five and a half months pregnant. That hasn't changed, but she has all the symptoms that come with it, including falling asleep in random places. When she checks her device, Kurt hasn't messaged her at all, so she rubs at her eyes and stands up, heading to their room.

Opening the door, it's quiet and...different. Honestly, it looks like his apartment did when they were first married, when she first moved in. Why would he change it? ]

Kurt? Are you here? I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep at the studio.

[ She walks through their room, frowning deeper at the fact that all of her artwork is gone, the sketches of Bethany the sketches she's done of their baby, of the two of them. ]

...What the hell?

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[ Kurt's been up for a little while now, making breakfast for both he and his wife. She's been trapped here in Wonderland with him, and it's both a blessing and a curse. He wishes she could be home with their children, not stuck here, but on a selfish level, he'd be damned lonely without her.

The problem is, when he's expecting his wife to suddenly walk in - after the brisk morning walk she wanted to take around the garden - Jane is suddenly here.

And his heart stops. ]

...Jane?

[ He looks like he's seen a ghost. ]

What...what are you doing here?

[ Her confusion stays written on her face as she looks at Kurt, trying to put missing pieces she doesn't have together. ]

I fell asleep. At the studio. What's wrong with you? And why did you change our room?

What studio? What the hell are you talking about?

[ There was a time, once, when he would have been overjoyed to see her. But everything is different now. ]

How are you here? And you're...

[ His eyes flicker to her belly now, noticing the bump there indicating that she's pregnant. ]

[ This is scaring her if she's being honest. Her hands come over her belly, and there, her wedding ring - the ring he gave her - is in full view. ]

I've been here the entire time you have, I -

[ That's when it hits, that this must be an event, and she steps toward him. ]

This is Wonderland. Screwing with us, Kurt.

[ He shakes his head for a moment, taking a step back from her. ]

No. No, my wife is coming back. She went to the garden for a walk. She'll be back.

[ But his voice is soft, like he's doubting himself. ]

Your...Kurt, I'm your wife. I've been your wife for three years.

[ She can feel her heart starting to slam in her chest and she reaches out to brace her hand against the wall. ]

We've been here, together, for two years. We've gone home, we've come back, but we...we've always been here.

[ Kurt closes his eyes for a moment, emotional as he takes a deep breath and then opens his eyes again to look at her. ]

I would have happily stayed married to you for the rest of my life, Jane. That was all I wanted. But you left. You just - you walked out. And you never came back.

[ She stares at him, actual fear on her face as she looks at him. And when she speaks, her voice is quieter, breaking. ]

No. No...Kurt. I've never...

[ Jane shakes her head as she looks at him, eyes moving over his features. ]

We're having a baby, Kurt. There was a time I wanted to go, I almost did. But I never left. And I need you to remember. I really...I really need you to remember.

[ He doesn't understand how this could be happening, Wonderland or not. This place is messing with their memories, certainly, but it doesn't take away the fact that he has a wife, he has a small baby with that wife back home, and Jane never came home.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet. ]

I tried to find you. For years. Everything I had - I put into finding you.

[ And then his voice is equal parts bitter and just tired and resigned. ]

You didn't wanna be found.

[ Jane tries to take all of that in, that this version of Kurt...this version lost her and he gave up. He quit looking because she left. He moved on and now he has a different wife.

She feels like she might fall over as she feels her chest tighten. ]

No. No.

[ She can't even see Kurt with the way her eyes are blurring with tears. ]

I stayed. I wanted to run. I almost did but that night...

[ Because what other night would she have left but the night people broke into their home trying to kill her. ]

That night I realized I was so tired of running. We had something, finally, and I didn't want to give that up. I couldn't.

[ She needs to sit, so Jane helps herself to a chair, closing her eyes tightly as if trying to will herself awake or out of this event somehow. ]

[ Kurt watches her closely, really watches her, and tries to take off this lens of anger and hurt that he's been looking at her through. Whatever is going on, she is pregnant, and she believes they've always been together. He believes she's telling the truth about all of that, as strange and as hard as that is to reconcile.

Finally, he moves to sit across from her. ]

That was all I wanted. I wanted you to come home.

I never left.

[ She says that with so much desperation, and she covers her face with her hands to try and hide her emotion. But she can't, and she lets the gathering tears fall, unable to stop them. ]

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do because my husband is telling me that he has a different wife here that isn't me. And the last thing I remember about us is meeting at the diner for dinner before I left to meet someone who wanted a tattoo. You didn't come because you told Snow you'd go riding with her that night. I was at the studio and I finished, but I sat on the couch and I must have fallen asleep because I woke up there, and then I came home and now you're not...you're not my husband anymore.

[ It's too much and she feels like she can't breathe as emotion makes her throat seem to close and a full-on panic attack begins. ]

Edited 2018-10-28 15:04 (UTC)

[ He doesn't know how to make sense of any of this, but no matter what's happened between them, no matter what his real or false memories are telling him, Jane was and always would be someone he cared about. That means that he can't easily quell his instinct to comfort her, and without even thinking much about it, he reaches out to take one of her hands, pressing it to his chest like he did so many years ago. ]

Take a deep breath. Please. I don't know what's going on, but I'm here, okay?

[ It's a gesture that always brings her immediately comfort, to feel his heart beating beneath her fingertips. He's the only person who's ever been able to calm her down this way. She looks at his face and just nods, taking a deep breath.

He's here, and that's all she needs right now. ]

It's an event. This is just an event, it'll go away and you'll remember me. You'll remember us.

[ He really hopes she's right, but the moment he has that thought, it feels selfish and like a betrayal of his current wife. Or...the wife he thinks is his current wife. Is she even real?

He sighs a little, gently lowering her hand but still holding onto it and just looking down at it, stroking her knuckles and her palm. ]

You stayed with me? That night - you couldn't leave me?

I never left.

[ She looks into his eyes and closes her hand over his. ]

I started to. I started to and then I saw you sitting. In front of the door, protecting me keeping whatever else might come in, out. So I stayed. Bethany went with Allie for a few weeks but we got the bounty off of my head. Roman...

[ She looks down, closing her eyes for a second. ]

Roman's dead. He's been dead, we took him out. And now we're happy, we travel, we...

[ She takes his hand and places it over her belly. ]

We're having a baby in four months. It's a girl.

[ It's painful to hear that because that was everything he wanted. All he wanted was to live a life with Jane, the love of his life.

And now there are unshed tears in his eyes, but he blinks them away quickly, closing his eyes tightly and taking a shaky breath, even as he keeps his hand right against her belly. ]

This is...everything, Jane. Everything I wanted.

Kurt if you...if you have another wife, where is she? She should be back, right?

[ If he's married, she wants to see who it is, who he's built a better life with. One where she didn't hurt him, apparently. ]

[ Kurt looks at his device now, pulled out of his thoughts by her question. ]

She went to the garden, she's - [ But as he scrolls through his device to message her, her name isn't there, and he frowns deeply. ]

No. No, no, this - this doesn't make sense. Where is she?

[ Jane's quiet as he looks, and then she reaches for his hand again and presses it over her chest this time, over her heart. ]

I don't know why Wonderland is doing this to us.

[ Her voice breaks but she holds onto him. ]

But she doesn't exist because I never left you. I never left home.

[ Knowing she doesn't exist, that the life he thought was so real, he feels safe in baring his soul to her, glad that she's holding onto him because God, he needs it. ]

I never stopped loving you.

You...are my husband, Kurt. You're my other half. My starting point.

[ She doesn't realize that this is an event for her too, that she did leave. ]

You always have been for me. You always will be, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you ever thought I left.

[ He's quiet for a long moment, just looking at her, eyes glancing at her belly and then back to her face. ]

I don't...know what's real, Jane.

I'm real, Kurt. I'm right here, and I'm real.

[ She reaches out, holding his face between her hands. Then, she softly kisses him, lips brushing against his. This is her husband, and he's here with her, they're together and she'll do everything she can to convince him. ]

[ The moment her lips touch his, it's absolutely incredible. God, he's missed her so much, and he's emotional as they kiss softly, his forehead resting against hers. ]

I love you. I didn't marry you to leave. I married you forever.

[ Jane whispers the words and then kisses him again softly. And her hand moves his back to her belly. ]

We're having a baby. When we get out of Wonderland, anyway. Our family is getting bigger. Our love made it grow.

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