Steve Rogers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
captain_america) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2019-02-06 01:47 pm
captain_america) wrote in entrancelogs2019-02-06 01:47 pm
[open] You’re so far away
Who: Steve Rogers and You!
Where: around the mansion
When: First few weeks of February
Rating: PG-13 for punching bag death
Summary: A few weeks in the life of Steve Rogers.
The Story:
Where: around the mansion
When: First few weeks of February
Rating: PG-13 for punching bag death
Summary: A few weeks in the life of Steve Rogers.
The Story:
- Training Center
Steve’s normal daily routine usually includes an outdoor run, but it’s winter and Steve has never been the biggest fan of the cold, or snow, or anything that reminds him of crashing a plane and freezing in the cold Arctic Ocean, this is why he loves that that training center has an indoor track. It might not be as interesting as running outside but it’s warm and it will do for his daily 26 miles.
And that’s just a warm up.
Sometimes he follows the run with a turn on the mountain climbing wall, or at the weight racks, but usually he’s wrapping his hands and taking his aggression out on some punching bags. They aren’t the normal punching bags either, they are sturdier- able to withstand super soldiers beating on them for days and weeks. But the beginning of February has been hard. Peggy is gone and it’s taking everything in him not to break down.
That means the punching bags are getting more of a workout than normal and one particular strong punch has one ripping at the seams, chains snapping and it’s sailing across the room to hit a wall, sand spilling out into the floor. It’s been a while since he’s done that. That doesn’t stop him, even if he mutters a curse under his breathe, just goes and hauls up a new one as if it weighs nothing and starts another round. This one should last longer.
- Diner
Steve started dropping by the diner once or twice a week about a month after he arrived. It was comfortable and it reminded him of home- not just 2018 but 1945 as well. There was something about a diner that was timeless- he always knew what to expect there. Plus they had really good pie.
Peggy started meeting him there once a week a few months ago and it had become their unspoken routine (because everything with them seemed to be unspoken). He would order pie, she would steal his pie and they would talk, like old friends, about everything and nothing. They would share stories about the war and that was something Steve hadn’t been able to do in years. Peggy always understood him in ways no one else ever had.
But she was gone now, again. That seemed to be his blessing and his curse, he would find Peggy again but he was always destined to lose her. He thought he had made peace with that back home but it was different here.
He still came to the diner at their unspoken agreed upon time, and he still ordered a slice of apple pie. Sometimes he ate it, sometimes he sat their and sketched, and sometimes he just stared out the window as the pie sat there untouched.
- Fifth Floor Bar
For someone who couldn’t get drunk (unless Freya was around), Steve spent an awful lot of time in bars since he arrived in Wonderland.
It made sense, it was where a lot of his friends ended up gathering and Natasha worked behind the bar every so often. He might not be able to get drunk but he enjoyed a good beer, and Tony had turned him on to whiskey. He could be found nursing a drink at the bar or at one of the tables scattered around. He wouldn’t say no to a game of pool or darts or just some company. He was a friendly guy.
- Wildcard
Have an idea for something with Steve? Make your own starter or hit me up
no subject
She does order her own piece of pie before studying her friend, features softening.
"What's the matter?"
no subject
He isn’t surprised when she asks, he’s not exactly hiding the brooding and it’s Claire, she would be concerned. What surprises him is that he actually wants to tell her. He’s never really been someone who talks about their feelings, he’d rather change the subject, or avoid it, or punch something. Claire makes him want to talk- probably because he thinks she would understand.
“Before I went into the ice, hell before I even got the serum, there was this woman. She was amazing, unlike any woman I had ever met before, and she saw me for who I was, even when I was 90 pounds soaking wet. I loved her- I still love her, and I was planning on spending my life with her. You know, the whole thing- kids and a house and a life. But I went into the ice for 68 years and when I came out she had lived a life. A full life with kids and a career- and she deserved it, she deserved everything she ever fought for and achieved. I just thought we would have done it together.”
He takes a breath and there’s moisture in his eyes. “By the time I came out of the ice she was sick, and she was dying, some days she didn’t remember who I was. She died two years ago and it was like losing her all over again. And then I came here and there she was- like 68 years had never happened. Only she had moved on, because the Steve That was here before me had fallen in love with someone else and she was forced to. And I told myself that was fine, she deserved to be happy and I was just glad to be around her again.”
He clenches his jaw, swallowing hard to keep his voice steady. “Peggy Carter seems to not be in Wonderland anymore and it’s like she’s died for the third time.”
no subject
The first (unhelpful) thing that comes out of her mouth is:
"I stitched Peggy up once. We weren't quite friends, but I respected that she and I had both seen war."
It's a statement to make a transition into real words of understanding and comfort.
"Losing her, again, because of the whims of Wonderland is cruel. Feeling the way you do, Steve, there isn't any reason not to." She can't even promise she wouldn't rant and rave and try to murder someone if Jamie left, and she knows they have at least a few years together before they die. Even then, they die together.
"Sometimes we have to tell ourselves lies to survive the way our hearts are being crushed. By someone who doesn't even mean to do it. And when all of that pressure is released it's difficult not to collapse under the weight of it." Claire's eyes are gentle as she looks at him.
"I understand, Steve. I swear to you that isn't something said just to placate you. Not from me."
He knows her story; perhaps not the fine details of what it was like to pretend for twenty years to be something (someone) she wasn't, but he knows she would never lie to him.
no subject
“I once told Tony that the guy who wanted a life with a family died when I went into the ice and someone else came out. I think the person who came out is just chasing ghosts to avoid having an actual chance at losing something again.” He lets out a sigh. “I don’t know how to let her go.”
Or he’s scared to let her go because that means opening himself up to more pain. He’s lost enough people in his life, he’s not sure he can lose anymore.
no subject
"I don't think you ever will let her go. Not fully."
She pulls her hands back now to show both of her wedding bands, the gold and silver.
"I love Jamie with every part of my heart. But Frank was and always will be very important to me. He was my first love and I can't let go of him." Only said so that later, if Steve thinks on it, he'll know once he does let someone in, if they love him, they won't hold his love for Peggy over him.
no subject
“I feel like everyone expects me to, or maybe that’s just the pressure I’ve put on myself.” To let go and move on. Stop holding on to a past that let go of him a long time ago.
He looks at her hand, seeing both rings. He gets it, he knows how much she loves Jamie, and it’s good to see, even if it still might take him some time to let it sink in.
“Thank you Claire, somehow you always know exactly what I need to hear.”
no subject
When time literally robs you of years with someone you should have had. Years you planned for, built in your own mind only to have it all taken away in a moment.
"Well. I don't know about always saying the right thing. But you and I share an odd thing in common. That makes it easier." She smiles softly and squeezes his hand gently before moving back in her seat.
"You and I could meet more often you know, and not by accident."
no subject
“I would like that- meeting up on purpose.”
no subject
When she'd first realized she truly wanted Jamie and wanted to stay, Christ, she'd never felt so guilty in her life.
"The difference is, I could have gone back. Jamie took me to the stones and I could have walked back into my life, back to Frank."
She didn't. Objectively, that makes her horrible, but she made peace with it a long time ago.
"So, let's make this a habit, alright?"