[CLOSED] In which Philip returns and Alex goes for a long walk

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

Who: Alex Kralie (40410), Philip (sadfreezingbrit) and Dr Sofia Lamb (echo_of_utopia)
Where: Mainly the beach
When: Starting late morning of the 10th, five days after this
Rating: PG, PG-13
Summary: Two birds with one stone! Alex is invited outside for a walk by Philip (who is definitely still Philip by the time of the invitation) and meets the good doctor for a chat later on.
The Story:

And then five more days are gone, just like that. It's been remarkable fun, really, but Clarence is ready to let somebody else take the reins again.

Almost.

His fingers tap the wooden desk as he waits for a reply.

"Um, Alex?"

No such luck, but leaving a message works just as well. Better, in fact. Clarence is tired of playing the part properly and he's had his fun with the alternatives.

"You were... you were probably just joking, but if you weren't, then I'd, er... I'd love to take you up on that walk now."

Just one last script in the voice of dear Philip.

"Sober, I promise."

He clears his throat.

"Just, um... I'll probably be in my room all day, just- just drop by if... if you want."

A pause.

"Ah... cheers."

And then he hangs up.

And waits.

Comments

[40410.livejournal.com]

Alex isn't sure whether to acknowledge the message, but... well, he did promise. And he could probably use getting out of his room and spending time with someone -- and hell, it sounds like Philip could as well, if his event recovery scheme is... well.

So.

Overcome reluctance. Jeans and long sleeves that don't look out of place now that the days are getting colder. A cautionary camera wasp. A knock on Philip's door.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"Just a second!"

Clarence buttons the top of his shirt and grins. In his head Philip's pleas for mercy are almost getting boring. Almost.

"No worries, monkey. I'll leave that one all to you."

Once again Philip doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what Clarence has been playing at for the last five days and he doesn't understand what he wants now, he--

He feels something pulling at him before everything goes dark.

And when he opens his eyes he finds himself lying on the floor, on his back- his back... hurting from the fall.

He tries to lift his fingers, tuck up his legs. He tries to turn his head, to bite his lips. He tries to move, he tries to do anything and finds that... that it all works.

He is back in his body. Dizzy. Shaky. Disbelieving. But he is back.

(Sadly the gripping nature of this tag is reduced to a quick announcement, a mumble and a loud thud for anyone experiencing it from the other side of the door.)

[40410.livejournal.com]

The announcement is fine, the mumble less promising and the thud, considering their last conversation, downright alarming.

"Hey -- hey, are you alright?"

He bangs the door again, this time with the flat of his palm. Never let it be said that Alex Kralie misses an opportunity to assume the worst.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

''

...It's a little difficult to describe the feeling Philip is going through at the moment. It's a disconnect of sorts, like a computer after a cold reboot, like a sleep-deprived drunk trying to operate heavy machinery, like a bundle of metaphors that barely connect.

It's easier to describe his actions:

He thinks his reply, but forgets to voice it. He stumbles to his feet and towards the door. He opens the door and--

He looks at Alex, blinking, mouth slightly agape.

Somewhere there are thoughts consisting of appropriate words, but... but whatever the message, Frank is nibbling at the wires again and the transmission fails.

He blinks again.

[40410.livejournal.com]

And Alex looks back at him. At first it's hurried, and then that gets downgraded to searching with a hint of relief that Philip isn't actually passed out on the floor or anything. He doesn't exactly look well, but... he said sober, he didn't say not-hungover.

"You sure you want to walk?"

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"Actually..."

Oh hey, it's a word! This word is a good word. Well done, mouth!

"Yeah, I'm just a little... I'll walk it off."

...Now those words on the other hand Philip isn't so sure about.

But then he thinks about the alternative and maybe it isn't such a bad idea to prevent himself from being alone with his thoughts.

Yet.

[40410.livejournal.com]

Alex kind of wants to ask if Philip was using something again - opens his mouth to do so, even - but then refrains on the grounds that there are probably eighty thousand better topics for the both of them.

Instead:

"...Tell me if you're gonna be sick or something."

As he steps back to make room for Philip to exit. The clinic is just as scenic a destination as the beach, if need be.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"I won't be."

He hopes.

Now then! Let's shut that door and wa-- okay, stagger forward a little, hold on to the wall, find a balance and... and there we go!

See? Walking. Walking perfectly fine. With his legs.

While not being sick or anything.

"So how- how've you been?"

[40410.livejournal.com]

Don't make him offer physical support. He offers physical support for nothing short of bleeding to death from multiple stab wounds.

"Better than you," is the way in which Alex Kralie chooses to express his concern and hope that Philip is not close to collapse and inquiry as to Philip's own health.

(Oh okay, he does owe Philip a physical support coupon. But only if he really needs it!)

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

He doesn't need support! He's got this! Look: Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Awkward pause. Right foot again. Left foot. Right foot....

"That's not saying much," he laughs weakly and finds his misery more easily expressed when not asked about it directly.

That and it really is not saying much, though he is willing to handwave the details of Alex's well-being, if that's what Alex prefers.

[40410.livejournal.com]

"...Yeah."

Judging by what he thinks were Philip's days after the event (and hahaha, his guess is actually better than what really happened), that's probably accurate. Alex took his third death more or less in his stride, but he's aware that he's probably the exception in that.



"...Sorry I didn't get to you in time."

Not that Philip made it easy for him, but he still feels like he should've been able to do something. Should have, but of course wasn't.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"That you..."

Let him just rewind for a second here, because some parts of the event are easier to recall than others and quite frankly he hasn't yet felt particularly eager to fill in the gaps.

Ah, there it is. Alex called. Or answered. They talked, at any rate. And he wanted to help and and another symptom is déjà vu, only this time he didn't make it in time to clean up event!Dean's mess.

Philip shakes his head.

"That wasn't exactly your fault."

Wasn't he killed as well? Before that? Even if not, Philip... doesn't remember being particularly cooperative at the time.

[40410.livejournal.com]

"Still..."

Actually, you know what? Let's not turn this into a game of whose fault the horrible thing was. This is meant to be a walk for health or relaxing or something, not for practicing self-flagellation.

"Never mind." He almost adds death's cheap here, even though he's sure his own count just ticked up past the halfway point, but see the intention established above.

"Are you - feeling better?" Which may be a stupid, stupid question, but there it is. He cares about your well-being, Philip, even if you did get high and start prodding him about the time he was masked.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"I..."

That is a very good question. Philip was Clarence up until just a few moments ago and now he's apparently about to take a serene stroll in the gardens. Being himself.

(The things that happened while he wasn't in that state are--

...ah, but we did say there would be no thoughts on that yet, didn't we?

Moving on.)

"I am. I think."

So hey, about that active part he should be taking in this conversation...

"...I wish I hadn't been anywhere near the network though."

A sigh. An addition:

"I'm sorry."

[40410.livejournal.com]

He looks sideways at Philip, wondering whether to be the voice of ultimate forgiveness who knows that no matter what you do, someone somewhere - probably multiple people close by and including Alex - has done something much worse. That's weighed in the balance against the fact that having the mask stuff brought up again was really quite painful.

Sharply: "Yeah, don't do that again."

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"I won't."

It's easy to be decisive when the request you're given and the promise you make have such an obvious loophole.

"...I don't remember much of it."

He'd love for that to be the truth rather than a thought he hopes will allow him to stall and keep at least some of the awkward silence cards for later.

[40410.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?" That... is always inconvenient, sometimes dangerous, but not, he's sometimes forced to admit, always unpleasant. "Was it the first time you used... whatever?"

That would be good. If Philip had a bad experience first time he might not be getting high on the network again in the future.

...Alex wonders when he became the mansion representative of the DARE campaign.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

Philip stops abruptly.

"Actually--"

He remembers fumbling awkwardly through an explanation for Santana. Now Clarence has been upgraded from alcoholism to drug abuse and the new excuse is hardly looking like an improvement.

Alex was the first real person Philip met in the mansion, the only one he met at the beginning who is still here now. They were never close, they didn't share a great deal of emotions or information with each other, but they did share horrible moment upon horrible moment and that ought to count for something, right?

A long history of going through crap together, surely that makes him deserving of the truth!

"...Actually, no. It wasn't."

Philip keeps walking.

Then again, what they have right now works, why ruin it by destroying all the beautiful lies?

[40410.livejournal.com]

It looked for a moment like some huge confession was forthcoming, but Alex isn't wholly sure why that strikes him as strange. And furthermore: goddamnit.

Alex scratches, unconscious of the movement. Then there are several seconds of conflicted silence for the two men to enjoy. Maybe he should ask how many times. Maybe he should ask what it was. Maybe he should drop it altogether.

"...It was a rough event."

Is he making an excuse for Philip? Just making an observation? In fact it's the former, though he seems to be making it to a patch of undistinguished air some way in front of them.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"It was a rough event..."

Philip repeats it carefully to see if it will stand in court.

(To his surprise it almost does. The guilt over allowing Clarence to show himself is barely a pinch this time.)

"You, um..."

The pause that follows is enough to almost make Philip forget what he meant to ask in the first place.

"You... you died too, didn't you?"

[40410.livejournal.com]

Hands fidgeting in his pockets:

"Yeah."

A pause.

"More than halfway, now."

He's not sure what to think about it. A few months ago he would've wished it had been his fifth. Right now... he must be feeling better, because the thought that that's three out of five and he only gets one more freebie is incredibly unsettling.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

Philip can't afford another lengthy pause, but the one he takes for himself is not enough to make him remember what Alex is referring to.

Apparently Clarence's post-event spree has caused an overload of other information that is presently obscuring that little Wonderland factoid.

"More than halfway...?"

Then again, maybe Philip is just finding it difficult to devote all that much care to whether some deaths are or aren't final.

[40410.livejournal.com]

"To number five. I'm nearly at number five."

Unsettling enough to make him use more syllables than is necessary, even.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"Nearly at--"

Ding!

"Right!"

At first the meaning sinks in. And then the implications.

"I, um... I'm sorry."

[40410.livejournal.com]

"It's not..."

He didn't mean it as a plea for sympathy, and that it might've been taken that way feels off.

"I'll be more careful, I guess." Ha. Ha. Ha.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"How much more careful do you have to be..."

That was a thought for Philip's own benefit, voiced because he was too lost in it not to. An accidental audio, if you will.

How much distrust does it take, really?

The kind of nasty surprises Wonderland has in store tend to be difficult to avoid. Almost impossible, unless you are willing to succumb to complete paranoia and isolation.

...Why those two have so much as a scratch on them is beyond the narration's comprehension.

[40410.livejournal.com]

Must be some kind of conspiracy on the part of people who are definitely not their muns.

Alex... doesn't have a satisfying answer for Philip, so he opts for a tense silence.




No, after a moment or two he opts for a tense question instead.

"...How many do you have left?"

Stretch out the unpleasant subject, why don't you, Alex.

[sadfreezingbrit.livejournal.com]

"Erm..."

Always a good prequel, that one. Philip's hands wander into his pockets. Once he catches up with the network he will hear rumours about the event's deaths not really counting. But that's still a while in the future...

"Three, I-- That was the second one. Death, I mean."

Philip doesn't rightly know what to make of the subject. Death lost its bite; unpleasant circumstances, but the final countdown doesn't rightly scare him.

Or maybe three deaths are simply all too far away yet for somebody who grew up with the assumption that he would only get one.

He falls silent, thinking.