Sex Ed 102

[urnewkingbitch]

Who: Zuko, Sokka, Dave, John, Santana, Bro (aka Santana and a bunch of dicks)
Where: Tearoom
When: Valentines Day Unattached Drifter Christmas
Rating: PG-13 + for Dave's mouth on certain anatomy and sex ed
Summary: Sokka will know the strength of Zuko’s hammer. The hammer is his penis.
The Story:

Dave sent out the bat call for the people who helped out with John and Kurt’s education last time. There really isn’t much else to say on the matter. Other than Sokka and Zuko are utterly in lesbians with each other (gay/lesbian) clueless.

Comments

Lopez Poetry (Lesbeans)

[urnewkingbitch]

[itsahotone]

Santana's cool with the distraction of helping out/mocking clueless people for Valentine's day. The last one she spent in Wonderland was one she doesn't want to think about ever again because it makes her come down with a bad case of feelings. And the last one she remembers back home, Brittany and Artie were all over each other, along with everyone else all coupled off. Oh, and then she awesomely gave Finn and Quinn mono.

So yeah, she's pretty down with doing anything else but remembering that crap.

Therefore: come on, come all, to vital life lessons with Santana Lopez.

[whatturmoil]

This is a miserable goddamn situation. He can't look at Santana, but can't think about storming off. If he leaves, everything will come crashing down. Blackmail is like that.

He stares at a random point on the floor, his head in his hands, and a very unamused expression on his face.

"This is so stupid."

[itsahotone]

"It's necessary," is all Santana says in response to that. Because duh, it seriously is. Just look at them.

[whatturmoil]

He sighs, loudly, really loudly.

"No it isn't! This stuff doesn't happen where I'm from. Why should I need to know it?"

[sarcasmbend]

To start this thing off correctly, Sokka's narrative would like to present this argument to the court: that story is a complete utter lie, and whoever wrote it should be ashamed of themselves. For one, he was making post-it note art of Suki yesterday! Isn't that enough evidence? No? Well, darn, he'll have to try a little harder.

Suffice it to say, all the blackmail really has him in the best mood ever. It doesn't help that he made the mistake of picking up a pink triangle shaped post-it note upside down. This is just going to be one big mess, isn't it? That's totally why they should start this off with the lesbeans part, right? Totally.

And go right ahead, Santana, but Sokka's keeping his head glued to the table.

[itsahotone]

"So let me guess--you know nothing about anything."

That's a good start, right?

[sarcasmbend]

Ah, that's a very good attempt at getting Sokka to talk, Santana. Unfortunately, the only response he gives is a low "mm-mm." That would be a no, by the by. Get to it already, Santana. He's assuming Dave told her something already (hopefully not everything), and he'd like to do as little talking and listening as possible.

Bro's Corner (Gays)

[urnewkingbitch]

[whatturmoil]

His head is flat on the table, resting on his arm. This is ridiculous. Does he really have to know about all this crap? Zuko does look up after Santana leaves the room, and Bro shows up. Who is this guy? Zuko only vaguely remembers him from the network.

"..This is a waste of time. Mine and your's."

[coolstriderbro]

Bro's only doing this because his brother asked him anyway, so the greeting isn't exactly breaking his heart or anything. Still doesn't stop him dropping his teaching aids (read: smuppets) onto the table before he stands in front of it and leans, arms crossed.

"Funny, I don't remember appointing a PA to tell me when my time's a wasting."

[whatturmoil]

"..A what?"

He eyes the smuppets on the table. Wait a second...

..This is the guy who left the creepy puppet on his doorstep on Christmas?

"What's with you and those things?!"

[coolstriderbro]

"Personal Assistant, dude. Guess they don't have 'em where you're from."

He picks up one of the smuppets, tossing and catching it with one hand before he shrugs.

"I like puppets. Last I heard it wasn't a crime."

[sarcasmbend]

Wow, so by this point, Sokka's mind has already starting to unravel. It doesn't help Dave gave him a taste beforehand. He just barely raises his head from the table when Santana's shift is over. Did he mention how much he loved all of this? Because, really, he does.

"Hey, you don't have to come in."

He makes a gesture toward the door. He might as well be pleading here.

[coolstriderbro]

"I don't have to, no." He shrugs a little. "But it's probably better I do, unless you want to keep running face-first into shit you don't understand."

[sarcasmbend]

And at first, Sokka takes that for something else. Oh, come on!

"Nah, I don't--"

WHAT'S WITH THE PUPPETS, DUDE. Sokka actually recoils and hits his knee on the table.

"Ow! No, no, no, you don't have to, really! I'm good!"

Dear sweet moon spirit, why do their noses look like that?!

[coolstriderbro]

Bro looks from him to the puppets and back again, pushing his shades up a little.

"Dude, you're a little young for me. But, not young enough that you don't need to know about this. And, well, who better to educate and elucidate on the finer details of male on male than yours truly?"

He picks up one of the smuppets and throws it toward Sokka for him to catch.

"So. Where do I start?"

John Jazz (Bisexuality with eventual guest star Dave)

[urnewkingbitch]

[whatturmoil]

Zuko is slowly getting more ticked and uncomfortable as this whole thing goes on. John shows up. Zuko's okay with John, but the whole spin the bottle thing that he refused to play was..awkward.

There's a definite redness to his cheeks now, partially embarrassed because he's been told some pretty raunchy things in the past half hour and, partially because he's just pissed to all hell.

[hamburellakind]

John suddenly remembers, out of nowhere in particular, that he totally landed on Zuko during spin the bottle that one time. Oops. He should maybe mention that to Dave? That seems. Like, full-disclosure-y, right?

Any...way.

"So, um! I guess I'm supposed to talk about how you can sometimes realize you don't just like girls! Like, some people like both. Like. Like me." Like like like.

"I just kind of assumed I only liked girls, I guess? I didn't...think about boys, exactly. Or if I did, I guess I ignored it. In our world, being gay comes with a lot of stigma! It's, like, the kind of thing people get beaten up over in certain parts of the country. So it's just easier to assume you're straight through and through!"

John looks away at this point, a little shyer about describing his actual orientation. "I'm kind of half and half? I'm. Half straight, half. Dave...sexual." That sounded lame. And Dirty. "I don't know, I've never liked any guys other than Dave. I think that it still counts as bisexuality, though."

[whatturmoil]

He suddenly looks..way more uncomfortable, probably more uncomfortable than he should be. Zuko doesn't even look at him. Okay, so he sort of is the same way. He assumes, at least right now, that he only likes girls, but everything..

Well, everything has kind of been put to question, hasn't it? Suddenly this thing exists in his world, and it makes him wonder: How does he know he's "straight"? Sure he's been in love, sure he's had contact with girls, but how does he know?

He stays silent as John speaks.

"..But..isn't it.."

Now out comes the awkwardness. He's unsure, as proved by his fidgeting.

"..Not..uh..right?"

[sarcasmbend]

Welp, after that one, Sokka's mind is officially gone. His face may or may not be stuck in one expression at this point. This is the perfect time for the bisexuality talk! It wasn't like it was awkward before, right? And, agh, he still hasn't gotten over the guilt part. Yeah, this is going to be so awesome.

Oh, and that isn't even accounting for the fact that he's just witnessed some things he can never ever unsee. This next part may hopefully fly right over his head.

i just needed a flaily icon okay? okay.

[hamburellakind]

God, this was really awkward. He knew where Sokka was, though!

"So, um. We already talked about this a little bit? But I guess. I mean. I'm bisexual. That means I like both girls and guys!" Gesture gesture. Understand? Both. Both things.

"Until Dave I didn't think about boys, though. I guess that's pretty normal actually! Or you might like boys and then find out you like girls later or something, whatever! It's all kind of a big melting pot of. Um. Sex. I guess?"

Pause.


...Pause.

"Not that we're having sex! Me and Dave-- we're-- we're thirteen, we aren't!"

[turn4bout]

Throughout the previous conversation, someone might have noticed some rattling from the closet. Throughout John's last speech, the noise stopped, because Terezi had already escaped the confines of her closety prison, crawled across the floor, and hid under the table. She had to wait until the proper place in the conversation to interject her commentary. It was very important. Impressions are huge, especially with Sokka, since she was already on shakey terms with the boy.

Where oh where could she interject?

Oh! Right here!

"Dave and John, sitting in a tree. Filling pails with-out me! First comes love, then come drones, then hatch grubs in a pile of bones!"

DJ Dave (Asexuality + Everything else ever)

[urnewkingbitch]