entrancelogs | The Peace the Evening Brings

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The Peace the Evening Brings

Who: Dave Strider and John Egbert
Where: Roof
When: Evening
Rating: M for Dave's mouth, otherwise G, however there is a TW for mention of rape
Summary: Feelings jam and then DATE NIGHT by stargazing for teh ironies.
The Story: Well, he had asked John earlier if he had any plans that night, and he said no. So, naturally, Dave left the guy a note that was short and to the point.

meet me on the roof at 9 PM
bring a pillow or two

Dave was already there, chilling on enough pillows to comfortably lie down on. Thank God it was a clear night that night, otherwise this wouldn't work at all. Stargazing was a nicely ironic date for a couple of guys like them. Nobody would ever have pegged Dave Motherfucking Strider as any sort of stargazer.

Granted, he was also hoping to talk a bit about what happened when they had been older. He had a feeling that was still on John's mind.

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John was smart enough to not only bring a pillow or two, but a big quilt too. It was still chilly at this point in the season, an odd thing he actually appreciated about the mansion-- it worked like home. After visiting Skaia for a while, it was kind of nice to be reminded of his life before Sburb.

Unfortunately, getting all these things onto the roof took a little more concentration than he'd like, so it takes him a while to float everything up in neat pile beside Dave before doing a belly flop on top of them. Giggling, John pulled the quilt over the top of them and settled into his pillows.

"So, date night?"

Oh, he didn't even think to bring a blanket. Excuse him as he practically burrowed into it. Good thoughtful boyfriend.

"Hell yeah. Figured we could play fuckin' connect the dots with the stars like you do with my goddamn freckles. I'm pretty sure that giraffe you drew is still on my back. But before we get down to the fun, I was thinkin' we should probably talk about the time we had sex."

If there was one thing Dave had learned about John, it had to be that he needed to be blunt and straightforward if he really wanted to talk about something. Otherwise, they would be pussyfooting around for hours.

John winced and buried his face in one of the pillows. His words muffled, he asked, "Do we really have to?"

It felt too soon.

Or just like he should never talk about it ever because oh God oh God oh God. So much happened and it can't be taken back ever and wow it was so very very gay maybe more gay than how he laid in Dave's lap during glee the other day and shit he was still scared about so much of it, wasn't he?

Which. Was probably why Dave wanted to talk about it.

Deep breath. Exhale. Stop being a freaking baby.

"Yeah, no, you're right. What did you want to talk about specifically?"

Dave shifted so that he was facing John.

"Anythin' and everythin' we have to. Good, bad, feelin's on the matter?"

He might as well offer the olive branch of feelings sharing, even if he was completely terrible at being open.

John toyed with the corner of a pillow, trying to form the sentences he needed. It was hard, since he'd put such effort into avoiding thinking about it at all. His eyes couldn't quite meet Dave's.

"I...I don't regret any of it. It isn't that so much as, like. It scares me, a little. It's like..." John huffed, annoyed at his lack of words for this feeling. "Like I went somewhere in a dream? And it seemed so real then and maybe I'd like to go back but then I realize I kind of...can't? And that makes it seem less real." Pause. "I do know it really happened. I just can't explain myself correctly. Sorry."

"Nah, I get it. Continuin' with the dream analogy, it's be like havin' a kick ass dream, but you can't revisit it. Least not yet."

Dave drummed his fingers on his pillow, thinking.

"That's not all that's botherin' you, is it?"

John chewed his lip. "Am I supposed to feel different now? I mean. You took my virginity. Like, literally." He hesitated. "So shouldn't I feel totally different now?"

He minutely raised a brow at that.

"Why? All it does is say whether you've had sex or not. S'not like it defines you as a person, right? I mean, shit, you can't really go up to someone and say, 'Hi, I'm John Egbert and I have a virgin personality!' That'd be a blip on the weird-o-meter for the day, and I'm pretty sure that's one way to get 'em to remember you for the rest of their fuckin' lives."

John scowled, hunkering down into the quilt. "That's easy for you to say. You got to take my buttginity."

Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades.

"Just 'cause I penetrated that fine ass of yours does not make me a virgin. Also, FYI and not bein' funny or whatever the fuck, but sayin' it like that makes me think I raped you."

The thought that he had kind of crossed his mind an uncomfortable amount of times.

John's head shot up.

"What? You don't-- you don't really think that, do you?" He scooted closer, putting a hand on Dave's cheek. "Dude, I didn't feel like that at all. I wanted it. I-- I did."

He looks down, feeling ashamed. "I guess I just feel like people are going to judge me. I don't know."

"Okay, I believe you."

He placed a hand on John's, relaxing a little. Dave really did believe him, honestly.

"Well, if they do, I'll go after them all Laci Green style. Seriously, there's nothin' wrong with wantin' or havin' sex with your partner."

"I have no idea who that is, but okay."

John chewed his lip and, sighing, closed his eyes. "Just, what if...what if I lose you, now? What if you went home? Would you ever believe me if I told you we did that? Then it's just like I dreamed it."

Dave moved John's hand to thread their fingers together, squeezing gently.

"Hey, I don't want you to leave, either. The first time courtin' you was an all around mindfuck that culminated into something on, of all the days in the Julian calendar, Cage's birthday. Not too inclined to start that whole process over again." He sighed softly. "But I also don't really know what I'd do without you."

That was almost painful to admit, but it was feelings jam time, and that meant being open with some things. Terezi taught him too well, maybe.

John rested his forehead against Dave's. "You'd do fine. I'd be the one in denial about how sometimes boys can be nice looking." Sigh. "And I think...I think maybe I'm scared about that, too. Even if I wouldn't know the difference. It'd suck to be all...basically homophobic again."

He snorted.

"Please, I'd beat that outta you with cold, hard logic. Did it once, I can sure as Moses parted the fuckin' sea do it again."

John giggled. "Okay, that's probably true. It's just, you know, looking back. I was kind of a huge dick. I guess it's easier to see now that we are the full gay and everything."

He squeezed Dave's hand encouragingly. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"The full gay? Is that like gayer than a fuckin' fruitcake?"

Dave thought about it for a moment. "How freaked are you about all this?"

"That is when you touch places, Dave. You go the full gay." Eyeroll. Geez, Dave, that was obvious, wasn't it?

John bit his lip at the question, though. He couldn't quite put his finger on everything he was anxious about or how much it actually amounted to, since he'd mostly just packed it away for a while. He wanted to be honest but it was difficult with all these different worries spilling forth all of a sudden.

"I think I could be more freaked out," John answered carefully, "but I'm still just...a little scared people will somehow know. I know it's dumb! But that's the biggest fear next to losing you, which, well, isn't exactly because of the sex, just, you know, exacerbated by it."

Rubbing his thumb over the back of Dave's hand, he asked, "Why?"

"Oh, silly me."

Dave took off his sunglasses with his free hand. Having the frames dig into his skin for so long left unsightly marks, not to mention hurt like a bitch. He doubted anyone would be coming up here, anyway.

"Kinda went public after that last Glee Club meetin', so I'm tryin' to figure out how public you're willin' to go, and I don't mean in that voyeuristic sense."

John's cheeks and ears flushed brightly. "Uh. Um. Would it sound super corny if I said I kind of forgot there were other people in the room, in a way?"

"Well, that's a step in the right direction. Lopez looked shocked by our amazin' gayness, so it's not all that bad."

He had an internal gigglefit at Santana's face during John's song.

"I kind of knew I was being weird but...I didn't care? I just wanted to cheer you up." John shrugged, not sure what else to say about it. "Does that mean we're public?"

"I was just sayin' good-bye." Dave didn't think he needed to elaborate on that statement. "Do you want us to be?"

John nodded. "If you want to."

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