entrancelogs | Shuichi and Yuki [Complete]

Who: Shu[Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com], Yuki[Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]
Where Yuki's room
When: Night
Rating: PG13 for a brief mention of rape
Summary: Shu goes to see Yuki and get the 'present' Yuki had for him.
the Story:

Shu was finally feeling well rested after the few sleepless nights he'd been having. Remembering he was supposed to have gone to see Yuki, he was now headed down the hall humming a tune to himself. He still had that stupid earring in his ear, though he'd almost forgotten about it completely. Stopping at Yuki's door, he knocked lightly and called out in his normal joyous sing-song voice. "Yuuukiii~"

Yuki was staring at the computer screen, in a bit of a daze. He still had some blackberries in his drawer, however he didn't want to eat anymore. He didn't care for the effect of them.

He looked up and out of his daze, and heard Shu calling. "The door's open." he mumbled, opening the drawer and pulling out a cloth with something in it. He sat it on top of the desk.

Opening the door, he slipped into the room and then closed it behind him. Walking over to where Yuki was sitting in the chair, he leaned down a bit and let his head rest next to Yuki's.

"You seem a little down... Is... something wrong? You're not upset with me, are you...?" Shu actually sounded worried that Yuki might still be mad at him or something.

He shook his head. "No I'm not upset. Just thinking." he looked up, Shu's pink hair falling slightly in Yuki's face.

"Glad to.. to see you are out." he feigned a smile

"Oh... well um... if you wanna talk about anything, I'm here now." Shu gave his own weak smile, though he felt like he'd done something wrong. Probably some force of habit from being with Eiri for so long.

"Heh... you have no idea how much I appreciate my freedom now."

He reached up and ruffled Shu's hair. "No, I don't know how much your freedom means."

Feeling slightly better now that Shu was here. Something about his energy just made him happy. "I was wandering through the corridors and found this." he slid the cloth wrapped object to him. "Maybe you could use it."

Shuichi's smile widened a bit, that familiar light dancing in his eyes. At least he seemed to be in a much better mood than the last time he'd seen Yuki.

"Oh? What's that?" He looked over at the object Yuki pushed toward him, then picked it up. Unwrapping it, he cocked his head to the side when he saw what it was.

"Maybe you could record how happy you are. In case you ever get back to Japan. Could be a big hit." he shrugged, completely forgetting his recording.

"I could totally use this! Thanks, Yuki!" he squealed in delight. After twirling around for a few seconds, he took a closer look and saw a tape in there. Out of sheer curiosity, he hit the play button to see if anything was on it.

What he was met with, however, was someone.. who sounded a lot like Yuki, crooning some song he'd never heard.

Yuki started to get up and open the window, however, when he heard the voice, the crooning... His eyes widened.

He hurried over to the recorder and turned it off, fumbling with the release, trying to get the tape out.

Shu just stared at the recorder, blinking for a few seconds before he started to laugh. "Geez Yuki.... and I thought I was bad... "

Shu stuck his tongue out, but then he saw Yuki rushing at him to get the recorder off. He tackled Yuki playfully and tried to listen to the rest.

Yuki struggled under Shuichi as the recording kept going. "Kill me now..." he groaned, giving up and let the tape play

Shu chuckled a little as he continued listening to Yuki crooning horribly. When it was all over, he pressed the stop button and just smiled down at Yuki. "Aww, it's not that bad."

He grumbled and averted his eyes. Apparently Shuichi didn't realize it was about him.

Shu was oblivious to a lot of things. This just happened to be one of them. But when he saw Yuki looking away like that, he cocked his head to the side and just hugged him.

"Yuki... please don't be sad..."

"Did you listen to the words Shuichi? I was messed up, but I thought the words were obvious." he sighed, his limbs tensed up with the hug.

Shu sighed, nodding slightly. Ok, so maybe he could pretend to be oblivious and have most of the world believe him. But lyrics... that seemed to be the one thing he understood.

Slipping away from Yuki, he just sat on the floor and looked down. When he spoke, his voice was barely audible. "Why is it that everyone keeps telling me I deserve better?"

"Do you really want a dead rapist as a lover?" he asked plainly.

Yuki couldn't fathom why Shuichi would want one. Yuki may have been nice to him, may have acted like he cared... He did, but it was unintentional. His original intent was to take Shu from Eiri, just like he had taken his innocence, trust, and youth.

Shu sat there silently for a while, as if he were really thinking hard about that question. Looking over at Yuki again, he nibbled on his lower lip. "From what I understand... you weren't the one who touched him."

"Sure, you may have been responsible for what happened back then, but... you didn't lay a finger on him." That seemed to be Shu's only hope. He was trying to convince both Yuki and himself.

"I'm surprised someone believes me." he smiled a little. "In his eyes, I may as well have been the one doing it." he looked down at the floor.

"What do you want Shuichi? In the end, it only matters what you want, you know."

"Why am I so different from him, Yuki? Why can't I feel like he does? The same thing happened to me... and while I blame Aizawa, I'd never go so far as to convince myself he was the one who... raped me." That was the first time Shu had actually said it. And it hurt a little.

"I don't know what I want anymore. One minute I think I know what I ant, but then something happens and it's like I have to rebuild everything I thought I knew...."

"Did you trust Aizawa? Did you look up to him, idol him, want to be him?" he asked bluntly. "Perhaps you have, perhaps you didn't... No one can say for sure why Eiri became so bitter. No one, especially not him, will voice his concerns, ideas, and reasoning. Maybe you're different because you just are more idealistic?" he shrugged.

"Life does that Shuie. Life will run smoothly for some time, and when you believe you have it figured out... It rips the rug from under you and throws you. However, you just have to open your eyes to what will change, and will never change."

Shu rattled off answers in his head at Yuki's questions. He'd never really been friends with Aizawa. He'd found it strange that out of nowhere, Aizawa had invited him over to his apartment for some drinks. But then again, Shuichi was the type of person who only tried to see the good in everyone. He believed that people could change. It just so happens that he trusted the wrong person.

"All I want... is to be happy. Yuki.. is... that so much to ask for? I just want to be happy, live my life to the fullest and maybe... try to make as many people as I can happy along the way...."

"Happiness is almost as illusive as life after death." he smiled. "Its not unobtainable."

"Maybe..." Shu turned the recorder around in his hands.

Things were starting to get better. At least he thought so. He and Eiri had a somewhat civil conversation last night, and Eiri didn't seem so reluctant about being around him.

He inhaled deeply and crawled over to Shuichi. He rested his head in Shu's lap and smiled up at him. "You'd better make good use of that recorder." he winked.

"I will!" He beamed brightly now, trying to keep himself in a somewhat happy mood. Putting the recorder down, he played with Yuki's hair and gave a soft, content sigh.

Grinning, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Shu just leaned back against the wall and let Yuki sleep. There was probably no way he'd be able to fall asleep tonight, but he didn't mind. As long as he could keep everyone happy, that's all that mattered.