entrancelogs | (no subject)

Who: Clara & Ianto
Where: the library
When: Monday afternoon
Rating: Uhhh E for emotions
Summary: Clara goes to find Ianto to have adorable bff time
The Story:

Life hasn't been very agreeable lately. And that fact is driving Clara crazy. Or rather, into a state of melancholy from which she isn't sure it will be all that easy to pull her out of. In between dying, things with Luke, Owen admitting there's something wrong with her, and now the wrong Doctor showing up she's reached the end of her rope. And really, the first person that comes to mind to be around in an attempt to calm down and sort out her thoughts is Ianto. And knowing her friend as well as she does, she makes her way straight to the library to find him.

Sure enough, he's at a table off in a secluded corner that they sit at all the time to do research, and she slips into the chair next to him and just sits there. She doesn't say anything, doesn't reach for a book, doesn't look at him. She's attempting to figure out the right words to start off a plea for help. Definitely something other than, "I think I need help."

But of course, as is her luck, her mouth works a second or two faster than her mind does, and those are the exact words that spill out. She stairs straight ahead of her at a bookshelf, not daring to look up at him. If she's going to admit things are bad enough she needs help, she's definitely not going to let him see the emotion on her face.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ianto looks up from his book, automatically frowning at her as he does, moving to tuck a marker in the page before putting it aside. "Clara?" he asks, quietly, and it's not just because they're in the library that his voice is soft and gentle. Somehow, he's pretty sure that when she says that she needs help, he's pretty sure that she isn't talking about any sort of project this time.

"What's wrong, what happened?" he asks. He knows that she might want to brush him off, as far as it's all concerned. On the other hand, maybe she'll want to talk. And he's very good at listening, as he's undoubtedly proven to her at this point.

Yes, he's the best at listening, which is why she usually thinks to go to him first with problems if Owen isn't able to assist her. He's become her closest friend here, and she's grateful for everything he's done for her. And even though she isn't so sure he can help her with this particular (massive) problem, she'll be grateful that he just listens.

"Nothing in particular. It's just...I think there's something wrong with me."

And with that understatement of the century, she glances up at him, her mouth a tight line. "In my head. Nothing's been right since I last left the Doctor. My Doctor, not the one that's shown up here today."

Ianto frowns at that comment. He realizes that he does a lot of frowning in response to things that she tells him, these days. He needs to work on that. Of course, the first step in all of it is seeing that she's happier again.

"Why would you say that?" he asks, hoping that she'll elaborate further. She says that nothing happened in particular, and yet something obviously must have happened to have caused her to start down this path. To have inspired her to come and find him here.

"Luke's pointed out I need therapy. Even Owen's admitted there's something not right with me, that something's wrong." And in her mind, if two of the people she cares about the very most say these things to her, then her thinking that she's defective and ruined is pretty much confirmed.

"When I left Trenzalore, when I came back to Wonderland, I had just taken on the lifetimes of at least a thousand echoes of myself, all across time and space. I took in a thousand deaths, all of them because of my decision to jump into his timestream. Think it's done something awful to me," she trails off to a whisper, reaching up to tap at the side of her head.

Without her Doctor here to help her sort out all these memories and thoughts, her mind's slowly become something she doesn't know how to work with anymore. No matter how hard she tries, nothing ever seems to repair itself or truly get better, and pretending is only going to get her so far.

Ianto's brow furrows. Owen, telling her that there's something wrong with her? He's going to kill him. What the hell does he think he's doing, telling her things like that, especially so soon after her conversation with Luke. Luke doesn't know how to handle these situations well either, for that matter, and now Clara...

"You've lived a thousand lives, Clara, and had to suffer a thousand deaths. That doesn't mean that you're 'wrong'," he says, softly, reaching across the table to gently take her hand in his own. Maybe Owen's too much of a tosser or to broken to say as much, but Ianto's not going to let her keep thinking like this. She's wrong. She's one of his best friends, here in Wonderland, and he won't let her keep hurting herself like this.

"No, it means I'm not ever going to go back to how I was. At least not here, not with a Doctor that doesn't know me and won't be able to help me." And there it is, the root of this little emotional outcry. The Doctor's here now, she's sure Ianto knows that. But it's not the Doctor that knows her, it's one that's all different, one that looks at her like he can't trust her. She wants so desperately to ask if he can patch up things in her head, but she isn't exactly sure she can do that, given the whole no spoiler bit and all.

"Owen didn't mean anything by what he said, at least. He just wants me to be happy, however that may be." But she's not happy, except in passing moments that seem too fleeting or too good to ever be true. "He said he loved me," she softly admits, smiling at that. She's got that to hold onto, to try and fix herself for, and she's determined to.

Ianto's expression softens a little at the last words she says. "He does," he comments. He knows that Owen does. They've talked about it, the pair of them. About Owen being afraid about how much he does care about her. "But he's going about it in the wrong way if he's saying things like that to you," he adds. Honestly, is he going to have to have a talk with Owen about being gentle with emotionally damaged people too?

"People change. Events in their lives change them. What you went through, before you came back here, that was a pretty major event," he says, gently. "Of course you're not going to be the same person you were, before. But that doesn't mean that you're 'wrong' either." He grips her hand in his own, willing her to understand at least that much. He can't bear the thought of her going around, believing herself to be so damaged she's without hope. He's been there, he knows what that's like. "And just because he's not the Doctor you know, that doesn't mean that he's not still in there somewhere. For all the issues I have with him, I do believe that he'd be able to help, with the right persuasion."