entrancelogs | Say something I'm giving up on you, (Closed)

Entry tags:

Say something I'm giving up on you, (Closed)

Who: Teddy Altman

hulk_ling and Billy Kaplan

actualwizard
Where:Billy’s room
When: Evening of July 17th, after this discussion
Rating:PG-13 for language and angst
Summary: Teddy does not want Billy hanging out with Loki. Billy doesn’t want Teddy telling him what to do. All of the uncertainty that has been bubbling between them since Teddy arrived (and most likely longer than that in their respective time lines) finally boils over. Stupid boys being stupid.
The Story:

It took every inch of self restraint to keep from crushing the black device after he hung up on Loki. It didn’t cross Teddy’s mind that he was dealing with a dangerous villain. The ass was threatening to hurt Billy and nobody crossed that line, it didn’t matter how close younger Loki had been to Billy during the event. Billy had to know that this Loki was different but chances were that Billy didn’t see the difference. Because Billy never saw the difference. There was good in everyone and all it took was Billy Kaplan to show that good. It was just like Wanda all over again and the similarity did nothing to ease Teddy’s emotions.

He stood up and practically stomped out of his room, still large and green as he hadn’t thought to calm down or shift before looking for Billy. He had to tell Billy what had just happened, had to make sure that he didn’t go off and do something stupid, not again. The hurt from the note was still fresh in his mind and he couldn’t bear to think he’d wake up with another “I’m sorry, Teddy” note on the pillow next to him where Billy usually slept. He couldn’t risk losing him again and it was this panic that had him knocking hard on Billy’s door, practically pounding as he felt the wooden door shake under the force.

“Billy? Hey, it’s me. Are you there?”

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Billy looked up from his phone at the pounding on his door, eyebrow raising when he heard Teddy's voice. He could tell he was in Hulking's form, his voice was deeper and it was familiar to him. He did a quick hand wave, blue light coming from his hand as the door opened.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately seeing his boyfriend in his "Hulked out" form was never a good sign.

Teddy had to take a deep breath when he heard Billy's voice. It was good that Billy was here. For a moment he thought that maybe he'd gone and tried to find Loki on his own. Teddy really didn't want to go running around the mansion looking like a crazy person searching for his boyfriend.

He stepped into Billy's room and shut the door, trying to calm himself down enough to shift back to normal. "You're here. Good. I thought... no, nevermind. Look, you're not thinking of talking to Loki again, are you? I mean, I know you guys were close and all but that was... fuck, I don't know what that was, but you really shouldn't talk to him. He's not the same person."

Teddy had to take a breath, realizing that he was speaking far too quickly. Maybe he was in panic mode and didn't even realize it.

Billy got up and headed over to his boyfriend once he realized there was no emergency. It was easier to calm Teddy down when he could touch him. Teddy's words made him pause though.

"What?" he asked confused. Why was Teddy talking about Loki. "I was just talking to him, why?"

"No, you can't talk to him."

The words came out fast, almost barking. Teddy didn't mean to sound like that but when Billy said he had just been talking to him it scared him even more. How much of a lie had Loki tried to feed him? How much of it did Billy believe?

"Look, he's not the same kid as you remember. I just don't think it's a good idea for you to be talking to him. Don't you remember the comics we used to read? All the stories we heard from the Avengers? I don't think he's a guy we should be taking lightly."

Billy really didn't like the way that sounded like an order. "I know he's not the same kid from whatever that was, I'm not an idiot. But he's also not the same person from the comics, or even our time. I know him in our time, Teddy. He's different."

Billy looked at him curiously. "Did you tell you to tell me to stay away from him?"

Where had Teddy heard that before? This was really bad if Billy was already talking about how different Loki was. And, when did Billy know Loki? It just didn't make sense and he was too worked up to really focus on anything that wasn't hitting too close to home and a little country called Latveria.

"No, he didn't tell me to tell you to stay away from him. Do I look like an errand boy? He said in no uncertain terms that either you stay away or he'll hurt you. That doesn't sound like someone you really want to be friends with, I don't care what happened in the last few days. He's dangerous and you really shouldn't put yourself near someone who is a self-professed murderer. Just, please, stay away from him?"

"Don't you think that I'm capable of making my own decisions? Of course he told you that, he wants me to stay away from him because he thinks he's a bad guy, and yeah maybe he is, but he wouldn't be working so hard to keep me away if he was all bad. And he certainly wouldn't tell you he was going to hurt me if he actually planned on that. He's not an idiot." Billy took a step back from Teddy and crossed his arms.

Teddy rubbed his forehead in frustration. THis was way to much like deja vu for his liking.

"This isn't the first time you've run into danger because you're convinced someone isn't as bad as everyone is telling you they are," Teddy points out, frustrated. "I really don't care if he's good or bad. I only care that he threatened you. Why shouldn't I be worried about that? I doubt you'd enjoy it if I was buddying around with some guy who told you he'd rather kill me than spend time with me."

"Of course I wouldn't enjoy it, but if you told me to trust you I would," Billy told him. "And I was right about my mother, and you're one to talk. Who decided the Super Skrull was the alien to trust after he murdered your mother? That wasn't me."

"That is low to bring him up," Teddy said, scowling at Billy. "And Loki is no where near the same thing as the Super Skrull and you know it. Not to mention the fact that I don't know about your mother."

He emphasized the last part particularly because that was a different matter entirely. From his point of view, Billy is heading off into certain danger trying to exonerate a woman who was guilty of everything she was accused of. Teddy didn't want to believe it, he wanted to trust Billy but ... this was different.

"I trust you. I don't trust him. I know you can handle yourself but he's not someone you want to push to his breaking point. I don't understand why this is such a big problem for you. It's not as if I'm asking you to stop talking to Kate or Tommy. This is Loki, someone who you were only friends with because some fucked up mansion messed with your mind."

"Because to me it was real," Billy said his voice cracking. "Because he was my best friend and you didn't know him in our world. You didn't just talk to him. He needs a friend, and I don't turn my back on people. We were friends with Nate, and we knew what he became."

"You don't know about my mother because you keep avoiding the topic and acting like everything is ok, and its not a big deal that I have three years on you. You trusted me then, or did you not trust me then?"

"Of course I trust you!" Teddy insisted, growing just as heated as Billy. "I've always trusted you but that doesn't mean I should just blindly go along with whatever the hell you think is best! Stop trying to make allusions to Loki and people we know have protected us. Nate always looked out for our best interests and he's not Loki!"

"I have to act like everything is ok. I have to act like it doesn't make a damn bit of difference that there is three years between us because if I don't it means that I'm not... I'm not..."

Teddy trailed off and sighed. "It means somewhere there's a Teddy who is three years older than me and he's missing his boyfriend and that person isn't me. That's what it means and I don't like the fact that I have to think that whenever I see you."

Billy sighed, his anger deflating. "There is no Teddy out there missing his boyfriend. He doesn't even know I'm gone. Whenever Wonderland sends us back it sends us to the exact moment we were taken from. Is that really what you think when you look at me? Do you see the distance between us? Because thats all I see, I see everything you don't know about and everything thats made me different from the Billy you love."

Teddy hated seeing Billy so upset and he knew it was his fault. His anger was completely deflated now and he was back to his normal self, feeling that weird awkwardness that had some how sprung up between them. Was that all it was? The distance of time?

"I've been here for three weeks and in all that time I've felt that there's just something not right but, it's not you. You're Billy and I'm the one that just can't measure up to whoever I am three years from now. I love you and I'm worried that you're looking for someone else because I'm not really me."

It sounded stupid when he said it out loud but that's what he's been thinking. That was why he felt so strange around Billy because he didn't think he was the Teddy that Billy really wanted.

"It is me," Billy whispered walking backwards, away from Teddy, against every instinct that told him to wrap his arms around him. "I'm pushing you away."

He looked up at Teddy tearfully. "You don't have anyone to measure up to, you're you, you're always you, and you've always deserved better, especially after everything I put you through the last three years."

The moment Teddy saw Billy's tears he knew that he couldn't keep from touching him. Billy might be moving away, but Teddy crosses the distance easily and wraps his arms around Billy, hugging him tight. This wasn't what he wanted. He never, ever, wanted to make Billy cry.

"Shut up," he said softly. "I never deserved anyone but you. This is stupid, Billy. Why are we doing this? I love you. I've always loved you and I just forget that you're really mine sometimes. I was so afraid I'd lost you, that you'd gotten yourself killed when you left me that note. I don't ever want to lose you again. Whatever happened or happens in three years, I know that will never change. I can't stop loving you. Even if you drive me absolutely crazy sometimes."

Billy couldn't help but wrap his arms around Teddy pressing his face against his boyfriend's shoulder. "You break up with me." He can't hold it in anymore. He feels like he's drowning in everything he wished Teddy knew. "In three years, you leave me. You leave me to face the fucked up mess I made alone. And I probably deserve that, because I'm a horrible boyfriend, but you walk away, because you don't trust me, or us, and you tell me I don't need you."

There was more, and it probably wasn't fair that he wasn't telling Teddy everything but this is what he'd needed to get out, this was what he wanted to say to Teddy back in his time, but was always so scared to.

Teddy hugged Billy tight, letting him say whatever it is that was on his mind. It made so much sense now, why there's was so much tension, why that awkward weirdness, and why Billy had avoided speaking to Teddy after the craziness of the last few days. He almost can't believe the words, mostly because Billy is his life, his family, and to break up with that... Well, he was close to giving Billy his space here in Wonderland. Was it any real stretch of the imagination that something happened between them that Teddy felt the need to step away, thinking it was best for Billy?

No. It really wasn't and that frightened Teddy because he loved Billy so much that to think it was what caused Billy to hurt so badly was just wrong. Love shouldn't make you hurt like that.

"I'm sorry," Teddy whispered, his own voice thick with emotion. "I don't know why I do that but I'm pretty sure it's not because you're horrible. Sometimes it feels like I need you far more than you need me. And maybe I get it in my head that I'm... wrong for you. I don't know but I do know that I'm sorry."

"You get it into your head that I'm manipulating your feelings. That from the moment we met I wanted you so much that unconsciously I wished for you to love me," Billy said his voice muffled by Teddy's shoulder. "You don't think what you feel for me is real, or at least you're scared its not real."

"Oh, B."

Teddy turned his head, taking Billy's face in his hands and leaned his head against his forehead. "Future me is an idiot. I don't know what I'm thinking three years from now but I can tell you what I know now. This is real. I love you. If it was just you wanting me enough to change my mind, creating these feelings, then all I need to do is remember that yesterday I only knew you as Billy the senior boy who I really, really wanted to take to a school dance. That I wanted you so badly I made a fool of myself trying to impress you. That even in a different world, I'm fighting to keep you. Because I love you, Billy Kaplan. Now and years from now. And I can't promise you that when I get back home I won't be a big idiot but deep down, I'll still know that this is true."

Billy couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him when he thought of Teddy doing karaoke and dressing as a cheesy fortune teller for him. "I love you, I love you so much Teddy Altman. I'm just scared you're going to realize I'm not the same boy you love, and I don't think I can lose you again."

"You won't lose me again," Teddy reassured him. "I'll always come back to you. You're the boy that I choose and I know you think it's sappy when I say that I've loved you from the moment I saw you but it's true. I can't imagine anyone else in my arms. Just you."

He kissed Billy softly, then, before he pulled back once more.

"But because I love you, I'm going to worry about you, especially around people who are threatening you. I trust you and if you think that Loki is... putting on a show to push you away, then fine. But I still don't like it and I want it on record that I think completely trusting him is a bad idea."

Billy had his doubts, but he pushed them away, he always had doubts. But he also had a Teddy standing in front of him telling him he loved him, and that was enough, that would always be enough for him.

"You are the biggest sap," he said smiling up at Teddy before turning serious, "I know you worry about me, and I love that you do, but I know what I'm doing this time. I don't fully trust him, I'm not an idiot Teddy. But I see what he could be, and what kind of friend, or person would I be if I didn't at least try?"

Teddy sighed and pulled Billy into another tight hug. He didn't like it and he couldn't chase away the feeling that something terrible was going to happen to Billy, that one day he'd look back to this moment and think "I should have tried harder to keep him away". But, he did trust Billy and he knew that he was fully capable of fending off the worst evil villains life could throw at him. If he pushed the line again he'd end up with that same distance between them and Teddy didn't want that at all.

"Ok," he said softly. "Just, promise me you'll tell me if you get in over your head? Don't keep anything from me. I know you don't need protecting but let me at least watch your back."

"I promise," he said reaching up and pulling Teddy in for another kiss. He did promise, he wouldn't do something stupid behind Teddy's back, not again. But if there was one thing he'd learned recently it was he needed to trust himself and his instincts, and he had a lot more power then most people were aware of. He could handle Loki.

Teddy let the issue drop. Billy promised and he trusted him, no matter what he thought of Loki. He grinned when Billy pulled him down to kiss him. This was what Teddy would rather be doing. Kissing was far better than fighting any day. He wrapped his arms around Billy and put all of the uncertainty and hurt aside of the moment. Nothing else mattered, not now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Say something I'm giving up on you, (Closed)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject