entrancelogs | [closed] Short steps, deep breath

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[closed] Short steps, deep breath

Who: Eren Jaeger & Integra Hellsing
Where: Integra's room - 10th Floor, Room 666
When: 7/27 - past midnight
Rating: PG-13, to be safe
Summary: Eren can't sleep. If anyone is up at this hour and willing to put up with him, surely it's Integra, right?
The Story:

For the first time since coming to Wonderland, the dreams had started up again, as strange as ever and just beyond the grasp of his recollection. Honestly, Eren was surprised that he'd gotten this long of a break without them disrupting his sleep.

He cursed under his breath as he kicked his covers off, sitting up in bed to help regain his composure. If only he could remember what had happened in the dream, what had caused him to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, then maybe he wouldn't feel quite so restless tonight. He wasn't going to hold his breath waiting for that to happen though.

Unable to go back asleep, Eren's eyes fall upon the nightstand where Integra's book rested. It brought up thoughts of their conversation from the other day, and before he knew it, he found himself getting out of bed, grabbing the book and heading off down the hall to her door.

After a moment of standing in front of it awkwardly, he managed to strum up the courage to knock. It was late. By a soldier's standards, it was really late. If he was dealing with a normal person, they'd surely be asleep by now, but something told Eren that Sir Integra Hellsing was likely a bit of a Night Owl.

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Eren had guessed right. There was a lamp on inside her bedroom as she sat at her desk with several sheets of paper littered around her. Integra Hellsing hadn't been sleeping much as of late almost expecting that voice she missed to return back to her head. This was the longest she had ever been away from Alucard and it was starting to weigh on her mind. When someone knocked at the door she almost hoped it was him but that was impossible.

Without a moments hesitation, she got up from her desk and moved over to pick up her robe. Who ever was knocking didn't seem to know what time it was. She was hardly decent at this time of hour but she went to the door either way. If it was Levi again, she was going to give him a good talking to. Surprisingly when opened the door, it was a taller boy with very familiar green eyes.

"Eren?" She pulled her silk robe closer about her. "Is there something wrong?"

He didn't know whether to feel relieved or embarrassed. He was glad that she'd answered, but now that he saw that she was already in her night clothes, he was also feeling guilty about what a bother he was causing her by coming this late.

"No, it's nothing like that," he quickly assured her, flashing a smile. "I couldn't sleep, and thought you might be awake, so..."

Integra couldn't help but weakly smile. How had this boy gotten to know her so well in such a short amount of time. She nodded lightly and moved away from the door to let him in.

"I wasn't sleeping, so you don't have to worry about it."

Stepping into her bedroom made that obvious. Her bed was still made and the only light came from her desk light. She beckoned him inside before moving to turn on another lamp.

"You caught me indecent. I'll change if that will make you feel more comfortable." Because really, she was too mellow tonight to really care about some teenager looking at her in her night gown.

"I don't mind." The moment Eren stepped inside of the room, he could feel his nerves begin to settle. This situation was different from how they usually met, but speaking with Integra was still comfortable - still familiar. "Whatever you feel most comfortable in."

He sat down in his usual seat, resting the book on his lap as he took a look around. "What are you working on?" he asked, gesturing over to the desk.

At his calmness, Integra didn't bother changing. Blessed be this boy who apparently had no hormones, or probably had an incredibly control over it. She followed his glance to her desk and rubbed at the back of her neck.

"Hasn't your captain told you? I'm working on a guide for the newcomers and ourselves. It's an attempt to keep our enemies the next time an incident like the previous one happens."

Eren let out an impressed "Huh." as he listened to Integra's goal.

In the aftermath of the previous weeks' events, Eren had been left feeling helpless and unable to do much of anything. If he knew exactly who he was fighting, things would have been different, but as it stood, Eren had a lot of anger, but no one in particular to directed it towards.

Perhaps Integra had the right idea... in a place like Wonderland, there were better ways to fight. "Sounds like a constructive use of time."

He stood up, edging closer to the desk. "Is it okay if I take a look?"

Edited (omg there was a glitch where i couldn't change my icons;; SORRY FOR THE MILLION EDITS) 2014-07-30 21:00 (UTC)

Don't get too excited, Eren. This was all by the request of Levi who Integra couldn't really bother breaking his spirits about the complexities of 'other' reality's' so she figured he would have to learn the hard way just how powerless they were. Still, optimism was rare and appreciated in her line of work so she had no plans on becoming the neighborhood pessimist. She nodded at the direction of the papers.

"Go ahead. It keeps me busy during the plagues of my insomnia." She really would have liked being able to sleep, though. Too bad there was just too much on her mind.

Eren began to look over the papers, as if they were some secret treasure that could bring about their salvation. It wasn't that he was foolish enough to think that this would be enough to do much of anything on it's own, but he understood that it was a start.

At Integra's words, he glanced up. So she had insomnia.... "Insomnia sounds like it'd be a natural part of being a vampire hunter."

"Believe it or not, I sleep somewhat soundly back home."

A life like hers would normally keep someone sleepless or even make them a light sleeper, but Alucard was kind. He kept her asleep, erased an potential bad dream and replace them with better things. It wasn't a sign of weakness that she couldn't control her thoughts by herself. It was just one of many reasons why it was so obvious something was missing in her life.

"Then it's this place that's to blame." There was an unspoken 'Wanna talk about it?' tacked on to the end of that, but Eren wouldn't mind if she ignored it. He didn't want to push her into anything.

For some people, talking about their problems was a way to uplift a great weight, for others, it only served to drag up sorrows. He'd been a part of the military long enough to know this much, at least.

Integra didn't have a problem talking about her problems, there was just never anyone there to want to hear them. When you had the wrath of a beast like Alucard dependent on your inner strength, thinking about stuff like that was dangerous. So here she was, watching him closely noting the end of the sentence.

"I won't talk unless you tell me what's keeping you awake this late." She patted a spot beside her on the bed.

"Sounds fair." Eren mumbled, gathering up all of the papers on the desk into one neat stack, just as he had found them.

Once he was finished, he hesitantly set himself down beside her on the bed. In the dead of night, every shuffle of his feet and creak of the bed springs could be heard. "Dreams," he explained simply.

"I'm pretty sure they're memories of some kind, but they always slip away again before I realize what's going on."

"They must be pretty bad if they have kept you awake even after you have woken up."

She watched Eren for a moment, of course there would be something in his past to haunt him but the fact he couldn't remember the memory was intriguing. She tapped a manicured fingertip against her chin in thought.

"Maybe..." Eren shrugged. He wasn't fully aware of how badly he thrashed around some nights, or the pained, unintelligible words he would murmur.

"But I think it's more that it bugs me that I've forgotten something? I feel like it might have been something important."

"Sometimes memories work against us. If it's something foul then our minds tend to block it out of our memories. Whether they are important or not, it's best to try and free our minds. The memory will come someday, Eren. Don't strain your mind, that only implores it to shut it out."

Integra knew all about how fickle the mind was. She spent most of her time blocking out memories and most importantly thoughts for the sake of keeping her sanity and keeping others out of her head. It took a lot of discipline, years of practice to get to where she was and even then her concentration could easily slip from time to time.

Eren let himself think over Integra's words for a moment. Letting go> was never something that he'd been very good at, but he couldn't deny that her advice was sound. Making a point of committing it to memory, he slowly nodded.

Ah, but now it was time to switch gears, wasn't it? "Your turn," he reminded her with a half-hearted grin.

Normally, Integra wouldn't bother giving anyone the truth but she knew Eren had no reason to lie to her. She settled herself in, bringing a pillow to her lap as she clung to it. A sad expression started taking over.

"There's someone back home I-" she hesitated for a moment "-I miss. I probably shouldn't but he and I are connected. As the eternal servant to the Hellsing bloodline, Alucard and I share feelings and thoughts. This is the first time in ten years that I haven't felt his presence in my head."

She turned to look at Eren. He was probably confused.

Sensing her expectations, Eren shook his head. "That doesn't seem so unusual. I mean- the fact that you miss that connection doesn't seem unusual. Being like... emotionally linked is still really strange though."

By now, he'd inched his way back on the bed slightly, just enough to pull up his feet and lightly hug them to his chest. "Even when it comes to the people I love, I can't imagine what it must feel like for them to just naturally know how you feel."

"It has its perks."

She couldn't possibly think of a time she wasn't grateful of their connection. Even as a child it had been he who had kept nightmares at bay, who had helped her with names in grown-up receptions when she couldn't remember them herself, and had been the best companion. As she got older, it became more of a hassle but she would never trade it for the world.

"I have never known what loneliness felt like until now. Even if I could see him, I'm sure things would be fine." She heaved a sigh. "I would never admit this to him, of course. Alucard is a proud creature."

Eren tried to think about it from her perspective. Anything could seem normal if it's all you ever really knew, he supposed. "Ah. It sounds like... a really intimate relationship...."

Not that he's judging or anything. He'd just kind of been under the impression that there was something going on between Integra and a certain (short) someone here in Wonderland. Maybe he'd been imagining it though. Eren had never been good at picking up on the subtleties of romance - it just wasn't a subject that he normally invested time in.

"Intimate, yes. Why do you sound almost disappointed?"

It had never or would ever cross her mind that perhaps there were people around her who found her attractive or pleasant to be around. She was never one to prioritize in her looks and the thought of romance and love was something she only ever kept private. She didn't have time for it, never really had much of a chance to bother with it, so as far as she knew Eren was probably upset that Alucard could be dangerous.

"He cannot hurt me. Not unless I lose my right as his master."

Certainly, the state of Integra's love life had been the original source of Eren's disappointment, but that comment brought up new concerns and worries. "That can happen?"

He'd been thinking that this Alucard had regretted his past actions and was trying to reform, but now he (it?) was starting to sound more like a rabid dog. If the leash came off, would it really bite?

"Of course not. I was twelve when he bonded with me as his master. If he has not seen me as a poor choice by now, he won't do so any time soon."

They were too close now for that to ever happen, even when she wasn't looking for his help he was always there for her and she appreciated it. Walter didn't like it and he had every right not too. When you grew up having a monster as your only friend, you don't see him as a monster at all. He was a man, in her eyes. A very powerful one.

"Hopefully someday you will meet him."

Eren shook his head. "Even if he turns out to be a great guy, I don't think I'll be able to get along with him." His own loyalties would prevent it, skewed as the reasoning behind his resentment towards Alucard may be.

"But if being close to him makes you happy, then I hope he shows up here, one day." -Ah. His eyelids were starting to feel heavy. How did that happen? Just a few moments ago, he'd been wide awake and full of restless energy. Although he'd come to Integra's room hoping that a conversation would put his thoughts at ease and help him fall asleep, he now found himself trying to fight it off.

"Why wouldn't you get along with him?"

This boy was a good boy and he was all ready judging him by what he was? She saw him get sleepy but Integra wouldn't let him go to sleep without answering that. She reached over to him, brushing his hair tenderly. He was more than welcome to stay over for the night.

Oops. He probably shouldn't have said that aloud. If he was beginning to speak like that, then maybe he'd grown just a little too relaxed. But really, he just couldn't help it. Integra's bed felt so soft, and warm. It felt safe, and in a strange way, maternal - something he hadn't experienced in a long, long while.

Eren hummed, leaning back into the bed. "If he shows up, there's someone I think I'd start to feel sorry for."

Integra wasn't an idiot, she knew what Eren was implying and truth be told she couldn't think of anyone who would feel threatened by Alucard. The boy was fading fast and she moved just a bit to tuck him in, letting the covers come up to his chin before letting herself get comfortable in bed herself.

"Are you going to give me a name? I wasn't aware I had an admirer."

Ah, now this was comfort. Even as Eren shook his head, he found himself smiling at the noble. "If you can't figure it out on your own, I'll tell you. Eventually."

Sleep and comfort might have made his lips looser, but he wasn't stupid. He knew not to just come out and say who it was. Not when the admirer was Captain Levi... And especially not when the Captain probably hadn't realized it himself yet.

"Eren? H-Hey..."

No, brat. You can't go to sleep now. Not when you just told her these wonderful yet horrible things. She would definitely stay awake now thinking of who the boy was thinking about. She hadn't gotten close to many people and that meant those short few people could be the ones. She probably shouldn't care but it was too late for that.

"What if I want to know now?"

Alas, by the time Integra asked her question, Eren was already out for the count. The only reply she received was a light snore and the rustle of sheets as the young soldier turned positions in his sleep.

He mumbled something that might have been a name, but then again... maybe that was wishful thinking, imagination-induced, or the mind's way of saying 'it's time for bed.'

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[closed] Short steps, deep breath

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