perseus "i'm a prostitute of feelings" jackson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ripstides) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
entrancelogs2014-08-01 02:28 am
ripstides) wrote in entrancelogs2014-08-01 02:28 am
( CLOSED ) i keep my friends so close and you even closer
Who: Percy Jackson, Hazel Levesque, Nico di Angelo, and Rachel Elizabeth Dare
Where: Various locations around Wonderland.
When: 8/1 - 8/3
Rating: PG-13 at the most
Summary: A bunch of much needed talks.
The Story:
Where: Various locations around Wonderland.
When: 8/1 - 8/3
Rating: PG-13 at the most
Summary: A bunch of much needed talks.
The Story:
( NICO DI ANGELO ) Saturday, August 2nd at 2:00 PM
[ the day starts off okay. most quests start off okay too but all it takes is one seriously bad moment to mess you up the rest of the way. Percy's day begins like it always does ( in Annabeth's room ) and follows with breakfast, sword fighting, and still exploring to try and break through; to crack the code in saving all of Wonderland from having to face the Jabberwocky unprepared. he bears the weight of the masses ( without being asked to ) but that isn't what pressures him into pulling his shirt over his head and diving into the pool in nothing but his swim trunks. Nico isn't to blame because Percy thought showing up early was a good idea, that being punctual would somehow work out for him and make this easier.
( it doesn't. )
he clears the length of the pool and flips back over underwater to swim straight across to the other side, eyes burning from chlorine the entire time. he doesn't care about that. that burning is a lot easier to accept than the pain he still feels from being ignored, being avoided, being treated like he's. . . less. maybe this is what Nico felt all these years. maybe this is why he chose solitude over a family, over a settling down at camp. Percy doesn't know what to make of it, what to think, because no matter how many years he can say that he's known Nico di Angelo by name, he still doesn't know him, not really. he knows he grew up too fast, he knows he's self-sufficient, he knows that losing Bianca wounded Nico in ways that most people never experience once in their lives and it's going to stay with him for all eternity, until he takes his last breath.
( but he doesn't know him. )
Percy surfaces and shreds water, circles the pool with his head turned to the side so he can breathe even though he has no need to. he could swim face down if he wanted for hours on end. it doesn't feel like a battle to do laps anymore, not like it once did. he's used to it now. he hasn't stopped training since his arrival, hasn't been able to stop conditioning his body to be the best soldier he can be because he knows how weak he is. he knows he's nothing without his powers, and it still terrifies him that he might cross paths with someone as powerful as he is, and he won't have anything else to rely on. but that isn't what's on his mind today ( it comes mindlessly now ), not when all he can think about is how well he did know Nico in a world that wasn't real. he thinks that one span of time is the most he's ever seen the kid smile, or laugh, or do something aside from running away the first chance he got. he remembers Nico's mouth on his ( he kicks harder ), slow dancing with him, ( he goes faster once he rounds a sharp corner ) and feeling undeniably in love with him. yes. yes, he knows that the memories were an illusion. a game. a gimmick.
but once he irons things out with Annabeth and gets over the general weirdness, he suddenly feels the absence of the son of Hades in ways he never has before. it's a physical ache that only gets worse as time goes on and he isn't ready. he isn't ready to look at him again and figure out if all of those feelings are gone or if they're going to show up when he least expects them, like ghosts in his peripheral vision; uninvited and unwelcome, but unable to be erased.
Percy doesn't want the answer and as he slows to wade in place, he wonders if it's too late to climb out and leave before Nico joins him. ]( HAZEL LEVESQUE ) August 1st - 3rd, whenever!
[ the thing about events ( up until this last one ) was that Percy assumed there wasn't anything to talk about. why discuss them? they had been self-explanatory. weird in the same way that Wonderland was. only this one sets itself apart from turning into a merman, or a girl, or Clarisse. it doesn't have puppies, doesn't take his powers. no. it just takes everything else, and it keeps taking after he wakes up with a clear head and the crashing weight of all that happened while he thought his life was something other than Annabeth. the recognition that he needs to talk to both Nico and Annabeth doesn't lead him down a similar path with signs that tell him he needs to talk to the rest of his friends. he assumes ( somehow ) that they all understand that events are events and real life is real life, and anything in between doesn't count.
they're forgivable in and of themselves.
he bumps into Hazel without really seeking her out. whether it's at the dining hall or in the stables, he doesn't expect much else than the normal things they talk about. she's one of his best friends, but she's also Nico's sister. there's a part of him that feels like it isn't his call to talk about the son of Hades or how they felt about each other, or how that's carried over; his loyalty butts in and doesn't leave, doesn't let him be as open as he wants, even with others he trusts as much ( if not more ) than Nico. subconsciously, it's possible he's been as absent as Nico when it comes to his other companions in the aftermath of pretending they were all attending the same high school. possible but not openly acknowledged. she's bent over backwards for him, made him feel at home in a place that wasn't and stuck her neck out for him on a whim, on maybe, and he still feels nervous when he thinks about seeing her at the dance and talking to her about her brother and his feelings for him. ]( RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE ) August 1st - 3rd, whenever!
[ spending time with Rachel is always a breath of fresh air. he knows there isn't a place his feet can take him that's too far. she never puts her finger on his mouth and tells him to shush; he can't say too much, or overstep boundaries with her. she's the one that believed him and took him for his word before she truly understood what it was she was seeing. she's out there and open, and one-hundred percent the most understanding of all the friends he has. she's also gotten a lot closer with Annabeth in his absence at Camp Half-Blood so he can't help wanting to be closer to her. teaching her to fight has always been in the back of his mind since the day he realized she wasn't a temporary figure in his life. she wasn't going away.
( and he's grateful for that now. )
if he plans to hold onto her and keep her alive, then the only way that's going to happen is if she learns how to survive. seeing the future won't always save her. he brings an array of weapons from the closet and wraps them in a sheet to the best of his ability so that he can haul them down to his small training arena - just a grassy field somewhere between the mansion and the maze - and sets them on the ground for her to pick through. it's not until he sees her walking up that he realizes how much he's missed her and her crazy hair, and too wide smile, and incredibly bright eyes. he needs her in his life, and even if teaching her to hold a sword or a dagger ( or whatever ) doesn't work out, he can safely say that he would die before he lets anything take her out of this world or any other. ]
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Tartarus was a different type of fear. it was primal and settled so deep within him that there was no amount of anything that would ever erase it completely. but this isn't a fear like that. it's not a terror where he fears for his life or his sanity; it might almost feel worse than that, in a way.
it's a fear where Nico doesn't know what to do. where his chest feels tight and his stomach turns over itself infinitely. a fear where Nico can't fathom the outcome, can only know that it will never have results that he could possibly want to have. it's why he spent two weeks hiding and running from almost everyone; only found solace in those that didn't know him from home, people who were accepting in another world, one of which who had his own boyfriend and Nico knew he could confide in without judgement. but this isn't the same.
it isn't the same because out of anyone who could judge who he is, Nico's sure that Percy reacting poorly would crush him the most. and it's not just his feelings for him that weigh into that. it's that he's known Percy longer than anyone, that one of his most clear memories is Percy trying to save him and Bianca, that as angry as Nico was, he knows Percy did everything he could to try and save Bianca. it's that Percy is the constant he returns for, the anchor to the living world that he's spent so much time avoiding. (it felt easier that way, as running did, because being in the overworld was a reminder of too many things.) Percy is the one that keeps him there, that pulls promises out of Nico he may not have made to anyone else.
Nico considers ditching the meeting. turns over the taste of it in his mouth, because it feels too bitter to face. he feels cheated; by Wonderland, by himself. he was granted the reciprocated feelings he's always wanted, given a few days of reprieve from the grief of Bianca that still weighs down his heart, granted him some true happiness of friendships and a relationship with Percy. it's been years since he felt it, the lightness in his chest and a full nights sleep. but out of everything that lingers from it, the memory of Percy feels like the biggest weight of them all, and the very idea of trying to face him after everything- it almost feels like too much, and Nico finds himself wanting to run as far as he can from this. to disappear so completely that they might think he returned to their world.
but he can't keep doing that, he knows it. he avoided Percy long enough, probably hurt him in doing so, and the guilt eats at him far worse than the nostalgia for something that wasn't even real in the first place. but the memories of their time together linger, the feelings, and Nico imagines it's because of what already existed for him prior to the event. for Percy, there was just Annabeth, and that continues now as well. Percy had something -- someone -- to return to, to pour his feelings back into. Nico holds his own, bottles them up and would put them in the same jar that the giants held him in if he could.
honestly, he gets to the pool and thinks about turning around and stepping into the nearest shadow to disappear. even now the fear settles all the way down to the tips of his fingers. simply seeing Percy makes the emptiness in his chest echo from where something else once was. his desire to set things right overrides his need to run, so he approaches the edge of the pool and waits; he knows that it won't take long for Percy to notice him, the feeling of unease that he gives off without even trying is enough to notify anyone of his presence.
(he's scared, he's scared, he's scared.) ]
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somewhere along the way, he realized the two of them weren't standing on such uneven ground.
he thinks about submerging into the river styx with Nico on the shore and hanging off a ledge, already descending into Tartarus, only this time he doesn't have Annabeth to use as an anchor. ( she's there, always there, can't slip through his fingers. ) but for a minute when he looks at Nico, he's the only thing on Percy's mind. he gives up on hovering in the water, barely above the surface, looking all the world like a crocodile and crosses his arms along the egde, against the cement. getting out of the pool seems like too huge of a step to take right this second, not when he's most comfortable in his element. he doesn't think any words will come out otherwise, not if they don't establish a starting point first. it's unusual for him to be this quiet and this stationary, but he doesn't budge. going with the flow seems out of the question with that week washing over him and his mind racing with his heart. he figures it's okay. Nico wouldn't have picked the pool if he didn't want Percy to dive right in.
not that being around the son of hades is that simple. it never has been, never will be. he can't crack him. if there's a code or a key, then he's never discovered it. he can't read him at all. he's responsible for Nico in the same vague way that he's held onto longer than most promises, but he doesn't believe the two of them have ever actually been friends. they don't have that easy energy, or banter. Percy can't tell if the kid even likes him, if they've crash landed in tolerance, or if that's been ripped out of his hands because of this event too.
he balls his hands into fists, grateful that they're covered by his biceps, and struggles with the urge not to join him and yank him into an embrace. wet and awkward and seriously unwelcome, but familiar all the same. his fingers twitch with the need to push his bangs out of his face. the storm in his heart tells him that he also has a strong desire to punch him in the shoulder or shove him into the pool himself, fully clothed, to force the unreadable expression off of his face and to get him back in some small regard for vanishing. Percy doesn't do any of those things because the truth is that he's as scared as Nico is and although his reasoning may be different, the fear still exists. it thrives within him with every passing second, growing and looming over him.
Percy shakes his hair out and sends water droplets scattering around, some of which pointedly hit Nico if he doesn't move. then he sets his chin down on his forearms and tries not to remember the false times that they've been here before, like this, younger and lighter and at a school neither one of them had been kicked out of. he's relieved to see that he's in one piece ( that he's okay now ) with his own eyes ( and not through word of mouth ) but Percy isn't happy. ] I wasn't sure you were going to show up.
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he considers what to say in response, realizes he could simply be completely up front and tell Percy that he almost didn't. that he's still wondering if he should even be there. mostly because, for Nico, he continues to feel as though he doesn't belong. regardless of how differently all of them treat him there, how people don't shy away from him the way they used to, he still finds it far easier to avoid than invest. it's safer that way, after all. he has placed enough of himself and his feelings in Percy, in Hazel, that he can't imagine offering more without the option to run. because if he can run, he can survive.
but affirming Percy's suspicions that Nico continues to avoid everyone won't do either of them any favors. so, instead, Nico crouches down until he can sit back onto the cement, sitting gross legged a safe distance from the pool. mostly to keep himself dry, definitely to have a measure of space from Percy.
(because the memories are more vivid now, the way they had been at first with Derek and Stiles and Mary Margaret. cropping back up in his mind uninvited, as though seeing their faces rushed all the fake memories back again. so it's the smell of Percy's cologne, the heat of his mouth, fingers in his hair. it's every kiss and each laugh and all the smiles that had been shared between them. the weight of it is suffocating and Nico has to remind himself to breathe.)
Nico glances off to the side; finds it easier than maintaining eye contact. ]
I wouldn't do that. Ask you here and not come.
[ and he wouldn't. because if there's one thing Nico can do, it's follow through on his word when it came to Percy. but Nico has to remind himself, now more than ever, that Percy hasn't yet lived through Nico holding true to the most important promise he's ever made.
so at the very least, he can keep himself to this. to asking Percy there.
he takes a breath, exhales slow. ]
My intention hadn't been to worry you or- make you feel bad. [ Nico considers how to continue, but every word feels like a weight in his mouth. ] I didn't know what to say.
[ I was scared. ]
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he knows, but it doesn't seem necessary to justify how he knows.
( the same way he knows that Nico can't dance to save his life and he smells like the earth, and the night, and something a little bit sweeter than both of those. he knows he's as light as he looks and how he feels pressed against him, in his arms, with a laugh warm enough to rival the powerful glow of the sun. it's how he is, what he hides, who he reaches out to once he's out of breath and he can't keep going, when he has to turn around and stop running, and start helping. )
Nico glances away from him, focuses on some unfixed point in the distance and instead of following his gaze he pushes his forehead into his own bicep, pretends that he's trying to wipe the track of water dripping down his face when really what he's trying to accomplish is the banishment of wanting to rush towards him like a wave. it's beyond weird. he's never wanted to kiss a guy before having his memory wiped and pulling on the sneakers of another kid named Percy Jackson; a very normal boy, with very normal hobbies and interests. ( not that he wants to do it now. ) but he recognizes the change in the need to defend a friend and the urge to protect someone near and dear to his heart. defending comes with some provocation. protecting is deeper, like transforming himself into a band-aid or an umbrella or a shield, constantly serving as that cushion between the rest of the world and one person. that one person has never not been Annabeth. he inhales sharply and tries to force that bubble, that feeling, back around her to keep it from expanding.
Percy looks back over at him when he speaks up, fills the quiet room with the echo of his voice.
he doesn't climb out and guide Nico's attention towards his own face with a wet hand, doesn't comfort him with a nudge of his shoulder or an awful joke ( although that last part might come later. ) he stays exactly where he is, within the boundaries of who they have been for each other since the day they met. he nods in understanding, getting it now to some degree, when he hadn't then. ] I get that now. Just with everything this place is capable of, I don't know, I guess I didn't think it would affect you so much.
[ they deal with so much weird in their lives but it's rarely this personal, this intense. for all the gods' meddling in their daily lives and their destinies, relationships never seemed like a huge problem, Aphrodite's poisonously sweet smile aside. his first instinct had been to make things right with Annabeth and only after that could he begin to process the awkwardness that came with being romantically drawn to Nico; his age, his being a guy and one of Percy's oldest friends. only the surface of it, until he talked to Isaac and felt Nico's absence dig into him deeper and deeper with every day that passed that he didn't hear from him.
i didn't think it would affect me so much.
he should stop there, stop with that, let Nico climb as far out of the hole as he wants. for once, he doesn't mean to intrude or butt his head in where it doesn't belong but he needs to know what it is that sent Nico as far away from as fast as he could get there. ]
Was it really that bad?
[ don't make him clarify that question more specifically. ]
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Nico almost barks out a laugh and he can taste the bitterness of it in his mouth, because if nothing else, Nico occasionally forgets that Percy is often blind to the emotions of those around him unless they're specifically stated, obvious. and it isn't out of Percy being malicious or ignorant, he's just not as receptive as some other people might be. he sees the obvious, the emotions that are blatant on faces or in words; vicious in tone or accompanied by a tender touch. and Nico can respect that, the need for something concrete before picking up on it.
but it doesn't make this any easier. knowing that Percy won't clue in, that he won't realize it. there's nothing of it that eases him or the way he feels; if anything, part of him wishes that the person before him were more receptive. because Nico often has trouble phrasing what he needs to, words like cotton in his mouth, soaking up consonants before they leave his lips. but even if he knew where to begin with this, Nico wouldn't. couldn't. because whatever it is that he has with Percy; an awkward friendship, an understanding, acquaintances- it doesn't matter what the label is because Nico's sure the truth would ruin all of it.
and he hates it.
he hates his feelings, he hates who and what they make him. he hates that his father is the God of all dead and dying things, because Nico feels that often bleeds into everything he is. and there's no amount of alternate realities or fake memories that can ease the distaste he has for everything about himself and the things he's never been able to choose.
still- he had done his best to be alright with it. he was alright with swallowing his feelings back again, to forcing them back into his chest and down into the darker place he keeps them. the ones specifically made for Percy. he was alright until he had a glimpse of what could have been in a world where death didn't follow him, where Percy noticed him, where Nico wasn't torn and ripped apart by all the things that had happened in the few years they'd known each other. but even following the event, in having his two weeks, he could have gotten a handle on it again. he knows he could have, but-
but then Percy blurts out with it.
Was it really that bad?
Nico can't tell if he wants to laugh or cry; it might be a mix of the two. his emotions still rage loud inside his chest and head, even harder now that he's in the same general vicinity as Percy, and there are so much and so many that he's sure they're going to topple him. so it's no wonder that he isn't sure how to react to that, what to say or if it's laughter or tears that are meant to follow. because it's terrible. it feels terrible.
because it was the opposite of bad. no part of it was bad when it was happening. the only bad part was waking up and realizing that it wasn't real, that none of it was real for Percy. that the feelings Nico had before still remained, still dug deep in him, but every part of it was fake for Percy. every touch and kiss and smile and emotion. they were things that still lingered with Nico because they were things he had given thought to before, things he had wanted at one point. the bad part was waking up, not everything that came before it.
in his lack of response, it leaves his face an open book; absolutely floored and shocked. not just by the fact that Percy asks, but that his assumption goes there. that it could have been anything less than amazing at any point. Nico is astonished, but the shock slowly bleeds into irritation, because how can he ask that? how can he ask if it was that bad and expect a truthful answer?
Nico's fingers flex at his sides, tighten to fists, and in some part of his mind, he figures if there had been plant life around- it likely would have begun to wilt. he's emotionally volatile; had thought he was ready for this, but- ]
Are you serious? [ disbelief. because the shock never quite goes away, dumbfounded by Percy's assumption. ] You think that's what this was about? That it was bad? You think my problem is that being with you was bad! [ his voice tightens with each word, and Nico takes a step back without thinking. because the words are coming faster than he has thought for, and that's dangerous territory. ] You're a fool if you think I left because it was bad! [ stop, stop, stop. ]
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he pulls himself out of the pool and stands dripping in front of him, as if sensing too late that there's something wrong and there's nothing he can to do to change its course but stand his ground.
another reason why he's asking is because he felt the same during it. nothing about being with Nico - holding hands, laughing, talking about nothing, flirting - had been bad. it's still not bad now, not in the sense that he's disgusted or grossed out by it in any way. put off a little, by himself more than Nico because he still believes there's something he could have done differently. that in spite of the meddling in his head ( again ) and the strong pull of magic within this land, he could have resisted and not betrayed the trust of someone he's supposed to be better for. he's a camp counselor, a child of a prophecy, one of the many saviors of Olympus and he's so weak it's laughable. it leaves Percy stewing in his own turmoil, absorbing it, while Nico goes blank. where does he expect Percy's mind to go exactly without anything solid to guide him? without any breadcrumbs or hints, or dreams to point him in the right direction?
he isn't that smart! he just isn't. that's the truth.
Percy's receptive enough to watch surprise twist into fury; he watches as Nico takes a step back, sees his balled fists and the darkness he shrouds himself in. he's never had a friend he couldn't win over; he feels like even Clarisse isn't this difficult and half of the time she can't bottle her venom enough to keep from cussing him out ( and that's her on a truce ). he can't gain any ground. one step forward, six hundred million steps away, every day with this guy. it unnerves Percy to not do anything other than win over Nico's faith and respect after having a true taste of what being close with him feels like. he can refuse to see things another way and be stubborn all day long if he has to, but that's not what he's trying to do. try as he might to bend himself to see from where Nico's standing and to honestly consider all that he's been through, his eyes are never open to that path. he can't see what Nico sees if he never opens up to him.
his words hit him like a slap in the face and he tastes copper from biting his lip, from not rising to Nico's challenge and attitude. he holds his arms out, spread wide, palms open and struggles to find the right words. he finally shrugs and drops his hands to his sides, coming clean. ] Then I'm a fool. So what?
What am I supposed to think, Nico? [ the longer he has to wait to hear a genuine answer to that, the more frustrated he's going to get. two angry children of the big three in a closed space is probably one of the worst ideas either one of them has ever had. ] I wake up out of this crazy dream where you're my best friend and I can't find you anywhere. I can't talk to you. You can't even tell me you're okay. It takes some guy I've never met before in my life telling me you're not dead for me to be okay with not looking for you, but even after I get that message, I still don't hear back from you. Not a word.
[ he takes a step forward because if he's learned anything in all his life, it's who his real enemies are and Nico isn't one of them. ] How am I supposed to have any idea what conclusion to draw from any of this when you won't talk to me?
[ he inhales sharply, tries to school his voice and his emotions, and to smooth away the glare he knows has taken up residence on his features. ]
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another part of him remembers watching Percy on the swim team. remembers going to practices and matches as his best friend, remembers cheering from the sidelines with Mary Margaret or any number of their mutual friends. he remembers the way his chest swelled with pride whenever Percy placed high in the rankings, remembers congratulatory celebrations afterwards. he also remembers the last time Percy invaded his space like this. remembers a kiss goodbye, a promise of the next day. remembers not wanting to let Percy leave. and the memory, all the memories, are what keeps him there for that brief moment.
but then Percy's talking and the severity of the situation comes back, the crushing reality that Nico's left standing in. and he doesn't want to; feels childish in his desire of wanting anything but this.
he knows that he needs to take responsibility for what he had done. after all, the entire point of this meeting had been so that Nico could apologize to Percy accordingly. he'd wanted to be able to make some sort of peace for his inability to face his problems or talk about them, but the entire plan is far and away from his mind. easily replaced with disbelief and anger and pain and upset. he can feel his hands trembling, even after his fists relax back to loose fingers; they shake and tremble and Nico worries that it's going to rise through the rest of him.
when Percy takes a step toward him, Nico retreats back one by instinct alone. needs to keep the physical distance between them. because even that is too difficult. having Percy close has risen in the ranks of too hard, just like talking about Bianca and telling anyone about what makes him who he is. too difficult, too much. so he keeps away from him, keeps the space that he's already allotted, because he can't.
it's only after Percy asks that he finally speaks, finally snaps out at him. ]
You're not supposed to! You aren't supposed to draw a conclusion, you aren't supposed to care once that was over. You were supposed to come back and be with Annabeth and let me go! [ the shadows in the room begin to bend towards him; not that he's trying to leave, but the emotional distress leaves them no other choice. his voice shakes the way his hands do, as though every part of him were tectonic plates, shifting beneath the surface. it feels as though a dam has broken, words spilling out faster than he can catch them, and he's going to regret it later. when his emotions aren't on hyper drive and his filter slowly disappearing, he'll regret all of it.
he'll regret asking Percy to meet him, he'll regret talking about this. he'll regret his need to apologize for closing him off when it was, probably, the best thing for them both. he'll regret his inability to control his feelings appropriately, his inability to stop when it came to Percy. he'll regret it later, when it comes rushing back, rather than surging forward.
no part of him understands why Percy continues to try. why, even after everything, after every mistake Nico has made and every failed attempt at being friends, after every measure of distance Nico has placed firmly between them, why Percy still tries. because he wants him to forfeit the son of Hades, the way everyone else does.
his voice finally cracks, breaks, and Nico can't even look at him. ] Why won't you just give up on me?
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he is unswervingly loyal and he can't change that ( wouldn't want to ) but the reason he's so unpredictable is also because he's ruled by his emotions, not his mind.
there's so much in their world that he has no control of that being able to choose his friends and to follow his heart is such a big deal. it's his choice to feel that way. to run into the center of a storm and challenge gods, the minotaur, titans, giants, and Tartarus itself. it belongs to him. the prophecies and how they apply to him or his friends are out of his hands, he has to bend to those rules, those procedures. and sure, maybe in some way being ruled by his emotions leaves him no choice either. following his friends, protecting them, he has to see that through too. to the end. to wherever it takes him, regardless of what monster ( literal or metaphorical ) is waiting for them. whatever scars he collects along the way don't matter because they'll fade, but losing a friend is something he won't recover from if he knows there's something he could have done to prevent the loss of a life.
the shadows in the room swirl around them, reaching for Nico and as much as he doesn't want to see him go, he wishes they would take him away. he's angry, but he's only mad because he doesn't want to feel the complete sorrow that comes with not being accepted, not being able to make someone like you, and he's always wondered why it is that Nico bothers. why, if he hates him so much, does he keep coming back? he can understand if they can't be friends because it's Percy's fault he lost Bianca - it should have been him instead - and he can never overcome that barrier, it's just. somehow. he thought he had. an inch at a time. but with Nico reaching out to him so much in the Titan War, he let himself think they were closer than that. he betrayed him to Hades, but he also talked the old jerk into uniting with the rest of Olympus and their children in the war. what else is there? what is it? why can't he grasp the thing that makes Nico walk away from him?
the dots start to connect themselves, making a picture around him, slowly but surely. he doesn't hear the words for once, but actively listens. it still sounds to Percy like Nico's angry because it was bad being with him, terrible, not just awkward but uncomfortable and forced and okay, whatever. he can agree with that. he can agree that it isn't fair of Wonderland to shove people together and play with their feelings, make them believe things are true and then rip them away like they're meaningless. it's cruel. but if he's able to get over it ( as sensitive and as touchy as he is ) then Nico should be able to do the same. after all, he's the most resillient of all of them.
you aren't supposed to draw a conclusion, you aren't supposed to care once that was over. ] What makes you think you get to decide that for me? You can't tell me not to care about you. I've known you since you were ten.
[ but there's something there, something about Annabeth that doesn't make his mind drift immediately down the lane it usually goes down — the one that tells him Nico would have rather been in love with her for a week. he knows he's not perfect ( doesn't try to be ), that he isn't very bright ( he's barely a crayon in the box ), or the most powerful kid on the block anymore ( not compared to Nico and Jason ) but he knows he can't be that awful.
why won't you just give up on me?
and that's it. he's done. his shoulders slump, the water stops whirling behind him, splashes back down out of the air as if the whirlpool of his emotions was beginning to stir up a hurricane. he's frowning, but only because he's afraid losing that scowl will leave him too vulnerable, too open, with eyes too wet for a guy that's supposed to be manlier than all of that. he won't have an epiphany about the truth as long as he's stuck on feeling like nothing he does will be good enough. ]
Because after everything we've been through, I just want to be your friend. But you're never going to let me, are you?
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having those bonds meant the inevitable loss of them. he avoided forging them on the Argo II because Nico knew that once it was over, he was going to disappear. he knew that after Gaea was gone, this would be it, and he'd not be back again. he'd made the decision and had every intention of following through. it was why he befriended people in Wonderland that weren't from home, because he already knew that either he or they would disappear one day and that was simply the way it worked. but the people from home-
they'd all forget when they went back and it felt too disappointing, too wasteful.
Nico can deal well enough with Percy's anger and frustration. he can handle it in stride, because he often spends his time making decisions and doing things that are troublesome for him. so narrowed eyes and irritation are something he can feed off of, something he can roll with and not hesitate. it's simple and he can keep his own disconnect going.
but it's the defeat in Percy that pushes him down a different path. the slump of his shoulders and the way he caves. and he finds his ferocity in the fact that Percy Jackson thinks that it's still about being friends. that it's about something so simple. and he's off like a shot without a second thought. ]
Because I've liked you since I was ten and you've been too dense to see it! You think that I left because it was so bad being with you? That's the opposite and you're an idiot for thinking it could only be negative! Do you have any idea why I always leave? It's not because I hate you! It's the infuriating opposite of that! But that's all you ever think, it's all you ever take time to believe. Why? Because I'm a son of Hades, so how could I possibly care about anyone?
[ his voice rises with each sentence and Nico can feel every part of his body shake with the anxiety and anger and surge of emotion. ]
I called you a fool because you are, because you probably thought it was always about Annabeth. You're a fool because it's you! It's always been you. [ and his voice wavers as soon as it's out of his mouth and he needs to stop, he needs to push on the brakes, but the words keep coming, as though he's opened up a flood gate he doesn't remember how to close. ] It was you when I was ten and it's you right now, and you were never supposed to know. You weren't supposed to know and I wasn't ever supposed to get to be happy with you.
[ the fight drains out of him after that and Nico's sure he's going to be sick. the regret is cold in his chest, and he can't take it back now, despite instantly wishing he could. but if he sits in the regret, he's going to allow too many upset feelings in alongside it, and he can't allow himself that. not now. instead, he reigns the anger back in, the bitterness. not at Percy, but himself, at Wonderland, at the gods. at anyone who had any hand in this. ]
That's why we can't be friends, Percy. That's why we've never been able to be friends.
[ which is all he has; there's nothing else to offer, to say. and all Nico wants is to run.
he turns his back to Percy and walks towards the shadows that will spirit him away from every bad decision he's just made. ]
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and he feels guilty for thinking that because things change, especially here.
not as heavy-hearted as a few seconds ago though because there's an alarm going off in his head, muting everything else and making him want to cover his ears with his palms to try and drive the sound out to prevent it from shattering his eardrums. this is as angry as he's seen Nico in years ( since the day he told him about Bianca ) and it radiates around them. it would make him want to take a couple steps backwards into the water if not for his unrelenting need to hear him out, to stand still in the face of being lashed out at. plus, the other stuff helps. that whole thing that he's saying with the words and the crushing, and the seriously, on him? is he hearing that correctly? but that's somehow the least important part of everything rushing out of Nico's mouth like a landslide. he half expects the ground to rumble beneath his bare feet, to split open uncontrollably in the face of his frustration.
Percy latches onto the part about Nico's parentage because in spite of their godly parent having everything to do with him, he's a big fan in believing that it also has nothing to do with them. it's a weird line in there somewhere. yeah, they get great powers and fatal flaws and that gets passed on whether they like it or not, but.. it's just. he can't stand Ares and Mars is only marginally more tolerable, but he's friends with both Clarisse and Frank. Athena's not so much better and look at how great he gets along with Annabeth. he can go on and on, about how Zeus wants to murder him, but he knows both Thalia and Jason have his back. how Aphrodite sucks, but Piper's pretty cool. any variation of Hades is a god he doesn't want to fistbump with but he adores Hazel as much as Tyson at this point; she's family, and Nico isn't any less of a person because his dad's the king of grudges, bad fashion, and has a really bad addiction to kidnapping people. Poseidon's certainly no saint. none of the gods are and while not all of their children are, he doesn't think that Nico represents the bad sides of the god of death any more than Bianca did.
so yeah, of course it all boils down to being friends. it's always been about that. without friendship, what basis to they have to be family? ...to be anything? if he still had his achilles spot, that one remark would slice straight through him, in the small of his back. if it weren't so shocking and so obvious in hindsight, in having it thrown in his face, held there, and waved in front of him, it might actually be crippling. instead he gets to work with a temporary paralysis. it's probably incredibly unattractive to look at. his mouth is hanging open and suddenly everything feels like a thousand tons on his shoulders, making his bones creak and pop and his knees shake. Percy's never been smart, but he's also never been this dumb, even when it came to waiting four years for Annabeth to kiss him. he may just be the biggest jerk in the world aside from Hercules. it all pours out of Nico in a matter of seconds ( has it been a minute, or several, an eternity? ) and Percy doesn't have time to think, let alone to shape his thoughts from a senseless lump of clay into something meaningful and genuine.
but then Nico spins on his heel to pull his vanishing act and it yanks Percy violently out of his stupor back into reality and breathing, where things are suddenly moving at their normal speed again around him, but he's stuck in slow motion. he curses Kronos in his mind and forms the only words he thinks he can get out in time. ]
Nico! [ no! no, he doesn't get to just do that! just dump all of his words and thoughts and feelings and break the entire world around Percy like that's okay, and just disappear on him again, without letting him get a word in edgewise. he can't do that. ] Nico, wait.
[ Percy reaches for Nico but ( like everything else happening around him lately ) he's too slow to make a difference. ]
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[She had been happy. She and Nico were true siblings, in both blood and heart, and even she and Frank...]
[It didn't matter that none of it had been real, in the end, because she had gotten a glimpse of the life she'd wanted so badly.]
[Except it did matter, because now there was so much more than just her own desires to think about. This whole business with Nico...he was avoiding her. Called long enough to make sure she was out of immediate danger after the incident with her mirror, and then hung up. Hung up. Frank was still mad. Hazel couldn't entirely blame either of them. It was a huge mess. One that could only be fixed by talking things through.]
[...coincidentally, with the one person who might actually have something close to answers beyond her dear Nico. Who had just literally run into her in a rare moment when she hadn't been actively looking for him. Because wasn't that how things always worked out?]
Percy!
There you are.
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still.
this is Hazel and he doesn't bolt when she notices him and exclaims her excitement to see him, as if he's been missing, which he hasn't been. just trying to make sense of his life again, to put things back in order where they're messy but he always knows where they fit. he smiles in her direction, but it falters so he can give her a confused look after her greeting. ]
Here I am. [ he spreads out his arms like it's a feat somehow, but he's never far. not really. ] What's going on?
[ has she been looking for him all over? she makes it sound like she has been. a little less urgent than if it were an emergency, but Percy would be lying if he didn't have a suspicion about what's going through her mind, concerning her. one thing he knows about Nico is that when he doesn't want to be found, he won't be. he doesn't disappear for one person, he vanishes off the planet like he never existed in the first place. he slows his roll in saddling up a horse for a ride ( he's nearly finished anyway ) to give her his undivided attention, even if he bumped into her while retrieving a bag of sugar cubes he brought with him from the closet. the horse nudges him in the back, but he remains firm in his decision to face her and whatever she needs him for. ]
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[Whether or not he was doing it on purpose, Hazel had definitely been getting the avoidance vibes. From...pretty much everyone but Frank. The fact that she had spent so long trying to get Percy (and Annabeth) back didn't help matters any. A missing Percy was most often a Percy in trouble. Instincts often led to the strong desire to find said Percy and make sure it was something that could be fixed.]
[Only...she wasn't really sure how to fix this one.]
Oh, not much, really. [She brushed some of the wild hair from her eyes as she looked up at him. Her voice calm, with a less than subtle hint of irony behind it.] Just been verbally harassed by two separate mirrors in the last few weeks. Oh, and my brother is completely ignoring me. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?
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but maybe he is.
isn't that what Hera told him? that he was the glue that held them all together? not that he's done so great with that.
he tenses up when he hears the M word dropped, immediately recalling his own experiences with them. terrible doesn't cover it. whatever stands behind those mirrors is not a face he wants to see, especially not if it's his own. Percy drops his own insecurities and worries to fret over Hazel; it's instinct, and he feels sorry that he was so absorbed in what was going on in his life that he couldn't be bothered to look around and check in on hers. of course this place would be hard on her too, on all of them. ] I'm sorry, I didn't know about the mirrors. Are you okay?
[ he wears the face of a veteran when it comes to the mirrors. he likes to think he's dealt with them enough by now and doesn't feel any wiser for it. as to the other thing, well, he's only ever been an amateur when it comes to Nico. ]
Are you kidding? I've never been able to tell up from down when it comes to Nico, but it's not just you. He's ignoring me too.
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[Her eyes lowered. Breifly. Little more than a flicker, but it would be enough for even someone like Percy to notice. Because Nico wasn't really her brother. Not like he had been in that other world. Oh, sure, they shared blood--though hers was Roman, and his, Greek. Half blood (coincidently enough). With her mother gone and their father...wherever he was...Nico was the only family she had left. Perhaps the only blood family she would ever have again.]
[But she wasn't the only sister he had ever had.]
[A fact which shouldn't matter. Not when demigods of almost any other godly parent could have countless other siblings, dead or alive. It did matter to her, though, because she only had Nico. She wanted to be his sister. And she felt like she was failing miserably at it.]
I'm fine.
[First things first. She addressed the mirror situation. Having long since calmed down from the nervous wreck she'd been when the being on the other side had first started writing to her in blood. Whose blood, Hazel didn't want to know.]
Nico... [Without realizing, she had reverted back to his given name, rather than my brother] ...the one time I did get to talk to him, he said they were harmless. Mostly. I can't get rid of them, but they can't do any more than those messages.
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he catches her lowering her eyes and wants to go closer and tug her into an embrace, not knowing which part of their conversation is getting to her the most until she speaks up. he needs more clues.
and of course it's about Nico, her brother, and not about the mirrors. she's made of tougher stuff than that. scary is nothing when every day is probably the last, when she's already faced her death once. he goes to her without a second thought and puts his hand on her shoulder. she looks every bit as young as she is, but sometimes he forgets about it, with how powerful she is, how smart, how brave. she's so much more mature than the rest of them combined and he appreciates her for those traits, each one of them. ]
He's right. They can't touch you, at least not from their side of the glass. Whatever it is that's holding them back, all we can do is hope that it stays there. Ignoring them is the only way not to let the messages get to you.
[ Percy squeezes her shoulder to show his support and his own affection for her. they haven't known each other that long but he can easily call her family; he feels like she's his own sister. ]
And whatever's going on with him, it won't last. Wherever he goes when he needs to, he always comes back. You're going to hear from him soon, Hazel. I promise.
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[But then...there was a hand on her shoulder. Percy's hand. The thought of shrugging him off never once crossed her mind. She could only smile weakly. Recognizing the gesture for what it was. He'd caught her. She'd been down on herself and now he was trying to console her, which was so not how she'd originally planned this conversation to go.]
I think you know what's going on with him, Percy.
[He had to suspect, if nothing else; it was no coincident that Nico had pulled his latest vanishing act immediately after an event that had seen him and Percy...close. Something like that would be shocking enough for anybody to walk away from, but for somebody like Nico, who grew up in a different world...a different time...]
[With a different mindset towards something like that. Hazel might not know the whole picture, but she could at least understand, given she had come from the same time. Give or take a few years.]
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I have an idea. [ that isn't the same as understanding what's going through Nico's head. ] It's not any less weird for me to wake up and realize I forgot all about Annabeth, that I even had a girlfriend, or that I was into girls.
[ he's not—hmm. maybe that's one of the things he needs to let go of because he's never viewed things in that way; only this or that, never both. it hadn't been weird being into Nico then and so he struggles to maintain a clear head about it now in the present. Nico and Hazel are less fluid than he is. they don't come from this time period, which means they haven't been as exposed to guys loving other guys or girls and girls. it's a world apart from where he is, but he doesn't think it's just that; he thinks it's bigger. he simply can't fathom how big. ]
What do you want me to say?
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I don't know.
[That was the truth. This wasn't her fight. She wasn't here because of anything either of them had said or done to her. She was here because...well, technically, in this moment, she was here because fate had seen that she and Percy run into one another. But she was also here because of them. Her friends. Her family.]
Even if I did, I'm not sure I'm the one you should be saying anything to.
[Strange. When Frank had asked her before, she had instinctively assumed that Percy would be the one with the answers. Why wouldn't he? Yet, standing here in front of him, she realized that it didn't matter whether or not he did, because she wasn't the one who needed to hear them.]
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Well, if you want me to say something to Nico, we're going to have to find him first.
[ and keep him stationary. throw some rope at him or have Frank tackle him, or something less extreme. he doesn't know what to do at this point. he's tried calling him, texting him, knocking on his door and searching for him around the grounds. if the son of Hades wants nothing to do with him, then Percy's not going to be able to get through until he shows his face. ]
All I can tell you is that he's safe. A friend of his. Derek, I think he said his name was, told me that much. I can show you the text if you want to read it, but he needs his space and until he gets that, I have no idea how to get through to him. I've tried.
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[Not that it mattered. She shook her head anyway. Percy was right. Nico needed his space. Time to gather his thoughts. She wouldn't be the one to disturb him; it wasn't her place.]
Then keep trying.
Don't give up on him, Percy. Please.
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You've always been pretty good at that.
[The weakest of smiles tugged at the corners of her lips. Percy did have a...certain way about him. He had defied gods. He had defied his own father. Why would Nico's alleged wishes be any different? Especially given Hazel knew it wasn't true; he did want to see Percy again. He was just afraid.]
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Was that whole week extremely weird for you? [ he lets the or hang unspoken between them, afraid to verbalize it. he's imploring her with his gaze, wondering if there's anything about being "normal" that she misses, or if Percy is being silly. ]
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Why do you ask?
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just... you know. ] There were parts of it that weren't so bad.
[ and before she can ask which parts or tell him that she feels the same, he cuts her off, afraid of where it could lead even though he's the one that brought it up in the first place. maybe if her thoughts were less reserved, he wouldn't be so easy to jump right on along. ] Don't worry, I'm still me. I'm going to find a way to make your brother see that hiding doesn't fix anything.
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[That he was still Percy. He was always still Percy. Even in the alternate world...with different memories and each of them leading different lives...the core of each of their personalities had been retained. Annabeth had still been a leader. Frank had still been...well...Frank (he was his own adjective in her mind). And Percy had still been very, very lucky.]
And you're right. About that place being not so bad. In fact, a lot of it wasn't so bad. ...most of it, really.
[Besides the altered memories, Hazel had basically loved every second of it.]
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I know we're the demigods of prophecy, but there's nothing that says we can't try to be regular teenagers once in awhile here. [ he forgets sometimes how young Hazel is because she seems to accept her quests with so much more grace than he did, but it's clear right now when he looks at her. ] It might not always feel like it but it's okay to have fun.
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I know that!
I have fun. All the time, even. Really.
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[ he's waiting! ]
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[Excuse you.]
[...oh, wait! She actually did have an answer to this one!]
The other day. I went out to the stables to ride Sagitta.
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Frank said he should have a name, and since we didn't know what it was...I came up with one.
[The faintest hint of blush tinged her cheeks as she recalled that day. A name that meant something to her. So, of course, her mind had instantly gone to the latin word for arrow. It fit. On so many levels.]
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but when Percy invites her for a training session, that almost seems kind of normal. like something that could happen at home, at least, if he wasn't all- off on one of the most dangerous quests in the whole world while the rest of the camp prepares for war. besides all that, it's pretty normal. so she's excited, for sure, even gets there right on time which isn't her norm, but she's excited.
which is why she's giving him a bright grin as she heads his way, maybe rushing those last few steps so she can pull him in for a hug. because hugs are great. ]
I hope you're prepared to be wowed, Son of Poseidon. I'm going to kick some serious butt today, I can feel it in my toes.
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he can't completely hate a place that lets him be close to his family.
Percy's about to toss a verbal jab in Rachel's direction for being on time but falls short when she pulls him close and he instantly returns the embrace, melting against her. she brings him comfort and peace of mind, now more than ever. the laughter shoots out of him, unable to be contained and he pulls away from her so he can get a good look in her eyes, at her face, how she's dressed and to see if her body language is as serious as her words are. ] You do realize when people say, 'I kicked that guy's butt to Timbuktu,' that they don't actually mean with their legs, right?
[ don't hurt your toes, Rachel. ]
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I was under the distinct impression you were going to teach me how to literally kick butts, but I guess I'll settle for sword fighting or something. [ settle for, like she isn't genuinely excited to actually learn how to fight with a sword ] I don't know if I can handle anything too heavy, though. I've got spirit, yes I do, but I don't think spirit can hold a heavy sword for very long.
-- Although I really do want to learn how to handle a sword. The further away I can be while I fight someone, the better.
[ which is why she's turning to scope out the array of weapons he's left out ]
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( he's not counting out beginner's luck because he knows better than to underestimate her, he's just betting on himself more. ) ] That part comes after you learn how to hold a sword. You can mix it up and throw it whatever feels right in the moment. It's definitely still important to know how to fight without a weapon because you might not always have one.
How far away are we talking here? [ going to squint at her some and try to picture her wielding a spear. she's smaller than Clarisse and the Amazons, but she's fiery enough to strike fear into others when she wants to. ] Because there are spears, bows, throwing knives, you name it.
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[ and now for some embarrassing "this was my life before Camp Half-Blood" talk. which is why she's keeping her eyes on the weapons, sometimes crouching down to touch or pick one up. ]
Full disclosure? I have no idea how to throw a punch. Which I'm sure is the least shocking thing ever, but I took fencing lessons for a few years, about five years before I met you, and for a few months after. Epee and sabre, mostly. Foil got boring, fast. So the idea of using a blade isn't completely new to me. Footwork, form, yadda yadda. Not that you guys seem to focus on that very much at camp. [ hehhh, she'll sneak a look up at him just to give him a grin. but then, most of them didn't need footwork and technical skill, did they? they were kind of hardwired to just- fight. and be really good at it, too. ] And CLA had archery lessons. Not that I was there for a lot of those, but I know the veryvery basics. Bows make me nervous, though, you know? Because you can always run out of arrows. Then you're kind of screwed, right? At least with a sword, as long as you've got a grip on it, you're armed.
Plus, Apollo always had comments about my form, so I don't think I'm really that great at it.
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[ what he is deliberately avoiding spelling out is that the monsters here aren't typically the ones with claws and fangs, and three-thousand pounds of grudges against demigods. Rachel's friendlier than Clarisse so he doesn't have to worry about her making enemies because she opened her mouth, but he thinks the monsters that hide behind human faces are also the kind that don't need a reason to kill and that's what worries him. at least with monsters he knows they were basically created to throw conflict into the lives of the gods and their children.
he laughs at her about fencing and her insult to his footwork, or demigods in general. it doesn't matter because it applies to him. he isn't the most graceful. he relies one-hundred percent on his instinct and what feels right, what his heart knows and what he can see in that moment. ]
There's a drawback to every weapon. I disarmed Luke the first time I picked a sword up. [ he shrugs. ] I got lucky. I got better and better with practice, but there are still people that can disarm me. With bows, you're right, you can run out of arrows if you're not careful. Spears can break, or get lodged too far in to remove. You have to get incredibly close with daggers.
I think if you had to learn it, you could pick it up over time. It helped me to think about the people I was fighting for. Back when I was learning that was my mom.
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I like that thought, in theory, but it's a little tricky when everybody I would be fighting for here is a superhero. [ not that she sounds all that bummed by the fact ] But, so. Okay. Should we start with sword stuff? Or ..punching stuff. I don't know if I'm okay with throwing a punch at you yet. [ a pause ] Well, maybe. [ another grin ]
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Not everyone. Some of them are super villains. [ thaaat's not helpful, is it. his bad. wait, wait, wait. he can fix this! ] And for some of them, this is the single weirdest experience of their lives. I met a cheerleader here that didn't want to suck my blood and rip my head off. She's nice, and she wouldn't be here if she wasn't strong, but she's even less likely to pick up a sword than you are. No offense. [ but she sort of deserves that jab after implying she could punch him! ] If you think you can land a punch, then by all means go for it, otherwise we should probably work on your sword play.
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[ which isn't her normal nickname for him, but it felt appropriate. she's not going to think of the villains that happen to be shacked up here with them, a villain in particular that may or may not have killed one of said superheroes she would fight to protect ( as if Clarisse would ever need her to protect her, but still. desperate times and all that. ). because that's even scarier than the idea of the Jabberwocky finally making his move. the fact that there are people here, who were brought here just the same as everybody else, only they're willing to hurt other people instead of helping in the whole... "survive this place together" idea. ]
And hey, I could land a punch. If I tried. Don't you goad me. [ she laughs though, even as she takes a very cocky step his way ( very deliberate and slow, you see, that's how a step can be cocky ), letting her wrist drop back just to let her sword swing around full circle, something she's seen him do a few times. and hey, it makes her feel cool, okay. now that she's done that, it's way easier to feel confident that she can kick some butt. maybe that's why demigods did it. anyway, she walks past him once she does that, pleased as punch. ] But you're right, sword play first. [ which is why she's moving to stand away from the spread of weapons, over in the open grass. so ready! ]
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Would I goad you? [ look at this cheeky face! is this the face of a guy with goading on the agenda? he tries to look at her as innocently as possible but with a trouble-making grin like his, it's pretty hard to accomplish. he laughs with her and pulls Riptide out of his pocket so he can uncap it and prepare for action, barely blinking as it expands to full size. ] That wasn't so bad. But let's hold off on the flashy stuff until after we cover the basics. Go ahead and approach me and take a swing. Fencing should have taught you that much.
[ it's a different kind of sword play but he feels like Rachel's been around at Camp Half Blood long enough to know how to swing a sword, even if her form isn't perfect. ]
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and moves in to take her first swing.
only she only makes it as far as a few steps forward, enough to bring her only a yard away, swinging her sword back and- ]
Wait, wait, wait- [ she follows the weight of the sword instead of swinging it back towards him, turning her body ] Nope. Hang on. What if I hurt you? You're going to block anything I throw at you, right?
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Rachel, relax. This isn't the first time I've sparred with someone. I'm going to block what you throw at me. If you land a hit, I promise I'll be okay.
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You're right, you're right. I know. I'm just- I've never actually learned how to fight before, I just- get mad or worried and throw stuff at bad people. This is way different.
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This is going to help you in the long run.
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[ just babbling while she sets herself up again, though this time she doesn't give herself much time to think about it, she just takes those couple steps towards him, and swings.
her sword is a lot heavier than her Epee weapon ever was, so while she knows she'll have more control if she swings from the elbow and not the shoulder, it still takes a little longer than she would have liked. he easily blocks it. so she takes a step back, moves back in and puts more force behind it, aiming at the same spot. she does that a few times, mostly just to get used to it, even though it's probably kind of boring for him. ah well. eventually she switches it up, bringing the blade across each time to try and strike on his right instead of his left. woof, swords are heavy. her arm's already getting tired. she's not, but she can already feel her arm starting to protest a little bit.
she's been chewing her lip a bit throughout, probably thinking way more than she has to, but she hasn't realized. she's also... not letting her left foot pass her right while she approaches, which is totally a fencing thing. she's doing the fencer shuffle and not thinking twice about that either. ]
Jeeze, haven't you heard of giving the new guy a fighting chance?
[ she huffs and smiles as she backs off a step or two, feigning the true butthurt of someone pretending she wasn't just swinging her sword at around the same spot again and again and again before switching sides and doing the same thing ]